“We live in a very tense society. We are pulled apart… and we all need to learn how to pull ourselves together…. I think that at least part of the answer lies in solitude.” —Helen Hayes
We live in the information age.
Computers provide the opportunity to process enormous amounts of information. The Internet makes the constant flow of information from anywhere in the world possible. Social media ties together information and relationships. And smart phones have made information and relationship accessible anywhere/anytime.
This adds many benefits to our lives: we are able to accomplish more, broadcast further, connect easier, and process quicker.
But left unchecked, this information age also has its downsides. Consider the fact that we are constantly, at all times, digitally surrounded by others. For the first time in human history, the possibility for relationship with others exists around us at every moment of every day… whether we are at work, in our homes, in our cars, in the grocery store, at our son’s baseball game, or on vacation at the beach.
With the click of a mouse, the push of a button, or the flip of the phone, we are immediately rushed to a place teeming with others. And they immediately rush into our minds with reckless abandon.
Left unchecked, this constant stream of relationship can have some damaging effects on our lives:
- It becomes easy to constantly compare our lives to others. Because Facebook/Twitter/Instagram/Tik-Tok often only tell one side of lifes’ story, it becomes commonplace to compare the worst aspects of our life to the publicized best aspects of others. Add to that the fact that television paints an unreal, often over-glamorized view of the world, advertisements remind us of everything that we still don’t own, and technology changes at light-speed pace. And once you get lost in the comparison game, you enter a never-ending downward spiral. Reality has been replaced by fiction.
- There is a constant need to impress. It is human nature to hide weakness and champion strength. We so desperately desire to be well thought of and looked up to. As a result, when we are in the company of others, we try to look our best, put-together, and in control. We hope to impress others… often building walls to hide our true selves in the process. This new, constant stream of virtual relationship muddies the water. There is no longer any opportunity for down-time. We must always be “on-our-game” trying to hide our weakness and champion our success.
- It is tempting to overlook the people right in front of us. We live in a world where we can check to see what anyone else in our life is doing in real-time. There is no need to hear about it later. We can just check right now… and it will only take a second. Unfortunately, when there are only 2 friends in front of us but 200 friends online, it becomes increasingly difficult to focus on the 2. This temptation to see what else is happening in the world is very strong. And it often comes at the expense of the people we are sitting with at the moment.
- The urgency of communication becomes greatly exaggerated. In a world where information is easily accessible and interpersonal relationships are always available, the urgency of communication begins to accelerate. Just because our cell phones allow us to be reached at any given point of the day (by voice or text) does not mean that an immediate response is necessary. Our lives continue. Unfortunately, because the world has collapsed around us, there is a growing sense that not giving an immediate response to texts/e-mails is rude. It is not.
- There is great opportunity to become overly-dependent on others. When the opportunity to be surrounded and validated by others is constantly present, the opportunity to rely upon those relationships to an unhealthy degree also presents itself. If we can receive feedback and praise from dozens of people at a moment’s notice, the ability to find personal satisfaction diminishes. We lose the ability to find security in our heart and soul – because the rush feels so good when we receive it from others.
- There is unlimited ability to ‘sell.’ When relationships are always available, there is never a moment in the day that we can not be busy selling something to somebody. In a world that spins on the foundation of the dollar bill, this can become very dangerous. Whether we are selling material products, intellectual products, or just ourselves, the opportunity to sell is always available. The store never closes. Customers always enter. And if we’re always busy chasing the next sale, there is little opportunity for contentment to take root.
- Silence becomes feared. When social media offers the illusion that all of our friends are at all times living in constant relationship, silence is feared. Silence begins to take on the meaning of “missing out” or “loneliness.” When all the world is achatter but you are sitting quietly, it can be a fearful thing. Unfortunately so.
- Our hearts are never searched and our lives are never evaluated. The constant flow of relationships and noise around us often distracts us from the most important thing in our lives: our heart and soul. The fear of solitude, the inability to disconnect, the lack of training in meditation, and the difficulty associated in looking deeply into our heart and soul means that we rarely do it. In a world where virtual relationships exist around-the-clock, the discipline to search our heart is rarely developed.
Despite the benefits, there is danger in constant relationship. We are wise to consider what they may be.
And we neglect time alone at our own peril.
Kate says
This post is an excellent reminder. We don’t have to be plugged in all the time. Sometimes we feel the need to be…we don’t want to miss anything. What I have realized is that in doing so, you miss so much of yourself-your real self. In reflection, meditation or prayer, etc. And you miss so much of those who are physically present. I took a month off of social media a while back. I only checked email once daily except for work email. It was actually difficult for about 2 days….kind of a withdrawal period. Afterward, it was great – actually freeing. I spent time reading and investigating things I was interested in. I spent more time with loved ones and friends and experienced real alone time, not supplemented by virtual friends. It was good! Thanks for the reminder!
Nancy Darling says
I would like to subscribe but I can’t tell what reader to choose, etc.
Scott says
Beautiful. Thank you for sharing.
Joice Machado says
Joshua,
Here I am, in Manaus – Amazonas – Brasil (yeah, middle of the forest!)….reading you while my boyfriend is taking few days off to climb a mountain… your post came to me as a warning to understand and accept him and also not to be ashamed of my need to take sometime to me too. Sorry for the bad english and thank you so much for helping me to strengthen my point of view and our relationship. :)
Lena says
On the last few cruises I went on, I first felt anxiety at the thought of not having a cell phone signal or internet while on the ocean. I calmed myself in the knowledge that I could pay an extravagent amount of money for a few minutes of satellite internet if I absolutely HAD to check my email on the ship. However, it was really nice (and relaxing!) to tune out the outside world, and spend time with the people I was with, and meet other people, and just “unplug.”
I wonder if I should start scheduling “electronic-free” time into my days, where I have no TV, no computer, no phone….
Steve Vitti says
Unreal. So on point and inspirational. Thank you one hundred times.
Lisa S. says
This is so insightful. Everyone needs to take the time to be still…live intentional lives…..your description of a virtual relationship is so correct, so sad.
Clare says
“It is tempting to overlook the people right in front of us. We live in a world where we can check to see what anyone else in our life is doing in real-time. There is no need to hear about it later. We can just check right now… and it will only take a second. Unfortunately, when there are only 2 friends in front of us but 200 friends online, it becomes increasingly difficult to focus on the 2. This temptation to see what else is happening in the world is very strong. And it often comes at the expense of the people we are sitting with at the moment.”
And this is why I have deleted my facebook account. Thank you so much for articulating what I couldn’t quite describe. My life has become so much richer already in the last 2 weeks of not using FB as my default mode of communication.
Gitahi says
Just what I was thinking when I permanently deleted my Facebook profile a week ago! Only you put it so much more coherently.
kevin says
I have an English writing exam coming next week and after reading this article I’m like “whoa!” I enjoy reading this article and I don’t mind to say that I learned a lot from your writing so thank you and keep it up!!!!