“Those who are wise won’t be busy, and those who are too busy can’t be wise.” ― Lin Yutang
It was in this video from Jeff Shinabarger that I first heard the phrase, “‘Busy’ has become the new ‘Fine’.” As in, when you ask somebody how they were doing, they used to answer, “Fine.” But nowadays, everybody answers, “Busy.”
Seemingly, busy has become the default state for too many of our lives.
But is the state of busy really improving our lives? Certainly not. Statistics indicate 75% of parents are too busy to read to their children at night. There is a rising number of children being placed in day cares and after-school activities. Americans are having a hard time finding opportunity for vacations these days. 33% of Americans are living with extreme stress daily. And nearly 50% of Americans say they regularly lie awake at night because of stress. This is a problem. We have become too busy.
But it doesn’t have to be this way. Busy is not inevitable. (tweet that)
Each of us can take intentional steps to unbusy our lives.
Consider this Helpful Guide to Becoming Unbusy:
1. Realize that being busy is a choice. It is a decision we make. We are never forced into a lifestyle of busyness. The first, and most important, step to becoming less busy is to simply realize that our schedules are determined by us. We do have a choice in the matter. We don’t have to live busy lives.
2. Stop the glorification of busy. Busy, in and of itself, is not a badge of honor. In fact, directed at the wrong pursuits, it is actually a limiting factor to our full potential. It is okay to not be busy. Repeat this with me: It is okay to not be busy.
3. Appreciate and schedule rest. One of the reasons many of us keep busy schedules is we fail to recognize the value of rest. But rest is beneficial to our bodies, our minds, and our souls. Set aside one day per week for rest and family. Intentionally schedule it on your calendar. Then, guard it at all costs.
4. Revisit your priorities. Become more intentional with your priorities and pursuits in life. Determine again what are the most significant contributions you can offer this world. And schedule your time around those first. Busyness is, at its core, about misplaced priorities.
5. Own fewer possessions. The things we own take up far more time and mental energy than we realize. They need to be cleaned, organized, and maintained. And the more we own, the more time is required. Own less stuff. And find more time because of it.
6. Cultivate space in your daily routine. Take time for lunch. Find space in your morning to sit quietly before starting your day. Invest in solitude, meditation, or yoga. Find opportunity for breaks at work in between projects. Begin right away cultivating little moments of space and margin in your otherwise busy day.
7. Find freedom in the word, “no.” Seneca wrote, “Everybody agrees that no one pursuit can be successfully followed by a man who is preoccupied with many things.” Recognize the inherent value in the word “no.” Learning to say “no” to less important commitments opens your life to pursue the most important.
Busy does not need to define you. Unbusy is possible. It’s okay to be happy with a calm life. And doesn’t that sound wonderful right about now?
Image: Moyan_Brenn
I love my unbusy times. I especially enjoy the wee hours of the morning (like now), drinking my coffee and reading blogs, (like this one). I also enjoy writing posts on my own blog. Yet, when I tell people about my blogging, I get this response, “It must be nice to have that much time on your hands.” I find that remark very insulting.
Lorraine – maybe you could tell them “Those who are wise won’t be busy, and those who are too busy can’t be wise.” ― Lin Yutang – :)
Yes or “It is nice, I highly recommend it.” and follow any protest by explaining that bussyness is a choice.
It is insulting to be told “it must be nice” or “you’re so lucky” about something you have worked very hard toward.
Simply say “thank you “.
I’m sure those same people don’t realize that they probably spend a lot of time staring/playing with their cell phones or checking their Facebook pages. I don’t have either one of those things.
My reaction to that is to take a deep breath and realize their comment speaks to their motivations, values, guilt, and jealousies, not to my pursuits at all. then I nod and say, “yes, it is. Thank you for affirming that.”
Your words this morning seem to be written just for me. Just this past week, I decided to say no to anything that I don’t really want to do and get up to solitude and peace.
Great article….a reminder to myself to slow down. I’m there now, awake at night with a million things buzzing around my head. I’m not saying it because I feel important, I’m saying it because I feel I have too, and expectation from my work. Thank you for writing this. I took a day off today and I have my 12 year old daughter with me. I’m going to snuggle with her and watch movies all day. I’m going to do nothing………..
That’s definitely NOT nothing – that’s the important stuff right there! :) Enjoy your time!
Perfect! “Stop the glorification of busy” was my inspiration for taking a year off of work. I was doing it all. But I wasn’t happy with the results. Thanks for raising the awareness.
I love the first point – Being busy is a choice! If I had only realized that earlier – I had packed my schedule with a lot of random stuff so that I would always be moving, never standing still. So that I wouldn’t have to think about the important questions – like whether I am happy or not, or am I living the life I want? It only works up to a certain point, and then it all comes crashing down on you. Thanks for the post. :)
Native American Ohiyesa wrote “The Soul of an Indian” in 1911. He addressed ‘minimalism’ in his work: “It has always been our belief that the love of possessions is a weakness to be overcome. Its appeal is to the material part, and if allowed its way it will in time disturb the spiritual balance for which we all strive.” His wisdom is as valuable today as it was over 100 years ago.
Thank you for posting this. I just purchased the book you mentioned as I find the Native American way of life to be fascinating. My favorite quote with regards to minimalism is that of Jackie French Koller, the author of “The Primrose Way” (a book about Native Americans and the Puritans): “There are two ways to be rich. One is by acquiring much; the other is by desiring little.” I apologize if I messed it up at all – I don’t have my copy of the book in front of me!
Thank you. I especially like “busyness at its core is about misplaced priorities” and “it’s ok to not be busy”. :D
I like all the points. Some I have been working on already, I take time for yoga, pilates, walking and lunch and I own less things than I did.
Some I need to do some more work on, like saying no to some things to give time to other things.
Yes!
I never even realized how busy I was, or that there was an alternative.
I read a book (Breathe: Creating Space For God in a Hectic Life) that changed my life.
I decided that I wanted to change. I took what I called a one year sabbatical. I finished up what I was already committed to and took nothing else on for the next year.
It was kinda scary, especially having to tell people no who simply expected I would say yes because I always had. I even said no to a few events that I mostly enjoyed working on bc I knew that while I enjoyed the final project, I was miserably stressed in the process of making it all happen.
That was…over five years ago.
I’ve survived and even thrived. My husband is thrilled. And my default setting when asked to do something is to stop and think and usually say no.
I know have the time to LIVE.
I get comments all the time about how much I do. I homeschool our three kids, we’re restoring an old homestead, I grow tons of stuff, make 99% of our food from scratch, can and preserve, make herbal products and sell them at markets, raise chickens, tried goats & a cow (ugh) and generally learn new things. And this is a total city girl who never did anything like this before five years ago. I was too busy. ;)
While yes, I really do a lot, I am not busy. I’m not on a single committee, I don’t go to meetings (except a prayer meeting with a group of ladies) and my overall stress level is so much lower. I make time to read, drink my tea, go on picnics with my kids, even lay in one of our four hammocks. I see the sunsets.
Not everyone wants my life, and I get that. I am just writing this to say that real change IS possible. I only thought I was taking a year off. It wasn’t as scary that way and it helped with the guilt. Now, I’d never go back.
Another thing that was interesting, almost everyone I told no to that first year understood and said they wished they could say no as well. Besides, looking back now I really question all the special events I planned and worked on and wonder why any of us spent so much time and energy and money on it all. So many times, everyone at the event was just trying to cram it into an already too full schedule.
I wonder what would happen if we all just took a year off and spent the time with those we love just being with them at home or in nature instead of running to events and rehearsals and endless meetings?
Awesome story. Thank you for sharing!
Do you program your tasks? How you organize your time?
Thank you for sharing! Very inspiring!
I’m afraid I’m slowly falling victim into this default setting as my mind is constantly in work mode. However, you are right. Business IS a choice. Even though there are tons of things I could be doing or have to do, there are still many ways to move things around to give yourself time to breathe or time to be busy. Unfortunately, people don’t realize that they’re not always busy and they default into telling others they are busy.
That only feeds their mindset and makes them really believe themselves.
Great piece! I’ve also realized much busyness is created by “wanting things”, which means spending more hours working for money and shopping. The less I want the more time I seem to have.
Hey Anne, I think you’ve hit the nail on the head there. I wish my “wants” would diminish altogether though. I lost my job 3 months ago – so was forced to be less busy (although there is always something to do!), and spend less money. It’s been hard but a good lesson – if I don’t truly need something, I don’t buy it.
My office mates pride themselves on how busy they are, complaining about all of the meetings they are in and how far behind they are while at the same time wearing it as some sort of badge of honor. I learned years ago that was the fast path to burning out.
thank you for the post. As a full time mom it is easy to get busy all day long. I used to say that I work from midnight till midnight.
Indeed being busy is a choice and I am choosing different. I am writing again, go to the gym and enjoy time with my little girls. Thank you for making me aware!
Any tips on how to carve out me time as a mom to a toddler? I find its busy from 12-12 too as a SAHMOM. I need to care for me more so I can mother better. I need to need & want less, and enjoy what I already have.
I really enjoy the message of your post here, Joshua. I think at it’s core lies the limiting belief that busy is admirable and therefore the ego feels worthy being busy. Society is powering this belief (busy is the “new” nice). So re-evaluating this belief is the key to change the busy lifestyle. This post is a good start at that!
Cheers,
Myrko
Today I wrote about the same thing on my blog: it’s really ok to be happy with a calm life! I used to be super busy but now I am just the opposite and I love it! :)
Today I wrote about the same thing on my blog: it’s really ok to be happy with a calm life! I used to be super busy but now I am just the opposite and I love it! :)
Sure, of course it is “OK” to not be busy. It’s OK to be busy too. Sacrificing rest to improve your future is a common practice of successful people. I would say that it is absolutely a “badge of honor”. I admire many hard working people. I also recognize the value of rest. I frequently sense a tinge of jealousy in people that dislike the phrase “i’m busy”. Rather than be happy for those that are busy working hard on something that they love some people just get jealous and distant. That is not the fault or responsibility of the busy person. It’s a personal problem for the jealous person.
…The tag at the top of this post is “Own less. Live more.” Living “more” would require being more busy. Busy doesn’t always mean busy working. I have the privilege of doing what i love for a living so I am frequently “busy” having fun. Sometimes saying “I’m busy” means that you’ve chosen to say yes to the right things and are now saying no to the wrong things… simply because you’re to busy doing the right things, following the right opportunities.
I get what you’re saying, Andrew. And there is a delicate (and ultimately individual) balance to strike between hard work and down time. If we don’t work hard then we probably won’t progress or succeed in the ways we would like.
But I personally read the post as rallying against the idea of being busy simply for the sake of being busy. Complaining about all the meetings/committments/tasks/whatevers that people have on their schedule, all the while not taking ownership of those committments.
We all have a lot to do – with work, home or child-raising – but, like Kimberley said above, doing a lot is different to being perpetually busy.
The use of time is so important, techniques like Pomodoro can improve that, and you will have more time to use in things that really matter. Programming tasks and focus can help dramatically. I think focus is the key
You have some good points but unfortunately lost me a bit with “There is a rising number of children being placed in day cares and after-school activities.” I don’t believe those activities by themselves are the problem and am offended that you look down on all “day care” kids. Being “busy” can be viewed as a good thing by some as long as it doesn’t reach the point where it is stress inducing. Hard work can also be a good thing.
I had the same reaction
I agree and that was my first thought too! I don’t put my children in daycare because I am too busy. They are there because I have a job that I require to earn money for the things my family NEEDS, not extra stuff I don’t need.
+100
My first thought as well. I don’t work for “more things.” I work because I love what I do, and my kid loves his daycare. Frankly, my life is less busy/stressful because I have awesome caretakers for my kids during the day. Constantly coming up with ways to entertain them would stress me out!
Agree!! I was ready to read a nice article, because I agree with the author that I can’t stand people who basically brag about how busy they are…then had to throw out the daycare comment. Working moms get enough crap about our choices from our hairdressers, strangers sitting next to us on the plane, etc.
Mapping out your day-to-day often exposes loopholes which you can take advantage of to get a breather or two.
Please, please, please read to your children AND have them read to you. When you do this both of you get quality time together and memories but you are setting up a strong educational foundation. I see too many preteens and terns struggle with reading.
This is the hardest lesson for me. It’s easy to get rid of things, but harder for me to get rid of social activities and work. This is a great reminder that you can’t really right-size your life without examining those as closely as you do the things you aquire…
Thanks!
Being too busy can be a problem for some of us. I personally made a number of choices that kept me running in high gear for many years. Eventually, I realized that stress from my crazy busy life was hurting my health. Being healthy became more important to me than being busy. I gradually cut back on how much I was doing which helped me get my health back on track. I am very happy these days living a life that is less busy and more calm.
Karla ~ You said exactly what I needed to hear today. “Being healthy became more important to me than being busy.” I’ve had a few health issues lately that I need to address with better eating and exercise, but I keep telling myself that it’s just one more thing I need to add to my to-do list and I don’t have time to address it. It’s probably part of the perfectionist in me. I want to give it my all or it’s just not worth it because if I screw up, I’ll feel like a failure. Being healthy will help everything else fall into place though. I’ve got to make a change.
You’re totally right – it’s a choice. But many of us are so used to it now that it’s hard to stop and to say ‘no’.
I loathe being busy with the passion of a thousand suns. I work in an inbound call centre and this means I have no control over my workload as I am a slave to the never ending queue. I am leaving this job and I am looking forward to learning how to do one thing at a time since it’s been 9 years.
I am not sure which I prefer. There’s a lot of things about being busy that I like – the sense of accomplishment, the rush of staying up late to finish a project, the drive and the urgency. But I also like morning coffees and lounging in my bed at 1pm with the afternoon sun coming in!
It’s a good balance right now. My job keeps be busy busy busy, but at home, I can be pretty chill.
I love all the points but to me number one (as it should be) is the most important. Being busy is a choice. Seems to me many people over schedule, over commit and over consume because they are not happy with their current choices. If you find it necessary to distract yourself from you life it may be time to reexamine your life.
It has taken me many years to realize what was written in this blog post. But once I realized it, it has changed my life. I am also an introvert, so I NEED (from a physiological perspective) down-time to calm and reinvigorate myself. I was running on empty all the time and was wondering why I was stressed, irritable, and angry. I was so busy (mostly from my own doing) and so over-stimulated that I could not enjoy my family and my life. I still struggle with this issue, but when I find myself sucked into the busyness philosophy, I force myself to pause, I schedule rest and down-time, and that helps me put everything into perspective. Mindfulness meditation has also been very beneficial in this pursuit. I used to glorify busyness and wear it as a badge of honor as it was destroying my mental and physical health and making me unhappy. No more.
Thank you for #5, especially! As I prepare to pack my apartment for a move later this summer, I am once again reminded of the value in minimalizing. What do I not need anymore?? What can I live without??
Because as you said – having more requires more – time, energy, etc.
This is such a great and refreshing post. I love moving to a new area, because all of a sudden 90% of my previous commitments have ended and I’m not “busy.” Unfortunately that lasts for about 2 weeks, and I start taking things on again that lead me to the unwanted “busy” state! I love the simple, yet profound, advice that you offer here! Thank you so much for sharing it!
LOVE this post. I’ll be linking to/sharing it! Too much stress and/or too much busy-ness is health-damaging. And how much is “too much” is different for each person. Adrenal burnout is a very real danger, I suspect many people are suffering from it and don’t know it. Bad part is, it only gets worse if you don’t change something, and the worse it gets, the harder it is to find someone who knows how to help you get better. Life can be simpler. Our culture makes it so complicated. I am much happier with a calm life. Also, my kids are 12 and 10 and they still love to be read to at night. We have shared some wonderful book adventures because of it!
I find it very hard to not be busy. Especially since I am trying to turn into a minimalist.
I work from home, so I’m trying to keep my business going plus do all the housework, shopping for food, clothes…, cook, weed the garden, exercise, pay bills… and now on top of that I am trying to squeeze in time each day to de-clutter my basement (a major undertaking, and there are closets and drawers and cabinets awaiting their turn). I often feel guilty at the end of the day because I didn’t have time to walk my dog. So, I don’t know how to not be busy. But I am tired of the frantic pace of just trying to keep up with everything.
I know it can be very overwhelming all the household tasks when you are working too. Have you thought of outsourcing some things. ie weeding. Also I found shopping once a fortnight helped me save time. A few other tips..Food shop online and get it delivered, cooking 2 meals at once and freeze one for another night, automatic payment of bills online, getting kids to help (if you have them) with some tasks like housework, weeding, walking the dog. Maybe you can combine some tasks (walk the dog for exercise).
Can you enlist the help of family or friends to watch kids so you have a day free to get really stuck into the basement de-clutter?
Also, if I have extra things on I try to minimize the housework. ie how long can something be left until it REALLY needs to be cleaned. This is not ideal for long-term, but can help relieve some-short term stress.
Definitely try to allocate a few jobs to other family members if possible to share the load.
All the best!!
A beautiful post that helps redirect a busy life to a full one. It’s not about doing less, but rather choosing what’s important and giving those priorities enough “white space” or margin that they retain their significance. On #7, I’ve learned that saying “yes” to one thing always says “no” to another. If I can discern what I’m losing by saying “yes,” it often frees me to say “no”.
I love this phrase, because I value wisdom. Thanks for bringing it into my awareness! :-)