Note: This is a guest post by Rose Lounsbury.
I’m not a relationship expert. I got lucky in love, married for nearly 17 years to my hometown sweetheart. But I do know something about certain kinds of relationships: the kinds we develop with stuff.
Some stuff is easy to part with. Freebies, for example. These are the one-night stands of stuff. That key chain from your insurance agent? You can probably toss that sucker in the trash with only a twinge of sweet regret. (It was a moment of madness when you plucked it from the dish in his office, after all.)
But other items give us pause. These are the kinds of items we’ve developed long relationships with. Items like… my piano.
I had my piano for years. My parents had it before me, and my grandparents before them. The story goes that my grandfather bought the piano for $50 from my mom’s college sorority house when they upgraded their piano in the 1960s. (Just imagine being the guy turned down by an entire houseful of sorority sisters, ouch!)
The piano was a nice guy, humble, no frills. But dang, was he big and heavy! I let him hang around my house for about a decade. I knew things weren’t working out for us, but I just couldn’t bring myself to have that awkward, “It’s not you, it’s me” conversation.
Why? Two big reasons:
Reason #1: I can play the piano
The key word here is can. As Yoda would say, Do or do not, there is no can. (That quote may not be exactly right, but I earned major points from my husband for attempting to quote Star Wars.)
Yes, I can play this piano. But do I? Not so much. When faced with a moment of free time, I usually choose to go for a walk or read a book. We’re only given so much time in life and we get to choose how to spend that precious time. I don’t choose to play the piano. And that’s okay.
Reason #2: My kids might want to play the piano
The key word here is might. As every kid who ever took piano lessons would say, “But I don’t wanna practice!!” I have no guarantees that my kids will ever want to play the piano, and keeping it for that future possibility is like keeping a trapeze in my backyard in case one of them wants to become an acrobat. (Note: Given the suggestion that acrobatics is a future career possibility, I’m sure my kids would immediately commence high-pressure trapeze requests, so let’s keep this on the down-low.)
To combat this “What if…?” fear, I nudge budding musicians in my household toward trumpets, violins, and the like. All these instruments are portable yet still quench the musical thirst. And if my kids ever insist on playing the piano, I will count on good karma to bring another free piano into my path.
Speaking of good karma…
It was a fateful Tuesday afternoon. I took a deep breath, snapped a picture of the piano, and posted it for free on a local buy/sell/trade Facebook group. Within 10 minutes, one lucky lady had herself a new piano to love, and I began imagining more open space in my living room.
I remember the day the piano movers came to part us forever. I watched them carefully carry him down the front steps toward the truck. I felt my heart squeeze as they loaded him onto the lift, knowing that the moment he disappeared into that truck bed, I would never see him again.
I almost ran outside and breathlessly yelled, “Wait! I’ve changed my mind! Let’s stay together!”
But this wasn’t a romantic movie. It wasn’t raining. There was no orchestra playing an emotional soundtrack.
It was time for us to go our separate ways.
At first, I struggled with the urge to rebound. The space in my living room looked so bare! If you’ve ever gotten out of a long relationship, you know what I mean. I need something, anything, to fill this empty space! I considered cruising the scene at local piano bars or seeking lonely pianos online, (Pianomatch.com, anyone?)
But I stayed true to my minimalist ideals and allowed the space to just be. After a while, it didn’t seem so empty. Soon after that, I started to like it.
I was free.
Is there a stuff relationship in your life that is going nowhere? Are you holding on to things that no longer reflect how you choose to spend your time? Are you keeping things because you hope they will become useful in the future?
We all know this, but it bears repeating:
We do not live in the past or the future. We live now.
I urge you…
Let go of stuff relationships that are holding you back from enjoying the present moments of your life.
Take the plunge, make a clean break, and open up to the beautiful possibilities of open space.
***
Rose Lounsbury is a simplicity coach, author, speaker, and still-sane triplet mama who helps busy people live happier lives by owning less stuff. You can read more of her words on minimalism, simplicity, and intentional living at roselounsbury.com or get to know her on Instagram, Facebook, and LinkedIn.
Loved your article! And so cleverly written! My husband and I are getting older and we made the decision to have the “it’s not you it’s me” conversation with my 22 year old treadmill (can and did but not much any more) and our decade old Jacuzzi ( again, can and did, but not much anymore). I cannot even express the relief of two heavy burdens (literally and figuratively) being lifted off of our shoulders. Quality items with quality costs made me keep them longer than I should have. I kept thinking what happens if they breakdown. We didn’t want to sink even more money into them and either way we would have had too…. Pay to have them fixed or pay to have them removed. Sooo, one day we took the plunge, listed them on a FB group and just like that, someone who wanted them came and got them and moved them out of our life. We must remember that life is not static, we are not static. Are you the same person with the exact same interests you were when you were ten, twenty, thirty years younger? We definitely aren’t. It’s ok to let go, to adapt to who you are now. We also inherited some old family furniture. I asked around and there was some family members who wanted it. I figured they had the opportunity to speak up for it, if not then they had no right to make me feel guilty for letting it go. What a relief to reclaim our space and be able to bless someone else at the same time.
Dear Rose,
What a lovely and cheerful writing! I remember working on my four-handed pieces with other students in the music class. We had so much joy doing the practice because of the notes that we lost in the measures and that annoyed us. I have kept some good memory of this piece at the recital. Playing piano has become my whole world.
A music teacher.
I can’t play the piano or any other lovely musical instrument but after reading this if it were in my family and no one wanted it I would have kept it and asked someone to bury it with me all because of the story and history behind it (as if you couldn’t have all that in an 8 by 10 photo and a page or two of documentation.) You did the right thing but I know it hurt…it would have nearly killed me. But just think…because you could give it up someone else will be able to say ‘my grandfather paid x-amount of money for this and my grandmother played it at my mother’s wedding in her parlor and my little brother played “Happy Birthday” to me when I turned 10 by teaching himself how to play and he now is playing for money in an orchestra in New York and now I am so lucky to have it sitting here in my living room with all our family photos and candlesticks on it…it’s absolutely lovely, don’t you agree?” :)
Last year I gave my piano to a family whose son really wanted to learn to play, but couldn’t afford a piano. I purchased a quality keyboard that slides neatly under my bed when I’m not using it; when I want to play, I play. I no longer look at the piano and feel guilt because I should be playing instead of doing whatever else I was doing or because I haven’t played it in a week (it became an obligation). I no longer have to dust this hulk of a piece or trip over it…or spend money to tune it. When I want to make music, I do so with a smaller, easier to store instrument. I play that keyboard more than I’ve ever played the piano.
You should not have gotten rid of the piano! Period!
…ummmm… Did you even read what the author wrote???
what part of it :D
i love my piano
i’ve played it a lot more in the last 1.5 years than ever
it brings me such delight
I love my piano too. It takes up a lot of space but I play everyday.
I could have written this piece! I was just looking at our piano a couple days ago and thinking that maybe it is time to send it along to someone who would make good use of it. There isn’t any sentimental value to it because we bought it to replace the piano I’d had in my childhood that wasn’t in good shape anymore. I have kept it because, I too, can play it but never do. I am not sure I’m quite ready to let it go, but I think I’m going to set a deadline for myself to decide and if I haven’t started playing it again in that amount of time, it is going to find a new home.
I forwarded this to my sister who is currently hoarding the piano my mother bought for me in 1952. No one has played it in 30+ years! Perhaps this will give her permission to let go.
I forwarded this to my sister who is currently hoarding the piano my mother bought for me in 1952. No one has played it in 30+ years! Perhaps this will give her permission to let go. I donated my mom’s sewing machine with beautiful cabinet after several years of angst. She’s been gone 50 years but I still remember her lovingly running her hands over the machine. She was so proud of it and made my prom dresses and other things. It was very hard to let it go but I still have the memories.
I recently sold the keyboard I paid $500 to a 10-year old for $50. He bought it with his own money. His mom sent me a picture of him sitting down to play it. Made my heart sing. Nice article.
Thank you for the cute and entertaining article. I love Rose’s humorous writing style.
We are about to “Upsize” to a larger home in preparation for an elder family member to move in with us. I’m trying to find the balance of acquiring what we need to make the space functional, but also using the move as an opportunity to break up with items which will not be useful moving forward.
In the process of furnishing the new house I was gifted a couch that has been in my family for about 70 years. It is nice to know that for a while we can care for and use this item and I hope when we are ready to downsize again to have another family member adopt this ginormous couch from my great grandmother’s home.