We live in a culture of unreasonable expectations.
Nearly every day, television, magazines, websites, and billboards offer us countless images of the “perfect” home.
Beaming faces, sparkling eyes, pristine decor, and bountiful tables of food are shown on media platforms of every sort. Many of these images stand side by side with corporate logos and retail stores.
It would seem, from the image on the screen, these items are essential for a perfect home. Because, obviously, the smiles are bigger, the family is happier, and the lights shine brighter—if, and only if, we buy the consumer product to make it so.
This is not a new strategy from marketers. Our entire lives, they have communicated subtle (and not-so-subtle) messages that our lives will be better, happier, and more fulfilled if we buy whatever they’re selling.
It seems our entire economy is built on making people feel dissatisfied with what they have. And nobody is immune to the meticulously crafted persuasion.
I assume one reason for the effectiveness of these ad campaigns is because we all desire a joyful home filled with love, warmth, and comfort. We cherish our time with family and want it to be picture perfect. We love our kids and want them to be happy. And we all enjoy times of celebration and desire them to be memorable.
But let’s remember one important truth today: You don’t need any of those things in the ads for a perfect home.
You don’t need new furniture or updated countertops. You don’t need the stainless steel appliances (or whatever is most trendy this decade). You don’t need the largest-screen television. You don’t need all the perfect decoration. You don’t need expensive food or drink. And you certainly don’t need a Lexus in the driveway with a red ribbon wrapped around it.
Home is about family, thankfulness, acceptance, love, and strength. It’s about reflecting on the life that was and looking forward to the life that can be in the future. It’s about counting blessings. And it’s about slowing down from life long enough to appreciate and enjoy the people who matter most.
Too often, the consumeristic promises and fake photos keep us from all that.
Instead of slowing down, we speed up. We rush from store to store (or website to website), filling our homes with all the things we think we need to make it just perfect.
We fill our schedules with increased commitments and responsibilities. We max out our credit cards. We get so frustrated and weary chasing the perfect home that we never take time to enjoy the one right in front of us.
But once we slow down enough to notice our blessings, we begin to see that we already have everything we need for a perfect home. We just need to appreciate it more.
Robin Plummer says
Thank you for these wise words that we need to hear. We surely do not need the new furniture and the new countertops. I remember visiting with my grandparents as a child and as a teenager and what I remember the most is the feeling of being welcomed into their home. Going to the refrigerator and helping myself to a glass of tea or going to sleep in their soft bed with a warm quilt. The perfect home should be filled with what makes us and our company comfortable and happy.
Michele says
What a fine message. Thank you. So true. Needed this.
MARY-ANN (FROM CANADA!) says
Joshua, I really enjoyed reading your beautiful post! I found it from Kari-Anne at Thistlewood who suggested that we all read your post! I am definitely going to subscribe to your post because I love what you have said. We all need to take a look at how we are living life and what is important to us. We need to stop and take a look at ourselves and our home and come to the realization that “it’s about slowing down from life long enough to appreciate and enjoy people who matter most”! This has had a real impact on me and I thank you for your wisdom!
barbara pitangueira says
loves it! I’m an architect and I have been thinking about simplifying My life for a couple of years now… and it makes me feel so much better that now I want to talk about it with all my clients ???
Your text is just perfect!
Jan says
Agreed. I am a consumer and often consider wants over need. It is driven, for me, by this unattainable perfect and also, I think, from boredom. I have so much to be grateful for. I think the COVID sheltering has given pause to some of this and being at home more – a real sense if enjoyment and gratitude.
Ruth says
This article really resonated with me. I have been cramming my schedule doing “research”, reading books and watching webinars on creating a perfect home for my family that I didn’t have time anymore to spend with my family. I’m so glad to come across this.
Arifa says
The lockdown and curfew proved it. We didnot go out for 3 months and survived without shopping in the malls.
Helmut Wagabi says
Thanks for your piece which reflects the biblical admonition not to assume that the goodness of life is In possessing everything (Luke 12). Contentment with what we have is the remedy to our troubles today.
Vivian Simon says
I agree with you. As a widow I got rid of everything I owned that was not essential. I now live in a small house and the only excess I tolerate is fabric because I make quilts.
Carol Eberhardt says
I’m a quilter too, and I could get rid of 70% of what’s in my house but NOT my fabric and tools. There are so many thinking and planning skills, math and precision skills, and so much creativity and love that go into creating a unique quilt, I plan on this daily exercise of intellect to keep me out of the “home”… hopefully.
Happy quilting!
Bianca says
This is a very fine and well thought piece to present todays “standard” from the advertisements we see everyday. But it seems like since the confinement there is a “better notice in the way” we think about friends, family, community, purpose and belonging that brings us back to the basics and reminds us that we don’t always need or spend that much either.
Barb says
I absolutely loved this article.
Thank you!
But, in my neighborhood, we are “suppose”to have a “perfect” home. This is in the eyes of all the neighbors in my community! Beautiful pristine lawns with in the ground sprinklers. A new car in the driveway. Updated rooms inside. All the latest and greatest. If we don’t, you are judged and talked about behind your back. Excluded from the group too! And you get “a look”!!! It’s just awful and causes a lot of stress.
I love my home And it is not updated to being the “perfect” home! But , I do not like my neighborhood because of the pressures of keeping up with everyone else’s standards. Exhausting and costly!
Jennifer says
That’s a shame, but I am familiar with neighborhoods like yours. You might not want to do this if you love the home you’re in, but my solution to that was to move to the country. I have ‘neighbors’ but they aren’t close enough to care about what I do or don’t do or have.
Nola Engfelt says
The push not only comes from advertisers to have the next best thing, whether you see the ad on tv or online, but also from the peer pressure at whatever level it applies to you- like in your neighborhood as was mentioned. To have the confidence to step up or out and not conform is difficult. Trying to do so in a way that is simple and not costly might work. Having it be something your family believes in and stands firm in can help you. Living the simple, yet clean and cared for home and yard would be a way to go. You have to make the choice about “keeping up with the Jones” and believe in it.
Marie says
Hi barb…I know exactly what you are saying! You must live in S.calif…I do, and that’s exactly how it is…I just look at it and say, you don’t need those superficial people in your life! There’s so much more to life than “ stuff”….
Sarah Vogel says
There will always be people with more, and those with less. Are you willing to sacrifice your peace of mind and pocketbook for people that really don’t even care…this is the honest truth. Materialistic and shallow people really only care about making themselves feel better, and most likely, they are miserable and in debt! If these people do not accept you for who you are on the inside, they are not worth your time or consideration. They are not true friends and will never be an important part of your life. Do not give over your power to them!
joshua becker says
I think you are getting embarrassed about all the wrong things: https://www.becomingminimalist.com/mbarress/
Claire says
Why do you care so much about what others think? Do what makes you happy, and let them talk.
Susan says
It does not seem like a neighborhood that I would want to raise my children in