According to a recent study, the average wedding cost in the US is $35,000—and that’s not even including the amount spent on an engagement ring.
As you might imagine, the figures vary widely from state-to-state. Couples in New York City spend the most, while couples in New Mexico spend the least at $17,584.
If that sounds like a lot of money, it is. To put that into historical perspective, wedding spending has increased 3000% since the 1950s! Extravagant, expensive weddings are becoming the norm.
A wedding is an important day and a significant moment in time. It signifies the day we commit the rest of our lives to another human being—to love, cherish, and honor until death do us part. It is a commitment we make in front of friends and family and often represents the joining of two families into one.
This article is, by no means, meant to downplay the importance of that special day. But we should consider if this trend to spend more and more money on weddings is a wise choice.
It is helpful, I think, to consider some of the negative ramifications of an expensive and extravagant wedding. Ever-increasing wedding costs are not necessary and may actually do more harm than good.
Consider the reasons:
1. Extravagant weddings result in increased stress and distraction. Wedding days are stressful enough—adding dozens of unnecessary frills and expenses makes them even more so.
On the other hand, a simple wedding helps keep focus on the bride and groom rather than decorations, accommodations, and food.
2. Expensive weddings bring financial consequences felt for years. If you are going into debt to pay for your wedding, please don’t. Financial pressures consistently rank as one of the top reasons for divorce.
Even if you do have the money saved, it can almost certainly be spent wiser elsewhere: paying off debt, a down payment on your first home, or even the honeymoon experience.
3. Extravagant weddings often distract from the hard work of preparing for marriage. When it comes to joining two lives into one, how many flowers will be in each centerpiece at the reception dinner is the least of your concerns. You and your future spouse should be talking about plans for your life together, methods of communication, and family experiences that may result in mismatched expectations.
Spend as much time together in premarital counseling as you do planning the actual ceremony. That is where the true foundation for a happy marriage is laid.
4. Expensive weddings are not necessarily more beautiful. The early assumption made by brides and grooms is that spending more money will result in a more beautiful experience and ceremony. But that is simply not the case. I have attended expensive weddings that were beautiful, for sure. But I have also attended simple weddings that were even more beautiful and often showcased more of the bride’s (and groom’s) personality.
Simplicity, as they say, is the ultimate sophistication.
5. Extravagant weddings magnify mistakes and mishaps. Almost no wedding gets by without some mishap occurring during the day—whether before, during, or after the ceremony. In my opinion, when a couple has invested so much time, energy, and money into a ceremony, they are more likely to sweat the small stuff thinking their financial investment would have insulated them from any moments of imperfection.
Take heart. The little mishaps on your wedding day will be the memories you talk about the most. Not allowing them to ruin your special moment when they occur is key to enjoying your day.
6. Extravagant weddings tend to promote (or result from) competition. Thinking your wedding day must measure up to a purely subjective standard set by a friend or family member is a foolish way to spend your day. “Comparison is the thief of joy,” Theodore Roosevelt once famously said. Allowing it to creep into your wedding day, in any fashion, is a poor choice.
Your wedding day is about you and your future spouse. Nobody else.
7. Expensive weddings often result in shorter marriages. Believe it or not, there is evidence that marriage duration is inversely associated with spending on the engagement ring and wedding ceremony. Couples who spend less on their ceremony are more likely to remain together longer.
In the same study, there was also connection made between the honeymoon and the marriage: Going on a honeymoon is “significantly associated with a lower hazard of divorce.” Based on these stats, spending money on your honeymoon is a wiser investment than money on the ceremony.
My wedding occurred before my introduction to minimalism. And yet, it was not an extravagant one. It was big, but not expensive.
Kim and I got married at our home church in Omaha, NE with 400-500 people in attendance. Our ceremony was not flashy, but included many beautiful elements you would assume to be present at a traditional church wedding service. For our reception, we served sandwiches and cake and punch. If I could do it over, there’s not a single thing I would change.
Not a single day of our lives have we looked back and regretted not spending more on our wedding. But I know many couples who look back and regret the amount of money they wasted on their ceremony.
If you’d like a simple wedding, here are some helpful ideas to get you started:
- Set a budget (and stick to it).
- Choose elements that are important to you, but limit the number. Try fewer flowers, simpler decorations, or less food choices. You can keep many of the traditional elements (if that is your style) without needing to go over the top with any of them.
- Don’t shell out big money for expensive accommodations. A simple church building can be just as beautiful as an expensive wedding chapel. And if the time of year permits, a backyard can easily host an intimate, informal, unforgettable reception with little expense.
- Look for personal touches. A wedding ceremony that communicates your unique personalities and/or time together will always be considered more thoughtful by your guests than expensive add-ons bought at the bridal store.
- Realize the wedding industry is built entirely on convincing you that you need x. There are entire stores, catalogs, and websites in business today working tirelessly to convince you that you need x or y in order for your wedding to be perfect. They are wrong. You don’t need anything—except for maybe official paperwork from your state and a few witnesses to sign the document.
- Enjoy your simple, precious day focused on the things that matter most.
Marital happiness has nothing to do with your wedding ceremony. It has everything to do with the weeks and years and life together after.
That’s why the simplest weddings are often the happiest.
Lr.Williams says
There is a bit of a trend towards smaller weddings. Lots of people are holding their ceremony in backyards. I’ve heard of or attend 3 within the last 3 years. One of which was my own son’s wedding. It was held at an AirBnB backyard, though. 50 people. There were still elements of bells and whistles even with such a small guest list, it wasn’t a cheap wedding at all. But the plus side is some of the choices made greatly reduced the disposable trash pile that weddings create.
Petra says
My husband and I got married shortly out of college and only spent the $2K that we were able to afford without debt. I have no regrets at all. I have attended many weddings where the excess costs did not match the value gained, and often felt that, as a guest, I would have preferred that the bride and groom had saved that money. At the end of the day, the couples who get married at the courthouse are just as married as those that spend tens of thousands of dollars on their wedding. Extravagant weddings are a distraction from the relationship.
Amy says
Thank you for this article! It is common sense but sometimes we forget it in the excitement of getting married. My husband and I had a small mountain top wedding and it was perfect for us but I understand it’s not the right choice for everyone, ha ha! My sisters both had traditional weddings (done with financial prudence) and they loved them.
I view a wedding as a great opportunity to visit and enjoy family and friends and also to celebrate how two people are making a commitment to spend the rest of their lives together. The stress of organizing one (be it with 21 people or 500) only detracts from such a celebration and I think keeping it simple is the way to success.
Having such a small wedding (21 people) definitely kept our stress level to a minimum and the only thing that went wrong was me forgetting my husband’s wedding band and having to run back to the hotel to get it, ha ha! We all had a good laugh and enjoyed the rest of the day.
AnneMarie Ezzo says
Amen!! Such sound words of wisdom, thank you for sharing. In a day and age where so many couples are starting out marriage with college debt, or their parents are still paying college tuition … why add to the stress?!
Nikki says
My husband and I married in our backyard with just my parents and 6 very close friends. My dad brought Champagne and we went out to dinner at a modest restaurant. (the place where my husband and I met 11 years prior). We both went barefoot and wore clothes from our closet. Grand total spent was around $300 and that was just dinner. Our friends were so thrilled they gifted some flowers and small decorations for the yard. I can’t imagine doing it differently.
Granted we both have very small families and this was my second marriage so no one was upset for not being there. I was pleasantly surprised by that.
Daisy | Simplicity Relished says
Weddings are challenging in the sense that any event designed to accommodate lots of attendees tend to be difficult to coordinate. Feeding over 100 people is going to be either cost intensive, labor intensive, or both. At the same time, many couples see weddings as communal, so *not* involving the community is not an option.
When we got married, there was a point at which I had to remind myself whom the wedding was really for. If it was just for us, we could use the money elsewhere (amazing vacation for example) but we wanted it to be a way of expressing love and gratitude to our guests for the roles they played in our lives. Sometimes in the spirit of hospitality we need to accept those costs. It’s just when our motivation crosses over to excess and ostentatiousness that it becomes unnecessary.
Adam says
I agree in totality with the points called out in this article. However, I’ve noticed a need to compare and compete on either side, whether modest or extravagant.
I had a relatively expensive wedding with many of the things some would consider unnecessary (e.g., expensive venue, uplighting, flowers, champagne). The things we invested money in were thoughtful, but we didn’t go into debt. Everything was intentionally tied to our story, and most important, every bill was paid before we walked down the aisle.
So, my philosophy when it comes to weddings is this: focus only on what is meaningful, feasible, and affordable. How that looks will vary greatly, and that’s okay because it’s not about achieving a certain aesthetic. It’s about eliminating all the extra stuff to focus on what truly matters to the individual.
Alaine Kowalski says
I wouldn’t change a thing about my wedding! We made it a surprise and invited our immediate family only to a family time at our temple, and the lunch afterwards. It was the best!! The service is free, we enjoyed a beautiful lunch with our parents and siblings then had a fantastic honeymoon. I did have a photographer and nice dress but minimal bouquet and no cake.
When we returned home we had a casual party with friends and shared our story. I would do it again in a heart beat! Nothing went wrong and there was zero stress.
Sarah says
I love this and wish I could send it to every bride!
I am constantly thankful for our small wedding. It was intimate and sweet, and just perfect for us. And we went into zero debt for it!
Three years later we have the sweetest marriage and we used our savings to buy a home. Small weddings are the way to go!
Monica says
400-500 guests! Now that’s a lot in fairness.
We wanted to forgo the issue of we have to invite this person if we invite so and so. We didn’t tell anyone we we’re getting married and we to the church down the road. Have tea and cake after and only our immediate family.
It was so special and we could then afford a fabulous exotic honeymoon.
joshua becker says
Yup. We had a big wedding, not an extravagant one. And I wouldn’t change a thing.
Cher says
Also from the study you reference:
“Thus, the evidence suggests that the types of weddings associated with lower likelihood of divorce are
those that are relatively inexpensive but are high in attendance.”
Good news for you and Kim, Joshua! ;)