Editor’s note: This is a guest post from Jeff Goins of goinswriter.com.
My son had been born a few weeks before, and I was already struggling to focus. All these responsibilities, all these expectations.
So much to manage and so little time.
Born four and a half weeks early, our little Aiden wasn’t sleeping but a few hours per night before needing to nurse. It was a daily ritual to Google “signs of colic” and wonder if there was anything we could do to make all this a tiny bit easier.
Though I had taken a couple weeks off of work, the iPhone kept buzzing uncontrollably, and the sleeplessness was starting to wear on me. The house was a mess. The laundry pile a small mountain. My email inbox completely out of control.
I wasn’t sure how much more I could take.
That night, my wife was at the stove, cooking something for dinner, and I was in charge of baby-watching. Setting the phone facedown on the kitchen table, I hoisted my son up in the air and stepped outside to enjoy the mid-summer evening air.
As soon as I sat down with him on our back porch, I noticed a beautiful cumulus cloud formation in the sky. Instantly, I wanted to capture it, but my phone wasn’t with me.
Looking back through the glass window inside the messy house, I saw a reflection of myself holding my son. That was on one side of the glass. On the other was my smart phone, my busy life that was messy and complicated and sometimes too stressful to take.
Did I really want to go back there?
I knew I had to make a choice: maintain the busyness while sacrificing my sanity and ability to hold onto those I loved the most — or learn to let go.
Holding my son tightly against my chest, I gazed up at the beautiful blue sky and thought to myself, “Letting go of things helps us hold on to what we love most.”
Phone-less and feeling strangely free, I’d made my choice.
My Own Experiments with Minimalism
“The things you own in life end up owning you.” —Tyler Durden
I have a lot of stuff, more than I need. And some of it I really like. But I’m learning that some things in life, some stuff, isn’t good to hold onto.
Slowly, I’m getting rid of what I’ve held on to for years: outfits I’ll never wear, movies I’ll never watch, even old birthday cards. And as I do, something unusual happens to me. I feel freer than I’ve felt in years. Because somehow, the things I’ve been holding onto have actually been holding on to me.
As my family grows and responsibilities increase, I realize I can only grasp so many things at once. Only so many technology trinkets. Only so many messages to manage. Only so many relationships to enjoy.
And frankly, I’d rather hold on to people than things.
It’s taken some rude awakenings to get to this conclusion. I’ve had to learn these lessons the way most of us learn hard things in life: the hard way. Through countless interruptions and distractions. Through the inconveniences that come when we try to get what we want — and don’t.
My wife and I are in the process of de-cluttering our home. It’s taking longer than we wanted, but the process is good. It feels healthy, like a cleanse of sorts.
Making More Room for What Matters Most
Recently, we cleaned out our “bonus room” above the garage. This room has been full of junk for two years, boxes of stuff we hadn’t used since moving from the apartment we outgrew.
The other day, we cleared it all out, throwing away several garbage bags, donating a couple closets’ worth of clothes to Goodwill, and relocating some things we wanted to keep.
When it was all over, the room was left virtually empty.
The next day, I brought my son, who was now 14 months old, into this room. Because it was so cluttered, he had never been able to really play in it. For hours, he crawled and rolled around in the open space.
And I realized that every area in our life that is full of stuff is crowding out relationships. As we get rid of the things that consume our time and stress, we make room for those we love the most.
How many other spaces, I wondered, are too cluttered to let others in?
Sadly, I am far from leading a clutter-free life. But I get it now, this whole “learning to live with less” thing. The truth is when you learn to let go, you don’t live with less at all. You make room for the things that matter the most, the things that aren’t even “things” at all.
I think we all do. The hard part, though, is letting go. Giving up. But I’m finding this is also the really good part, the part that releases you to live the life you were made to live. The life you dream of.
Many of us are living over-crowded, busy lives that rob us of what really matters. We wait and bide our time, holding out for the “big things” in life, not realizing that the good stuff is happening right now.
If we will just let go.
***
Jeff Goins is a writer who lives in Nashville. You can follow him on Twitter @jeffgoins or connect with him on his blog.
Linda says
I enjoyed your post. I have one of those rooms… I think I’ll start working on it today. Thank you. Shared your blog on pinterest.
Deborah Edwards says
Just over a year ago we got acquainted with a local family whose son started the same school as my two boys. The wife also turned up in my choir. We got on famously, and vaguely planned to get together as families for a bring and share meal. I remember saying to her how hassled I was and putting said meal off for, say 6 weeks in total, (no doubt harried and worried about messy house etc etc etc..).before I issued a firm invitation. They did not respond, and we were disappointed, until my husband bumped into hers, and he told us that her breast cancer had returned. We never had the tea, and we had not set enough of a foundation of friendship to be there for them much. I went to her funeral yesterday and wept. I would like to have become her good friend, but the short time allotted for that friendship was sucked away in some part by stuff and its maintenance. Thank you so much for the continued reminders, and inspiration, to live a better way…
Amy U says
Jeff—-thoroughly enjoyed & related to your post. I’m finding that I can’t de-clutter fast enough and related to your statements:
“My wife and I are in the process of de-cluttering our home. It’s taking longer than we wanted, but the process is good. It feels healthy, like a cleanse of sorts.”
I’m trying to be more patient & kind with myself & perhaps give a few more pats on the back regarding my/our progress thus far…….since I WANT IT ALL GONE, NOW isn’t working. :o)
Had a garage sale this weekend. Lots of stuff sold & car loaded for drops to Goodwill. There are a few things I want to sell on Ebay or Craigslist and a few others to donate to specific places—–woman’s shelter, preschool/books, library, kids grade school (once school starts), etc.. Sometimes I wish I didn’t care so much about the environment—–but I do. It would be easier to throw some unwanted thing in the garbage, or drop it all off at goodwill…..or if I didn’t care to get some $$ for the nicer things.
I’ve realized the things I’ve pegged for specific sale or donation need a place that’s OUT OF SIGHT, out of mind. When I’ve decided they must go but they don’t go immediately, it drags me down. GREAT to have had the garage sale as SO MUCH left.
Today, I’m clearing a space in storage for the items to sell and a space in my garage (which I deem as “close” to leaving the house) for the items to donate to specific places.
We moved a little under 2 years ago. We purged MUCH before we moved. I told myself I was going to “deal with” each and every box as I unpacked it—i.e. purge as I went. Great idea, but I wish I had a better system for elimination set up 2 years ago. As it turned out, many things that were in my recent garage sale sat around my house in various places……basically little piles in/around each room that were just “waiting” to leave the house, as I moved on to the next closet, shelf or piece of furniture to clean-out
Just feels good to read & learn from others’ process.
Thanks for sharing!
.
Jeff Goins says
I relate to that tension, Amy. Stay encouraged.
Cheryl Magyar says
Yes, the good stuff is happening right now. It is the coffee water boiling on the wood fired stove, it is the pure maple syrup on homemade oat flour pancakes with a couple slices of locally produced bacon… it is something different for each and every one of us. Slowing down opens up your world to the senses of life.
Jeff Goins says
Beautiful… and mouth-watering.
janelle says
Less is more, except when it comes to margins in life, and then more means less. I could write an entire post on that. Oh wait, you just did. I love what you do. Thank you for writing well and teaching us how to also.
Joy says
Beautiful. Thank you!
The kids and I lived on a boat for five years. We had our “stuff” in storage. Now that we live on land again, we just received our stuff back from storage. I had spent *a lot* of money storing boxes of things that we ended up throwing away or donating (boxes of cards, letters and school papers, knick knack things that just clutter, clothes that we obviously either no longer fit in or didn’t want). I saved it all “just in case”. I know there are other areas of my life I am doing the same thing – saving that which no longer fits, just in case. Thank you for the prompt to look inward and release, celebrating the open space with gratitude and love – as your son did!
Martha says
Read this through a link on another blog…..made me cry. My husband and I are selling our home and retiring to Florida. Our dream come true. Only I had no idea how letting go of our lifetime of things would be so difficult for me. I’ve been praying for strength and guidance and I think I’ve received it this morning! Thank you for your post! Martha :)
Dan Erickson says
Nice to see you over here, Jeff. I tend to live minimally, although musical instruments are a weakness. But it’s not just the material possessions that crowd us, but also the pressure we put on ourselves to produce and perform.
Jennifer says
Amazingly amazing, definitely sharing this with my loved ones & others who may bump onto it as I did. Thank God in my search for writing skills, I bump onto your website.
James Prescott says
Great post Jeff, makes a simple but powerful and often forgotten point. It’s so easy to clutter up your life over time. When I moved house three years ago I found ‘stuff’ hoarded away I didn’t even know I had, but it had all just built up over time. Decluttering regularly is so important. Great post.
Jeff Goins says
Agreed, James. I’m still learning this. :-/