“Envy is ever joined with the comparing of a man’s self; and where there is no comparison, no envy.” —Sir Francis Bacon
Most of us understand the foolishness of trying to compare ourselves to others. We would readily admit that no good ever comes from it.
Yet, whether we are comparing our home size, paycheck, physical features, or any number of measurable (and even unmeasurable) things, we do it all the time. But there are inherent problems:
1. We most often compare the wrong things. Because we can most easily compare the things that we can objectively measure, we live in a world that is great at measuring and comparing externals. Somewhere along the way, we decided that we could determine who is living a more valuable life by comparing clothes, cars, homes, paychecks, beauty, or Twitter followers. But externals are rarely a good measure. Net-worth has never been a good indicator of self-worth.
2. We always compare our worst with their best. Comparing your life with others is always a losing proposition because there will always be people who “appear” to be better off than you and seemingly live the perfect life. After all, we always compare the worst of what we know about ourselves to the best assumptions that we make about others. Be advised, their life is never as perfect as your mind makes it out to be.
3. There is no end to the comparison game. There is an infinite number of categories upon which you can compare yourself… and an almost infinite number of people to compare yourself to. Once you start down that road, you will never, ever find an end.
4. Life isn’t graded on a curve. How you measure up against others holds absolutely no importance in your life anyway. It simply makes no difference. The goal of life is not to be better than 50% of the other people on the planet. The goal of life is to be the best you that you can possibly be.
5. Comparison puts your focus on the wrong person. You can control one life – yours. When we consistently compare ourselves to others, we waste precious energy focusing on other peoples’ lives rather than our own.
6. Comparison robs you of joy. Comparing yourself to others will always cause you to regret what you aren’t, rather than allow you to enjoy life as who you are. It will always steal the joy and happiness that is within your reach… and place it just outside of your reach instead.
Many a contented life has been stolen by the unhealthy habit of comparing ourselves to others. Comparing ourselves to others will always rob us of gratitude, joy, and fulfillment.
But even more than than, it prevents us from fully living our lives. It calls us to envy someone else’s life and seek theirs rather than ours. It robs us of our most precious possession: life itself. And while the temptation to compare may never be completely eliminated, there are certainly some practical steps that we can take to move past it.
How can we stop comparing ourselves to others? Here are some helpful steps:
1. Recognize the inherent problems in comparing yourself to another. Take a good look at the list above. Why would we want any habit in our life that promotes feelings of inferiority? Or consistently promotes envy, competition, and strife with no end in sight? Sometimes, just a reminder of the foolishness contained in the habit is the most important step in overcoming it.
2. Celebrate who you are. There are many wonderful things about your life. You are an artist… or a businessman… or a mother… or a good listener… or a generous soul. You have much to celebrate and are entirely unique. Any comparison between you and another person is like comparing apples to oranges. They aren’t living your life, you are. Therefore, you should expect the results to be completely different.
3. Focus inward. Value generosity, humility, goodness, kindness, and love. Begin to focus on developing the inward qualities of a simplified life and the externals will lose their beauty. And the quicker we find beauty on the inside, the sooner we’ll stop comparing things on the outside (skin-deep beauty, paychecks, or power).
4. Realize life is not a competition. There may be times when competition is appropriate, but life is not one of them. We have all been thrown together at this exact moment on this exact planet. And the sooner we stop competing against others to “win,” the faster we can start working together to figure it out.
5. Remember that nobody is perfect. We live in a society that glamorizes perfection. Consider that magazine racks are full of models and celebrities with perfect faces telling one-sided stories of great triumph and fulfillment. One important step to avoiding the lure of comparison is to remember that one snapshot in time never tells the whole story. The story is never told of the hours in a make-up room or the photo editing technique to cover the blemishes. The story is rarely told of their insecurities or failures (except to mention how they overcame them). That story doesn’t sell nearly as many magazines. But the truth remains: there are no perfect people – including you and including me.
6. Live as intentional as possible. Too many people live their lives without intentionality or thought. They rarely find a quiet moment to sit in meditation or solitude and examine their life – who they are and who they are becoming. As a result, lives are lived as a reaction to the events around them. But when a life is lived intentionally and thoughtfully, the comparison game becomes less attractive.
As humans, it is in our nature to compare ourselves to others. But nothing good ever comes from it. So let’s stop comparing ourselves to others. We were not born to live their life. There is no sense wasting our life (or energy) being jealous of theirs. Instead, let’s start living our lives. Let’s determine today to be good at it. After all, we only get one shot.
For more advice, check out our helpful guide on how to stop comparing yourself to others and how to stop being jealous.
Anita G. Moore says
Our fate seems to have been controlled or is somewhat coloured by the reactions of our partners and peers in life. Whether you plan it together, silently comply, support each other, your partner’s midlife crisis becomes yours.
Ken says
What a better way of making it simple…Comparing actually steals our joy and breeds envy, resentment and bitterness. Thank you for the post
Amit shah says
This article is really helpful To come out of depression and live our own life rather than comparing it with others. I do agree that facebooks , WhatsApp are means to stay connected to friends but there is lots of exterior show off here. Rather if we really want to be in touch with friends and family we must call them personally rather than showing care of them in front of others.
Lakeisha says
I think the admin of this website is in fact working hard
in favor of his website, for the reason that here every material is quality based material.
randall says
Wow! This was truly an amazing read. I’m going to write theses valuable points on my heart. An make an effort to remember theses each day as long as I live. Thank you so much
A.A says
I am only 12 but this website and especially this article has saved me from school days filled with envying my classmates, comparing myself to my siblings and constantly asking my parents for more things. I keep tabs on my computer to my favorite articles so that I can read them when I desperately need them.
Jishak Kasparov says
That was really mind opening points there. Really liked the points. But to stop comparing oneself is a much tuffer job than the points you’ve listed. But anyway wonderful points.
D.K. says
A quick question:
What is there to celebrate about oneself?
I have given the question much thought lately and I am unable to think of anything about myself worth celebrating. I need an outside opinion.
Z says
Your experiences, your perspective, your personality and character. No one else has experienced your joys or struggles.
No one else has ever lived like you. Thus you are valuable.
To put it one way, a wise person (who goes by the name of Richard Gretsky on Quora) once said “your imperfect self is the perfect way for you to use something no one else has: you.”
Sheena says
I am another Sheena who loves this. =)
Sheena says
You are my hero writer..really loved this one because it goes into the details of why comparison is the thief of joy and how to change it. well said!
Arianna says
How do you learn to not worry? And to be genuinely happy? I’ve struggled with depression and anxiety my whole life and I can’t figure out how to get rid of it. I have every reason in the world to be happy, however; i just can’t shake the horrible thoughts, and the Debby downer moods that come over me. Do you have any advice?
Thank you in advance.
Amit shah says
Hello Arianna you put ed Good points. To come out of depression or anxiety there is nothing much to do. Neither the writer or anyone else can help you to come out of it. It is you urself who can come out of ito that too in fraction of seconds.
see it works
last so many years you been in depression and living same lifestyle any change nope now just reading this message just start smiling. Look at life as today you learn something. Got new friends. Your worries of entire day is of 15 minutes but you are carrying it all the way 24 hours.
it’s only a fraction of second to make your mood change by smiling. Try it just today whole day don’t do anything just give a smile to all people u meet and see the results .