I write these words for everyone in the world except for one person. This post is for the 7.52 billion people who are not the richest person in the world. In other words, Elon Musk, if you are reading, this is not for you.
To everyone else, I have some news:
Someone in the world has more than you, get used to it.
I once read a fascinating statistic about millionaires who lost their wealth. A survey was conducted of people who once had a net worth of $2 million, but now are worth less than $1 million. When asked how they lost half their fortune, 40% responded, “We started hanging out with people worth $10 million, and we lost our money trying to match their spending.”
The study, which I read years and years ago, has always stuck with me. It reveals an important truth:
There is always going to be someone in the world with more than you and trying to keep up with them is a losing battle. Because there will always be someone else ahead of you in the game.
- There is a co-worker in your office who has more than you.
- There is a neighbor down the street who has more than you.
- Someone at your church or community group has more than you.
- There is a family at your kid’s school who has more than you.
- And we all know there is someone on television right now who has more than you.
That is always going to be the case (except for you Elon).
Now, it seems to me there are only a couple of responses we can have to this reality:
1. We get jealous and envious and bitter that someone has more.
2. We accept it and decide to find happiness with what we have.
The clear choice for a joyful and happy life is #2.
But too often, we choose #1.
As a result, we spend much our time comparing our things to other people. We compare the size of our house, the year of our automobile, the brand of our clothing, our last vacation destination, the age of our retirement, or our paycheck with the person next to us.
Unfortunately, there is no joy to be found in these comparisons. Ever. Because there is always going to be someone with more.
There is no contentment to be found in comparing our stuff with other people. You may think that once you own a fancy house or nice car like so-and-so, you’ll be happy. But that’s simply not the case because there is always going to be someone else to compare yourself to… always a bigger house, a more prestigious neighborhood, or a fancier model car to own.
There is no end to the comparison game. There is always, always going to be someone in the world with more.
I fear making sweeping generalizations, but I am going to for the sake of argument.
If you are reading these words, your needs are met. You have clothes and food and shelter.
You may not have the most expensive clothes in the world, you may not eat at the fanciest restaurants, and you may not live in the biggest house on your block. But your needs are being met.
In fact, I may take this moment to declare another truth. Not only is there someone in this world with more than you, there is someone in this world with less than you.
There is someone in this world with less than you who is perfectly content and happy because they have chosen to be happy right where they are, rather than comparing their lives to someone with more.
There is someone in the world with more than you. But you have many reasons to be grateful. And you have everything you need to find happiness. So stop comparing.
Ann says
Thank you Joshua for sharing your thoughts and perspective with us.
It’s always a good reminder to be thankful for all we have; faith, family and friends. Those are our “true” treasures in life.
Meryam says
Hi, I chose minimalism, simple and healthy life style for me and my kids. I am perfectly happy with what we have and what we do. Now our wealthy family members are jealous of how we live. They are impressed by our energy and our equilibrium.
Gwinny says
I will admit I am struggling with this right now. We live in one of the most expensive areas in the world at the moment due to our jobs, where your personal worth is judged on what you own, what you wear, what you drive, and the neighborhood you live in. It is difficult to swim against the constant tide of competitiveness, and everyone we know seems to have tons of money or rich families that can help them. We are constantly reminding ourselves and our kids this stuff isn’t worth it, and what true success means.
I am not so bothered by the stuff people have, as I have never been much into brands, cars, etc. But what does bother me is our current housing situation. We feel like failures because we rent a dilapidated house that is poorly maintained by the landlord, and rarely have people over because of the mold and disgusting carpet. Our friends all have very nice homes, and one family just bought a second vacation home. I so badly want to own a home of my own again, but it will never happen here. I am instantly jealous when someone remodels or buys a nice new place somewhere. Maybe because having decent shelter is a basic need, but it’s a daily battle to keep my envy for a nice house under control.
Erin says
Gwinny, I never write in to comment, but I really feel for you. Having lived in the Bay Area for a while, my advice is to get out as soon as you can. No career is worth the living conditions you are describing. It is more than possible to have a good career outside of cost prohibitive cities and sometimes you can do it on one income. My in-laws still live in the Bay Area, and even though they are relatively young and make bettter than good incomes, I can tell you that they will never retire because they will never be able to buy a house or invest due to the amount of money they pay in rent. Unless you are both in your dream jobs, no job is worth your health, which is what is at stake living in a moldy house. There is a weird self-fulfilling mentality, particularly in these coastal cost prohibitive cities, that you couldn’t possibly advance your career elsewhere. Or that nowhere else could possibly as vibrant, alive, naturally beautiful…blah blah. I’ve heard it all before, and I haven’t found it to be true. I often remind myself that our lives are not a dress rehearsal. We only get one shot that we know of, and we owe it to ourselves and those we love to really understand what is important and what actually makes us happy.
Rhonda says
I have a friend who lives in Toronto. He and his partner purchased a house there 23 years ago and have 2 years left. He has ALWAYS wanted out but his partner doesn’t. He wanted to move to a small town 15 years ago but didn’t know what to do about work and I told him that you end up becoming part of the local economy and you mould yourself in. I moved from Ottawa to a small town and I’m happy and employed and my expenses are very small and my housing is cheap since we bought a MUCH smaller home at a much smaller price. People have to let go of their fear. Small towns want to stay alive and relevant but just need people to choose them instead of the money a big city offers. They offer that because their standard of living is high and even now, they can’t keep up and the raises are few and far between because the higher the salaries go, the higher the standard of living goes. My husband works from home. Our son starts college next month so our dream of heading out to an even SMALLER town is getting closer. Right now, we have to stay so he can get to school. We live a 20 min drive from our town.
Daniela says
I’m terribly sorry too. I would recommend looking into the tenant landlord laws in your area -your landlord cannot have a place as you are describing. Mold too is very dangerous for your health and you need to have this addressed. My thoughts are with you…
Sakura says
“I cried because I had no shoes until I met a man who had no feet.”
– Helen Keller
I’ve been thinking maybe comparison is a good tool, but we use it wrong. Comparison can also be used as a tool for gratitude if you shift the focus off who has more. ?️
Judy says
Hellen Keller was quoting someone else—- that is actually ancient Chinese.
Ania says
Thank you very much for this post!
Joanne says
I challenge those to keep up with my simple and minimal lifestyle! I have actually gotten friends to start minimizing their stuff. I love to also challenge myself to see how simply I can live!
Gloria Mcmillian says
You can always live so simply as to have much of nothing. I learned years ago, dishes were not needed. Empty containers that once held food purchased are about as much as needed. A few pans for cooking and two or three towels. A sleeping bag instead of a bed or blankets. Enough clothes for a week or even less. In other words living with enough to carry on your back may be your answer if trying to see how little you can live with.
Tina says
I enjoy seeing less stuff around me. My ancestors lived with very little. I can make tea in a pot. I can eat noodles or rice with vegetables or an egg. And life will be OK.
Jerry says
LOVE this!
Thanks for the reminder. I try to keep a similar mindset to this, but sometimes we all need a reminder. Thank you.
Jasmine T. says
Someone has more than me?
More free time? :(
More healthy? :( :(
More meaningful friendships / relationships? :( :( :(
Yeah ………………….
Oh, you mean material things? Who cares about that kind of stuff anyway?
Valerie Rogers says
Gratitude. Why is it so difficult. Perhaps we’ve grown up with such abundance that there is always more to aspire to? Jealousy, a deadly sin. I recall walking a neighbourhood once, marveling at big homes (BIG for me), loaded garages (vehicles parked outside because of junk), patio furniture plethora, boats , 4-wheelers, campers, plastic toys strewn everywhere. .. I said to myself thank God for that which I do not own!
Ann Thompson says
Knowing that there are many who have less than me helps me to pass along items that I no longer use. Those items that are gathering dust or hanging unused in my closet could be useful in someone else’s life. It’s a great motivator to Declutter! Thank you Joshua.