Note: This is a guest post by Rose Lounsbury.
I’m not a relationship expert. I got lucky in love, married for nearly 17 years to my hometown sweetheart. But I do know something about certain kinds of relationships: the kinds we develop with stuff.
Some stuff is easy to part with. Freebies, for example. These are the one-night stands of stuff. That key chain from your insurance agent? You can probably toss that sucker in the trash with only a twinge of sweet regret. (It was a moment of madness when you plucked it from the dish in his office, after all.)
But other items give us pause. These are the kinds of items we’ve developed long relationships with. Items like… my piano.
I had my piano for years. My parents had it before me, and my grandparents before them. The story goes that my grandfather bought the piano for $50 from my mom’s college sorority house when they upgraded their piano in the 1960s. (Just imagine being the guy turned down by an entire houseful of sorority sisters, ouch!)
The piano was a nice guy, humble, no frills. But dang, was he big and heavy! I let him hang around my house for about a decade. I knew things weren’t working out for us, but I just couldn’t bring myself to have that awkward, “It’s not you, it’s me” conversation.
Why? Two big reasons:
Reason #1: I can play the piano
The key word here is can. As Yoda would say, Do or do not, there is no can. (That quote may not be exactly right, but I earned major points from my husband for attempting to quote Star Wars.)
Yes, I can play this piano. But do I? Not so much. When faced with a moment of free time, I usually choose to go for a walk or read a book. We’re only given so much time in life and we get to choose how to spend that precious time. I don’t choose to play the piano. And that’s okay.
Reason #2: My kids might want to play the piano
The key word here is might. As every kid who ever took piano lessons would say, “But I don’t wanna practice!!” I have no guarantees that my kids will ever want to play the piano, and keeping it for that future possibility is like keeping a trapeze in my backyard in case one of them wants to become an acrobat. (Note: Given the suggestion that acrobatics is a future career possibility, I’m sure my kids would immediately commence high-pressure trapeze requests, so let’s keep this on the down-low.)
To combat this “What if…?” fear, I nudge budding musicians in my household toward trumpets, violins, and the like. All these instruments are portable yet still quench the musical thirst. And if my kids ever insist on playing the piano, I will count on good karma to bring another free piano into my path.
Speaking of good karma…
It was a fateful Tuesday afternoon. I took a deep breath, snapped a picture of the piano, and posted it for free on a local buy/sell/trade Facebook group. Within 10 minutes, one lucky lady had herself a new piano to love, and I began imagining more open space in my living room.
I remember the day the piano movers came to part us forever. I watched them carefully carry him down the front steps toward the truck. I felt my heart squeeze as they loaded him onto the lift, knowing that the moment he disappeared into that truck bed, I would never see him again.
I almost ran outside and breathlessly yelled, “Wait! I’ve changed my mind! Let’s stay together!”
But this wasn’t a romantic movie. It wasn’t raining. There was no orchestra playing an emotional soundtrack.
It was time for us to go our separate ways.
At first, I struggled with the urge to rebound. The space in my living room looked so bare! If you’ve ever gotten out of a long relationship, you know what I mean. I need something, anything, to fill this empty space! I considered cruising the scene at local piano bars or seeking lonely pianos online, (Pianomatch.com, anyone?)
But I stayed true to my minimalist ideals and allowed the space to just be. After a while, it didn’t seem so empty. Soon after that, I started to like it.
I was free.
Is there a stuff relationship in your life that is going nowhere? Are you holding on to things that no longer reflect how you choose to spend your time? Are you keeping things because you hope they will become useful in the future?
We all know this, but it bears repeating:
We do not live in the past or the future. We live now.
I urge you…
Let go of stuff relationships that are holding you back from enjoying the present moments of your life.
Take the plunge, make a clean break, and open up to the beautiful possibilities of open space.
***
Rose Lounsbury is a simplicity coach, author, speaker, and still-sane triplet mama who helps busy people live happier lives by owning less stuff. You can read more of her words on minimalism, simplicity, and intentional living at roselounsbury.com or get to know her on Instagram, Facebook, and LinkedIn.
Sue says
So well said and will resonate in my head.
Maria Pinto says
This is a great post, and I just did the same with an older (probably from the 70’s) , & still usable Kenmore Sewing Machine (when they were made of metal) .
I have only used it a few times in my life, & it has been moved around so much & stored (out of sight out of mind), and I told myself finally that since I don’t have the slightest desire to sew by machine anymore, than just donate it. Away it goes & hopefully it will be a treasure for someone else.
Looking at Simplicity & Minimalism with a more positive attitude really helps & can literally be infectious like laughter.
Jessalynn Jones says
I loved this article Rose! Your writing style is easy-going and engaging!
I recently broke up with my books. I have one series of books I absolutely love and I am on my third time reading them right now. I had all of them (19) in paperback filling up a drawer but the last two times I read them I got them from the library so I could use my e-reader instead. I felt like a traitor getting rid of them but to make it all better I decided to take them to my best friend’s favorite used book store! She still loves paper books still so I donated them to the book store leaving all the credits to her! It felt so great to leave her all those credits!
I think what I learned is, that something we aren’t enjoying, may bring a lot of joy to others! Don’t be greedy. Pass on the joy!
Kathy Davis says
I just found a new home for my piano!! My hands can’t play as well anymore- and I simply prefer to doing my art than playing the piano badly!! I found it quite releasing.
Margo says
I almost sold our baby grand piano a couple years ago. So glad that I didn’t! My adult son no longer played it so I decided to learn. I’m still playing and it gives me great joy. I guess what I’m saying is to be very careful about making the decision to sell or donate a piano. They cost a lot to purchase over again, and to move.
Consider where you might be in 5 years, not just the here and now. It’s not unwise to hold onto it if you have a young child. Kids start early. Just consider everything carefully. Getting a few more square feet of space now may or may not be what’s important in your life.
JL says
This post made me smile. My daughter-in-law just started her first post-college job as a high school band director. She was absolutely thrilled when someone gave her a piano and I’m sure it’s getting much use. I hope the piano you gave away is also giving joy to a music lover.
Lauren says
That bare feeling is what I feel every January when I put away my Christmas decorations. You see, I love the last three months of the year. October and November I have out my autumn decorations, mostly lots of faux pumpkins along with some real ones. I love the shape them, the materials and the colors: gold, white, green, silver and more. I do have a few other things but mostly pumpkins.
The day after Thanksgiving I tenderly put them all away again. The day after that I bring out my Christmas things which stay up until around early- to mid-January. I love the look and the lights and the immense joy they share. I never tire of them but I do look forward to having my home back to its normal clean state. There is, however, that unsettling feeling that it is all so naked once the holiday decorations are put away. I tend to regret it, not just the missing decorations but the seasons themselves. I love winter and fall, am “meh” about spring and loathe summer. So it’s more than the decorations–but I miss those A LOT. Still, do it because I know that I am saying goodbye and Welcome! to my usual and beloved minimalist-style home.
Ginger says
This is me! I have a baby grand piano I got my HS senior year and I was going to be a music major. I have room now, but won’t, likely when we move. Do I play it? Only to find notes practicing singing and not very often. I will get rid of it before we move and get a small keyboard later if needed.
Julie M Williams says
My hubs has a 1923 Ford that he bought in 1988 with his Dad. Dad passed 3 years later. Hubs showed the car for 10 years. The car has now sat in the garage uncovered, filthy, unloved and never moved for 20 years. The previous owner called him out of the blue and wants to buy it back. I say sell it but of course hubs is now showing greater interest in the car. The sell of the car could pay off our mortgage and credit card debt among other things. But he is stalling selling it. How do I teach him the art of letting go? I know I cant make the decision for him.
Colleen says
I really appreciated this article! We recently moved and our new house isn’t suitable for a piano. Giving up my piano included many of the same emotions and thoughts you mentioned here. It helps me that the friend we gave the piano to texts me regularly to say how much her daughters are enjoying it!