Much of the busyness we face in life is a result of elevated self-importance. Not all, but much.
There is certainly a requirement that we face the trials in front of us, that we provide for our families, that we help others when possible, that we parent well, and that we make the most of our days. But often times, the pursuits we busy ourselves with go beyond those expectations of living life in an intentional way.
We pile expectations and responsibilities onto ourselves not because they are required of us, but because of elevated self-importance. We believe it is essential that we are involved, that our opinion is known, or that our response is heard before things happen.
So the items we add to our “must-do list” continue to increase:
We check our email several times each day because someone might be trying to reach us.
We attend meetings because the right decision might not be reached without us.
We accept work responsibilities because nobody else can do them as well as us.
We log into social media in case there is a conversation that needs our opinion.
We check news sites frequently because it is important that we know world events as soon as they happen.
We keep our phones near our fingertips all day long so we can respond immediately when someone wants to talk or text or Slack.
We take on new business ideas or side hustles because we believe our time and talents are worth more money than we currently receive.
We rush from place to place, meeting to meeting, and commitment to commitment because we’re needed.
Or so we think.
The truth is many of the things we think we have to do on a given day are only a result of elevated self-importance. The world would get along just fine without constant involvement in every detail.
Email doesn’t need to be checked all day… we don’t need to be reachable 24 hours/day… there are other people who can do the work you do… wise decisions can be reached without you… that organization can run just fine without your volunteer hours… and there are more important things in life than making another dollar.
Even worse, this combination of busyness and elevated self-importance begin to distract us from the most important things in life.
For example, there is nothing more important than your family.
But most of the time when busyness crowds our schedule, it is our family that pays the first and greatest price.
We skip the ballgame or recital because “I’m too busy at work.”
We don’t help out in the home because “I just need to finish this one project.”
We don’t fully engage with our spouse or children because “I’m just too exhausted.” And turn to our television or cell phone instead.
We begin to believe we are too important for trivial household chores like taking out the trash… cleaning the kitchen… or reading a bedtime story.
Your most important priority, the one place you are needed most, is often the first place to suffer when we believe we are more important than we actually are.
But every year, the holiday season provides us with new opportunity. During this heightened season of family and awareness, we can slow down and reset. We can choose to slow down, to embrace more opportunities to be with family, and straighten out our priorities once again.
This holiday season, remind yourself constantly, “There is nothing more important than my family.”
When you are tempted to check email in the evening, say to yourself, “There is nothing more important than my family.”
When you are tempted to work late, say to yourself, “There is nothing more important than my family.”
When you want to check your phone during the Christmas recital, say to yourself, “There is nothing more important than my family.”
When you begin to think you are too important for a relaxing Saturday morning with your kids, say to yourself, “There is nothing more important than my family.”
Your job is not more important than your family. Your paycheck is not more important than your family. Your social media account is not more important than your family.
You are important… to the people closest to you.
And if there was ever a season of the year to remember that fact, this is it.
Amelia says
There are more important things than family, but perhaps there is nothing more important than relationship.
If it came to a choice between giving a starving person food and being on time to my daughter’s recital, I know which one would let me look at myself in the mirror, and which decision I’d hope my daughter would make someday. Or if a friend is in crisis… The holidays don’t add much to this, I think. The important thing is that I am acting in love and kindness, and that my daughter is seeing me do, to quote Anna, ‘the next right thing.’
Kathy says
This made me a bit sad, I have no immediate family. I do have good friends, so am grateful for that!
Carrie says
Family is great and all, but most moms are already up to their eyeballs in family and really need to take the time to focus on themselves. This holiday season there is nothing more important than my sanity. I’m not going to the parties that I don’t love and I’m getting bags instead of gift wrap. Love you all and enjoy whichever holiday you celebrate if you celebrate any at all! L’chiam!
Erin says
I work online everyday and sometimes until past midnight. My line is always in the chat with clients. Some live miles and miles from me, to me, it can take a toll on your mental health. Not to say I am phobic in a very much larger group and never get into groups meeting. This blog is the best for me to get to know people who like me are along with many other isolated and scared to get cold in winter. I am so thankful to have this mean to take the time for myself and see that there are millions of other who are in this situation. My best friend is now going to sell her house to be in a new place. At least we have the way to chat even far from each other. That’s my comfort to stay at this distance and give me time to rest, after long hours to get through it all. Yesterday it took so much of my strength and effort to stay up and awake to finish a long project that wasn’t meant to be past due. Now we don’t know if we can be doing the group meeting again. We are going to decide when we hear from a place of work where it is horrific to have long hours to check all the details. The list is very long to cite every items into inventory. I don’t know who can do this for 40+ like me it is unthinkable to hear that people get stress for so little; my life traveling the jetlag has been what I wanted to do; but We can do better to make the life good and be happy for less. This blog is a blessing and I have time here to read about minimalists who have seen the same busy world of business that makes you think isn’t there anything else I could do than just being negotiating and selling to the exchange and importing industry that see their stocks going up overwhelmingly and for the same work day and night I can barely pay off my rent for this house I rent. I will put it for sale and get my pension than going on a road trip and visit the locals to see life going at a slower pace. The stress of doing this business is no longer what I thought it was. I have two more years to sell it and get the capitals, and savings in place and live a life away from the business world. There must be other things for me to do than just going through those numbers and not remember anyone or any count in. Good thing, We have the EXCELL sheet, I want to hire a person to do those numbers and than that will be the final tasks. Best of all this is the Seasons for Blessings and enjoying the family We Have.
Lori says
i would never want to read this again ! thats overstressing the holidays perfect reason to Enjoy
Terri Crabbs says
OMG! thank you thank you thank you!
This email (which I did not check instantly when delivered, but am guilty of normally doing) hit the nail on the head.
I recently missed a (volunteer) organization meeting and had myself so worked up over it. Decisions were going to be made regarding the future of the organization. How could they ever handle this without my input? I need to be there!!! But I can’t …. oh my…. STRESS STRESS
That is just one example of how everything you shared resonates with me personally and makes perfect sense.
Family First… no ands, ifs or buts!!!!
Thank you again!
Merry Christmas to you and Peace to all in 2022!
Maurita Coley Flippin says
Joshua – you really nailed this one. I came in from out of town (the granddaughter who moved away) in time to watch my brother assist my 104 year old grandmother with her nighttime ritual. He had such patience and love. It made me think about how much I’ve missed, being so busy and so far away. I’ve missed the opportunity to develop patience and love in the midst of numerous other “priorities”. But I can start today. Thank you for the reminders.
Julia says
Joshua, thankyou so much for this post. It came to me exactly when I needed to hear it. So real.
Deb Westmoreland says
Best article I have read in years. Thanks for sharing, I plan to try and make a better commitment to my family. Merry Christmas
GloriaAnn Curwin says
you are absolutly insulting to those of us who have no family.
Do you believe we are invisible. THere are many of us.
Go back to your fairy tale church
Brad Gandy says
I cannot speak for Joshua, but I believe the focus of this writing is that the love we develop in the relationships around us (for some, that is family but for others, that is friendships) are more important than the “busy-ness” of life. Whether you are married or single, whether you have a close family or a disjointed/disconnected family, you can find joy and warmth in the relationships you have around you. Focus on those and let the distractions go.
Patrick J O'Neill says
Gloria,
Family isn’t just blood, or marriage. Your close friends – and their siblings/parents/etc. could be family.
Turn that negative response into something better. It will benefit you more than anyone else IMHO.
Thanks, PJO
Elena says
I don’t think this article was aimed at you or me – I do have oodles of time I can spend on social media and can work into the night if I so choose as I have no family that I am ignoring by doing so. My time is my own. But I do recognize that there are many around me that do have growing families that they ignore in favour of other pursuits, no matter how noble, and a reminder to them may be in order.