Note: This is a guest post by Rose Lounsbury.
I’m not a relationship expert. I got lucky in love, married for nearly 17 years to my hometown sweetheart. But I do know something about certain kinds of relationships: the kinds we develop with stuff.
Some stuff is easy to part with. Freebies, for example. These are the one-night stands of stuff. That key chain from your insurance agent? You can probably toss that sucker in the trash with only a twinge of sweet regret. (It was a moment of madness when you plucked it from the dish in his office, after all.)
But other items give us pause. These are the kinds of items we’ve developed long relationships with. Items like… my piano.
I had my piano for years. My parents had it before me, and my grandparents before them. The story goes that my grandfather bought the piano for $50 from my mom’s college sorority house when they upgraded their piano in the 1960s. (Just imagine being the guy turned down by an entire houseful of sorority sisters, ouch!)
The piano was a nice guy, humble, no frills. But dang, was he big and heavy! I let him hang around my house for about a decade. I knew things weren’t working out for us, but I just couldn’t bring myself to have that awkward, “It’s not you, it’s me” conversation.
Why? Two big reasons:
Reason #1: I can play the piano
The key word here is can. As Yoda would say, Do or do not, there is no can. (That quote may not be exactly right, but I earned major points from my husband for attempting to quote Star Wars.)
Yes, I can play this piano. But do I? Not so much. When faced with a moment of free time, I usually choose to go for a walk or read a book. We’re only given so much time in life and we get to choose how to spend that precious time. I don’t choose to play the piano. And that’s okay.
Reason #2: My kids might want to play the piano
The key word here is might. As every kid who ever took piano lessons would say, “But I don’t wanna practice!!” I have no guarantees that my kids will ever want to play the piano, and keeping it for that future possibility is like keeping a trapeze in my backyard in case one of them wants to become an acrobat. (Note: Given the suggestion that acrobatics is a future career possibility, I’m sure my kids would immediately commence high-pressure trapeze requests, so let’s keep this on the down-low.)
To combat this “What if…?” fear, I nudge budding musicians in my household toward trumpets, violins, and the like. All these instruments are portable yet still quench the musical thirst. And if my kids ever insist on playing the piano, I will count on good karma to bring another free piano into my path.
Speaking of good karma…
It was a fateful Tuesday afternoon. I took a deep breath, snapped a picture of the piano, and posted it for free on a local buy/sell/trade Facebook group. Within 10 minutes, one lucky lady had herself a new piano to love, and I began imagining more open space in my living room.
I remember the day the piano movers came to part us forever. I watched them carefully carry him down the front steps toward the truck. I felt my heart squeeze as they loaded him onto the lift, knowing that the moment he disappeared into that truck bed, I would never see him again.
I almost ran outside and breathlessly yelled, “Wait! I’ve changed my mind! Let’s stay together!”
But this wasn’t a romantic movie. It wasn’t raining. There was no orchestra playing an emotional soundtrack.
It was time for us to go our separate ways.
At first, I struggled with the urge to rebound. The space in my living room looked so bare! If you’ve ever gotten out of a long relationship, you know what I mean. I need something, anything, to fill this empty space! I considered cruising the scene at local piano bars or seeking lonely pianos online, (Pianomatch.com, anyone?)
But I stayed true to my minimalist ideals and allowed the space to just be. After a while, it didn’t seem so empty. Soon after that, I started to like it.
I was free.
Is there a stuff relationship in your life that is going nowhere? Are you holding on to things that no longer reflect how you choose to spend your time? Are you keeping things because you hope they will become useful in the future?
We all know this, but it bears repeating:
We do not live in the past or the future. We live now.
I urge you…
Let go of stuff relationships that are holding you back from enjoying the present moments of your life.
Take the plunge, make a clean break, and open up to the beautiful possibilities of open space.
***
Rose Lounsbury is a simplicity coach, author, speaker, and still-sane triplet mama who helps busy people live happier lives by owning less stuff. You can read more of her words on minimalism, simplicity, and intentional living at roselounsbury.com or get to know her on Instagram, Facebook, and LinkedIn.
Nancy Wilson says
Thanks for sharing your story. Same thing happened to me. Except that a good friend in my neighborhood replied to my ad offering a free piano!
Now the piano sits in their living room and his wife is learning how to play!
Like you, I feel free!
Abby says
I loved this. Thank you
It brought back memories of trying close my mother’s house. There was a lovely wood baby changing table that she had probably been changed on before each of us kids were. Probably some of the grandkids were later but it was not allowed out of her house when it sure could have been useful to us. It was a very solid piece but just a little warped on the back as it had survived several floods in mom’s basement over the years.
We all loved it so much but each of us had reasons why we did not want to haul this to our house. Mine was that I would have to spend about $600 or more to ship it cross country and I had something similar already which was in much better shape but lacked family history.
The reality was that none of us really had the exact room or place for it to work perfectly in our existing life.
The now adult grandkids had no emotional attachment to it. What to do?
In addition to this, there was a lovely wood bookcase offered for free. Someone showed up for it. As he walked up, he thumped the top of said baby changing table and said: Nice piece.
Bells start ringing in my brother and my ears. We look at each other and realized we were thinking the same thought.
He was a teacher (a number of teachers in our family). He and his wife had just had another baby about a month ago.
Sirens are going off.
We convinced him to accept this piece too. It was a win win in our minds all the way around.
Mom, on the other hand, got mad at us.
We still think of it fondly as a piece we remember which now being used with a new family who needed it more than we did. And so the story of what is a piece of family history passed from our chapter to a new chapter.
Susan says
Without judgment on Rose’s post, here’s what I have to offer on the decline of the piano.
A few years ago I came into a lovely, elderly Bechstein 6’7″ grand for free! Selling my Yamaha studio upright enabled me to have the action repaired, and I practice almost every day. It is a joy! If you have a piano and can actually play, experiment with getting back to playing before you toss it. Music is an art worth finding time for in life, and is its own reward.
Phyllis says
Thank you so much for this post. When we down-sized to a smaller home in a 55+ community over a year ago, letting go of my piano was the toughest thing. I had bought it when my boys were little and taught both of them, as well as many other piano students, how to play. But I wasn’t really playing it much myself anymore for the same reasons you shared. And it just wouldn’t fit in our new, smaller home. The young man who bought it for $75 was thrilled to have it and sincerely thanked me when he came to pick it up with three of his friends. I was truly able to let go at that moment — no regrets!
Sally says
I get it….I just donated my big key board and sheet music. Like you in my free time I would rather walk, play with my dogs, or some other activity that got me away from my computer where I do my work. I stored it under my bed where it collected dust and then I had to dust it every now and then. I could barely play, so that made it easier.
Sally Robb says
I get it….I just donated my big key board and sheet music. Like you in my free time I would rather walk, play with my dogs, or some other activity that got me away from my computer where I do my work. I stored it under my bed where it collected dust and then I had to dust it every now and then. I could barely play, so that made it easier.
Tracey says
I really appreciate this post. I don’t have a “piano”, but I do have plenty of figurative “pianos” lying around. Thank you!
Karen Boyd says
I just went through this exact issue. I had my piano for 65 years and lovingly took care of it. My husband, son and I all played, but now it is just me and no one is using it and I am downsizing. Time to let go, it was hard but it went to a family with 4 young girls who were all excited to learn to play. I feel good about letting it go and a bit lighter, it was time.
Debbie Oyler says
I love your article. I too have several furniture pieces from my family. Plus my bedroom set from when I was a little girl. It consists of a full size 4 poster bed with a small dresser and corner desk that butts up against the dresser. The desk and dresser have been refinished professionally. The bed is in good shape. It is a colonial maple set. This has been in my life for 60 years plus. My husband and I have been married for 50 years. My daughter slept in it. She never wanted it. Then my other daughter slept in it and wanted things of her own when she moved out. I’ve grown verrrry attached to the set. I’ve been minimizing fir over a year. In that time we have finished our bedrooms with new wood floors. One day I moved my grandmothers chairs that have cane seats and set them on either side of the dresser. I realized something had to go. Now the desk I never loved but it was a part of the set. Even though it was very small and confining to sit at. Plus the legs were wobbly. No one could seem to make them like new again. Then it hit me. I needed to make a choice. The desk or the chairs. One of them had to go. I told my husband my thoughts of that I didn’t want to part with the chairs. The desk needed to go. In his fashion of dealing with it. He loaded it up and took it to Salvation Army’s donation site. I had a twinge of is this right? It was hard to be do ruthless. I didn’t accompany him to the donation center. The small room of 10×11 looks spacious and perfect with the chairs added on either side of the dresser. I had grown my decluttering muscles. I love the room now. It brings me so much joy to clean it and love the pieces that I’ve kept. I now don’t miss the desk. Even if it was a set. Funny thing people say is the room looks so much bigger now.
Eve says
I feel you pain. I broke up with my coffee table and end tables. We never used the coffee table and I replaced the end tables with pole lamps. Much more space. I missed the coffee table at first but if we drink anything in my house, we go to the kitchen. Then I broke up with the extra chest of drawers because we no longer needed all those drawers after we down sized, okay me, our clothing. It’s for the best. Love the extra walking space in the bedroom.
Just do it!
Sandra says
My parents passed away and when it came time to sell the house we divied up what was wanted of the furniture but none of us had the space for the piano. My problem is I’m sentimental about everything and thought about taking it.
It sat in the house until a few days before the new owner was to move in. Our realtor asked if he could have the piano—he’d always wanted to learn to play!!
Now I still need to part with a lot of the other sentimental items I brought home with me. Still so hard!