Much of the busyness we face in life is a result of elevated self-importance. Not all, but much.
There is certainly a requirement that we face the trials in front of us, that we provide for our families, that we help others when possible, that we parent well, and that we make the most of our days. But often times, the pursuits we busy ourselves with go beyond those expectations of living life in an intentional way.
We pile expectations and responsibilities onto ourselves not because they are required of us, but because of elevated self-importance. We believe it is essential that we are involved, that our opinion is known, or that our response is heard before things happen.
So the items we add to our “must-do list” continue to increase:
We check our email several times each day because someone might be trying to reach us.
We attend meetings because the right decision might not be reached without us.
We accept work responsibilities because nobody else can do them as well as us.
We log into social media in case there is a conversation that needs our opinion.
We check news sites frequently because it is important that we know world events as soon as they happen.
We keep our phones near our fingertips all day long so we can respond immediately when someone wants to talk or text or Slack.
We take on new business ideas or side hustles because we believe our time and talents are worth more money than we currently receive.
We rush from place to place, meeting to meeting, and commitment to commitment because we’re needed.
Or so we think.
The truth is many of the things we think we have to do on a given day are only a result of elevated self-importance. The world would get along just fine without constant involvement in every detail.
Email doesn’t need to be checked all day… we don’t need to be reachable 24 hours/day… there are other people who can do the work you do… wise decisions can be reached without you… that organization can run just fine without your volunteer hours… and there are more important things in life than making another dollar.
Even worse, this combination of busyness and elevated self-importance begin to distract us from the most important things in life.
For example, there is nothing more important than your family.
But most of the time when busyness crowds our schedule, it is our family that pays the first and greatest price.
We skip the ballgame or recital because “I’m too busy at work.”
We don’t help out in the home because “I just need to finish this one project.”
We don’t fully engage with our spouse or children because “I’m just too exhausted.” And turn to our television or cell phone instead.
We begin to believe we are too important for trivial household chores like taking out the trash… cleaning the kitchen… or reading a bedtime story.
Your most important priority, the one place you are needed most, is often the first place to suffer when we believe we are more important than we actually are.
But every year, the holiday season provides us with new opportunity. During this heightened season of family and awareness, we can slow down and reset. We can choose to slow down, to embrace more opportunities to be with family, and straighten out our priorities once again.
This holiday season, remind yourself constantly, “There is nothing more important than my family.”
When you are tempted to check email in the evening, say to yourself, “There is nothing more important than my family.”
When you are tempted to work late, say to yourself, “There is nothing more important than my family.”
When you want to check your phone during the Christmas recital, say to yourself, “There is nothing more important than my family.”
When you begin to think you are too important for a relaxing Saturday morning with your kids, say to yourself, “There is nothing more important than my family.”
Your job is not more important than your family. Your paycheck is not more important than your family. Your social media account is not more important than your family.
You are important… to the people closest to you.
And if there was ever a season of the year to remember that fact, this is it.
This is great to hear more about families> and not taking it for granted.
An excellent perspective
My family is leaning on me to reduce my work load and they are right. I love working… however the input is not being realized in rewards and not taking money
Currently looking at adjusting my life priorities… wish me luck
Just a few months ago we got a diagnosis that brought ‚nothing is more important than spending time with family‘ right into my face, because the time we have together might be shorter than expected.
„Family“ doesn‘t have to mean „people sharing DNA“ – even if you keep a safe distance from biological family (and I know firsthand that there might be good reasons to do so), maybe there is SOME relationship in your life more important than checking your mails for the eleventh time today. Maybe it‘s social family aka ‚(a) friend(s)‘ or a pet.
Obviously it‘s impossible to individually include the living situation of every person reading this into one article.
There are more important things than family, but perhaps there is nothing more important than relationship.
If it came to a choice between giving a starving person food and being on time to my daughter’s recital, I know which one would let me look at myself in the mirror, and which decision I’d hope my daughter would make someday. Or if a friend is in crisis… The holidays don’t add much to this, I think. The important thing is that I am acting in love and kindness, and that my daughter is seeing me do, to quote Anna, ‘the next right thing.’
This made me a bit sad, I have no immediate family. I do have good friends, so am grateful for that!
Family is great and all, but most moms are already up to their eyeballs in family and really need to take the time to focus on themselves. This holiday season there is nothing more important than my sanity. I’m not going to the parties that I don’t love and I’m getting bags instead of gift wrap. Love you all and enjoy whichever holiday you celebrate if you celebrate any at all! L’chiam!
I work online everyday and sometimes until past midnight. My line is always in the chat with clients. Some live miles and miles from me, to me, it can take a toll on your mental health. Not to say I am phobic in a very much larger group and never get into groups meeting. This blog is the best for me to get to know people who like me are along with many other isolated and scared to get cold in winter. I am so thankful to have this mean to take the time for myself and see that there are millions of other who are in this situation. My best friend is now going to sell her house to be in a new place. At least we have the way to chat even far from each other. That’s my comfort to stay at this distance and give me time to rest, after long hours to get through it all. Yesterday it took so much of my strength and effort to stay up and awake to finish a long project that wasn’t meant to be past due. Now we don’t know if we can be doing the group meeting again. We are going to decide when we hear from a place of work where it is horrific to have long hours to check all the details. The list is very long to cite every items into inventory. I don’t know who can do this for 40+ like me it is unthinkable to hear that people get stress for so little; my life traveling the jetlag has been what I wanted to do; but We can do better to make the life good and be happy for less. This blog is a blessing and I have time here to read about minimalists who have seen the same busy world of business that makes you think isn’t there anything else I could do than just being negotiating and selling to the exchange and importing industry that see their stocks going up overwhelmingly and for the same work day and night I can barely pay off my rent for this house I rent. I will put it for sale and get my pension than going on a road trip and visit the locals to see life going at a slower pace. The stress of doing this business is no longer what I thought it was. I have two more years to sell it and get the capitals, and savings in place and live a life away from the business world. There must be other things for me to do than just going through those numbers and not remember anyone or any count in. Good thing, We have the EXCELL sheet, I want to hire a person to do those numbers and than that will be the final tasks. Best of all this is the Seasons for Blessings and enjoying the family We Have.
i would never want to read this again ! thats overstressing the holidays perfect reason to Enjoy
OMG! thank you thank you thank you!
This email (which I did not check instantly when delivered, but am guilty of normally doing) hit the nail on the head.
I recently missed a (volunteer) organization meeting and had myself so worked up over it. Decisions were going to be made regarding the future of the organization. How could they ever handle this without my input? I need to be there!!! But I can’t …. oh my…. STRESS STRESS
That is just one example of how everything you shared resonates with me personally and makes perfect sense.
Family First… no ands, ifs or buts!!!!
Thank you again!
Merry Christmas to you and Peace to all in 2022!
Joshua – you really nailed this one. I came in from out of town (the granddaughter who moved away) in time to watch my brother assist my 104 year old grandmother with her nighttime ritual. He had such patience and love. It made me think about how much I’ve missed, being so busy and so far away. I’ve missed the opportunity to develop patience and love in the midst of numerous other “priorities”. But I can start today. Thank you for the reminders.
Joshua, thankyou so much for this post. It came to me exactly when I needed to hear it. So real.
Best article I have read in years. Thanks for sharing, I plan to try and make a better commitment to my family. Merry Christmas
you are absolutly insulting to those of us who have no family.
Do you believe we are invisible. THere are many of us.
Go back to your fairy tale church
I cannot speak for Joshua, but I believe the focus of this writing is that the love we develop in the relationships around us (for some, that is family but for others, that is friendships) are more important than the “busy-ness” of life. Whether you are married or single, whether you have a close family or a disjointed/disconnected family, you can find joy and warmth in the relationships you have around you. Focus on those and let the distractions go.
Gloria,
Family isn’t just blood, or marriage. Your close friends – and their siblings/parents/etc. could be family.
Turn that negative response into something better. It will benefit you more than anyone else IMHO.
Thanks, PJO
I don’t think this article was aimed at you or me – I do have oodles of time I can spend on social media and can work into the night if I so choose as I have no family that I am ignoring by doing so. My time is my own. But I do recognize that there are many around me that do have growing families that they ignore in favour of other pursuits, no matter how noble, and a reminder to them may be in order.
I understand that married couples usually have children and like to have a nice family life together. I understand the importance for children to have a secure home and upbringing.
However, I have never met the right person, so I am a single person who lives alone. I wish you would write more for the single person who lives alone. We do not have the direct feeling love and support of a family around us 24 hours a day. It is hard enough to be without that. We need encouragement too. I would like to hear your response.
Thanks for the comment. Don’t you think a single person who lives alone could write that article from more personal experience than me?
I have a family. Some are wonderful people some not. My friends stay beside me because they want to. To me my friends are the best of the title FAMILY.
I really needed to hear this today Joshua. It spoke exactly to my life situation and the struggle to meet expectations on both the work and family front. Really put things in perspective for me. So, thank you very much.
The distractions are too available, convenient, entrenched in our life. Many of us don’t have families; something cold and electronic is a counterfeit for human interaction. Sad.
Not necessarily. Being with my family, especially during an emotionally charged season like Christmas, is the dictionary definition of hell. It is advice/societal pressure like this that made me stay in a toxic, mentally unhealthy situation much longer than I should have. For all those readers who don’t live in the Leave It To Beaver world, it’s okay to turn your back on your family.
Thanks for the comment. Are you equating extended family with immediate family? Surely you wouldn’t say that it is okay to turn your back on your young children, would you? That is what this article is about.
I meant immediate family – in my case parents and 2 siblings. I chose not to have children, in part because of my unhappy childhood, so my comment did not extend to turning my back on young children. However, because I limit my time with my siblings, I am automatically limiting my time with my niece/nephews, so perhaps I am turning my back on young children?
I really appreciated this post Joshua. These friendly reminders are much needed especially for online business owners like myself. I find myself in a loop of checking stats and Instagram that is just plain stupid. I find that when I forget it and just enjoy myself with my family it’s actually a more pleasant surprise when I do look at that stuff and something has actually happened. It’s all the days I’m enjoying life that the best things happen to my online business so that should teach me that a watched pot never boils and I can just be present with the ones I love. Have you ever found it difficult to balance your online business and your “in person” life? What did you do to stop worrying and start enjoying life more?
The greatest thing about working online is the ability to work from anywhere. And the worst thing about working online is the ability to work from anywhere.
For me, it helps to remember that there is ALWAYS something that I could be doing online… checking stats, answering comments, posting to social media. At some point, we have to be comfortable turning off the computer and walking away. You’re already making that decision in your life, just move where you draw it.
Thanks for the answer Joshua! Your an inspiration!
I understand. It made me a little sad too. I am fortunate that my extended family is not abusive, though there are not many of them. But I am in my 50s and never found a husband or had children and it definitely wasn’t because I was too busy with other things. So it’s hard to personally relate to the “family culture” in the same way as someone who does.
I love my married friends too but as I get older I find it especially important to be involved with my older single friends – I think we are really going to need to look after each other as we age.
My husband works for a large retail worldwide corporation. They have been very good to us, during the pandemic closers and all. The holiday season isn’t the time for us to make the family a priority. The rest of the year works fine.
I believe thinking of our Lord first thing in the morning and last thing at night before bed and somewhere in between is the most important thing in our lives. Thank Him first thing today for this day and all its blessings. Then and only then family comes next and yes it is important to be there for our family but only second to our Lord. He created everything in existence and He is the most important thing in our lives. If we don’t want to believe that we are just kidding ourselves.
I’m not saying you must go to Church weekly or you must do this or that. But have an intimate relationship with God, get to know Him, reading His Word, pondering on it are great ways to spend time with God. God is pleased when we seek Him. This is all so important. But this is just how I feel.
I found something about 3 years ago that I now do every year. Is called A New Christmas Tradition…tells us to read the book of Luke one chapter each day in the month of December, there are 24 chapters so when you finish on December 24th you will have read the accounts of Jesus life and you will know Who and Why we celebrate Christmas. I think is beautiful! Have a blessed day everyone! :)
I agree with you wholeheartedly! Amen!
Thank you for your comment!
Have a blessed day and a wonderful Christmas! ?
Diane S.
Amen!
Thanks for your comment!
God bless!
Diane S.
I love your comments about putting God first in all that we do. It’s important to put God above all else. Then family and friends. It’s a step up from Joshua’s commentary which I really enjoyed, but oh so important. After that, everything seems to fall into it’s rightful place. For those that don’t know Jesus Christ as their Lord and Savior I invite you to reach out to Him right where you are at this time of your life. Just ask Him to come into your life so you can get to know him better and He will! It is so amazing. It is supernaturally wonderful. What have you got to lose? I promise. You will be amazed. God bless you all! And Merry Christmas.
Sandy,
What you’re saying is so true and beautifully put. Thanks for your comment. ?
This is so beautiful…..God is indeed the most important. Spending time with Him each day really does make everything else fall so perfectly into place. He gives peace that only He can give. He calms our fears and wipes our tears. He loves us soooooo intimately and wants nothing more than a relationship with us above all else.
My family is reading Luke right now! I’m a few days behind, so let me get to it!
Bountiful Blessings
I agree 100% with your comment. And so glad that you’re reading Luke like me. I think it’s a fun tradition. One chapter a day is nothing. Thanks for your comment. :)
Blessings!
Diane S.
It may be the most important thing in your life. It’s meaningless to many who don’t share your belief in this thing you call god (and are just fine anyway).
So tired of getting religion shoved at me from “well intentioned” folks. Just keep it to yourself.
I read this everyday, everytime. It makes me sad. I don‘t have a „nice“ family or a supportive one. It‘s more an abusive one. It may sound good for others, but not for me. Maybe there can be other important things than family. For me the most important things are health, a home, friends, enough to eat,… Maybe there are others with „not so nice“ familys that need to hear this. I am not bitter, just saying…
Anna,
I am so sorry for your pain. I am blessed with a good family, but I understand some families can be toxic, and you need to protect yourself to be healthy.
I read this article to mean that we need to prioritize RELATIONSHIPS over being busy. I do know that when you don’t have ANY people in your life, because you don’t slow down at work, it leaves you feeling empty & depressed. I know this from experience. Perhaps you could intentionally start seeking out people to build these relationships with. I usually find my church a good place to start, but that’s just me. Blessings to you on your journey to meaningful relationships. You can do this!
I understand. It made me a little sad too. I am fortunate that my extended family is not abusive, though there are not many of them. But I am in my 50s and never found a husband or had children and it definitely wasn’t because I was too busy with other things. So it’s hard to personally relate to the “family culture” in the same way as someone who does.
I love my married friends too but as I get older I find it especially important to be involved with my older single friends – I think we are really going to need to look after each other as we age.
I hear you. It can be especially painful this time of year. On a priorities list having faith and ‘doing the right thing’ is more in line with what comes first from my perspective.