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“Envy is ignorance.” –Ralph Waldo Emerson
Very few people would argue for the positive influence of jealousy & envy in our lives. In fact, most of us can quickly recognize the importance of learning how to stop being jealous. And we’re all aware of jealousy and envy’s effects:
- They foster discontent and distress.
- They bind our freedom.
- They lead to resentment and bitterness.
- They cause us to do things we wouldn’t normally do.
- They can spiral into depression.
And yet, the wasted emotions of envy and jealousy continue to be present in our lives. It is a constant battle that wars against our heart and soul. We experience envy over other peoples’ appearance, talents, relationships, and bank accounts. It offers no positive contribution to our lives. Yet, it remains.
It is time to break free. Certainly, each of us desire to live in freedom from jealousy and envy.
Here’s how to stop being jealous.
1. Shift your focus to the goodness in your life. One of the biggest reasons we envy the life of another is because we have begun to take our blessings for granted. Count them again. You are talented. You are gifted. You are cared for. You are unique. Your life is too valuable to be lived like everyone else. You have countless reasons to be grateful for the life you have been given. Remind yourself again.
2. Remind yourself that nobody has it all. Stop comparing your life with others. It is always a losing proposition. There will always appear to be people who have it better than you. But remember, we always compare the worst of what we know about ourselves to the best assumptions we make about others. Be reminded, nobody has it all. Each person you meet experiences problems, trials, and weaknesses–just like you. This is what makes us human. Nobody is exempt. Nobody has it all. Nobody.
3. Avoid people who habitually value the wrong things. If you spend all your time with people who compare the latest fashions, you are going to start desiring the latest fashions. If you spend all your time with people who talk about their salaries, their new cars, or their extravagant vacations, you are going to naturally fall into the inevitable trap of comparing your possessions to theirs. But there are far more important things to pursue. Remove yourself from the conversation (and the relationship if necessary).
4. Spend time with grateful people. Gratitude is highly contagious–that is why I spend time reading Tammy Strobel. You can read gratitude in almost every word she writes. Find grateful people who experience contentment in their lives and spend quality time with them. You can find them online or you can find them in person. But the more you invest your time with them, the more their spirit will become yours… and soon, others will desire what you have.
5. Understand that marketers routinely fan the flame. One of the most effective tools for advertisers in our culture is to foster jealousy and envy among us. After all, if they can cause us to recklessly desire the possessions of another, they can drive us to great lengths to acquire it for ourselves. Be on guard against their tactics. Recognize them. Avoid them. And refuse to succumb to their deception.
6. Celebrate the success of others. Genuinely and practically, rejoice in the fortune of others. When somebody receives something that you desire, be happy for them. If you wanted it, they probably did too. Stop viewing life as a competition. Joy is not a finite resource. And the moment you learn to experience happiness in others’ joy is the day you take a huge step to overcoming envy once and for all.
7. Be generous. Even if you have to force yourself into it at first, make generosity an essential habit in your life. Give your time. Give your finances. Give your abilities, talents, and skills. Volunteer in your community. Support a cause that promotes social justice. And get your hands dirty. As you begin to spend more time and more energy with those who have less than you, the more you will find fulfillment and meaning. And when you do, the allure of another’s person life will quickly fade away.
Both jealousy and envy have held us hostage for far too long. It is time, once and for all, to break free from jealousy & envy and experience a more fulfilled life because of it.
Image: Yashna M
About Joshua Becker
Just thanks so much for this article. My partner suffers from jealousy and all I had found so far was “how to deal with a jealous person”. I don’t want to “deal with” the person I love, I want to deal with our common problem.
This article is so insightful and sharing so much positivity it’s making me emotional for my partner. Now I’d like to read more articles like this one.
Thanks…sweet relief all because of this wonderful article.
Thank you for this article. :) I need a lot of help managing my jealousy!
I had realized that’ anybody be as envier’on other so in his life or her have no success, else always are in loses and sadness also with palaver thinking about others’majority of those whoms atacked with envy, jeolousy’ are mads or ignorant’or insan. Care full its very dangerious.
I felt peace when reading this article. I have been struggling with my in-laws. It seems that each of my spouse’s siblings are always talking about trips they have taken, buying points for their condominiums, the wonderful talents and achievements of each of their kids, the expensive cars and houses that they are planning on buying, and the extensive list of gifts that they buy their kids at holidays and birthdays. I have gotten caught up in the envy. It has created bitterness and resentment. This article has given me insight. I have things to work on, namely: being genuinely happy for the success of others; and being happy and content where I am in life. I need to trust that I am where I am supposed to be in life, doing the work that has been entrusted to me. I may not make as much money as most, but I am able to provide well for my family. Thank you Joshua Becker for reminding me to count my blessings, to cut down on communication with toxic individuals and to be happy for those who find success. I tend to struggle with these, but strive to do the other things in this article. Thank you for the enlightenment!!!
There needs to be more support for those who have been at the receiving end of the hate from envious people throughout their lives. It is seriously debilitating and damages the person. Tired of people feeling sorry for the attacker. It’s wrong. You know it, so fo what’s right and be kind. No one should have to pay the price for your emotional problems by being treated without empathy.
we are all aware of jealousy and envy’s effects. It is a constant battle that wars against our heart and soul. I found the tips how to stop being jealous. This is really amazing. Thank you so much for giving the advices in this well written content.
Very good advice and very well written.
jealousy is A curse save yourselves from those evil thoughts and focus on your own life. My neighbors hate me For no reason and spread rumors about me because there mad inside that they live in old beat up houses that are rat infested and I live in a gorgeous rat free house. It’s crazy how bitter they are if I said 3 words to them in 10 years it’s a lot. The only explanation for this kinda bitterness is jealousy. Don’t be mad at me be mad at the rats that are haunting you every single night. Shame on you people. Damn haters
That’s the same thing i am experiencing now. Especially now that there’s no movement in our area due to Corona Virus, i can’t go out because they make comments whenever they see me this is too hard for me to bear
Am the eldest daughter but my father is always making me look stupid in front of my sisters. My father is a king so as a family we sit according to rank in any function. I fell in love with a guy some years back who my father did not agree with eventually I had to quit the relationship which was very devastating to me. We were arguing one time and I said something to him that he didn’t like. My father virtually took my place( where I sit as the eldest daughter) and gave it to my younger sister. took my car and everything and gave it to her. My younger sister has been so disrespectful towards me ever since all these things we’re given to her. My father calls me a fool in front of her and we’re not on talking terms. I just don’t want anything to do with her. I was once my Fathers favourite and I hate what they are doing to me
Dear Great,
I was once treated that way and I feel the same way as u do. My sister has a car while I still drive a scooter or take a bus to work. My sister was a high achiever while I was an average student. Therefore my parents placed more trust on her than on me. I was extremely fat weighing over 70 kgs while my sis looked so beautiful.
But now, after studying so hard for 5 years, I’ve got an amazing job with a dream salary and everybody thinks the world of me now. I also used my spare time to exercise and check my diet and I have lost over 15 kgs. I have been doing modelling as a side hustle. That’s when I realised that to be loved and idolized by the people around you, you have to put in some hard work from your side. I’m happy ever since and my family approved of me having a boyfriend.
That’s Life!!!
I have envy in two places. I am envious of people who keep a clean house. It’s not what they have material-wise, but their ability to keep house.
And then there are the mom’s who have kids with jobs, girlfriends/boyfriends, going to college, driving..
I have children with special needs, and being their parent has been really hard.
And what makes it harder, is that I struggled emotionally before they were born, and continued to struggle as a parent.
My children are incredibly talented despite their hardships, and I try to focus on that, and the fact that I have an amazing husband supporting our children as well.
But I am still so jealous of these parents who see their kids off to new adventures, where mine are still learning how to control their emotions and do basic things.
Then, with this, is the guilt. I end up feeling guilt and shame as their mother. How terrible am I that I wish at times that they were different. I have felt bad enough that in a deep depression, I would tell myself I have no right to be a mother if I feel this way.
Which is a lie. I am a good mother, and I’ve always advocated for them, and allowed them to grow at their own rate. People tell me I am a good mother.
Once, I sat on the steps of my front door, and sobbed over them never learning to ride a bike. That they were not out with the neighborhood children riding their bikes. And, at that moment, a group of kids their age had walked by, swearing and smoking. It was an unlikely gift of a scene, as I stopped sobbing and thought, “My kids can’t ride a bike, and they struggle socially, but they are not walking the streets doing drugs, smoking and swearing.”
I do find moments of clarity often, but envy creeps in when I am at a low point, and I look around my messy house feeling like we can’t ever get our lives together, because things are just hard sometimes.
i feel you, having a daughter in constant need of medication can be draining, emotionally, physically ( you have to find the cheapest brands ) and most of all financially.
but i find clarity when i get to see her a fully functioning individual who is able to go to school and be highly competitive with her classmates , she doesnt have a condition, id tell myself, she is still blessed for that, her brain is fully functional, and physically she has no limitations.
but sometimes i wish she can be like the others who wouldnt have to constantly inject on insulin just to survive….
Envy is such a terrible feeling, especially if it goes against your values. Every time I feel envious I hate myself for it. I wish I can convince not to compare myself but sometimes I cannot help it. When I feel envious I am felt feeling worst after, because now not only am I envious, I feel like a terrible person for letting jealousy overtake me. I recently badmouthed a friend and later I felt so guilty about it, I dug to the root of it and realized I may have been envious. At least I am glad I am aware of when envy takes over and I strive on tips to make me stop, but I do wish I envied less.
I am thankful for this article. You are really going to help me bring a positive change in my life.
I am a very envious person. I feel bad about that. by thinking about it… I am mostly envious about the hard work and the luck other writers have. I see this to power my writing.
but lately, there was a situation and I dont have any way to find out, what to do.
I have a colleage and we both worked very hard and became always the best in the teams we worked. so, now she is often in smoking breaks, means: good socialising, where I am an introvert person and read muc in my breaks. the colleage was promoted, not by their choice, but she is totally happy about it and I feel the bitter bang of envy. additionally, now, as one of our superior checked, because my colleage “left me”, is working towards to get me into a way worse team (less money, less free time, no way to improve my status in the company, more aggressive customers) and I feel the pang of feeling not acknowledged, while she was “brought into the light of a better job”. And I can not find a way to stop feeling the rage inside my heart.
I’m so sorry for you. I know the emotions and the pain you are experiencing because I have experienced the same situation as you have. What have I done to combat my envy about my colleague? Count my blessings and moved out and got a new job. No it wasn’t that easy but I made up my mind to lead a better life outside of the company I was with since they weren’t going to acknowledge me in a positive way, and I had been with this company for eight years with sporadic salary increases. With this new change I experienced constant questioning if I had done the right thing. I took the new position at another company with lower pay, however, the medical benefits are much better than with the other company but soon found that I did myself a huge favor and five years after I made the switch I finally got recognized with a well deserved salary increase that I was entirely surprised with. The new company is so pleased with my work and they showed it with the promotion and salary increase. I’ve been with this company for eleven years and recently got a call from my former employer about coming back with a matching salary. My answer was Thank You very much but I didn’t go back. I’m very happy here right now but I do know that I did make the correct choice. It takes a huge amount of courage to move out and move on. I was nervous and anxiety about the prospect because I was comfortable and the company was only a few block from where I lived. With the change I made I had to pick up and move to a new town but it was worth it. I found a cute cottage by the bay in a quiet and quaint town where its quiet in the winters but bustling in the spring and summer and fall.
That Sounds So Beautiful! I’m really happy for u! Your story is inspiring and gives me hope! Thanks for sharing.
My envy is not around material stuff. I really don’t care who has what. I have enough and some left over to share. My envy comes in people becoming grandmas. My oldest daughter suffered a miscarriage 18 months ago. Of course, this was a painful loss for her and her wife. It was difficult for me in that my own baby was hurting and my granddaughter would now live in Heaven.
As my sisters and friends become grandmas I find myself being very envious and sad. I’m happy for them, I truly am. But it is a reminder that our precious little Levi isn’t here. Being a lesbian, my daughter can’t go out and just try again.
I try hard not to be envious. But I think of all the things my daughter missed out on by loosing Levi. And, selfishly, all the things I miss out on as her grandma. When I crochet or see for other little ones, I can’t help but desire to make one for her or wonder what she’d want.
How do I move beyond and just have joy for my friends and family?
I was envious and jealousy enough in the past but now I have controlled it completely.
What recommendations does any have for the one being envied?? I am a 26 y/o female and have had to deal with people who were so envious of me it has turned into bullying. Constantly mimicking and copying any and everything I do after they see or hear about it. It could be anything. Honestly it is irritating because I’m just being myself and by no means am I perfect or haven’t had my share of troubles in life yet the hateful bullying and envy has yet to stop. It is a very lonely and sad life at times. At my age,however, I’ve learned to accept it and find other things to occupy myself but the constant monitoring my every move in life to one up in order to feel better and superior is annoying. What should I do and how should I handle this? Thanks.
For starters stop hanging out with these people. Unfriend them. Block phone numbers and cut ties completely. Even if they are family. Trust me it’s no big loss. Hateful people are a poison that can destroy your life. And with all the extra time you’ll have you can help at your local food bank or be a big sister or donate your time to some other good cause. Or train for the Iron Man! (I doubt anybody will try to copy you or be envious of that!) Just my 2 cents.
My ex sister-in law is such a go-getter. Nice home, and a 2nd home, great job and a side job to boot that she loves. I on the other hand had planned to have all those things but made some poor choices. We are both in our early 60s and when I see her on Facebook talking about her resort home, her excursions to the mountains, and other places I would love to visit (if could afford), I start thinking why I don’t have those things…and it seems I never will since I’m not getting any younger. This is a true story: I was in the shower about 3 days ago when I heard a voice in my head that said, “do not get back on the Facebook.” No joke. It lasted 3 days but I gave-in this evening and when I went on Facebook, there she was talking about a trip she was on…again I felt envious and frustrated with myself because I couldn’t afford to be on a trip. Don’t get me wrong, I don’t dislike her nor am I jealous of her (I don’t think) but it appears I envy what I do not have. (Commandment #10) I’ve decided to “unfollow” for peace of mind. Tks heaps for your great info.
My best friend got to go to Iceland and I’m extremely envious. This is such a new emotion for me because I generally don’t care about such things but Iceland it’s different. I want to go so bad and he didn’t even really care he was going. Now he emails and texts me the coolest things that make me want to go more and I can’t help but feel sad that I’m not there right this second!
I’m sure this will pass but the feeling sucks. I can’t imagine people who feel this constantly!
So many people would die to come to US or Canada or any western country. You are already there, you can have good life. See the life in developing or underdeveloped nations, then you will understand what you have. If you earn and save, you can go any country on a years savings. You have social security and other benefits which many people don’t have. I also feel envious of my friends who are in US, Canada or other countries and wana go myself. but its life! we can’t get everything we want. And yes we need to unfollow such people for sure on facebook, insta, whereever we need to.. and count our blessings!
I still kick myself over ruining my College years being consumed in envy. I had long looked forward to graduating from a boarding school I’d been attending for years and having my freedom back, but the moment I finally did, I became obsessively envious of students who had more exciting opportunities in the Theatre than I felt I could have(I was a Theatre major-big mistake), and complained endlessly about not having a Girlfriend. I barely earned a penny until I was 24, because this envy kept me from taking any responsibility. My College years could have been good, and I practically threw them away! Well, live and learn. I’ve done good things for myself since then.
Thank You for this! I’m always comparing myself to another person and it gets me envy now I’ve realized that life is not a competition and I must be haply with what I have. THANK YOU SO MUCH GODBLESS YOU!
I am 17 and I envy my best friend. I know I’m not supposed to but I cant help it. We have similar interests, art and writing. Both of us also want to publish a book one day. Only thing is she is significantly better than me. And though I’m happy for her, I can’t help be envious of her talent. This also ends up feeding my depression and low self worth and self esteem. Since art and writing is very competitive field, I feel like no one would want my work when there are people like her that are much better(Its not that she’s great, I’m just really bad) Every time she shows me her work I get even more depressed but I just smile and tell her its amazing(it is). I don’t know what to do? Should I just give up? I feel like a terrible friend/person.
Oh my. (((Lilly))) I am an artist and I love writing. I am almost 40. When I was a teenager, I had a friend who was also an artist. She was incredibly competitive with me, in that she went as far as to tell me I should stop doing art because I wasn’t that good at it.
She had it all it seemed. All the boys liked her, she was good at everything she did, and I ended up with some terrible self esteem issues because of her.
Our relationship was not a healthy one, and perhaps yours is not an unhealthy one I hope.
In the art world, there will ALWAYS be someone who is seemingly more talented, and there are also people who will love what you do. Art is a form of expression, and we all perceive these expressions differently. What speaks to one person, does not make sense to another.
If you love making art, please, please do not let your friend’s talent steal your own art time. Many times over, the process of creation is what is important. You learn so much about yourself in these moments that nobody else can feel. Create with this in mind. “This is my creation time. Art makes me feel good.”
Create for you. Share, if you do, and those that it touches, that art is for them as well. And it may not be for everyone.
The most important, is to show up for YOU.
When I did my first art show, I earned 4.00. I was quite discouraged, but Through fear and uncertainty, I kept showing up, and I keep creating. I’ve gone on to sell original paintings, and I have a few local fans. I am by no means a super professional, but I realized that people love the stories surrounding art.
Why did I, or you make what you did?
Can you imagine if we said something like, “I made this, because I was trying to outdo another artist?”
Or if you said something like, “I created this when I was struggling to overcome issues of envy, and through the process, I learned, ”
(((Lilly))
I am 18 years old and im trying to lose all envy and jealousy side of me. Ive tried praying and actually assessing my life, however when a situation pops up such as when my gf is around other guys or something. I get very jealous and I hate that about myself. I try to control it, but its as if its inside me I feel it in my chest my body. Its so hard to stop. It makes me act out and do things i dont want to do. I need help, assistance what do i do?
Seriously amazing comments! I think when you have depression it’s easy to isolate yourself and feel like you are the only one feeling this way! Very inspirational that we we all here trying to better ourselves!
Nice article.
These are very nice tips, I am struggling for implementing them but I believe a day will come when I will accomplish them, I have seen grateful and genuine people in my life and I can feel their happiness. Your guidens is awesome , very grateful to you thank you very much.
Envy and jealousy can truly be life destroying. If you can believe that you are the unique creation of God, then you can realize that no matter what your circumstances, you cannot be anyone but who YOU were created to Be. No matter what your growing up was or is, It can inform you, teach you what you could not otherwise become. No matter if you’ve grown up in an alcoholic family, been sexually abused, married to someone and had a family around you who thought and treated you as someone less than (and it certainly has been my story) you must focus on the unique gifts you have been given and instead of wishing for the idealized gift of the package with the gold foil paper with the red velvet ribbon which you view as belonging to someone else and feel envious of or jealous of…if you do…you will refuse to open the gift in front of you that is yourself…just because it comes in a sliver package with a blue velvet bow. How terrible. That you would deny the world the gift that is uniquely You because you are looking enviously at someone else. Instead, what do you have that no one else has?What do you have that that people across the world would give their life for? And what in that other person that you are envying do you admire…let it inspire you, motivate you, put a fire in your belly to go after. Recognize that if you admire it, then you can set a reasonable goal to achieve it. Don’t sabotage yourself with “I can’t” because on the road to “I can” you will have accomplished and achieved more than you possibly can with a defeatist attitude. Every time I heard “no” to what I wanted or “you can’t” I said to myself “watch me”. And along life’s path of twists and turns that I couldn’t have foreseen at 21, or 30, or 45, or 60…at 74 I’m teaching about envy and mythology and the use of fairy tales, and psychodrama, and having a career that was unimaginable in my youth and throughout the various tragedies and events that could have stopped me along the way. Yes, depression can be dreadful. I know. I’ve made so many mistakes along the way. Big ones trying unsuccessfully, unhealthily to fill gaping holes in my inner and outer worlds. I have even seen the destructive effects of Beng the One Who Is Envied…it is sliming and makes you want to hide your gifts because you desire so much to be liked. AND yet…You can Be No One other than the best You there is. Just like I can be only Myself. And I can strive to and relentlessly open each gift that has been given to me me appreciate and give thanks for those particular gifts even giving thanks for the suffering along the way because it has taught me, allows me to endure And become someone I couldn’t possibly be otherwise. I know this is long and I hope not preachy but truly…investigate who you were created to be, take courage and look at and open the unique gifts you have been given(even the difficult background you’ve come from), work hard to co-create your destiny…do not just ride along on what you consider the river of fate. Your life as mine is a continual journey toward discovery. I’m still working full time in a body riddled with pain. I do not give up and I can say,”Oh, what a ride.”
Josette Nards.
Thanks for this nice advice I think it would help a lot of people. I hope I can apply this to my self and help my self to appreciate my own unique gift. I’m getting depress this past few days thinking what is missing to my life. I just heard one of social my friend marrying a rich man she’s a very arrogant woman I just can’t imagine she just got that luck after all of her bad attitude. Then I realized that I’m starting the feeling envious and comparing my self. Now I’m trying pull up my self trying to think positive and think about just my self and forget this bad feelings. By reading all the comments in here this group is started to calm my self down.
I agree that the envious envious feeling start in parenting my mother always have favoritsm of all her 7 children I’m the youngest. She always have favorite child thats when I really had started to get jealous but I had cured that by not talking to her for almost 5 yrs. I had help her and my whole family back home financially but nobody appreciate it. So I did back off and give up my communication with them. Now I’m struggling with my own life having a job that I hate but I have a good husband and beautiful child. But I always wish we have more to enjoy life but bills are none stop. I hope one day I will open my unique gift.
You truly lay it out well…
I have so much to be grateful for but i focus on what i dont have too much. Plus i envy friends who are closer to their families than mine. Trust me its stuff out of my control but so painful ive wanted to not live to endure. Im a christian and believe God loves me. I just dont understand why He doesnt answer prayer for my situation. Life goes on..
I have awesome husb and granddaughter but 2 adult daughters a heartache.. difficult people.
Thank you for your caring heart.
God bless you😊
Hi, Joshua everything that is written on your article hit me hard. But there’s missing, you know i’ve been born with everything a poor person would be happy to have. Though my family are there to support but i feel no love in it, everyday we fight for this and that, and I’m getting sick of it. The one who can understand me more is too far to reach. I’ve been stuck with my mother who blocked me out to the world. I know she’s working for my future but i feel like I’m living in very laziest life. She works full day and when she got home, nothing. I tried to crack jokes just to start a convo but i always end up getting her more pissed than she should be. So instead i just keep my mouth shut, she has a very huge pride you know, she never accepts failure, never say sorry, whenver i at least let her know that it’s her fault, well for such a small thing, she gets angry and blamed it to me. I envy all of my classmates who has such a great relationship with their parents. I never had a bestfriend, friends that could stick with me because in every outings that they invite me she never allow me to join and she will allow me but all expenses will be all mine to handle so i think starving myself at school to earn money for me to join an outing is the least i could do then i end up getting envious around all my friends cause they wore such dresses and everything i wish i could have and they all look pretty and happy. So instead of feeling those kind of things, i thought it’s better to just stay home since i have nothing, no boyfriend, no money to help others, just do what our house provide. And to say I’m already 19!. I really want a change. I want to live somewhere far away from this house but i can’t. Right now i just want to finish college maybe by then she will allow me on my own.
Hi Joshua, Thank you for this article, I am needing this at the moment. Not feeling that way, but I am seeing a lot of people who can easily get envy for things they don’t have. But your point for no. 3 and 4 really hit me. More power to you!
Are you sure my email address will not be published, or will it be given to other online companies. Can’t be 100% sure, but as soon as I posted here, I keep getting a new email each day from different companies. Somebody is giving out my email address and I will find out who is doing it….
It’s from me. I have never posted, given, or sold email addresses to anyone else. I don’t even know how to go about such a thing.
I believe that the key to dispensing with debilitating levels of feeling envy and jealousy towards others is to learn to have better relationships. Relationships characterised by: trust, respect, kindness and joy. You need to learn to accept yourself as good enough: unique and special – and as such just like everyone else. Stop competing and start being empathetic and honest.
Jealousy stems from deep seated feelings of inadequacy and rejection which were instigated in your childhood through poor parenting. If a child does not experience unconditional love from an early age they develope a sense of being defective and this breeds insecurity. Jealousy is a common response as you imagine someone else has what you must be lacking to “fix” that defect deep within you. These difficult feelings can be superseded by learning to develope truly authentic and meaningful relationships- both with key individuals who themselves are authentic ( you can find them- they make you feel more relaxed and happy) and ultimately you can learn to be more authentic to some extent with everyone once you let go of some of your defences. Good luck and there are books/individuals that can help out there.
This is exactly what I experienced as a child. Your post has really helped because now I know where to start.thanks a million.
great stuff i was envious of others too for a long time and it took away my happiness but now im trying to overcome it day by day
My neighbor gets envy and jealous about my business , but i don’t mind her and still smiling her without smiles back…i just keep relaxing and calm .. im just focusing the goodness in life…
This article and all the comments, lighten my heavy heart and wicked mind. I am 30, and yet, I’ve no idea what I want to do in my life. I do things here and there for some reasons in which I totally don’t know why I am doing those things. Every time I see people achieving something, I tend to envy and give it a try until I would drop it halfway.
I believed that it all started six years ago when all my friends passed the civil engineering board exam though I know and everybody know that it was just unfortunate not to see my name on the list. I tried other things which my friends, my schoolmates or other people who know me to prove my capabilities and exquisite courage of achieving things. However, I got worse year after year until I lose my focus and hard to notice which are important things in my life.
Until now, I am still suffering from that kind of thinking even though in the eyes of others I am just too smart compared to them.
Hello ! My name is Harsh. Today , I saw my well doing friend’s post on social network. He was my class mate. We done our college together and today his post saying he is doing great in his life. Suddenly one strange feeling popped up in my heart. Unknown , strange felling . I guess it is ENVY , jealousy.
i have never ever felt like this before. I am truly appreciating my friends effort and no doubt he is talented. But , I don’t no how this happened. I was like what am i doing with my life right now ? Look at him and look at you. It makes me demotivating and Jealous .
To get read of it I started searching on google to find some help regarding this and I found this blog about minimalists .
Anyone is here to help me , regarding this ?
How to get rid of it and how can I make myself so confident ?
Thank you ..
This was so extremely helpful and explained perfectly. I was reading scriptures about envy and I needed something that transferred the scriptures into something literal/practical that I could practice in my everyday life. And this article did that for me! Thank you so much!
I love this!! I have, over the past few years, developed a strong “attitude of gratitude”. Now, I have been reading your posts, and realizing, that I want my environment to reflect my beliefs more.
Minimalism is my answer. I have many things, gifts from people, sentimental stuff, but I cannot keep it all….or, I can rotted my environment with sparse pieces which I change, from time to time. But I never give a gift, with the expectation, of the person keeping it for their entire lifetime. When it no longer suits them, they have changed their mind….it no longer serves them, get rid of it!!!!
And that, is the permission I am giving myself, now. Life changing…thank you!!
That was*ROTATE* my environment!!! Just a typo.
I’m feeling envious of my cousin that was my bestfriend when we were younger. Now shes still my friend but we’re not very close as each is busy with her life. Am well educated, have a great career, pretty and known to be smart and I have a lovely husband and baby, yet i cant cherish all these blessings as am always envious of what she has. Her husband is really young and he’s making a lot of money from stock market, they bought the perfect apartment, 6 luxurious cars, yakht, jewelries…. And all of that doesnt make me feel at ease, and being their relative always put me on board wz their latest achievements and assets. I want to be happy for them and sometimes i pray to GOD to bless them more in order to reverse my feelings but yet nothing changed. I read a lot of blogs i can even write a book now but still am sad from the inside. Its just like their presence dillute my achievements and my husbands. I dnt wanna live like this. Should i seek a psychoogist?
I once envied a beautiful woman I saw on the cover of a magazine when I was waiting in line at the grocery store. The photograph was of the woman, her wealthy, famous, and handsome husband, and their two beautiful children. It appeared to me that they had everything. That woman was Nicole Brown Simpson.
My husband died of a massive heart attack at 57 after 36 years of marriage. Envy has been unfortunately a large part of my life lately. Seeing others with their significant others, knowing I am responsible for my house and everything from repairs, bills, eating alone at home and in restaurants, etc.
It’s hard since I was with him since I was 16 years old now there’s nothing but work, therapy, and now also taking care of an 85 year old mother.
It’s awful to feel envious of others and constantly wishing life would be like it use to be.
HI Mary Ann i feel so sorry about the death of your husband..Just think all the good and positives in your life and all the lights surrounds you,. I love the way taking care of your Mother .. That’s the best thing that you are doing caring and loving your Mom. You know i got married then when i worked abroad my wife left home without knowing.. we don’t have a child but i adopted a baby boy which my big sister taking care of him while i working abroad. after couple of years i just heard that my wife with another man.. Now im at home for good with my mother taking care of her too she’s 86 year old .. She’s my inspiration .. I love my mother so much unconditionally.. i don’t get envy ,jealous with others because it will kill us by the STRESS… May God bless you Cristina and all..
Envy is something that will eat us alive if we don’t know how to control it, we might forget how beautiful life is. Email me if you want someone to listen, let’s help each other and overcome our weakness.
Envy really is eating me alive Mike.
Hi! I think the idea of helping those who have a lot less, volunteering in a hospital, soup kitchen or assisted living sounds like the most promising advice. I always wanted to attend an elite grammar and high school but my parents could not afford it. I am proud that I earned a BA and worked to pay the loans. However, to this day, I envy children and parents who attend or plan to send their children to prestigious schools. It’s a terrible feeling. Lisa
Envy is the killer of vision, it makes us live for d nxt person and thereby not become our true self.i myself am still battling with it to the extent that i sometimes lie about certain things so that others may envy me bcs i also envy others and this is really destroying me but i believe tru ur different comments,,,i cn pick bits and pieces to solve this…tnk you all
I really dont knw how to handle my feelng of envy. M really sick of it. It not only is spoiling my life but also my happiness. Life had been highly uncertain towrds me alwys n dis is d biggest reason of my feelng of envy ..n i really wanna get rid of dis feelng ..its killing me daily
Anjali, you are welcome to talk to me, maybe a good listener might help you some. Tell me what are you mostly envy about right now….what is causing you so much stress?
Anjali as you told you Life is always uncertain and brings you unexpected things in life i would suggest to take things which you can have control and so no need to blame others or God i have been in depression for almost 3 years just came out of it.Be grateful to your life and respect yourself and others then you will feel better and light.
Hello, my name is John, You could notice that I have several grammatical errors on my comment but I think y’all understand it well so here it goes: I have this friend, let say he is Lance, I always fight him (In a friendly way) and i’m always envy on what he have; appeal, appearance, friends etc during our recess I’ve notice that he doesn’t eat very much (because in our squad we usually buy our food in canteen) and he doesn’t spend his money much, He tells us that he is saving up money to buy a new computer and i’m not very convince on what he’s telling, months went by, he just tell us that he bought brand new computer and of course, an internet connection, we’re just only teens (15-16 y.o.) and i’m very much envy on what he have now and i want those things happen to me but i never want to do those sacrifices and even do it. after reading this article some of it i found helpful but now i have a doubt that i can’t bond with him with “pure-hearted”(i think that word could sum up what i wanted to say) and talk to him very straight, i need someone to help me with my problem because he is all i got now, my only friend in our classroom, and because of that enviousness the relationship between me and him seemed to blur because of my selfishness and I want to remove that malefic trait off me. (need a quick reply, thanks)
John, you are right, it won’t be easy but you must try to overcome those negative feelings. I don’t think I quite get something you are saying, so just come out and say it. Don’t loose a friend over jealousy…. or maybe there’s more to this.
I really hate myself from being envy to my friend ,i just feel so bad with myself ,when she got the things which i wanted to have too .
And there are times that i wanted to avoid as i don’t like to feel awkward towards her .We are living in the same standards of life .But she has someone who helped her to accomplished her needs ,to give what she wants ,material things and everything ,money and all . I started to feel envy ,and comparing myself to her and was very upset with the fact that she’s getting to the top .And i ask myself ,am i really a friend if i am feeling like this towards her? then i tried and convince myself not to feel this negative feelings ,but then every time she receive something from that person , i always observed it as we are friend online and even personal. And then again i start being envious kind of friend . And i badly need to overcome this weakness , because it bothered me so much that almost made me the worst person .Making me stressed ,.And i need more advice how to overcome and forget this negative feelings .Thanks
Hi Pearl, I think I can relate to how you feel, I have been feeling that same way for many years. I’ve been through some deep depression over the years, because I felt like everybody always had nicer things than I had, including my siblings. I have dealt with some alcohol issues many years ago because I felt like nothing. But God eventually got my attention, and made me feel worthy. He made me feel secure and let me know that I was going to be alright. I found out as a child, that I had been sexually abused, and wasn’t aware of it until I became an adult. I had so much anger inside, that begin to drink. God kept me safe from any serious harm through all my deep depression. I am much older now (senior) and I feel that God saved the best for last for me. I have always dealt with financial struggles, while my siblings had everything that I had desired. I was always broke, but always had a safe place to live. Now as a senior, I am feeling the best that I ever felt in my whole life. I know your circumstances are a little different, but I just wanted to say that I can relate to how you feel. I don’t mind talking to any one who may need a friend……Take Care.
Thanks Darlene, your testimony or story is very parrelled to mines. I’ve always felt like I was the lesser of my siblings as well. I’ve struggled to maintain most of my young adult life and I really just didn’t feel good about myself . My siblings and my mother use to call me slow when I was a child and that really had a negative impact on my life. To be honest Even though I have a Bs in psychology and a certificate in gerontology (that I rencently accomplished) I still struggle with low self esteem. This drove me to being envy and jealous. I pray constantly asking God to please remove this from me because this is not the way I want to live my life.
May God help you April. We can always talk.
A nice read! Thank you for waking me up to make me realize that I DON’T HAVE TO BE ENVY and there is NO REASON for me to be envy. Like what you have said “STOP SEEING LIFE AS A COMPETITION” I will remind this to myself everyday :)
Ruelyn, somethings may be hard to do right away, but if you keep what you read in the back of your head, I believe it will eventually help you …Good Luck
This paper => || http://www.academia.edu/4238683/Corruption_and_the_Fatal_Power_of_Envy || on the absolute power of corruption that envy wields paints the ultimate picture.
And thank you! I needed this.
I envy everyone who has more than i do especially if i feel like they look better than I do or if they have something i really want i hate it so much im not where i want to be in my life and seeing friends with their own apartments and money and able to buy the things that they want makes me almost sick to my stomach that i cant have the same items sometimes i get so jealous that i dont want to talk to them anymore because i feel like they brag about the things they have even if they dont i wish i wasnt like this and i wish i could be happy with myself and do things to make myself feel better but i cant
Hi lele, you are welcome to talk to me, I’m not sure if I can help change anything, but sometimes talking to someone who listens helps…
Hi great advice but I still feel empty inside me.I genuinely wants my friends to be successful n happy yet I envy them of the lifestyle n grades they have and no matter how hard I tried I just couldn’t be better than them.I am happy with them and enjoy hanging out with them but deep down I felt sad for myself.I always told myself to cherish what I have but I can’t help but feel envy of other.Do anyone have any advice to help me be happier.Thanks
Hi Lim,
I’m no expert and I’m only another person having problem and struggling to look for freedom and happiness inside of me as well, that’s how I stumbled onto this page myself.
Reading your text made me feel I’m looking at myself, I wanted to say something to not only try to help you but more to help myself.
You said you feel empty, a person who focuses on his/her own mission in life will not feel empty. You must have your goal, your dream in life, are you working hard to achieve them? If you are not, then maybe you should look at how to get you to where you want to be in life to avoid the emptiness feeling.
You said you do want your friends be successful and happy, so before you allow the envy feeling rise, did you tell them and really allow yourself a moment to be happy because it is what you want! Even share your happiness with them, tell them how happy they are your friends, and you are friended with successful and happy people.
Now let’s look at your frustration of envying their lifestyle and grades. Close your eye for a moment, if you could have whatever you want in this world, are they really and exactly what you would vision yourself in ? Is everything they are experiencing you want to experience as well? If that really is the case, then back to my first point, go and be busy on that, achieve it with your own hands and your own talent.
You said you are happy hanging out with them but deep down feeling sad. You can’t be happy and sad at the same time. Again, really ask yourself the real reason you enjoy hanging out with them, if you do enjoy then carry on. If it is for different reason, you are only pretending to be happy, or you think you ought to happy because they are your friends, then stop! No reason you go for anything makes you sad about yourself. You might be better using your time to focus on getting you where you want to be.
Telling yourself to cherish what you have is not enough, really cherish what you have. I am sure you have things that other people do not have, I do not have, your friends do not have. List them out, write them down will help you to visualise, when we get the visual, it’s easier for us to grow that necessary feeling for it, cherish!
I hope you will be happier and walk out that dark zone, and I hope myself too.
Best
Thank you very much,just that I needed to hear.bless you.
Think about the love God has for you…how resentful it is….
Great advice but it doesn’t help me that much! I feel envy of my best friend for things that I can’t even explain, eventhough I want her to be happy , I always want what she has.. Liked when she moved to another country and her school was much more advanced ! (They used iPads and she talked about how great the school was) on the other hand , I moved to another country where the education was very low , where we didn’t even have smartbords… Every time I talk to her , inside I feel envy building up, eventhough i don’t let her notice , i burn inside for some reason.. And everytime I pick up my book , I have problem keeping hold of it , I want to throw it at the wall or rip it up, I want what she has but I know there’s 0% change I’ll get it..
I don’t know if I feel a bit of jeliousey , like when I ask myself, why has my life turned so bad when hers has gone for the better? I always remind myself there are people happy with half of what I have , but it doesn’t work! Shall I stop talking to her compleatly ?
Dear M.A.,
I’m sorry to hear you feel this way. I wonder if it would help to be honest with your friend and tell her you are happy for her but would like to change the subject as the topic at hand reminds you of what you don’t have?
I agree with other people here just tell her just change the topic and tried to look for other inspirationall friend to talk.
I think you haven’t made up your mind towards changing what and how you fill towards people…force it and sure it will work
No, I wouldn’t stop talking to her, unless you really don’t like her. But she is not the world, she is not YOUR world. I’d spend more time talking to yourself about you or someone whose life feels inspirational instead of envious. Be nice to you. You will never be her. If you were suddenly her you would most likely miss YOU. Go talk to yourself, go journal, talk yourself through the whole thing. Write out the whole things. Do both until you realize you want to go do something else. When you write it out or talk it out use your voice first. Then do it from another point of view, not what you would want to hear from that person/POV, but from that side of it. Look for the honesty, possibly painful, from that side of things.