Editor’s note: This is a guest post from Allison of AllisonFallon.com.
“You don’t realize how much stuff you have until you try to put it all in a box.” —Allison Fallon
It all started when a friend asked me this question: “What would you do with your life if you didn’t have to worry about money?” My answer was: I would quit my job, move out of my apartment, sell all my things, visit all 50 States and write a book about it.
The only problem was, once I said the words out loud, I realized how much I really wanted to do it.
Was it possible? Could I simplify my possessions to only what would fit in my car, leave behind friends and family, change my buying habits, and quit many of the commitments that were cluttering up my life? Could I live out of a car for a year of my life? I wasn’t sure. But the more I thought about it, the more I realized there were three main lies keeping me from simplifying my life to follow my dreams.
The lies went like this.
This is not how you do it.
At the same time I was dreaming about going on a year-long road trip, I was also shopping for a house, and telling myself (secretly) that if I went on a crazy road trip, I would never get married or have a good life. After all, this was how you do “it.” This is how you grow up and become an adult. No potential friend or husband or boss would ever take me seriously if I quit my job and sold all of my stuff.
That was moving backwards. Wasn’t it?
But where did I get the idea that buying a house and working a job I didn’t enjoy was “how you do it.” What was “it” exactly? And who was “you?” It couldn’t be me. Because I was miserable.
Once I gave up the idea that I had to follow a certain prescribed set of actions in order to look like an adult, I was released to do what I really wanted to do and become who I really wanted to be. And guess what? If I would never have gone on the road trip, I would never have met my husband—who read my story and said to himself, “I have to meet that girl. That’s hot” (his words, not mine).
People will reject me if I don’t have nice stuff.
This is a lie I’ve had to root out over and over again in my journey. It always seems to grow back. But somehow I’ve gotten the impression that unless I have pretty clothes and a nice house with a hot tub and a boat I can use to take friends out on the weekend, people will reject me.
Think for a minute about the faulty logic in this reasoning.
When I take a minute to think about the people I like the most, and the qualities I appreciate about each of them—kind, hospitable, gracious, good listener, patient—I don’t think for a single minute about the stuff they have. And if people accept me because of the stuff I have and can share with them, they don’t really accept me at all.
Simplifying my life has given me an opportunity to grow up and grow out of my deep-rooted insecurity in this area.
The truth is, when I simplified my life, I actually gained more friends, not less. And my relationships became deeper and more meaningful. I was less stressed and more fun to be around and more secure with myself, so less likely to use others for what they could give me.
Simplicity and authenticity are attractive qualities.
I won’t be able to take care of myself.
I worried that if I simplified my life, I would have to sacrifice my independence and lean on others to support me. I was terrified I wouldn’t be able to pay my bills or provide the things I needed to live.
But, when I allowed myself to sit down and think about it, I realized I already depended on other people for all kinds of things, and that depending on others wasn’t a bad thing. Simplifying my life gave me the opportunity to lean in to this reality, and to grow in my ability to give gifts, and to receive them.
Also, living a simple life didn’t make it more difficult for me to pay my bills or provide the things I needed. It actually made it easier. The less stuff I had, the less debt I had, and the less stressed I felt over a job I hated — the more prepared I felt to take care of myself emotionally and practically, and the less I had to depend on others to hold together my fractured pieces.
Once I realized how these thoughts and ideas had been dictating my life for so long, and counteracted them with the truth, I was able to do what I wanted to do all along. I quit my job, moved out of my apartment, and spent a year driving across the country to accomplish my life-long dream of writing a book.
Now, I’m not just Packing Light for a long road trip, I’m living my life with way less baggage.
I’ve never regretted it for a minute.
***
Ally Fallon blogs at AllisonFallon.com where she inspires and encourages others to live with less. Her book, Packing Light: Thoughts on Living Life with Less Baggage is helpful and compelling.
Image: JamesWatkins
Erica Enriquez says
This really spoke to me, especially the “People will reject me if I don’t have nice stuff” part. I am trying (and failing, and then succeeding, and then failing again … endless cycle) to live minimally but then the comfort for material goods to “fit in” with whomever I think I need to fit in with, or whatever I want to feel a part of, gets the better of me. I am finding though that over time it’s not the “stuff” that make me who I am, so I try to keep with that sentiment.
I really love that travel and exploration fuelled you to live minimally too. Nothing beats travel!
Thanks once again for this post – it was a great read!
xxx
Carole says
I agree, a great message for those who can do it, but for those with life responsibilities (not talking debt here), it’s not generally possible to sell everything and travel the states or the world. Would I like to? Sure. Is it possible? Not really. Not at this time. If I were single, in a heartbeat.
My husband and I do live with a lot less ‘stuff’ than the majority of Americans. Both of our cars are over ten years old. We live in a small house by the standards of today (1500 sq ft). We don’t have the boat and all of the other toys that many feel the need to acquire. For us, those things are unnecessary.
My husband actually likes his job. And I like mine.
Do we still have clutter? Sure we do, but we’re working on releasing it out into the universe. lol
I disagree about the following….There are few articles I read that hits it 100% of the time. It’s about taking what works for you and applying it (or not). This particular article doesn’t even come close for me. That’s okay. It’s not a reason to stop following the blog. Your idea about minimalism probably isn’t the same as mine. And it’s certainly not the same as the author of this article. Chances are we’ve all got our own ideas about what it entails, and that’s normal. We’re all different.
Like with anything else in life, it’s about taking away what you can.
Mary says
I love this article. I e been minimalist to some degree since my early 20s.
One way I’m different is that I want nice things. But not just for the sake of having nice things. Rather, those things I need and use and want to have should be the best quality I can afford. We cook a lot, so my kitchen tools and appliances need to be high quality. We choose to have a large home library, so we want strong, good looking bookcases.
That said, each item is a conscious choice, carefully considered. I love to travel, but as I get older, I also love the comfort of my home….all 700 square feet of it.
Archna says
Love it and so inspiring. Ax
Yaz says
Great story, however, only applies to people with no responsibilities and no children, if i was to rely on others to put food on the table and clothe my children they would be hungry and cold, we have a minimalist life, I chose to show my children that life is about living not owning things and they prosper from that, but I have to say this post is geared towards the singles or couples, not the people with children, responsibilities etc that have already made lives and are looking to find a different lifestyle that gives them more fulfilment, kind of missed the boat for me on this one which is why I will no longer follow you, thanks for all the other advice
Kimberly says
You’d stop following because this one particular article didn’t apply to you at this point in your life? Talk about missing the boat!
Carole says
There are few articles I read that hit it 100% of the time. It’s about taking what works for you and applying it (or not). This particular article doesn’t even come close for me. That’s okay.
Chances are that your idea of minimalism and mine probably differ. My ideas certainly are not the same as the author of this article.
Like with anything else in life, it’s about taking away what you can.
Discontinuing following a blog due to one article seems extreme.
Karis says
What a great article! I can especially relate to #1. We sold everything and moved to England with 4 suitcases while our friends were buying houses and having kids. We moved back to the States two years later and fell back into the trap. Bought a house that was way too big for 2 people and filled it with stuff. We’re now back to a small apartment with very few possessions at the ages of 35 and 40. We feared it would appear to people as though we were moving backwards but we’re happier than ever.
David Elcoate says
LOVE, LOVE, LOVE this!!!!
Great post that I can’t wait to share and after reading all the comments above it seems that all the people who follow through on their dreams like yourself achieve successful results by being a failure!
By that I mean they fail to be conditioned by society’s views of what should or shouldn’t be and decide to map their own route to happiness!
Congratulations Alison on failing to be indoctrinated by the Borg!
David
Marion GEORGE says
I love this idea of becoming minimalist and really know it would be a good thing, but at the same time I find the thought of it a bit scary. I’m 74 years old and am the ‘carer’ for my 84 year old husband who has asbestosis. We’ve always had an attitude of living a simple life and have never felt we had to ‘keep up with the Joneses’. You could say we are ‘Hunter Gatherers’ , making things and making do, rather than clamouring for the latest and greatest of anything, really. We live in a country area and our water is free as we have no access to town water supply, so we’re self-sufficient with rain-water tanks, we don’t pay for heating as we’ve got a wood-burning slow-combustion fire and we’ve grown our own trees on our 5 acre plot specifically for firewood. Also we have Solar panels on the roof and so we get no bill for our electricity. It’s a lovely way to live, but I’d be very happy to discard heaps of the ‘stuff’ we’ve accumulated over more than a half a century. I don’t know where to start !!!
sabrina says
hi marian,
have you looked at ebay or craigslist to help with downsizing? you MUST be cautious with craigslist if people are coming to your home, and i would recommend meeting in a public venue if you can.
or, are there second-hand or consignment businesses locally? i met a man who owns his own curated consignment store when i first moved to town, and he said that if items were large enough or there was a big enough selection, he or his partner would be willing to travel out for a look. maybe there is someone like that near you.
the other thing you could do is look for a “caregiver” type of person who could help. i have a friend who was hired as a caregiver for a woman who was overloaded with things (actually, she was a hoarder) and my friend was tasked with helping her purge her items.
best of luck to you!
linda says
Did that for 4 1/2 yrs in my early 30’s as crew on small sailing yachts around Cental America and the Caribbean. You do not have to own a yacht or even know how to sail. You may have to share food expenses until you learn. You will meet people who know nothing BUT minimalist lives and are very happy. That includes locals everywhere and other cruising folk. There is a whole subculture of people doing this. So glad I experienced it, it changed me forever. Have been back in the midwest now since ’85, am a married homeowner, parent of a teen adopted from foster care, even a landlord. Securely retired and looking to dowsize and travel by rv, bicycle, other modes with my husband on extended trips. We have never fallen into the consumerist trap or keeping up with the jones’s…we keep, fix and reuse stuff for years, which is why we can now afford to do what we want once our teen is safely launched out of the nest.
Shawn Lord says
“It all started when a friend asked me this question: “What would you do with your life if you didn’t have to worry about money?”
Last year, I quit my job and started a web series based on this question. It was something I really couldn’t answer for myself, so I decided to ask others. In turn, the process of meeting and interviewing people has helped me get closer to understanding what I want.
My girlfriend and I have been slowly streamlining our lives, so everything written here is relateable. This spring, we’ll be moving into an RV and taking the next steps in our minimalist, experience-based journey.
You can find the series at: FindingWhatsNext.com or by searching for it on Youtube.
Thanks!