Recently, I was with a friend who was complaining to me she couldn’t afford to replace her cell phone. We were in her newly purchased Toyota Highlander at the time.
On a separate occasion, an acquaintance of mine was lamenting that he didn’t know where he was going to find the money to buy new soccer cleats for his son this summer. We were enjoying dinner at a nice restaurant.
Similarly, another friend recently told me he was unable to financially donate to The Hope Effect when I asked. He assured me he wanted to help and really wished he could. But they had just put a pool in the backyard and were using every spare dime to pay it off.
Still again, I sat chatting with a friend complaining of the overtime hours he had been putting in at work. They are trying to finally get out from under debt they have been carrying for years. Meanwhile, his Facebook feed brags of the season tickets he had just purchased for his favorite Major League Baseball team.
Each time, I bit my tongue. I wanted to share what was on my mind. But I didn’t.
I was probably wrong in my decision not to speak up. I should have been bold and courageous and stated exactly what I was thinking. “Life is too short to not be honest with people,” somebody once told me. But I didn’t. I chose instead to keep my thoughts to myself.
Maybe I’ll say it here—that one thing about money I always want to say but never do.
I won’t write it here because I think any of those people are reading, but because I know others are. And many of us need to be reminded of this important reality:
You would have more money for the things you want if you stopped foolishly wasting it on other things.
In each case above, the person wanted money, but had already spent it elsewhere. My friend could afford to replace her cell phone if she hadn’t purchased such an expensive car. My other friend could have made significant inroads on their family debt if they hadn’t bought season tickets for the summer. And most of us would have more room for generosity and supporting causes we believe in if consumerism wasn’t so prevalent in us.
When we haphazardly spend money on foolish things, we have less remaining for more important pursuits. (tweet that)
This principle also extends beyond purchasing power.
Through a number of odd circumstances, I happened to spend some significant time talking with the friend of a friend recently. The topic of conversation was stress and anxiety. More specifically, the topic was her anxiety which she attributed to their financial circumstances: a burdensome mortgage, a monthly car payment, and not enough financial margin to feel comfortable.
The reason for the stress and anxiety, seemed to me, was not about the unacquisition of sufficient funds. The reason for the stress and the anxiety was the foolish places where their money was going—too big a house, too fancy a car, and too many unintentional purchases in the past.
They had sacrificed peace and calm for square footage and expensive wheels.
With so many circumstances of life outside our control, doesn’t it make sense we’d work hard to control the ones we can? This reality is especially true when it comes to our financial resources.
Our financial situations certainly vary from person to person. And I fully understand that some people struggle financially because of no fault of their own. But I believe the principle stated above extends to a higher percentage of us than you might think.
The greatest mistake we can make is the assumption that our financial lives are entirely outside of our control. They are not. We decide every day where our money is going to be spent.
Intentionally choosing to spend money on the things we truly want is not always easy. It requires a clear designation of the financial reality we wish was true (our desires) and a clear understanding of the reason it is not (our foolish spending habits).
Depending on your financial goals, the application may look something like this:
- I want to get out of debt, I will spend less on eating out.
- I want more money for travel, I must spend less on my housing.
- I want more financial peace, I need to remove my monthly car payment.
- I want more margin for generosity, I must spend less on fashion or furniture or technology.
- I want more ___________ so I need to buy less ______________.
What causes us to lose sight of this simple truth? I’m not sure. But none of us are immune from it. Which is probably one of the reasons it is so difficult to articulate when we see it playing out in another person’s life.
Emma says
I’ve gotta say, this article irked me. Minimalist or maximalist, peoples spending decisions are their own, who are you to judge?
John B says
Personally, I don’t see it as judging, but as pointing out a logical fallacy. It is a logical fallacy to say “I don’t have enough money” when anything you are purchasing is a want, and not a need. I supervise staff, and recently had one ask for a raise, partly because he was experiencing financial hardship. This person really does believe that he needs more money, but does not look at his expenses and evaluate what are true needs. I have heard about his monthly car lease, while I drive a 19 year old car. I have heard about the $200 per child he spent on Christmas presents, while I spent about $45. By choice. I totally could spend $200 on my kids – I just choose not to. I don’t think it’s judgmental to say “you should evaluate what you are spending and saying.”
We are a non-profit, so every dime is designated for something. If I give this person a raise, that money goes from client needs to this person’s car lease. This article may not be appropriate for me as the supervisor to share with my staff, but I sure do wish they would run across it on their own.
All that to say, people’s spending decisions ARE their own, until they start affecting other people.
Amber says
Emma, there are very few people in this world who can actually afford to be a maximalist. So the discontent with how people spend their money breeds complaining and whining, like 3-year-olds. People just do not want to deal with the consequences of their financial decisions. Those of us who choose to spend our money on what’s important get tired of hearing people complain about their consumerism habits.
Everybody wanted to blame the banks when people got loans for much more than they can afford on a house. But honestly, the consumer is more to blame because they should’ve known what they can comfortably afford. And look what happened as a result.
So people being maximalists do hurt the economy for EVERYONE.
Mark says
When people complain to you about their problems, and is obvious that their problems are self inflicted, you don’t need a special licence to judge.
What people do with there money is their own business. Complaining to others about the results of there poor decisions makes it both people’s business… licence granted.
Gustavo Sanchez says
This is so true, I got a good friend that is allways depressed and complaining because money does not seem to be enough for him, he is in big debt and harldy making it till the end of the month. On the other hand he wears a couple of nice Ferragamo shoes, just changed his lap top for a pretty nice MAC (the old one was not even a year old) and he drives a pretty nice German Car (which by the way the bank almost took it from him). Why is it so hard for some people to realize that kepping up with appearences and holding up to expensive brands only bring us anxiety and desperation? I feel frustrated sometimes for not being able to making understand that he could be so much better if he had just been more concious regarding the way he expends his money.
Jonathan Cottrell says
My family and I recently put together a list of beliefs around money and things that have been greatly helpful as a filter for us. They aren’t rules, per se, but they are a guiding light for us as we choose to live out what you’ve encouraged here. In the hope they help and encourage others, too, the beliefs and habits are detailed below.
—–
As a family, we have come to believe that minimalism breeds abundance. This will result in big changes to how we live and prioritize spending our money together. To help keep us focused on this new, simpler way of living, we have written the following guiding principles.
We believe:
* Minimalism breeds abundance
* Money is not ours; it is a gift of God for us to steward
* Money and stuff does not buy happiness
* Giving is more meaningful than consuming
* People are what’s most important
* Financial stress should never interfere with building relationships
* Collecting experiences is more fulfilling than collecting stuff
* Less stuff of greater value is better than more stuff of lesser value
* Possessions do not hold memories, we do
* We won’t take any thing with us to what lies after
* We are all in this effort together, as a family
* It is not for us to judge others, including what they choose to do with their money or things
* Most of all, true riches are found in Christ alone
From a practical perspective, this means we will all strive to:
* Regularly look for opportunities to minimize (make it fun!)
* Give to those in “need” rather than buy “wants” for ourselves, especially during holidays and birthdays
* Use cash and leave plastic at home
* Set goals for what we want to do together as a family or save towards (e.g. trips, items of value)
* Shop less frequently, with more intentional goals; seasonal shopping for clothing rather than picking up stuff as we see it, for example
* Disown more than 40 major wardrobe pieces per person
* Only purchase things we’ve been thinking about or looking for after a while (30+ days)
* Purchase items that bring greater value (e.g. bikes), order (e.g. storage systems), and simplicity (e.g. chef knives) to our lives rather than items that detract from those
* Own less things that last longer and we personally value instead of more things that do not last and in which we find less value
* Take trips and share experiences rather than buying more gifts
* Buy one high quality gift for holidays instead of many little ones
* Disown something (or more!) for every new thing we come to own
* Speak about these new values with our family and friends so that they are in-the-know before celebrations
* Keep giving more of ourselves to the Lord day by day; He wants all of us
Nicole S. says
Wow! I really enjoyed your post!! I think if everyone had this list hanging in their home we would not be in the mess our world is in!
Hudson says
Will be passing this one along. To be honest, I needed to hear it too. Thanks so much for writing this.
Tonya says
Absolutely on point!!! It drives me nuts when people complain about money “needs”, but they waste it elsewhere. I believe that 90% of the time (or higher) we are the makers of our mess, because of the choices we make.
That thought pattern really applies to everything in our lives just not finances. If we want change we have to do it.
Joanne Czarnik says
Love your articles! They always hit home! Thank you!!
lamorenix says
I, for one, feel you article is pretentious. It makes me feel like those of us that chose to be minimalists are out judging how other people use their resources. I try not to do this. I try to remember people are in different paths and everyone has to come at their own pace adn when they are ready. Thanks for your post.
Amber says
lamorenix, I understand where you’re coming from. I don’t want to be judgemental, either.
But if a friend says to you that they can’t afford their kid’s soccer shoes while they are out eating a nice meal, I’d be inclined to say they need to either give up a few fancy meals, or take the kid out of soccer for the summer.
… or just stop complaining about money issues all together.
I’m not judging. But if a person is unhappy with what they can’t afford, maybe they need to revise their budget.
YL says
Sometimes they are just “complaining” so that there is a topic at the dinner table. That friend can probably well afford the soccer shoes. i feel the trouble here is the lack of authenticity in the conversation. If only people could be real with each other and not humble-brag or go pseudo-poverty in our interactions.
Hannah says
Actually he was eating out with a minimalist so that would make sense. Sometimes you talk about things they think will relatable to the other person.
Julia says
You are doing such a great service for an entire generation. I know there was information like this 40 years ago when I was first married and I had all the good intentions of living within our budget but young adulthood is like a roller coaster. You get over that first ascent and then you hang on for dear life. Peer pressure continues to be a huge force throughout life! Who doesn’t want the absolute best for their child? Contentment is the true goal in life.
Keep up the good work!
Nikki says
I 100% agree with you on most of this. But things like season tickets to your favorite sports team, or maybe tickets for a rather lavish vacation…. Are we not supposed to enjoy our lives? Life’s too short not to be honest, but is also too short not to be enjoyed a little. Obviously in moderation.
Kendal says
I didn’t interpret the post as an argument against enjoying our lives, but rather a call for more intentional, responsible spending choices. I think the attitude of “I deserve this, life is short, you only live once,” is what gets many of us into financial trouble. Sure, you should enjoy your life, but sometimes what you enjoy costs more than you can afford, and the responsible choice is to either save up for that purchase, or find a more affordable alternative.
trina says
Going along with the original post – I don’t think it’s a bad thing to spend money to enjoy yourself, but I do think it’s silly to whine and complain about “not affording” something you need when you’ve spent money on a fun Want. Make your choice to spend your money and own it.
My personal case in point: right now, we owe on a dental bill that was much larger than originally estimated (and budgeted for). I’m buying our summer pool pass anyway, and paying the dental bill incrementally, because that’s how our family enjoys ourselves during the summer in addition to being great exercise. I’m doing this deliberately and intentionally, and I will deal with the financial consequences with my eyes wide open.
Katie says
Just found your blog on bloglovin’ and I have really enjoyed reading. Especially this post. I often feel the same way when friends complain about money issues. Glad that you addressed the issue, and gave me some ways to talk to my friends gracefully.