Note: This is a guest post from Denaye Barahona of Simple Families.
I wrapped up a work trip to Los Angeles and found myself wandering the Santa Monica Pier. As I soaked up the warmth of the day, I found myself missing my kids. The ocean, the sun, the sand… I wanted to share it all with them.
I wanted to bottle it all up and take it home with me.
But alas, the TSA wasn’t going to endorse a jug of salt water and sand in my carry on. Eventually, I found myself standing squarely in front of a kiosk of inexpensive toys. My eye quickly went to a plastic, battery-powered, light-up unicorn headband.
The only thing lighting up brighter than that unicorn horn would be my three-year-old daughter when I put it on her head. She would love that toy.
The joy it would bring to her life would be immeasurable—for at least 18 seconds until she lost interest or it broke. Even though it would have been an extra special treat to surprise her with when I got home, it was a hard pass for me.
Where does it go?
After that 18-second-window-of-elation, the unicorn will live on. For her early life, she may live on crammed in the bottom of a toy box, then she may meet her demise accidentally dropped in a parking lot never to be seen again. But don’t be fooled, the mythical creature is nearly immortal.
Once it leaves your home it is not gone.
This unicorn will live out a long life at the local landfill with her fellow trinkets (i.e. The Birthday Party Favor Bag and the Dentist Office Treasure Chest). Those plastic trinkets will take more than 500 years to degrade.
Toys are notoriously hard to recycle. That means nearly every plastic toy ever manufactured now lives in a landfill somewhere. Take a moment to visualize that.
Who’s the boss?
Children cannot be expected to self-regulate the accumulation of stuff. Sure, we can (and should) teach them about the lifespan of a product and where it will go after it leaves our home. We can practice thoughtful decision-making practices when it comes to purchasing goods.
But just like us, they are a work in progress and will struggle to resist the urge to keep.it.all.
Ultimately, as the adults with the fully-developed brains and credit cards, we have to be the ones steering the ship. We need to set boundaries around the stuff we bring into our homes. Children learn through modeling. We must learn how to say no so that our children can see us and learn better ways themselves.
Why does this happen?
I admit it: I get an internal feeling of excitement when the UPS truck pulls into my driveway unexpectedly. “Oh, what could it be?”, I find myself excitedly wondering as I tear into the box like a wild banshee only to find the gummy vitamins I have on bi-monthly auto-shipment.
“New stuff” can act as horse blinders. Our children become laser-focused on the acquisition of new trinkets and unable to see what falls on the periphery: the real gifts. The relationships in our lives are the real gifts.
Our kids cannot see past the stuff. And yes, adults struggle with this too.
What lights them up?
The strong surge of dopamine associated with new stuff and wrapped gifts will nearly always trump the gentler oxytocin spikes enveloped in a long embrace from Grandma. The Laughter. The Cuddling. The Eye Contact. The Human Touch. If we want our children to focus on the real gifts, we must take off the horse blinders.
Occasional, thoughtful gifts are one thing, but we have to cut back on the constant onslaught of junk.
When I returned home from this trip, my daughter was running to me for a hug and kiss because she loves me and looked forward to my return. I am the gift. Our relationship is the gift. The minute I start stuffing my suitcase full of trinkets is the minute she starts running to my suitcase instead of my arms.
Call me selfish, but I’m not willing to share my affection with a plastic unicorn headband.
If we want children to value relationships over stuff, we have to be intentional about the way we bring it into their lives. The way we buy will teach. I beg you, for the good of your children and this planet, please stop buying plastic crap.
***
Denaye’s new book Simple Happy Parenting is now available. She is the voice behind Simple Families, a podcast, blog and community for parents. She has a Ph.D. in Child Development and has spent her career supporting families to more harmonious lives with young children.
Judy says
We are destroying this earth with plastic junk!
This is a great article… we have all got to stop buying plastic junk and start making better decisions.
The thought of how the plastics destroy our planet makes me sick.
Paige says
In addition to imploring us not to purchase plastic junk, implore plastic junk manufacturers not to create and market such crap which is polluting the earth.
Kirsty Maier says
I agree, but we also need to show there is no demand for plastic tat. If people stopped buying it, businesses would stop making it because there would be no profit.
We can make better choices whilst writing stern letters to CEOs, signing petitions and lobbying politicians.
It all has to start somewhere and if every individual on the planet started rejecting plastic, that would send a pretty strong message and things would start to change.
I have no solution for all the plastic currently in circulation. Just desperate for production to end!
Kamala Karthikeyan says
Highly needed article and advice for these days.
Bibi says
I so agree with this article. Thank you for the reminder. We, grandma and grandpa, never bring plastic trinkets or for that sake “stuff”. We are the gift and we like to spend time with all our grandkids. For birthday/Christmas we give the parents an amount of money to decide on something useful/ an experience/ or maybe some for saving.
Arlene Brown says
How do we get fast food toys out of our communities. I recall a time when our son’s class was collecting items for children for people going to third world countries for health mission.
I was distressed to see that the number one donation was not anything worthwhile but a huge number of “happy meal toys”.
Why does our government not impose a tax on plastic items that are nonessentials? Then businesses would have more incentive and consumers might think twice. Maybe it could apply also to mass mailings as well as other freebies. Even political candidate mailings are often over the top as in do you really think that sending me weekly mailings will cause me to vote for you? I only then think they are not environmentally friendly…
Mari R says
I understand how you feel, Arlene.
What we can do right now is stop going to fast food joints. And tell everyone to do so.
Martha Miller says
When I traveled for work, I would seek out used bookstores. It was such a treat for me to browse the shelves and find special children’s books that might be out of print or something I knew my son would like but might not ever see at new book store. Easy to slip into my suitcase and usually just a few dollars. My son let me/begged me to read to him at night long after he could read and I loved doing it. He just graduated 8th grade and loves books, and his reading level is off the chart!
Wyn says
We’re on the same page!
Natalie says
Martha Miller, I also love finding used bookstores in foreign countries that I visit.
Mari R says
We still want/have to give gifts on birthdays, holidays or as thank-yous and travel souvenirs.
I totally switched to the edibles or consumables for such occasions. Grab-and-go nutritious snacks for an always on-the-go friend, a bag of good quality coffee for a coffee lover, a nice tube of hand cream for a hard working support member, with a handwritten message.
And I’m more sensible for the product’s packaging thanks to the today’s post.
Ola says
I love this. It’s so easy to acquire all kinds of plastic junk! Anything to stop the avalanche.
Steph says
Amen, sister!!
Mike says
Wonderful article. Thank you so much. The incongruity grows as the consumption of needless crap grows so do the numbers of hungry and homeless to say nothing of the misuse of limited and valuable resources. I am glad the numbers of folks who are removing themselves from the problem (accumulation) is growing keep on minimizing all.