Note: This is a guest post from Denaye Barahona of Simple Families.
I wrapped up a work trip to Los Angeles and found myself wandering the Santa Monica Pier. As I soaked up the warmth of the day, I found myself missing my kids. The ocean, the sun, the sand… I wanted to share it all with them.
I wanted to bottle it all up and take it home with me.
But alas, the TSA wasn’t going to endorse a jug of salt water and sand in my carry on. Eventually, I found myself standing squarely in front of a kiosk of inexpensive toys. My eye quickly went to a plastic, battery-powered, light-up unicorn headband.
The only thing lighting up brighter than that unicorn horn would be my three-year-old daughter when I put it on her head. She would love that toy.
The joy it would bring to her life would be immeasurable—for at least 18 seconds until she lost interest or it broke. Even though it would have been an extra special treat to surprise her with when I got home, it was a hard pass for me.
Where does it go?
After that 18-second-window-of-elation, the unicorn will live on. For her early life, she may live on crammed in the bottom of a toy box, then she may meet her demise accidentally dropped in a parking lot never to be seen again. But don’t be fooled, the mythical creature is nearly immortal.
Once it leaves your home it is not gone.
This unicorn will live out a long life at the local landfill with her fellow trinkets (i.e. The Birthday Party Favor Bag and the Dentist Office Treasure Chest). Those plastic trinkets will take more than 500 years to degrade.
Toys are notoriously hard to recycle. That means nearly every plastic toy ever manufactured now lives in a landfill somewhere. Take a moment to visualize that.
Who’s the boss?
Children cannot be expected to self-regulate the accumulation of stuff. Sure, we can (and should) teach them about the lifespan of a product and where it will go after it leaves our home. We can practice thoughtful decision-making practices when it comes to purchasing goods.
But just like us, they are a work in progress and will struggle to resist the urge to keep.it.all.
Ultimately, as the adults with the fully-developed brains and credit cards, we have to be the ones steering the ship. We need to set boundaries around the stuff we bring into our homes. Children learn through modeling. We must learn how to say no so that our children can see us and learn better ways themselves.
Why does this happen?
I admit it: I get an internal feeling of excitement when the UPS truck pulls into my driveway unexpectedly. “Oh, what could it be?”, I find myself excitedly wondering as I tear into the box like a wild banshee only to find the gummy vitamins I have on bi-monthly auto-shipment.
“New stuff” can act as horse blinders. Our children become laser-focused on the acquisition of new trinkets and unable to see what falls on the periphery: the real gifts. The relationships in our lives are the real gifts.
Our kids cannot see past the stuff. And yes, adults struggle with this too.
What lights them up?
The strong surge of dopamine associated with new stuff and wrapped gifts will nearly always trump the gentler oxytocin spikes enveloped in a long embrace from Grandma. The Laughter. The Cuddling. The Eye Contact. The Human Touch. If we want our children to focus on the real gifts, we must take off the horse blinders.
Occasional, thoughtful gifts are one thing, but we have to cut back on the constant onslaught of junk.
When I returned home from this trip, my daughter was running to me for a hug and kiss because she loves me and looked forward to my return. I am the gift. Our relationship is the gift. The minute I start stuffing my suitcase full of trinkets is the minute she starts running to my suitcase instead of my arms.
Call me selfish, but I’m not willing to share my affection with a plastic unicorn headband.
If we want children to value relationships over stuff, we have to be intentional about the way we bring it into their lives. The way we buy will teach. I beg you, for the good of your children and this planet, please stop buying plastic crap.
***
Denaye’s new book Simple Happy Parenting is now available. She is the voice behind Simple Families, a podcast, blog and community for parents. She has a Ph.D. in Child Development and has spent her career supporting families to more harmonious lives with young children.
Lollipops says
I agree I do a clean up club for a school and encourage you to do it as well
Chris says
All very worthy but don’t you jump on a plane to go home to your daughter? It seems everyone on this feed is congratulating themselves on their godly plastic awareness but flying everywhere…just saying.
NK Murphy says
I got the idea this was a business trip as many of us can’t avoid, especially when working for government or military, so the “ just fly home” comment may not be practical. I think it comes down to kids , including my own, got too much stuff. We got little gifts on birthdays and major holidays, not for being gold, report card etc. agree occasionally like small trips, play time, etc are better than junk
Joan Hahr says
Flying becomes a necessary evil when working for companies that require a lot of travel. There’s not too much one can do about that when trying to pay the bills and “sustain” the burden of health insurance.
Millie says
Great point , but we all have to start somewhere .
Kirsty Maier says
I love this. I want everyone to read and think about what you have written. Will kids ultimately prefer 18 seconds of joy or a beautiful, clean, safe world to live in as they grow? They will thank us later!
Ellen Espedal says
Agree!! There are mountains of plastic flooding the world. The shops are full of plastic stuff, and food wrapped in it. Our oceans are infested, and it is killing our animals. Let our kids be saved from anymore plastic than that of what we need to expect and accept.
Sarah says
Yes absolutely. Thank you for you post!
Simone Ribeiro says
This is a really informative post. I don`t have kids. But I bought a lot of toys to my nieces and I just realised now how bad those plastic toys are for environment. Most of then are made of non-recyclable material and it is not right. :(
Judy says
4ocean is a website you can visit. It shows the tons of garbage that end up in our oceans. Also the website offers bracelets you can purchase that are made from the recycled trash. I bought one for a gift… and also to support their great work.
Many volunteers starting off the coast of Florida help to pick up trash off beaches and out of oceans.
Also— when I walk my dog, I bring an extra bag and pick up trash I find along my walk… such as a water bottle that someone rudely pitched. If you can, please do the same. Every little bit helps— if everyone did this.
Deborah Tseng Morin says
Right on! I will do this when I take kids out!
Judy says
I just found out that when we recycle, if a jar or can for example, is not rinsed out completely, the workers at the recycle plant toss it in for landfill :(
I had no idea. In my perfect dream world… everything we recycled got sterilized and melted down to make new things. Not the case!
So I will be rinsing out my containers very well.
Natalie says
I wish that people were aware about how dirty glass, plastics, etc. does not get recycled.
Also, wet paper cannot be recycled.
Naomi May says
So true! I read an article that said that 91% of plastic waste in the United States actually ends up in a landfill. I have reduced a lot of plastic waste in my life and plan to continue this journey. I avoid anything disposable these days. I am trying to teach my kids to do the same. My husband told me that recycling is pointless, so my response was “Well, then I guess we will learn to live without plastic.”
Ellen Espedal says
Dirty glass? Don’t they wash all glass and plastic in machines before they recycle?
Nadia Mokrani says
It depends on where you live
Alysa says
This is where I don’t quite understand so please advise -is it better to waste precious water to rinse out those items you recycle or better to throw away so you don’t waste water? Both are precious.
James Lang Smith says
When our kids were wee. My partner, would walk them to the local car boot sale with a couple of pounds to spend they then bought second hand toys amazing as I’d hand toys and their old toys they would either give to the local charity shop or occasionally we would set up a stall in our street for them to sell their most prized toys that had now fallen out of favour, the money used to but new second hand toys or occasionally a new toy to join the recycle game. It’s all a out teaching spending habits not about the end end environment which benefits as a by product rather then suffers. You may note I did not go too many people to much stuff for my delicate sense, :)
Jen says
My daughter collected Lego sets for a few years. Purchasing those sets seemed so harmless at the time. Birthdays. Holidays. All of those Lego pieces ended up in one massive bin that stayed under her bed for months.
Having outgrown her toys, we realize now just how much work such innocent purchases are. We wanted to donate the Lego, and we spent hours, if not a few days, sorting through the lot to assembe the kits. Of course, the charitable organisation was happy to receive the Lego all sorted, but I regret buying so much in the first place.
Lindsay says
At least plastic like Lego is unlikely to end up in a landfill. My kids have lego in their collection that is 30+ years old and still being played with.
Vicky says
My son-in-law’s mother saved all of his Lego’s (and other classic toys) with hopes of passing it down to her grandkids. She/We had 2 young grandson’s who love to play with the Lego’s and the other toys she saved.
Anj says
You can sell Legos, even random pieces. There is always someone who will want them! (Find a Facebook group dedicated to Legos or just put it on Craigslist.)
Naomi May says
My son had a TON of Legos. He gave them away to a boy who had no Legos that was a few years younger than him. The boy lives in extreme poverty and his parents couldn’t afford to buy him Legos. So Cole took the whole tote of Legos over and gave them to him. That boy was sooooooooooo excited to get all those Legos! I was happy my son gave them to someone in need rather than throwing them away.
ChuckY says
I read the book “Plastic Free” and have tried to come more to terms with all the plastic in our lives. We already recycle everything we can, plastic or otherwise, but that is only a band-aid on a massive wound. Stopping the proliferation of plastic is the only viable solution, and that starts with consumers. The plastic doesn’t get bought, it doesn’t get made eventually.