Note: This is a guest post from Cheryl Smith of Biblical Minimalism.
I was raised in a household with an income that fell below the poverty line. Dad’s upbringing was in a home with an even lower income. He only achieved an 8th-grade education, and because of that, he had to be one of the hardest workers I have ever known. Mom was a dedicated stay-at-home wife and mother.
We had only one vehicle, so Mom and I usually drove Dad to and from work. One of the images engraved most indelibly in my mind is Dad walking toward our car, his clothes soaked with sweat from an honest-to-goodness hard day’s work. On payday, his wages seemed so meager and unequal to the amount of himself he poured into earning them.
Seeing Mom and Dad constantly worry about making ends meet no matter how hard Dad tried to provide for us lit a fire of dogged determination inside of me. I made up my mind that when I grew up, I would do anything I had to do to rise above such intense struggle to survive, even if that meant living above my means and financing everything I owned. That strong-willed sense of resolve to avoid “poverty” was alive and well when I met the man of my dreams, fell in love, and got married at the age of 21.
For the first several years of our marriage, my husband and I successfully accumulated the stuff that makes up the American dream. We both worked hard to meet the demands and expectations of what that “dream” should look like—home ownership, two jobs, two cars, lots of physical possessions, and a lavish amount of available credit to make it all come true. All along, it seemed so important to me to have the things I thought my parents “lacked.”
Then, while we weren’t looking, those long days turned into short years, and life had progressed to middle age. Dad, who had always been strong and stout and the hardest worker I ever knew, passed away long before his time. I watched as the ensuing sadness of widowhood consumed Mom’s heart and life. And then, after nearly twelve years of profound loneliness and health issues, she, too, passed away.
Standing beside both of my parents’ bedsides as their beyond-valuable, earthly lives came to an end, knowing they would no longer be part of my everyday life and feeling that sense of finality forced me to face my own mortality and was the most sobering thing I have ever experienced.
Suddenly, the fact that my parents lived their entire lives being “poor” didn’t seem so important. It didn’t seem so sad that they owned very little because they were not able to take one single thing with them from earth to Heaven anyway. They left this world just like they entered it. They brought nothing into it, and they carried nothing out. As their final breaths were breathed and their last feeble good-byes were spoken, the fact that they were poor was the farthest thing from our minds and meant nothing.
What did matter and what firmly remained was the strong foundation of faith they had so thoughtfully laid and upon which they had taught me to build, the value of hard work they had instilled in me, and the deep bond of love that even death will never be able to sever.
After Mom died, it took us only one day to go through her tiny apartment and pack up her, and what was left of Dad’s, belongings. There was no cause for beneficiary rivalry or squabbling over their possessions because living a life of necessitated minimalism removed that prospect. At that point, the fact that Mom and Dad were poor brought a great sense of relief.
Not long after Mom passed away, my little family and I felt an impassioned call toward a simple, minimal life. We sold what we had to pay what we owed, and with reckless abandon, gratefully released the “American dream” and all it demanded of us. We are now three years into this amazing adventure, 100% debt-free and have never been happier or more at peace.
The nuggets of wisdom I gleaned from being raised in a low-income family are countless, and I wouldn’t trade those life lessons for anything.
Here are ten of them.
1. People are worth immeasurably more than things.
2. Teaching your children how to live is much more important than anything money can buy.
3. It’s amazing how little it takes to survive if you learn to “make do” and improvise.
4. You don’t have to own something to love and enjoy it.
5. Experiences with the ones you love create the most precious memories, and most of the time cost nothing. Memories are lightweight, take up zero space, cannot be stolen, do not have to be maintained, and never cause worry. To invest in them is infinitely wiser than accumulating stuff.
6. It is smart to rent a home if “ownership” requires going into debt and living above your means.
7. Holding a clear title to one car is wiser than incurring debt to have two.
8. Grieving loved ones should not be laden with the added burden of dealing with excess, left-behind possessions.
9. Working hard never hurt anyone. In fact, there are few things more gratifying than the completion of a hard day’s work.
10. When you die, you take nothing from earth with you, and the main thing you should leave behind is the legacy of a life well-loved.
The other day, it occurred to me that we are, by choice, living a life that looks very similar to the life my parents lived, by necessity. It seems that I have come full circle in my way of thinking, and those childhood lessons were not lost after all. I finally fully appreciate their wisdom for what it’s truly worth.
***
Cheryl Smith blogs at Biblical Minimalism. Her family sold their home, released 90% of their physical possessions, got out of debt, and now share their story and their Christian faith on their blog. Her book, Biblical Minimalism, is now available. In it, she approaches minimalism from a Biblical perspective.
The first 4 years my husband and I were married, he was in the Navy. We could and did move all our possessions in our car. Iron skillet under my carseat. Dishes, silverware, two cheap sauce pans, and clothes and a 12 inch black and white TV in back seat and trunk. Surfboard strapped to top of car. We rented furnished apartments and they were very happy years. We had nothing extra including money but we had a great church and I had a job. He was stationed in Florida but deployed to Vietnam. Back then there were no cell phones, no direct deposit to checking accounts, no credit cards. I never went hungry. Going to the beach was free entertainment. This was before children but even after we started our family we only had basic baby equipment like a crib, highchair, pumpkin seat (there were no baby car seats back then) and a diaper pail for the cloth diapers, very few baby clothes. Those were the good ole days!
Our lives were the same, such sweet memories. We were in San Diego 6 years & New London 3 when he went to subs then shore duty. Poor as Church mice with one memory that I chuckle about to this day…friends came to play cards (cheap entertainment!) & the girl opened our last canned good of green beans! She ate them cold out of the can! There were definitely some hungry days but kiddos were well fed! Cloth diapers! I was horrified at the thought of disposable diapers but grateful for gift of 6 months diaper service when 2nd baby arrived in ‘63. Vietnam years were tough on young parents, Westpac cruises were every 6-8 months and lasted up to 13 months for us. Still, our best years and now as a great-grandma more stories to share. ❤️ My best to you, kindred spirit.
Agree with all except rent. When you rent you are paying someone else’s mortgage and building nothing for your family. Your rent can be increased by hundreds of dollars and it becomes a no win game of constantly moving to fit your housing budget.1
Honestly, speaking as an atheist, this way of thinking works for me too. I don’t believe in an afterlife or reincarnation so this is my one chance to be and experience life and love.
It also reminds me of an essay I had to write years ago in school about things I collect. The examples of things to write about were baseball cards, recipes, figurines, etc. I wrote about memories and lost points because I didn’t follow the assignment instructions.
Thanks for your comment. I totally agree, I am an atheist my life is filled with few possessions but the love of elderly rescue animals. My heart is full.
I grew up a missionary kid in a poor country (involved in war). We were very happy in a very simple way of living.
What a powerful writing…thank you Joshua, for sharing this.
Thank you Cheryl for this beautiful reminder. We all know it – but still media & society might distract me from time to time. This time it’s the opposite of distraction. :) Thank you fro sharing your story & learnings <3
I lost my dad at 9yo, my mom with an 8th grade education cleaned houses (scrubbed toilets, as she always put it) to keep us alive and together. I fully appreciate that friendship and love are of a much higher power than could ever-be ‘stuff’. Take care of what you have and who you have in your life, the minimal life will explode to a largesse you never imagined.
great post and Read thoroughly .I also write in my website forex personal finance geniussuperman.com
My 91 year old mother-in-law just sent me this blog entry. You are a wise man. We have a dilemma we’d like you to consider. Our home is an average 3 bedroom house but on a daily basis we only live in 1/3rd of it. We need every bit of space when the kids and grandkids visit, however. How does this fit in with your thinking?
it might be cheaper to put them up in a hotel / motel/ airbnb / other option, and live in a smaller home.
option two: can you use the space to add to your income when your relatives are not visiting? (airbnb, for example)
cheers
Paul
If your home is paid off, I’d minimalism the “stuff” in it and close off what you don’t use, ac/heat vents, unplug all unused electrical things, etc.
Nice article that keeps one grounded.
Thank you so much for reading and for your kind comment! God bless you.
This is an awesome read. Thank you so much for sharing! We are early on in our minimalism journey but it is exciting to see what the finish line looks like.
That is so wonderful and encouraging to hear! It has been an amazingly rewarding and liberating journey for us, and we have zero regrets over letting go. I hope every step of your journey is filled with peace and confirmation that you are doing the right thing. God bless you always!
This is so enlightening especially to people like me who is an empty nester. I will make sure that my children will not encounter problems of decluttering, purging donating and recycling over stuffed house. My legacy will be such that we have not lived in excess, clutter and materialism. But that we lived and focused on more important matters which they will eventually make full use of and reminisce with love.
Thank you for your kind words, Amy! It is so thoughtful of you to look ahead and think of what your children will go through after you are gone. Minimizing is certainly for their benefit, too, and letting go of excess is a selfless gift that they will appreciate. God bless you!
That was a great story and I am happy you have found your way.
Thank you so much for reading and for your kind words, Heather! God bless you.
I do think leaving a lot of personal possessions behind would be burdening your family. I do not think that is true for leaving them money. My parents modeled good money habits like faithfully tithing and avoiding debt. They got rid of most of their stuff when they had to move into a nursing home. But they left my brother and I each a million dollars when they passed and that felt like a blessing, not a burden. It wasn’t enough money to change my life in any way, I already had more than that. But it was a tangible result of my parents’ hard work and wise stewardship of what God had entrusted to them.
Such wonderful, Godly parents you had, Steveark! I am so thankful you shared your story and grateful God has given you such a spiritual legacy to follow and cherish. May He continue to bless you always!
I also grew up in such a household. My parents were poor but extremely religious. We had five kids in Catholic school and I remember being disappointed that dad didn’t make more money. However, now at 70 and a minimalist, I am so happy and was glad not to have had too much to go through when they passed away. I also have more respect for the life we lived. I would never want anything more. For my children, I remain a very content minimalist.
Absolutely lovely story! I’m in the middle of a cross country move to be closer to family again. Your wisdom shared in your story will make a difference in how I approach the rest of my move. Thank you from the bottom of my heart!
With gratitude,
Michelle ??❤️????
Thank you ever so much for your kind words, Michelle! They warmed my heart, and I am so grateful the telling of my story is helping you in the decisions regarding your move. So thankful you will get to be close to your family again! May God bless and prosper your efforts, bring you safely to your destination, and grant you many happy years with the ones you love!
Your parents sound like such wonderful people, Toni! It is amazing how we see things in a different light as we get older, and the difficult parts of our growing up years instill wisdom in us that we don’t sometimes recognize or fully appreciate until years down the road. Your children are so blessed to now see you living out that wisdom and passing it on to them. God bless you!
I read this as I was packing up for the day to go home to my wife and son. Worth the wait to read this. Thank you for sharing.
I am so glad you enjoyed the article, Oli, and I trust you had a safe trip home to be with your wife and son. May God bless all three of you and keep you always in His care!
Wonderful story! Thank you for sharing
Thank you so much for your kind words, Brooke! God bless you always.
Great story, brought tears to my eyes. Everything you said is so true and thoughtfully worded.
Leslie, I am so grateful for your kind words and thankful you enjoyed this post. May God bless you!
Very good read, resonated with my upbringing, however only difference was my father whose thoughts and principles are above any living being I have known personally, despite being a surgeon, decided to impose self poverty ever since he graduated from med school. He opted for Gandhian principle of earning only what he needs to live month to month and rest of his work is done to help others and he will only be a trustee of his time on this earth. So he never owned anything willingly1 Along with that he kept his needs to the minimum all his life. At a very young age of 30 he set up this amazing non profit hospital from scratch, starting from a few rooms of rented premises that now has grown to two ful fledged hospital campuses and serve poorest of the poor with any general and urologic surgeries they need with highest care and compassion and lowest out of pocket expense to the patients. Though he has served his non profit from being a director to the serving physician all his life his salary is probably only double than any lowest paid job in both the non profit hospital he serves.
At the age of 65, He still lives with 5 pairs of clothes, still gets his clothes repaired when torn instead of buying new and works more than full time in the hospital along with fighting for all kinds of social and political causes affecting the poor.
To me his donation of his life, work and time is something even most well intentioned money donations can not produce.
Above all he laughs like a child, sleeps like a child, trusts and believes in every human being like a child! I have never heard him say ‘i am tired’ all his life till now despite working 14-18 hrs a day and still not having a set schedule of meals and sleeping. He does not believe in medication to relieve routine aches and pains. He eats the most simple foods, never shows any likes or dislikes to specific foods, has never needed any form of entertainment or vacations. His legacy will be unparalleled for everyone that has been fortunate to ever know him!
I absolutely love this story Sunita, and after studying great people who have gone before me, (Mother Teresa, Amy Carmichael and such) I try to live this way too. Where did your father start the hospitals? Can you tell me any more about this? I am attempting to leave a legacy that is not a burden, and work very hard myself in my own little calling. Thank you for sharing!
Mary
I, too, love to study those heroes of the faith, Mary. Their dedicated, selfless lives are so inspiring, and it is so wonderful that you are following in their footsteps. One day, others will look back on your life and example and be inspired to live better lives. God bless you!
Your dad’s story is so inspirational, and just what I needed to hear today as I consider the direction of my own life. Thank you for sharing it.
I trust you will find every answer you seek, Anne. God bless you!
Wow, Sunita! What a wonderful, giving, kind father you have been blessed with! I am so thankful you shared his/your story with us here. It was so inspiring and motivating. Your Dad has truly laid down his life for others, and there is no greater love. May God bless him for all he has done, and may He bless you, too!
Sunita Wow!!
I live in New Zealand and this morning, reading your words about your father, his work ethics and kindness, bought tears streaming down my face. A REMARKABLE man indeed!
Thank you for sharing your story..it will remain in my heart for sometime I’m sure.
All you take from this world is your essence, and inseparable friend or family bond. I believe anything owned – however meager – is better than anything rented.
Thank you for sharing your perspective and thoughts, Valerie! God bless you!
This was such a great, beautifully written article, and, for me, served as a refresher course in realigning my priorities. It’s so easy to fall back into old habits of gathering “stuff” for momentary satisfaction but the “stuff” ultimately has the effect of causing anxiety and a feeling of being overwhelmed. Thank you for the reminder!
You are so right, Daisy. It is so easy to fall back into accummulating more stuff and to forget how much anxiety it all causes. Thank you so much for reading and for your kind words and encouragement. God bless you!
Beautiful article
Thank you so much, Mary Joy! God bless you.
Oh, what a great read that brought tears to my eyes! I, too, grew up poor, and many of the points covered in this article resonated with me. Thank you for sharing!
Oh, thank you so much, C.J.! I am so thankful you could relate to my story and so appreciate your kind words. God bless you!
Cheryl, I loved everything about this article! ❤️
Thanks for posting Joshua! ?
Thank you so much, Joy! I am so grateful for your kind words. God bless you!
This was such a beautiful article and I saw my family situation so similar to yours. Thank you for sharing!!!
Thank you so much for reading and commenting, Cathy! It is wonderful to know that you could relate to my story, and I am so grateful for your kind words. God bless you!