Note: This is a guest post by Rose Lounsbury.
I’m not a relationship expert. I got lucky in love, married for nearly 17 years to my hometown sweetheart. But I do know something about certain kinds of relationships: the kinds we develop with stuff.
Some stuff is easy to part with. Freebies, for example. These are the one-night stands of stuff. That key chain from your insurance agent? You can probably toss that sucker in the trash with only a twinge of sweet regret. (It was a moment of madness when you plucked it from the dish in his office, after all.)
But other items give us pause. These are the kinds of items we’ve developed long relationships with. Items like… my piano.
I had my piano for years. My parents had it before me, and my grandparents before them. The story goes that my grandfather bought the piano for $50 from my mom’s college sorority house when they upgraded their piano in the 1960s. (Just imagine being the guy turned down by an entire houseful of sorority sisters, ouch!)
The piano was a nice guy, humble, no frills. But dang, was he big and heavy! I let him hang around my house for about a decade. I knew things weren’t working out for us, but I just couldn’t bring myself to have that awkward, “It’s not you, it’s me” conversation.
Why? Two big reasons:
Reason #1: I can play the piano
The key word here is can. As Yoda would say, Do or do not, there is no can. (That quote may not be exactly right, but I earned major points from my husband for attempting to quote Star Wars.)
Yes, I can play this piano. But do I? Not so much. When faced with a moment of free time, I usually choose to go for a walk or read a book. We’re only given so much time in life and we get to choose how to spend that precious time. I don’t choose to play the piano. And that’s okay.
Reason #2: My kids might want to play the piano
The key word here is might. As every kid who ever took piano lessons would say, “But I don’t wanna practice!!” I have no guarantees that my kids will ever want to play the piano, and keeping it for that future possibility is like keeping a trapeze in my backyard in case one of them wants to become an acrobat. (Note: Given the suggestion that acrobatics is a future career possibility, I’m sure my kids would immediately commence high-pressure trapeze requests, so let’s keep this on the down-low.)
To combat this “What if…?” fear, I nudge budding musicians in my household toward trumpets, violins, and the like. All these instruments are portable yet still quench the musical thirst. And if my kids ever insist on playing the piano, I will count on good karma to bring another free piano into my path.
Speaking of good karma…
It was a fateful Tuesday afternoon. I took a deep breath, snapped a picture of the piano, and posted it for free on a local buy/sell/trade Facebook group. Within 10 minutes, one lucky lady had herself a new piano to love, and I began imagining more open space in my living room.
I remember the day the piano movers came to part us forever. I watched them carefully carry him down the front steps toward the truck. I felt my heart squeeze as they loaded him onto the lift, knowing that the moment he disappeared into that truck bed, I would never see him again.
I almost ran outside and breathlessly yelled, “Wait! I’ve changed my mind! Let’s stay together!”
But this wasn’t a romantic movie. It wasn’t raining. There was no orchestra playing an emotional soundtrack.
It was time for us to go our separate ways.
At first, I struggled with the urge to rebound. The space in my living room looked so bare! If you’ve ever gotten out of a long relationship, you know what I mean. I need something, anything, to fill this empty space! I considered cruising the scene at local piano bars or seeking lonely pianos online, (Pianomatch.com, anyone?)
But I stayed true to my minimalist ideals and allowed the space to just be. After a while, it didn’t seem so empty. Soon after that, I started to like it.
I was free.
Is there a stuff relationship in your life that is going nowhere? Are you holding on to things that no longer reflect how you choose to spend your time? Are you keeping things because you hope they will become useful in the future?
We all know this, but it bears repeating:
We do not live in the past or the future. We live now.
I urge you…
Let go of stuff relationships that are holding you back from enjoying the present moments of your life.
Take the plunge, make a clean break, and open up to the beautiful possibilities of open space.
***
Rose Lounsbury is a simplicity coach, author, speaker, and still-sane triplet mama who helps busy people live happier lives by owning less stuff. You can read more of her words on minimalism, simplicity, and intentional living at roselounsbury.com or get to know her on Instagram, Facebook, and LinkedIn.
About Joshua Becker
Dear Rose,
What a lovely and cheerful writing! I remember working on my four-handed pieces with other students in the music class. We had so much joy doing the practice because of the notes that we lost in the measures and that annoyed us. I have kept some good memory of this piece at the recital. Playing piano has become my whole world.
A music teacher.
I can’t play the piano or any other lovely musical instrument but after reading this if it were in my family and no one wanted it I would have kept it and asked someone to bury it with me all because of the story and history behind it (as if you couldn’t have all that in an 8 by 10 photo and a page or two of documentation.) You did the right thing but I know it hurt…it would have nearly killed me. But just think…because you could give it up someone else will be able to say ‘my grandfather paid x-amount of money for this and my grandmother played it at my mother’s wedding in her parlor and my little brother played “Happy Birthday” to me when I turned 10 by teaching himself how to play and he now is playing for money in an orchestra in New York and now I am so lucky to have it sitting here in my living room with all our family photos and candlesticks on it…it’s absolutely lovely, don’t you agree?” :)
Last year I gave my piano to a family whose son really wanted to learn to play, but couldn’t afford a piano. I purchased a quality keyboard that slides neatly under my bed when I’m not using it; when I want to play, I play. I no longer look at the piano and feel guilt because I should be playing instead of doing whatever else I was doing or because I haven’t played it in a week (it became an obligation). I no longer have to dust this hulk of a piece or trip over it…or spend money to tune it. When I want to make music, I do so with a smaller, easier to store instrument. I play that keyboard more than I’ve ever played the piano.
You should not have gotten rid of the piano! Period!
i love my piano
i’ve played it a lot more in the last 1.5 years than ever
it brings me such delight
I love my piano too. It takes up a lot of space but I play everyday.
I could have written this piece! I was just looking at our piano a couple days ago and thinking that maybe it is time to send it along to someone who would make good use of it. There isn’t any sentimental value to it because we bought it to replace the piano I’d had in my childhood that wasn’t in good shape anymore. I have kept it because, I too, can play it but never do. I am not sure I’m quite ready to let it go, but I think I’m going to set a deadline for myself to decide and if I haven’t started playing it again in that amount of time, it is going to find a new home.
I forwarded this to my sister who is currently hoarding the piano my mother bought for me in 1952. No one has played it in 30+ years! Perhaps this will give her permission to let go.
I forwarded this to my sister who is currently hoarding the piano my mother bought for me in 1952. No one has played it in 30+ years! Perhaps this will give her permission to let go. I donated my mom’s sewing machine with beautiful cabinet after several years of angst. She’s been gone 50 years but I still remember her lovingly running her hands over the machine. She was so proud of it and made my prom dresses and other things. It was very hard to let it go but I still have the memories.
I recently sold the keyboard I paid $500 to a 10-year old for $50. He bought it with his own money. His mom sent me a picture of him sitting down to play it. Made my heart sing. Nice article.
Thank you for the cute and entertaining article. I love Rose’s humorous writing style.
We are about to “Upsize” to a larger home in preparation for an elder family member to move in with us. I’m trying to find the balance of acquiring what we need to make the space functional, but also using the move as an opportunity to break up with items which will not be useful moving forward.
In the process of furnishing the new house I was gifted a couch that has been in my family for about 70 years. It is nice to know that for a while we can care for and use this item and I hope when we are ready to downsize again to have another family member adopt this ginormous couch from my great grandmother’s home.
This is an excellent article! We can all relate to holding on to an item for all the wrong reasons. Very well written and insightful. Thank you very much!
I let my piano go to my step daughter whose son wanted to learn to play. My late husband used to play every day, and it took three years before I could bring myself to part with it. It was sad to see his vmuch loved instrument leave our home, but I can still visit it! Lovely to know that my grandson is making good use of it. Now I need to think about the stool, which my husband used as well as my late father before him and holds many memories……….
If you could please give great ideas for how to get rid of your partners piano that would be so great. It has a similar, emotional back story. Barely used. *sigh
Great article though. I’ll take a fresh look at some of the things I’m hanging onto for emotion reasons.
Thanks
This post is one of the best posts I have ever read and I hope a lot of people read it.
I feel relate to it. Can and might, yes these 2 words.
Several years ago I broke up with some action figures such as model kit that “I can build”, some computer game “I can play”, some music files “I can listen”, and several things that I “can” and “might”.
Oh my gosh, how your article resonates with me. After moving my beloved baby grand seven times — sometimes in and out of seemingly impossible floor plans — I finally relinquished this piano relationship two moves ago. It was a sad day, in spite of knowing that it was absorbed into a piano cocktail bar and would be played by untold and unknown musicians who put out their respective hats as they played Agnes. This is the name that the piano bar owner dubbed my beloved, in honor of my mother, a pianist who was a musician in just such an establishment.
I still miss Agnes, although my fiddles and mandolins (the good friends that they are) were there for me throughout the decision to breakup. There are times when I wish I could run my hands over her keys and hear that one plunk-y key in the upper register. Am I glad that she is gone and being played by others? Yes. Was it the right decision? Yes. As I prepare to move again this next spring, I can only think of how happy the movers will be to know that Agnes has left the building.
Thank you for your lovely article. You revived an breakup that was necessary at the time and is still a tiny bit bittersweet today.
So well said and will resonate in my head.
This is a great post, and I just did the same with an older (probably from the 70’s) , & still usable Kenmore Sewing Machine (when they were made of metal) .
I have only used it a few times in my life, & it has been moved around so much & stored (out of sight out of mind), and I told myself finally that since I don’t have the slightest desire to sew by machine anymore, than just donate it. Away it goes & hopefully it will be a treasure for someone else.
Looking at Simplicity & Minimalism with a more positive attitude really helps & can literally be infectious like laughter.
I loved this article Rose! Your writing style is easy-going and engaging!
I recently broke up with my books. I have one series of books I absolutely love and I am on my third time reading them right now. I had all of them (19) in paperback filling up a drawer but the last two times I read them I got them from the library so I could use my e-reader instead. I felt like a traitor getting rid of them but to make it all better I decided to take them to my best friend’s favorite used book store! She still loves paper books still so I donated them to the book store leaving all the credits to her! It felt so great to leave her all those credits!
I think what I learned is, that something we aren’t enjoying, may bring a lot of joy to others! Don’t be greedy. Pass on the joy!
I just found a new home for my piano!! My hands can’t play as well anymore- and I simply prefer to doing my art than playing the piano badly!! I found it quite releasing.
I almost sold our baby grand piano a couple years ago. So glad that I didn’t! My adult son no longer played it so I decided to learn. I’m still playing and it gives me great joy. I guess what I’m saying is to be very careful about making the decision to sell or donate a piano. They cost a lot to purchase over again, and to move.
Consider where you might be in 5 years, not just the here and now. It’s not unwise to hold onto it if you have a young child. Kids start early. Just consider everything carefully. Getting a few more square feet of space now may or may not be what’s important in your life.
This post made me smile. My daughter-in-law just started her first post-college job as a high school band director. She was absolutely thrilled when someone gave her a piano and I’m sure it’s getting much use. I hope the piano you gave away is also giving joy to a music lover.
That bare feeling is what I feel every January when I put away my Christmas decorations. You see, I love the last three months of the year. October and November I have out my autumn decorations, mostly lots of faux pumpkins along with some real ones. I love the shape them, the materials and the colors: gold, white, green, silver and more. I do have a few other things but mostly pumpkins.
The day after Thanksgiving I tenderly put them all away again. The day after that I bring out my Christmas things which stay up until around early- to mid-January. I love the look and the lights and the immense joy they share. I never tire of them but I do look forward to having my home back to its normal clean state. There is, however, that unsettling feeling that it is all so naked once the holiday decorations are put away. I tend to regret it, not just the missing decorations but the seasons themselves. I love winter and fall, am “meh” about spring and loathe summer. So it’s more than the decorations–but I miss those A LOT. Still, do it because I know that I am saying goodbye and Welcome! to my usual and beloved minimalist-style home.
This is me! I have a baby grand piano I got my HS senior year and I was going to be a music major. I have room now, but won’t, likely when we move. Do I play it? Only to find notes practicing singing and not very often. I will get rid of it before we move and get a small keyboard later if needed.
My hubs has a 1923 Ford that he bought in 1988 with his Dad. Dad passed 3 years later. Hubs showed the car for 10 years. The car has now sat in the garage uncovered, filthy, unloved and never moved for 20 years. The previous owner called him out of the blue and wants to buy it back. I say sell it but of course hubs is now showing greater interest in the car. The sell of the car could pay off our mortgage and credit card debt among other things. But he is stalling selling it. How do I teach him the art of letting go? I know I cant make the decision for him.
I really appreciated this article! We recently moved and our new house isn’t suitable for a piano. Giving up my piano included many of the same emotions and thoughts you mentioned here. It helps me that the friend we gave the piano to texts me regularly to say how much her daughters are enjoying it!
Thanks for sharing your story. Same thing happened to me. Except that a good friend in my neighborhood replied to my ad offering a free piano!
Now the piano sits in their living room and his wife is learning how to play!
Like you, I feel free!
I loved this. Thank you
It brought back memories of trying close my mother’s house. There was a lovely wood baby changing table that she had probably been changed on before each of us kids were. Probably some of the grandkids were later but it was not allowed out of her house when it sure could have been useful to us. It was a very solid piece but just a little warped on the back as it had survived several floods in mom’s basement over the years.
We all loved it so much but each of us had reasons why we did not want to haul this to our house. Mine was that I would have to spend about $600 or more to ship it cross country and I had something similar already which was in much better shape but lacked family history.
The reality was that none of us really had the exact room or place for it to work perfectly in our existing life.
The now adult grandkids had no emotional attachment to it. What to do?
In addition to this, there was a lovely wood bookcase offered for free. Someone showed up for it. As he walked up, he thumped the top of said baby changing table and said: Nice piece.
Bells start ringing in my brother and my ears. We look at each other and realized we were thinking the same thought.
He was a teacher (a number of teachers in our family). He and his wife had just had another baby about a month ago.
Sirens are going off.
We convinced him to accept this piece too. It was a win win in our minds all the way around.
Mom, on the other hand, got mad at us.
We still think of it fondly as a piece we remember which now being used with a new family who needed it more than we did. And so the story of what is a piece of family history passed from our chapter to a new chapter.
Without judgment on Rose’s post, here’s what I have to offer on the decline of the piano.
A few years ago I came into a lovely, elderly Bechstein 6’7″ grand for free! Selling my Yamaha studio upright enabled me to have the action repaired, and I practice almost every day. It is a joy! If you have a piano and can actually play, experiment with getting back to playing before you toss it. Music is an art worth finding time for in life, and is its own reward.
Thank you so much for this post. When we down-sized to a smaller home in a 55+ community over a year ago, letting go of my piano was the toughest thing. I had bought it when my boys were little and taught both of them, as well as many other piano students, how to play. But I wasn’t really playing it much myself anymore for the same reasons you shared. And it just wouldn’t fit in our new, smaller home. The young man who bought it for $75 was thrilled to have it and sincerely thanked me when he came to pick it up with three of his friends. I was truly able to let go at that moment — no regrets!
I get it….I just donated my big key board and sheet music. Like you in my free time I would rather walk, play with my dogs, or some other activity that got me away from my computer where I do my work. I stored it under my bed where it collected dust and then I had to dust it every now and then. I could barely play, so that made it easier.
I get it….I just donated my big key board and sheet music. Like you in my free time I would rather walk, play with my dogs, or some other activity that got me away from my computer where I do my work. I stored it under my bed where it collected dust and then I had to dust it every now and then. I could barely play, so that made it easier.
I really appreciate this post. I don’t have a “piano”, but I do have plenty of figurative “pianos” lying around. Thank you!
I just went through this exact issue. I had my piano for 65 years and lovingly took care of it. My husband, son and I all played, but now it is just me and no one is using it and I am downsizing. Time to let go, it was hard but it went to a family with 4 young girls who were all excited to learn to play. I feel good about letting it go and a bit lighter, it was time.
I love your article. I too have several furniture pieces from my family. Plus my bedroom set from when I was a little girl. It consists of a full size 4 poster bed with a small dresser and corner desk that butts up against the dresser. The desk and dresser have been refinished professionally. The bed is in good shape. It is a colonial maple set. This has been in my life for 60 years plus. My husband and I have been married for 50 years. My daughter slept in it. She never wanted it. Then my other daughter slept in it and wanted things of her own when she moved out. I’ve grown verrrry attached to the set. I’ve been minimizing fir over a year. In that time we have finished our bedrooms with new wood floors. One day I moved my grandmothers chairs that have cane seats and set them on either side of the dresser. I realized something had to go. Now the desk I never loved but it was a part of the set. Even though it was very small and confining to sit at. Plus the legs were wobbly. No one could seem to make them like new again. Then it hit me. I needed to make a choice. The desk or the chairs. One of them had to go. I told my husband my thoughts of that I didn’t want to part with the chairs. The desk needed to go. In his fashion of dealing with it. He loaded it up and took it to Salvation Army’s donation site. I had a twinge of is this right? It was hard to be do ruthless. I didn’t accompany him to the donation center. The small room of 10×11 looks spacious and perfect with the chairs added on either side of the dresser. I had grown my decluttering muscles. I love the room now. It brings me so much joy to clean it and love the pieces that I’ve kept. I now don’t miss the desk. Even if it was a set. Funny thing people say is the room looks so much bigger now.
I feel you pain. I broke up with my coffee table and end tables. We never used the coffee table and I replaced the end tables with pole lamps. Much more space. I missed the coffee table at first but if we drink anything in my house, we go to the kitchen. Then I broke up with the extra chest of drawers because we no longer needed all those drawers after we down sized, okay me, our clothing. It’s for the best. Love the extra walking space in the bedroom.
Just do it!
My parents passed away and when it came time to sell the house we divied up what was wanted of the furniture but none of us had the space for the piano. My problem is I’m sentimental about everything and thought about taking it.
It sat in the house until a few days before the new owner was to move in. Our realtor asked if he could have the piano—he’d always wanted to learn to play!!
Now I still need to part with a lot of the other sentimental items I brought home with me. Still so hard!