Years ago, our lives changed dramatically. The realization that our possessions were actually distracting us from a life of joy and purpose and fulfillment became the motivation to pursue minimalism in our home.
As our family of four began removing nonessential possessions, we soon discovered more time and energy and focus for the things that matter most. And we discovered that our things had become a far greater burden than we’d ever realized.
We also began to discover that many of our thoughts concerning physical possessions were incorrect. These faulty mindsets were contributing to our over-accumulation and cluttered lifestyles. Slowly, but surely, our approach to possessions began to change as we experienced more and more the benefits of owning less.
If your family struggles with owning too much, consider these seven life-changing perspectives to help overcome your family’s obsession with stuff:
1. Owning fewer toys is actually better for your kids.
Parents want what’s best for their children. But often times, our desire to help them learn and develop results in the over-accumulation of toys. Did you know the research says the exact opposite? According to almost every scientific study on the issue, fewer toys will actually benefit your kids more. Here’s a recent one: owning fewer toys will result in deeper, more creative play for your kids—along with a whole bunch of other healthier lifestyle habits.
2. Buying more hobby supplies will not help you enjoy it more.
The story plays out almost the same way every time. We discover a new hobby (camping, music, sewing, art, etc.) and quickly begin gathering the necessary tools to partake in it. As we grow in our passion for the hobby, we accumulate more and more “supplies” thinking these items will help us enjoy the pursuit more. However, as my friend Kristoffer Carter once wrote, “Sometimes, our pursuit of tools gets in the way of our enjoyment of the hobby.” We’d often be better off improving our skills, rather than simply buying more equipment.
3. Hoarding kitchen utensils is not making you a better cook.
I used to think the only thing missing in my kitchen was the latest and greatest kitchen gadget. That somehow, one more piece of plastic would make my food taste better and my cooking a more enjoyable experience (because who doesn’t like getting frustrated trying to find that one utensil hidden somewhere in the drawer…).
Everything changed when I read this article by Mark Bittman in the New York Times titled A No-Frills Kitchen Still Cooks. An expert and veteran of commercial kitchens and classically-trained chefs, Mark changed my perspective entirely by listing out a limited number of utensils needed to prepare any recipe. I immediately minimized my kitchen. And fell in love with cooking.
4. Owning a bigger house is not improving your family life.
It’s an odd connection when you think about it, but we hear it all the time. The more square footage in our home… the happier our family will be. As if, somehow, more space to spread out will somehow bring our families closer together. My family has found the exact opposite to be true. Among countless other benefits, we have found that living in a smaller home has actually brought our family closer together. It has encouraged more conversation and deeper relationships. After all, when you can’t run from your problems, you are forced to confront them.
5. Keeping extra clothes in your closet is making your morning harder.
In The Paradox of Choice, Barry Schwartz explains how the absence of choice is not an ideal environment for the human spirit. However, he also explains how too many choices is equally undesirable—leaving us feeling less and less satisfied. It’s a life-changing perspective in many ways—you can watch him explain it here. Similarly, the abundance of options does not make life easier, it makes life more difficult and more complicated. We purchase more and trendier fashion thinking its presence in our closet will make mornings easier. But just the opposite occurs. The overabundance of choice only makes it more difficult.
6. Having more television sets is not making your family happier.
According to statistics, the average American home now has more televisions than people. This phenomenon is most certainly a result of our common thinking that more is always better. But in regard to televisions, there is an added assumption that giving every family member a chance to watch whatever they want will keep everyone happy. Again, we found the exact opposite to be true.
Years ago, our family of four decided to get rid of every television except for one. For us, it was just an experiment at first. But quickly into the experiment we discovered that having only one television in our home brought us much closer together. The amount of television we watched began to decline dramatically. But even more important, when we did choose to watch something, we did it together as a family.
7. The greatest gifts you can give your kids are not bought with money.
Very few of my fondest childhood memories involve physical possessions. Instead, I look back and recall moments we spent together, the example my parents set, and the lifelong values they worked hard to instill into me. None of those truly life-giving gifts were purchased at the local department store.
As we seek to overcome the empty promises and the temptation to own more, let’s remember all the benefits of owning less.
Let’s allow our perspectives to change about what is true, what is noble, and what is good. In the end, everyone benefits.
Emile Bonnefoy says
Reading more articles like this (or buying another book anout happiness) will not make you happier or smarter. Shut off whatever you’re reading this on and get out and live.
Emile Bonnefoy says
Just selling books.
Pretty obvious stuff.
An article wtitten just tonerite an article.
Susan says
Emile, I as well as many other readers of this blog would respectfully have to disagree with your comments. I found this post to be very true to life and helpful. Judging by the majority of replies on this thread, I’d have to say many people feel the same.
Aimee says
Such a good list with good points. My husband and I recently went through my sons toy box. He is just over a year old and it is crazy the amount of toys we had accumulated. When I know he would be just as happy without any of them!
Prima says
I cannot disagree with the less toys part. As a parent (me especially) have this urges to buy “educational toys” to help our son ‘smarter’.
However, I see almost everyday, he actually can play with anything in front of him. A plastic spoon, pillow, sands, even a piece of paper. And I see him enjoy it a lot. Playing around with his imagination.
It was me who feel pity about it and therefore want to give a ‘better and proper’ toy for him to play with. Something he actually don’t need it as much as I think he would.
Does everyone have the same feeling toward your kids like me?
Sandy says
An Ultimate read. having limited and only useful stuffs is better than filling the house with tons of products which we hardly use.
Caz says
Your comments on kitchen utensils and cooking are so familiar to me. I’ve long been a foodie and passionate cook, yet I make it work in a tiny apartment kitchen and very minimal appliances (almost fewer than Mark Bittman’s article). I actually love being resourceful, not having as many dishes to wash (no dishwasher in a 60’s apartment) and building things up as I *really* need them, not as I *think* I do.
A few things on my “possibly buy” list are:
-A full-sized blender (I’m getting sick of pureeing soups in 6+ batches in a Magic Bullet)
-a second sheet-pan.
-2 larger/noodle bowls -my bf eats pasta from a mixing bowl (and I regularly eat salad from the same one) because the bowls we have are small-sized.
but I’ve had these on my list for months now and am not yet feeling i *need* them. The mixing bowl thing only bothers me aesthetically, not practically too.
Jim says
With regards to the dishwasher, I have a big 4 bedroom house thinking I was going to have my own family. Did not happen. I have a nice dishwasher but still wash my dishes by hand. Just seems silly to load an entire dishwasher for 1 person. Would take me a week to fill it. I also realize now that a house is not really an investment or asset- it’s a place to live.
Abbie says
Yes! Yes! Thanks for stating it all so well.
Sue says
Excellent! Good read !
Jacqueline Martens says
This morning, when I read your article, I saw myself and realized the time spent trying to manage all my stuff was time stolen from those who knkw and love me. If you csn use anything from what I’ve written, please feel free. My facebook only carries my friends and family…but there are others who could benefit. I follow you closely and thank you for all you do.
*******
Recognize your family? See yourself? I spent years “collecting” books I could read when I retired…only to experience macular degeneration…most of the books went to veterans or others who still have eyesight… Bins and bins of yarn so I could do needlework, patters I could make, tools for every hobby I enjoyed, every gourmet kitchen gadget to make life easier. End result…a houseful of stuff that all had to be sorted when it went to storage…where it lingered for many months. Downsizing at 75 sucks when you’re surrounded by “stuff” as you move into a studio apartment. Most of us then realize it’s not stuff that makes our lives…but people and our pets.
I probably shouldn’t have shared so much, but want to acknowledge family and friends who understood me and were brave enough to deal with a stubborn old woman. You know who you are…I love you all. If this article and my confession helps just one of you, it was worth sharing. Blessings to you all.
Lei Lani says
Thank you for sharing part of your story!
Valerie ardron says
I feel as though i have minimized so much in my life over the last 4 years. Smaller house. A lot less toys then most houses and yet because of my 3 young kids stuff keeps coming in the house! We just had a birthday party and even though i asked for small gifts he got an overabundance! I am so glad he has so many friends and family that loves him but it was exhausting to clean up yesterday. I have given so many hints about other ideas for gifts. Feeling so defeated right now. We even tried suggesting we do a party without gifts but how do you explain to a 7 yr old who sees all his friends get presents on their birthdays that he won’t. Sometimes i wish i wasnt so easily overwhelmed with stuff. On my own i can be such a minimalist but with kids its so hard! Already today i know they are coming home with 2 months worth of work…
Could we maybe see more articles on how to help parents with children who are finally at an age when they bring stuff in. It was so much easier when i had more control when they were smaller..my children are such hoarders. Even with small rooms and no closets!
Susan says
Hi Valerie,
My 8 year old just had a birthday party and the in-laws are over-gifters from way back, so I feel your pain! My mother was a hoarder, so the overwhelm is very real for me too.
I do find that no matter the number of toys, the favourites still rise to the top and after a short while we can drop back to a smaller number. They do seem to appreciate being allowed a time of overabundance, but are visibly relieved when it gets scaled back again (always surprises me!).
I find the difficult part is my letting go of their old favourites, recognising that they are at a different stage now and into different things. Usually they have moved on long before me! Anyhoo, I think the basic idea is the one in-one out rule, even if it’s not put into action immediately.
Good luck!
Brooks says
One helpful rule my wife often implemented was the Toy Replacement Program. Whatever new toy comes in can only remain if the child gives or throws away another toy to make space. It allows the kids to pick and keep their favorites without increasing clutter.
Pascalis says
excellent advise, thanks
Elle says
Request books as gifts. They take up little space and the kid still gets a present (assuming your kid likes books).
Invite fewer friends to the party. It is doubtful your kid is besties with every kid in his class or even the dozen or so who usually get invited. Limit invites to those who really are close to him.
Request family do either practical gifts (like clothes) or gift experiences. A day out at a museum. Membership at the Science Center. Gift certificates to the movies and ice cream. Tickets to a sporting event.
Before the birthday or gift giving holiday, have the kids go through their existing toys and donate any they no longer play with or have outgrown. Toss any that are broken or missing pieces. If inclined, hold a yard sale and let the kids keep the money they “earn” by getting rid of their old things.
Bill Holt says
Are you a Drill Sergeant? ; ]
Martha says
I had a $5 max for gift givers at my daughter’s last birthday party and she had a blast!