According to a recent study, the average wedding cost in the US is $35,000—and that’s not even including the amount spent on an engagement ring.
As you might imagine, the figures vary widely from state-to-state. Couples in New York City spend the most, while couples in New Mexico spend the least at $17,584.
If that sounds like a lot of money, it is. To put that into historical perspective, wedding spending has increased 3000% since the 1950s! Extravagant, expensive weddings are becoming the norm.
A wedding is an important day and a significant moment in time. It signifies the day we commit the rest of our lives to another human being—to love, cherish, and honor until death do us part. It is a commitment we make in front of friends and family and often represents the joining of two families into one.
This article is, by no means, meant to downplay the importance of that special day. But we should consider if this trend to spend more and more money on weddings is a wise choice.
It is helpful, I think, to consider some of the negative ramifications of an expensive and extravagant wedding. Ever-increasing wedding costs are not necessary and may actually do more harm than good.
Consider the reasons:
1. Extravagant weddings result in increased stress and distraction. Wedding days are stressful enough—adding dozens of unnecessary frills and expenses makes them even more so.
On the other hand, a simple wedding helps keep focus on the bride and groom rather than decorations, accommodations, and food.
2. Expensive weddings bring financial consequences felt for years. If you are going into debt to pay for your wedding, please don’t. Financial pressures consistently rank as one of the top reasons for divorce.
Even if you do have the money saved, it can almost certainly be spent wiser elsewhere: paying off debt, a down payment on your first home, or even the honeymoon experience.
3. Extravagant weddings often distract from the hard work of preparing for marriage. When it comes to joining two lives into one, how many flowers will be in each centerpiece at the reception dinner is the least of your concerns. You and your future spouse should be talking about plans for your life together, methods of communication, and family experiences that may result in mismatched expectations.
Spend as much time together in premarital counseling as you do planning the actual ceremony. That is where the true foundation for a happy marriage is laid.
4. Expensive weddings are not necessarily more beautiful. The early assumption made by brides and grooms is that spending more money will result in a more beautiful experience and ceremony. But that is simply not the case. I have attended expensive weddings that were beautiful, for sure. But I have also attended simple weddings that were even more beautiful and often showcased more of the bride’s (and groom’s) personality.
Simplicity, as they say, is the ultimate sophistication.
5. Extravagant weddings magnify mistakes and mishaps. Almost no wedding gets by without some mishap occurring during the day—whether before, during, or after the ceremony. In my opinion, when a couple has invested so much time, energy, and money into a ceremony, they are more likely to sweat the small stuff thinking their financial investment would have insulated them from any moments of imperfection.
Take heart. The little mishaps on your wedding day will be the memories you talk about the most. Not allowing them to ruin your special moment when they occur is key to enjoying your day.
6. Extravagant weddings tend to promote (or result from) competition. Thinking your wedding day must measure up to a purely subjective standard set by a friend or family member is a foolish way to spend your day. “Comparison is the thief of joy,” Theodore Roosevelt once famously said. Allowing it to creep into your wedding day, in any fashion, is a poor choice.
Your wedding day is about you and your future spouse. Nobody else.
7. Expensive weddings often result in shorter marriages. Believe it or not, there is evidence that marriage duration is inversely associated with spending on the engagement ring and wedding ceremony. Couples who spend less on their ceremony are more likely to remain together longer.
In the same study, there was also connection made between the honeymoon and the marriage: Going on a honeymoon is “significantly associated with a lower hazard of divorce.” Based on these stats, spending money on your honeymoon is a wiser investment than money on the ceremony.
My wedding occurred before my introduction to minimalism. And yet, it was not an extravagant one. It was big, but not expensive.
Kim and I got married at our home church in Omaha, NE with 400-500 people in attendance. Our ceremony was not flashy, but included many beautiful elements you would assume to be present at a traditional church wedding service. For our reception, we served sandwiches and cake and punch. If I could do it over, there’s not a single thing I would change.
Not a single day of our lives have we looked back and regretted not spending more on our wedding. But I know many couples who look back and regret the amount of money they wasted on their ceremony.
If you’d like a simple wedding, here are some helpful ideas to get you started:
- Set a budget (and stick to it).
- Choose elements that are important to you, but limit the number. Try fewer flowers, simpler decorations, or less food choices. You can keep many of the traditional elements (if that is your style) without needing to go over the top with any of them.
- Don’t shell out big money for expensive accommodations. A simple church building can be just as beautiful as an expensive wedding chapel. And if the time of year permits, a backyard can easily host an intimate, informal, unforgettable reception with little expense.
- Look for personal touches. A wedding ceremony that communicates your unique personalities and/or time together will always be considered more thoughtful by your guests than expensive add-ons bought at the bridal store.
- Realize the wedding industry is built entirely on convincing you that you need x. There are entire stores, catalogs, and websites in business today working tirelessly to convince you that you need x or y in order for your wedding to be perfect. They are wrong. You don’t need anything—except for maybe official paperwork from your state and a few witnesses to sign the document.
- Enjoy your simple, precious day focused on the things that matter most.
Marital happiness has nothing to do with your wedding ceremony. It has everything to do with the weeks and years and life together after.
That’s why the simplest weddings are often the happiest.
Hi Joshua! Excellent advice. As a couple who will be celebrating our 42nd wedding anniversary this year I can attest to the fact that the meager amount we spent on our wedding made absolutely no difference to the quality (not to mention the commitment!) of our relationship. Of course, we weren’t in competition with anyone else and this was before Instagram and FB so we didn’t have to “announce” our love to everyone in advance. As I write on my own blog, “Comparison is the thief of joy.” And my happiness had/has nothing to do with the money I spent and everything to do with our love for each other. I’ve read that more people spend time AND money on their wedding than they do planning their life. Crazy huh? There is a better way. ~Kathy
We were married in our home church in 1984. We cut costs by having a friend make my dress, ordered flowers from the shop where my mother worked (that was helpful!), and the bridesmaids either made their own or my mother made them.
The one area I spent money on was the photographer and its the one area I was completely disappointed with. I paid over $1000 for 5 hours of a photographer of my choice. On my wedding day, the photographer of my choice didn’t show up, and they sent someone else. He did not take any pictures of the two of us, the bridal party, or our families at the altar. He got us individually with our respective families and attendants, but none of the whole.
I have told my kids over the years that the wedding doesn’t make the marriage. Only son married so far had the ceremony in a city park and it was lovely.
Thanks for bringing this topic to the discussion table!
I’m not sure how much our wedding cost. My mother made my dress, my bridesmaids theirs. The flowers were simple and the cake was a gift from a baker my husband use to work for and a friend took the pictures. Other than the cake, there was punch, nuts and mints at the reception in the fellowship hall (basement). Big dinners were not the tradition then. We had it at our church where my father was pastor so everyone was invited. My father gave me away and performed the ceremony but I don’t think we paid him anything. I was a few weeks short of my 18th birthday and my husband had turned 19 a week before. Since we will celebrate our 61st anniversary in a couple of months, I think we turned out alright.
What an inspiring story! Thanks for sharing it with us. Enjoy your 61st anniversary!
I feel so strange reading these articles..the problems are universal. I am from Pakistan and our society is facing the same problems.Extensive and expensive weddings and parties.
These problems are even bigger where the rich poor gap is very wide.
Unfortunately everyone feels that the worth of human is measured by the amount of material we have.
The problems of capitalism, competiition, consumerism is plaguing our societies around the globe.
Very true
Very rational and beautiful observation.we Indians spend lot of money on wedding .In many cases.ceremonies go on for days and weeks.many are trapped in debt.gain only goes to event managers.we have to take up a movement for simple and lovely marriage.m
There is a bit of a trend towards smaller weddings. Lots of people are holding their ceremony in backyards. I’ve heard of or attend 3 within the last 3 years. One of which was my own son’s wedding. It was held at an AirBnB backyard, though. 50 people. There were still elements of bells and whistles even with such a small guest list, it wasn’t a cheap wedding at all. But the plus side is some of the choices made greatly reduced the disposable trash pile that weddings create.
My husband and I got married shortly out of college and only spent the $2K that we were able to afford without debt. I have no regrets at all. I have attended many weddings where the excess costs did not match the value gained, and often felt that, as a guest, I would have preferred that the bride and groom had saved that money. At the end of the day, the couples who get married at the courthouse are just as married as those that spend tens of thousands of dollars on their wedding. Extravagant weddings are a distraction from the relationship.
Thank you for this article! It is common sense but sometimes we forget it in the excitement of getting married. My husband and I had a small mountain top wedding and it was perfect for us but I understand it’s not the right choice for everyone, ha ha! My sisters both had traditional weddings (done with financial prudence) and they loved them.
I view a wedding as a great opportunity to visit and enjoy family and friends and also to celebrate how two people are making a commitment to spend the rest of their lives together. The stress of organizing one (be it with 21 people or 500) only detracts from such a celebration and I think keeping it simple is the way to success.
Having such a small wedding (21 people) definitely kept our stress level to a minimum and the only thing that went wrong was me forgetting my husband’s wedding band and having to run back to the hotel to get it, ha ha! We all had a good laugh and enjoyed the rest of the day.
Amen!! Such sound words of wisdom, thank you for sharing. In a day and age where so many couples are starting out marriage with college debt, or their parents are still paying college tuition … why add to the stress?!
My husband and I married in our backyard with just my parents and 6 very close friends. My dad brought Champagne and we went out to dinner at a modest restaurant. (the place where my husband and I met 11 years prior). We both went barefoot and wore clothes from our closet. Grand total spent was around $300 and that was just dinner. Our friends were so thrilled they gifted some flowers and small decorations for the yard. I can’t imagine doing it differently.
Granted we both have very small families and this was my second marriage so no one was upset for not being there. I was pleasantly surprised by that.
Weddings are challenging in the sense that any event designed to accommodate lots of attendees tend to be difficult to coordinate. Feeding over 100 people is going to be either cost intensive, labor intensive, or both. At the same time, many couples see weddings as communal, so *not* involving the community is not an option.
When we got married, there was a point at which I had to remind myself whom the wedding was really for. If it was just for us, we could use the money elsewhere (amazing vacation for example) but we wanted it to be a way of expressing love and gratitude to our guests for the roles they played in our lives. Sometimes in the spirit of hospitality we need to accept those costs. It’s just when our motivation crosses over to excess and ostentatiousness that it becomes unnecessary.
I agree in totality with the points called out in this article. However, I’ve noticed a need to compare and compete on either side, whether modest or extravagant.
I had a relatively expensive wedding with many of the things some would consider unnecessary (e.g., expensive venue, uplighting, flowers, champagne). The things we invested money in were thoughtful, but we didn’t go into debt. Everything was intentionally tied to our story, and most important, every bill was paid before we walked down the aisle.
So, my philosophy when it comes to weddings is this: focus only on what is meaningful, feasible, and affordable. How that looks will vary greatly, and that’s okay because it’s not about achieving a certain aesthetic. It’s about eliminating all the extra stuff to focus on what truly matters to the individual.
I wouldn’t change a thing about my wedding! We made it a surprise and invited our immediate family only to a family time at our temple, and the lunch afterwards. It was the best!! The service is free, we enjoyed a beautiful lunch with our parents and siblings then had a fantastic honeymoon. I did have a photographer and nice dress but minimal bouquet and no cake.
When we returned home we had a casual party with friends and shared our story. I would do it again in a heart beat! Nothing went wrong and there was zero stress.
I love this and wish I could send it to every bride!
I am constantly thankful for our small wedding. It was intimate and sweet, and just perfect for us. And we went into zero debt for it!
Three years later we have the sweetest marriage and we used our savings to buy a home. Small weddings are the way to go!
400-500 guests! Now that’s a lot in fairness.
We wanted to forgo the issue of we have to invite this person if we invite so and so. We didn’t tell anyone we we’re getting married and we to the church down the road. Have tea and cake after and only our immediate family.
It was so special and we could then afford a fabulous exotic honeymoon.
Yup. We had a big wedding, not an extravagant one. And I wouldn’t change a thing.
Also from the study you reference:
“Thus, the evidence suggests that the types of weddings associated with lower likelihood of divorce are
those that are relatively inexpensive but are high in attendance.”
Good news for you and Kim, Joshua! ;)
Great article! I would add something extra: Giving such and expensive party puts a great weight on your gests who also are forced to spend extra money on a gift and outfit that fits the ocassion… as alwas: less is more!
We knew that the wedding would be just one day out of our married life together. Although my parents were willing to spend a fair amount on our wedding at a church and reception in a catering hall we choose a smaller, simpler ceremony and reception in my parents’ backyard under their ginko tree. We had a good deli cater it, my sister made our cake, and my dress cost $45 and I was able to wear it numerous times after. All together it cost them less than $800 and we had yummy leftovers for several days. That was 21 years ago and we are still going strong. We renewed our vows at City Hall with my brother-in-law and nephew as witnesses on our 15th anniversary and then had dinner at a local restaurant. Even if we had all the money in the world we would still have chosen a small, simple wedding.
We knew a couple who individually were very nice, but who we knew were not right for each other. Throughout their engagement, their lifestyle and wedding plans kept expanding based on the bride’s need to impress her mother (impossible) and unrealistic expectations of future earnings. When they divorced 16 months later, the bride got custody of the wedding debt!
My youngest daughter (age 29) announced she was getting married to her longtime boyfriend in December, and planned a February 24 celebration at a friend’s house. On February 12 I noticed there was no mention of a ceremony, so I called and found out she’d gotten married February 1. On the way to the celebration on the 24th, we stopped to drop off our cat at our older daughter’s (age 31) house, where she lived with her longtime boyfriend. On the refrigerator I noticed a receipt from the clerk of courts. Knowing younger daughter’s budget was limited, I thanked older daughter for helping pay for the court costs. Turned out older daughter had gotten married the previous November. So we ended up “marrying off” both daughters at zero cost. Score!
Love this! You are a great mom…raising your daughters to be independent, intelligent women! Kudos ❤️
Back when we got married in the ’60’s and even in the ’80s or later, people went to the ct house in street cothes, had a simple a wedding band, and got money from the parents to get set up in an apt. A few friends and family had a simple reception. Vegas weddings were in also incl my nephew and several friends. Everything today is more complicated and done for show like expensive weddings which were unheard of in my younger years except for the wealthy social classes in the society page of the newspapers.
We were married in 2006 with a simple wedding, but beautiful. My grandmother and I did every bouquet and bow. My family helped with food and I got an incredible dress online. Everything, including the dress, DJ and rehearsal came to under $3000. I think that included the honeymoon as well…lol.
Thank you for this! I am a young investor and will be married to my fiancé next year. I have eyes on 2 wedding gowns formerly worn by my neighbors when they wed years ago, and if something goes wrong, I’ll just rent one. I am trying to keep it simple. I want us to prepare more for our future family than spend more on our wedding day.
We had a very simple wedding in 2002 because we had no money. He had no job yet after graduating from college with a computer engineering degree in a tech bubble that burst the year before. I had quit my job to go to graduate school. My dress was on clearance on Chicago’s Magnificent Mile for $75. We got simple wedding bands. Wedding at his home church. Reception of punch and sandwiches and cake in the church social hall. No honeymoon because no money. We moved to our apartment the next day and I started working a part time campus research job the day after that. If I were to have a redo, I would just do a courthouse wedding in front of the justice of the peace and skip all the other stuff. His parents made us do the church wedding and I didn’t enjoy any of it. I’m not religious.
We had a judge come to the restaurant.
Oh— and we got our rings at a pawn shop! The cost was 500.00, I believe (maybe less) — and my ring has 23 diamonds! Beautiful!!!
Totally agree. For our wedding back in 2005, we decided to have the ceremony in the front garden of our home and the reception in the back yard. We spent the 12 months of our engagement ensuring our garden was beautiful and growing potted flowers, so there was no florist expense. My mother sewed my dress, which didn’t cost more than $150. My mother and I also did all our own catering the day. We just had to hire two catering students from our local college to serve and clean up on the night. We did away with bridesmaids and groomsmen, instead we asked each of the people we would have chosen to perform an important function of the night. My sister and my husband’s brother were our witnesses. My best friend took the photographs and my husband’s best friend sang for us. Rather than being a stressful expense, our loved ones felt they were a crucial part of our day, and they were – all at zero expense to us. The savings were critical to us having our home paid of in just over 5 years, and as a result I as able to finish up work when I was expecting our first child, knowing we were debt free. Years later, when my husband had a cancer scare and was unable to work for months, we were able to concentrate solely on his health and recuperation, without any financial stress. I was never more thankful for our hard work and philosophy of not overspending than at that point in our lives.
I see gorgeous gowns at Goodwill that someone paid tons of money for. Usually they end up as a Halloween costume! ;)
What a waste.
My wedding dress was $80.00 because it was actually a bridesmaids dress. No one knew the difference. After 25 years of holding on to it… I just donated mine to Goodwill. May be someone’s Halloween costume this fall.
All the money I saved on a dress… making my own bouquets… having the wedding at a simple venue— etc. —the event cost us 800.00!
All the savings allowed us to put money down on a home!!!
Bravo ~
Extravagant weddings are also extremely hard on the Earth and thus our future. The biggest negative impact is of course from the terrible concept of ‘destination weddings’, since air travel is the fastest-growing source of carbon emissions.
How much better to plan a simply beautiful wedding, sharing your happiness and modeling what’s really important…
Amen! Our wedding and reception was held in our flower-filled, tiny backyard and cost under $2,000. That included my dress, our flowers, a lovely dinner from our favorite Italian restaurant, wine, chair and table rental. We just celebrated our thirty-first wedding anniversary. Focus on the sparkel in your soon to be spouse’s eyes and forget the rest.
fwiw, that’s actually almost $4400 in today’s money. Still low, but not THAT low, for a backyard wedding (which is still a great option for those lucky enough to have access to a backyard, which offers a huge savings on venue costs. Most New Yorkers obviously don’t have that luxury – just one reason their wedding costs are the highest, but an unavoidable one.)