Editor’s note: This is a guest post from Allison of AllisonFallon.com.
“You don’t realize how much stuff you have until you try to put it all in a box.” —Allison Fallon
It all started when a friend asked me this question: “What would you do with your life if you didn’t have to worry about money?” My answer was: I would quit my job, move out of my apartment, sell all my things, visit all 50 States and write a book about it.
The only problem was, once I said the words out loud, I realized how much I really wanted to do it.
Was it possible? Could I simplify my possessions to only what would fit in my car, leave behind friends and family, change my buying habits, and quit many of the commitments that were cluttering up my life? Could I live out of a car for a year of my life? I wasn’t sure. But the more I thought about it, the more I realized there were three main lies keeping me from simplifying my life to follow my dreams.
The lies went like this.
This is not how you do it.
At the same time I was dreaming about going on a year-long road trip, I was also shopping for a house, and telling myself (secretly) that if I went on a crazy road trip, I would never get married or have a good life. After all, this was how you do “it.” This is how you grow up and become an adult. No potential friend or husband or boss would ever take me seriously if I quit my job and sold all of my stuff.
That was moving backwards. Wasn’t it?
But where did I get the idea that buying a house and working a job I didn’t enjoy was “how you do it.” What was “it” exactly? And who was “you?” It couldn’t be me. Because I was miserable.
Once I gave up the idea that I had to follow a certain prescribed set of actions in order to look like an adult, I was released to do what I really wanted to do and become who I really wanted to be. And guess what? If I would never have gone on the road trip, I would never have met my husband—who read my story and said to himself, “I have to meet that girl. That’s hot” (his words, not mine).
People will reject me if I don’t have nice stuff.
This is a lie I’ve had to root out over and over again in my journey. It always seems to grow back. But somehow I’ve gotten the impression that unless I have pretty clothes and a nice house with a hot tub and a boat I can use to take friends out on the weekend, people will reject me.
Think for a minute about the faulty logic in this reasoning.
When I take a minute to think about the people I like the most, and the qualities I appreciate about each of them—kind, hospitable, gracious, good listener, patient—I don’t think for a single minute about the stuff they have. And if people accept me because of the stuff I have and can share with them, they don’t really accept me at all.
Simplifying my life has given me an opportunity to grow up and grow out of my deep-rooted insecurity in this area.
The truth is, when I simplified my life, I actually gained more friends, not less. And my relationships became deeper and more meaningful. I was less stressed and more fun to be around and more secure with myself, so less likely to use others for what they could give me.
Simplicity and authenticity are attractive qualities.
I won’t be able to take care of myself.
I worried that if I simplified my life, I would have to sacrifice my independence and lean on others to support me. I was terrified I wouldn’t be able to pay my bills or provide the things I needed to live.
But, when I allowed myself to sit down and think about it, I realized I already depended on other people for all kinds of things, and that depending on others wasn’t a bad thing. Simplifying my life gave me the opportunity to lean in to this reality, and to grow in my ability to give gifts, and to receive them.
Also, living a simple life didn’t make it more difficult for me to pay my bills or provide the things I needed. It actually made it easier. The less stuff I had, the less debt I had, and the less stressed I felt over a job I hated — the more prepared I felt to take care of myself emotionally and practically, and the less I had to depend on others to hold together my fractured pieces.
Once I realized how these thoughts and ideas had been dictating my life for so long, and counteracted them with the truth, I was able to do what I wanted to do all along. I quit my job, moved out of my apartment, and spent a year driving across the country to accomplish my life-long dream of writing a book.
Now, I’m not just Packing Light for a long road trip, I’m living my life with way less baggage.
I’ve never regretted it for a minute.
***
Ally Fallon blogs at AllisonFallon.com where she inspires and encourages others to live with less. Her book, Packing Light: Thoughts on Living Life with Less Baggage is helpful and compelling.
Image: JamesWatkins
kristinfrederick says
Yes, I feel the same way except I actually LOVED my job. Life had a way of forcing me to seriously think about my priorities and what really matters. Your sites stories have been such a blessing to me. I am proud to teach my children/grandchildren to learn a different way which in turn will continue.Hopefully to the point of less landfills, pollution, gottahaveitnow attitude, consumerism, etc. . . . .
Carol says
This artical is great and actually confirmed many of my beliefs. I’ve accomplished a few of these things and have more in my plans. I’m 68, this summer I got on the back of a motorcycle with very few belongings and took a 1000+ miles trip. At age 52, without any prior planning, just a strong belief that I could survive and enjoy it, I retired from a good job that I disliked. I am a survivor!!! Now I’m removing, by one means or another, all my stuff but the bare minimum. Almost free, almost free at last. I have a new car, that trip sounds wonderful, even if the first part is just in Georgia!
Moya says
I think its best to have a house or an apartment if one has children living at home . This is a great time to start taking mini trips eg. during summer holidays or breaks. And you can start practising a minimalist lifestyle . Later on when the kids have flown the nest one can travel the whole world(maybe even with that one backpack).So you can start preparing your mini trip right now!!
Marya says
The simple life is beautiful; but I believe that having a house is a must for a comfortable life; a house with the minimum furnitures as possible. To travel is interesting but there are certain times we need the safety and stability of possessing a house.
Ginnie says
Yes…a house can be a good place to come back to after gallivanting. And I *do* believe in not defining one’s self by stuff. But I’m an artist…and need a place to *do* the art [stained glass] which takes stuff…which also needs a place.
It works for me. The stuff I have, no one else would likely want. But it provides for me and mine. It’s a house for our home, which is where the heart is. And that’s the most important part! :)
Amy Collette says
I remember my husband watching his friend drive off with our dressers. That’s when it hit him that we were really selling our stuff. It was hard to leave our families and friends, and we got homesick sometimes.
We traveled and lived out of our van for a year, connecting with people we would never have met any other way. That experience strengthened our marriage and popped us out of the “right way” to do things. Like Allison, I’m so grateful for the experience, and I highly recommend it!
Maren says
Great article! I can totally relate, a dream I’ve had to move to British Columbia is finally coming true. I let the lies stop me and I let people talk me out if it for many years. I’ve simplified to the back of my truck and leave in two weeks.
Tara says
I was so terrified of leaving my job and moving to a new city that I delayed for a year having anxiety attacks the whole time… then after I finally took the leap and did it, it was easy and I couldn’t remember what I was so anxious about. Looking forward to the next leap already.
Sarah The Happiness Advocate says
I’ve been working on simplifying my life for nearly a year now, but I still really struggle with the last point you make. I am working a job I’m not too fond of right now, but I fear that if I walk away from it I won’t be able to help provide for my family and my child will suffer for my selfishness if I don’t bring in enough money. Any thoughts on how to reframe that?
Loren says
Hey Sarah, It can seem scary trying to put your beliefs into motion. I have found that the best way to leap off of a boat when you are in the middle of the ocean is to NOT jump into the sea, but rather look for a boat that you can leap onto. What I am saying is that while you are at your current job, you can start to plot your escape. Let’s say you make 20k a year, but you have to drive x number of miles and eat food on the run. Now let’s say you really want to start a blog & sell antiques on ebay, because you love hunting for items at yard sales and thrift stores. After figuring out what it costs you to drive x number of miles each day and spend on food, clothing for work, daycare for the kids while you work etc, you should deduct all of these things from your paycheck to see what you are really making at your current job each week…ex $400 check minus $80 gas, $50 food on the run $120 daycare 30 work clothing leaves you with what you are really earning …..
in this case $120. Now, THIS is how much you really need to make per week to survive in your current lifestyle. Now lets’ say you use only $30 for gas $0 daycare, $0 food on the run & finally $0 on work clothing…you are now starting to see how much you would have to make between blogging & Antiques on ebay per week…about $150. But it doesn’t have to stop there. If you use a bicycle,$0 gas Sell the car (+ 5,000 into Savings), unplug electric items when not in use will knock down power bill by 30-40% costs. Before you know it, you are living more and spending less, stressing less & feeling more ON PURPOSE. You might just have to start to get things ready, while you bide your time at current job. Eventually the opportunity will come (let’s say someone offers you a part time gig working at the thrift store making $120-200/week) and you start selling some items on ebay and average $120-300 per week. Before you know it, you will want less hours at current job to concentrate your efforts on more fulfilling NEW activities. It will feel less like work and more like living…just give yourself permission to imagine where you could be by this time next year and slowly make it happen. I went from being a full time Manager (hated my job, grinding teeth in sleep, stressed out all of the time) to a Guitar Teacher/ Band Member/ Vintage Toy & Comic Dealer…..WAY BETTER!!! I’m Happier and sleep much better…and you can too…Good Luck!
Kim says
Ah, I know this feeling well. I did the same thing but I quit my job. sold everything, and traveled the world (still traveling). Those lies we tell ourselves are so powerful. The fear we feel! The resistance!! The “I can’t do this because it isn’t a normal thing to do.” Yet doing these unconventional things make our lives so colorful. Kudos to you Allison.
Loren says
Kudos to You Allison!! You have the right spirit and don’t come across as contrived. I like how you are being true to your feelings and letting go of the doubting voices, as they are usualyy connected with our parents, whom may have been too stern or idealistic to really have thought or lived outside the normal box that people usually use to trap themselves in their “this is how an adult should act…” What a load of BS!!
This is a great article that forces us to examine our dance with happiness and feeding the flames of our spirits to let them burn even brighter than we once thought possible. Your words are very refreshing. Thank You.