Recently, I was with a friend who was complaining to me she couldn’t afford to replace her cell phone. We were in her newly purchased Toyota Highlander at the time.
On a separate occasion, an acquaintance of mine was lamenting that he didn’t know where he was going to find the money to buy new soccer cleats for his son this summer. We were enjoying dinner at a nice restaurant.
Similarly, another friend recently told me he was unable to financially donate to The Hope Effect when I asked. He assured me he wanted to help and really wished he could. But they had just put a pool in the backyard and were using every spare dime to pay it off.
Still again, I sat chatting with a friend complaining of the overtime hours he had been putting in at work. They are trying to finally get out from under debt they have been carrying for years. Meanwhile, his Facebook feed brags of the season tickets he had just purchased for his favorite Major League Baseball team.
Each time, I bit my tongue. I wanted to share what was on my mind. But I didn’t.
I was probably wrong in my decision not to speak up. I should have been bold and courageous and stated exactly what I was thinking. “Life is too short to not be honest with people,” somebody once told me. But I didn’t. I chose instead to keep my thoughts to myself.
Maybe I’ll say it here—that one thing about money I always want to say but never do.
I won’t write it here because I think any of those people are reading, but because I know others are. And many of us need to be reminded of this important reality:
You would have more money for the things you want if you stopped foolishly wasting it on other things.
In each case above, the person wanted money, but had already spent it elsewhere. My friend could afford to replace her cell phone if she hadn’t purchased such an expensive car. My other friend could have made significant inroads on their family debt if they hadn’t bought season tickets for the summer. And most of us would have more room for generosity and supporting causes we believe in if consumerism wasn’t so prevalent in us.
When we haphazardly spend money on foolish things, we have less remaining for more important pursuits. (tweet that)
This principle also extends beyond purchasing power.
Through a number of odd circumstances, I happened to spend some significant time talking with the friend of a friend recently. The topic of conversation was stress and anxiety. More specifically, the topic was her anxiety which she attributed to their financial circumstances: a burdensome mortgage, a monthly car payment, and not enough financial margin to feel comfortable.
The reason for the stress and anxiety, seemed to me, was not about the unacquisition of sufficient funds. The reason for the stress and the anxiety was the foolish places where their money was going—too big a house, too fancy a car, and too many unintentional purchases in the past.
They had sacrificed peace and calm for square footage and expensive wheels.
With so many circumstances of life outside our control, doesn’t it make sense we’d work hard to control the ones we can? This reality is especially true when it comes to our financial resources.
Our financial situations certainly vary from person to person. And I fully understand that some people struggle financially because of no fault of their own. But I believe the principle stated above extends to a higher percentage of us than you might think.
The greatest mistake we can make is the assumption that our financial lives are entirely outside of our control. They are not. We decide every day where our money is going to be spent.
Intentionally choosing to spend money on the things we truly want is not always easy. It requires a clear designation of the financial reality we wish was true (our desires) and a clear understanding of the reason it is not (our foolish spending habits).
Depending on your financial goals, the application may look something like this:
- I want to get out of debt, I will spend less on eating out.
- I want more money for travel, I must spend less on my housing.
- I want more financial peace, I need to remove my monthly car payment.
- I want more margin for generosity, I must spend less on fashion or furniture or technology.
- I want more ___________ so I need to buy less ______________.
What causes us to lose sight of this simple truth? I’m not sure. But none of us are immune from it. Which is probably one of the reasons it is so difficult to articulate when we see it playing out in another person’s life.
Beth says
Thanks Josh, I sometimes need a reminder. We are in the process of building a Tiny House, paying for it as we go. We sold our home and have old cars but I find myself surfing the net for items to put in our Tiny House. It is only 120 square feet so More items are not what I need. Thanks for the pep talk.
kddomingue says
I’ve enjoyed this post and the variety in the comments that have followed it……a lot of valid points have been shared. Like Joshua, I find it frustrating to listen to a friend who has an expensive home and three expensive vehicles (for a two person household) complain about not being able to afford the newest iPhone. So I change the subject before my mouth can overload my brain, lol! My friend doesn’t want to live the way I do and I don’t want to live the way she does. She and I place different values on “things” but have other areas where our values are in alignment so I try to keep our conversations in those arenas instead.
Cyndie Shindle says
New reader, enjoyed your book, very timely. My husband & I facilitate a class by Dave Ramsey on how to have Financial Peace handling your money God’s way. Your message fits perfectly.
I will recommend your books & blog to our students.
Check out the course online at Dave Ramsey.com. It will give you the tools to manage your finances.
Thank you for speaking out about money choices, it’s life changing!
Linda Stoll says
Wow, Josh. This could be one of your best posts ever.
I’ll be sharing your wise, straightforward talk …
Holly says
Sometimes there is pressure from within the family to spend on things that may not make sense to us as outsiders. There are a lot of expectations to buy and spend to “prove” that you love someone, so some purchases we see others make, may be a reflection of that too. Or, they wanted more than one thing, couldn’t afford both, so they’re kind of whining about it now. We live frugally for sure, but maybe someone else could look at my furniture and say to themselves: why did they spend $ on that?! What a waste of cash. lol
Greg says
Thanks Josh! Compass1.org has some great teaching on this topic as well. It approaches the topic from a Christian worldview but the teaching and principles are very practical and right in line with minimalist approaches.
Gail says
Fortunately for me, my parents taught me the truths in your posts. My adult life has been relatively stress free from financial strains. A sudden life altering disease cased me to stop working at age 47. Severe slash in income, but I’m doing okay (12 yearsinto it) bc I was debt free and truly owned my house.
Point of my comments is to show some of your readers a real life example of what you wrote.
Annah James says
Well said, Joshua. After simplifying our lives four years ago, and carefully living within or means, my husband is diagnosed with cancer. You know, all the beautiful stuff that he just couldn’t let go of, well, he’s giving those objects away to friends and family…as small reminders of his life. And As his life becomes more and more transparent, I am reminded that nothing, nothing matters at all except the love between people.
Jill says
Annah:
My prayers for your husband and all that love him!
TootsNYC says
There’s also the thought that you are kidding yourself about what you want.
If you buy a new car, then maybe you really DON’T want a new phone all that much–and you should “own” the choices that you have already made.
Back when I was 24, a friend tried to get me to go out dancing with her. “I can’t afford it,” I told her. She got mad. I could too afford it, she said; “you have a good job, you have money.”
I realized that I wasn’t owning my truth. “You’re right–I could afford it. I don’t want to afford it. I don’t want it badly enough to spend the money on it. I want other things more, even if they haven’t arrived yet.”
So that’s a place where I thought the way you’re suggesting.
But it’s also possible to want a nice dinner more than cleats for soccer. And instead of griping, we should say, “I can’t get new cleats, because I’ve spent money on other stuff instead.”
Which is the same point as yours–just the other way around.
The BIGGEST truth here, though, is that few of us stop and say, “What do I want to do with my money?”
Jill says
TO TootsNYC:
I LOVE this sentence from your post:
“You’re right–I could afford it. I don’t want to afford it. I don’t want it badly enough to spend the money on it. I want other things more, even if they haven’t arrived yet.”
“…even if they haven’t arrived yet.” OMGosh… beautifully, eloquently said. I will be quoting you! :)
And I too, am learning NOT to say that I can’t afford something; and trying instead to say that I don’t want it badly enough to spend money on it. It is becoming more important to me that my friends and family understand that they don’t need to pity me because I don’t have something… I weighed the options, and made my choice. It is empowering to consider something tempting, and then say ‘no’.
Wendy says
Thank you, yet again for wise words. I have worked hard this past 6 months on my spending (worked the last 1 1/2 years on minimalizing) and it has definitely become a habit now, to think before I spend. I make myself wait a week before purchasing anything, to make sure it’s right for all the right reasons. I still have a long way to go, but thoughts and words like these that you post help keep me walking the right path to building the life I want for me and my family. thank you so much!