“Owning less is far more beneficial than organizing more.” – Twitter / Facebook
We are a culture drowning in our possessions. We take in more and more (holiday, birthdays, sales, needs), but rarely find opportunity to discard of it. As a result, our homes fill up with so much stuff. And because we believe the best solution is to find organizational tools to manage all of it, we seek out bigger containers or more efficient organizational tips and tricks. But simply organizing our stuff (without removing it) is always only a temporary solution. By definition, organizing our possessions is an action that must be repeated over and over and over again.
At its heart, organizing is simply rearranging. And though we may find storage solutions today, we are quickly forced to find new ones as early as tomorrow. Additionally, organizing (without getting rid of our stuff and decluttering) has some other major shortcomings that are rarely considered:
- It doesn’t benefit anyone else. The possessions we rarely use sit on shelves in our basements, attics, and garages… even while some of our closest friends desperately need them.
- It doesn’t solve our debt problems. It never addresses the underlying issue that we just buy too much stuff. In fact, many times, the act of rearranging our stuff even costs us more as we purchase containers, storage units, or larger homes to house it.
- It doesn’t turn back our desire for more. The simple act of organizing our things into boxes, plastic bins, or extra closets doesn’t turn back our desire to purchase more things. The culture-driven inclination to find happiness in our possessions is rarely thwarted in any way through the process.
- It doesn’t force us to evaluate our lives. While rearranging our stuff may cause us to look at each of our possessions, it does not force us to evaluate them—especially if we are just putting them in boxes and closing the lids. On the other hand, removing possessions from our home forces questions of passion, values, and what’s truly most important to us.
- It accomplishes little in paving the way for other changes. Organizing may provide a temporary lift to our attitude. It clears a room and subsequently clears our mind, but rarely paves the way for healthy, major lifestyle changes. Our house is too small, our income is too little, and we still can’t find enough time in the day. We may have rearranged our stuff… but not our lives.
On the other hand, the act of getting rid of stuff from our home accomplishes many of those purposes. It is not a temporary solution that must be repeated. It is an action of permanence—once an item has been removed, it is removed completely. Whether we re-sell our possessions, donate them to charity, or give them to a friend, they are immediately put to use by those who need them.
Removing possessions begins to turn back our desire for more as we find freedom, happiness, and abundance in owning less. And removing ourselves from the all-consuming desire to own more creates opportunity for significant life change to take place.
If you’re struggling with how to get rid of stuff, you can:
1. Challenge yourself to remove the unneeded things in your home.
2. Rid yourself of the extra weight in a permanent manner.
3. Carry a trash bag from room-to-room.
4. See how big of a donation pile you can make.
5. Eliminate debt by selling what you no longer need.
It doesn’t matter so much how you remove them, as long as you do. For it is far better to de-own than to always be decluttering.
Lynn says
WOW, So glad I looked at all the posts it was a major pick me up. I get upset with myself. Feel like a looser. I too have door bell anxiety. I have had many major issues to tackle and filled the void with stuff. I have been working on this a little at a time. Just like extra body weight, this didn’t happen over night and it wont go away over night. I see many similar traits in my son, who makes hurtful comments about me being a hoarder. I am not. But, I do need to get rid of some things and not feel guilty.
Thank you ,,,, for being brave to share your thoughts and the truth.
Reianna says
I had a maddening (one-sided) conversation with my mom last night. They are pressed to leave their current place (been staying free for the past months) since the owner- relative is coming home, and my mom is frantic. She doesn’t want to move into my grandma’s house (granny passed 2 yrs ago), because…get this… the room is so full of boxes of MY MOM’s STUFF. She’s so upset that there’s no room to move about, because of HER OWN STUFF!! I couldn’t say anything , because anything I say would trigger an angry tirade from her. Anyway, they’ve been financially stricken, but have boxes and boxes of stuff: Kitchen items, cutlery, dining sets, unused clothing, new towels, new beddings, etc. She’d bemoan the towels they use are old and ratty, but I saw her packing away SEVERAL BRAND NEW TOWELS. I tried suggesting they do a garage sale and enjoy the income from all the items, hoping she’d perk up at the idea of having that much-needed money..but noooo, she lambasted me about “not having anything, and having to start from scratch at such an old age, so they need all those things!” They’re almost 70 yrs old… My dad is totally NOT a hoarder, and I see how depression is hitting him hard, having to put up with my mom’s tirades, spending and continuous crazy hoarding. I’ve distanced myself from her to keep my sanity, and now my mom’s on my case for not helping them and being so uncaring. A mentor taught us to “stay away from emotional vampires”…my mother has all 8 traits and characteristics of being an emotional vampire…staying away from her has VASTLY helped me regain my self-confidence, zest for life, positivity and even boosted my career! But the other night’s one-way phone conversation sucked me back to her world, her words (she’s been dishing out the same victim lines for the past 20+ yrs!!), her need for a HUGE amount of money to pay rent for a new place (which they haven’t even found yet), buy new furniture , etc etc… Sorry to use this space to rant, I just need to get it out of my system.
hhb says
Rant Away-It Helps!
Carol says
Your mom needs professional help. Would she go to counseling?
AnxiousDeclutterer says
I’ve just moved to a new city after nearly 20 years in the same house. I filled two large dumpsters from the old house, donated tons of furniture to charity and made a lot of trips to good will. Still here in my two bedroom apartment I’m overwhelmed. I can’t decide if it’s the stress and anxiety of a new move that’s doing it or something else but I feel a real need to purge belongings.
I unpacked my kitchen on day one then yesterday on day three tossed out a dozen coffee cups, wine glasses, some pans I never use, etc. I went in the den and tosses out some old CDs, extra junk and thinks I don’t know why I’m keeping. Today I’m going to goodwill to drop off more stuff and over a dozen pieces of art I have (nice but not really valuable). I’ve done a good job unpacking essentials I’ll use but now I’m left with things I’ve accumulated over they years, did I buy them due to depression, OCD, anxiety, for comfort? I think so. A lot of what I have I now see is a result of me trying to define myself in one way or another. I really don’t need or want all this stuff any more.
When the moving truck came (corporate move) I was reminded of years ago how I drove over the road and lived in a truck for weeks on end. I had a storage locker at home for stuff but really didn’t have much and stayed with my folks on home time. There was something very appealing about being able to life with so little.
As I move now into a job with much more responsibility maybe my fear of “stuff” is just a manifestation of my desire to go back to the simpler time. Maybe it’s just my way of not dealing with the anxiety and stress of a new career. It’s a great career move, a great city and I really hated my old job. But it’s change. I wish I could clarify this sudden urge to declutter and understand it better. I know I feel much better with every bag I toss and I’m not throwing everything out. I hope it’s the right thing for the right reason.
Kaye Jenkins says
Of course you are overwhelmed! Moving after 20 years, massive de cluttering…give yourself a break! Go with your gut feeling, your instincts, which are telling you to keep going on this path to rid yourself of this “stuff”…no need to question it, it just “is” in my opinion…it’s the right time :)
tracy says
Hello
I am so very much struggling. I just went into the spare room and walked out almost in tears. I don’t know where to begin. I have photos I have been sorting and getting rid of. It’s over whelming I just walk away. This is how it always seems to be. I feel like I don’t know how to break through. It is burdensome to me. It almost seems like I need someone here to help me get going. One thing is I don’t know what to do with all these photos that remain. I feel like getting rid of everything. I have books that sit on the shelf and they are all good books and self help books but sigh…more burdens. I have self help coarse I took and all these notes I hang onto because I should review them. I work full time and days off I find mostly are resting and having no motivation to start much except cook a bit and doing laundry. Dare I say I wouldn’t be sad if I lost all my stuff? Just looking for help, some advice and not sure how the best way is to tackle this overwhelming stuff I own. I want to have a neat and tidy house with not much stuff that I can maintain while working full time. Is there something you would recommend for a beginner who wants to live minimally?
Bethany says
My advice Tracy, is to be kind to yourself. Don’t keep anything because you should keep it or you should do something with it. Should is a four letter word. Why should you do anything? Keep the things you want, let go of what you don’t want. Identify the strengths you have now (instead of what the self-help books say you should have), and be proud of them (are you courageous, persistent, compassionate…). Working out what makes your life richer and more joyful and letting go of what doesn’t will be easier when you know you are good enough as you are. Celebrate small victories, give yourself a break and take care of yourself.
Good luck!
And do the photos last – they’re hard to make decisions about.
Teresa says
Get rid of books unless unusual valuable or sentimental. Do photos slow keep in shoe boxes, take less space than albums. Keep working at all of it. Go through clothes etc also.
Mayda Bartlett says
Tracy, your story reached out to me. I too struggle. What I found that helps me purge is to not use the questions that the pros suggest for you to ask yourself, “Can I use this?” Instead ask, “Should I throw this away?” Or pick something up and say, “How am I going to get rid of this?” Your mind will answer such as “Give it to Cousin Mary.” Or, “It is useless, trash it”. Don’t give yourself the option to go back and forth about whether it is worth anything. Your mind and heart already knows. That’s where the confusion and frustration comes in. On one of these articles, it talks about people being able to make only so many decisions before being overwhelmed. Keep in mind that you have to train yourself to purge. It is very hard and I send best wishes.
Nicola says
That’s an interesting perspective. When I was purging my attic, I asked myself a different question. Before I even looked in the attic, I asked myself, “what shall I keep?” There were very few things on that list. I decided to keep some Christmas decorations and my camping equipment. That was all. The flute I played as a child but had been in the attic for 20 years donated so some other child could have the benefit. My baby equipment- prams, cots, junior bed and bedding all donated to a charity for young mums. I had reservations about the baby equipment- it was drawing a line for me. However, once the decisions were made and the attic was emptied, I felt instantly lighter. Now I won’t let anything else go there!!
Lilis says
Scan the photos and save them in the icloud.
Ginny Howitzer says
A few years ago I had to make a move from a large home to a one bedroom apartment. I was paralyzed with confusion about what I should take with me and what I should not. I spent weeks in a funk! Marie Kondo’s “finding joy” didn’t work. Making pro/con lists didn’t help. Nothing seemed to make it clear to me.
Then one morning I woke up and had an inspirational thought. What were the top 25 things that I needed and/or wanted in my life? Suddenly I was inspired to think about these 25 things. I grabbed a pen (should have been a pencil with a BIG eraser) and paper, and I started making a list.
At first I began writing down things that I wanted, but that I did not necessarily need. It worked out all right, but I still felt foggy and confused. I then reminded myself that I might want to start with writing down the things that I actually needed. I remembered a George Carlin skit about “stuff”, where he kept getting ride of his things until he eventually ended up keeping just his Afrin 24 Hour Nasal Spray. It was a funny skit, yet it had a lot of truth in it. What was my Afrin 24 Hour Nasal Spray?
I thought about the things that made a difference in my everyday living, that if I did not have them, my life would be seriously compromised. Such things that made it on my list were my magnesium supplements, my special face cream and my silk pillowcase. I added my smart phone. I seriously considered if my laptop really deserved a spot in my “Top 25”. Would my smart phone suffice? I wasn’t sure, so I added my laptop to the list … and my kindle.
I thought it would literally kill me to let go of my special antique books. And how would my mother and friends react when they found out I no longer had the special things they had given to me?I realized that I would still survive without this stuff. The antique books and so much more did not make the list.
What did make the list was my photo collection. I realized that the photos were irreplaceable, and I wanted to keep them. I also realized that I could scan them and store them in the cloud or a photo storage application. It would be safer than just having the physical copies, and they would be much more accessible to me.
While I didn’t take only the “tTop 25” when I moved back then, creating the list did help frame my decisions to let things go. I find myself remembering the activity, and when I feel overwhelmed by my “stuff”, I go back to writing a new “Top 25”. It helps assuage my anxiety, and it helps me be really thankful for my own versions of Carlin’s Afrin 24 Hour Nasal Spray!
Layla says
Just wanted to say I loved your comment, Ginny. I’ll have to see if I can find the George Carlin skit on YouTube. And I’m also going to make a list of my top 25 things I couldn’t part with… and then get serious about chucking some stuff out of my life!
Denis says
I am a guy in the UK with a hoarding tendency .
I used to think that hoarding was more of a male problem but I see from blogs like this that hoarding affects females too .
If I was with a female hoarder I would understand and we could
work through our problems together .
I certainly would not divorce a woman over it as I know and understand what she is going through .
A thing I have thought of when trying to convince myself to get rid of something is to see if the item is on e bay for instance then I know I could easily replace it if the desire or longing for it got too much to sort of trick my mind into parting with it !
I hope you readers do not think that I am completely crazy maybe I am lol!
Anyway God bless good luck and best wishes to anyone reading this message . Denis
Renee says
Hello Denis, and thank you for your that suggestion. Someone once wrote on another site that if an item can be replaced for $20 or less in the event it was ever needed, it would be discarded. That was helpful to a point but I have come across things i don’t use and have held onto them because they are no longer on stores. Looking at sites like eBay to see whether they can be rebought if needed would make discarding a much easier decision.
Jeff Downing says
The more you own, the less time you have. And the stuff you own begins to own you. If you can’t seem to find time hardly outside of work, home and yard maintenance, housecleaning, pets, dusting, vacuuming, repairing, re-arranging, organizing, etc…. you own too much. The reason most of us remember having much much more time and fun in our youth is not because this is a privilege of the young only- it is because we didn’t spend all our time tending to all the stuff that we own, because most of us didn’t have a lot. Get rid of stuff- get your life back.
Michelle says
Put that on a card on your fridge: Get rid of stuff- get your life back.
Joyce says
Definitely!
Kay says
Very helpful comments…
My case, while different, is related…
80 yr. old widow.. 50 years in same house..moving 600 miles away to one bedroom apartment..( near only relative I have left.)
First 1/2 easy…Question:is this item important enough to justify expense involved & do I have room !!!
Next: emotional ..not so easy…family pictures..however , when I die no one left will know these people..I combined about 20 with some genealogy notes…felt good to get this done.
Books..mostly to Library. But kept 6 Art History books (my passion)..
Had many more but realized internet access, just as beautiful and not bulky!
Frustrating issues…there are certain things “left over”..floor lamps. End tables, old massive desk ( no antique value… Just big) Will have to pay to have hauled away…very expensive & hard to find.
One nice alternative was a antique/2nd hand shop owner..had a truck & appreciated the “gift”
This whole process has been very enlightening…my biggest roadblock was my difficulty getting rid of anything that could be used by someone else.. Even if I did not want items.. This still puzzles me.
Julie says
It could be that a way of resisting consumer culture of “buy buy buy” is to be conservative about things, as in, “I may need this someday”. And because there’s so much, there’s a lot of “conserving” going on. But we each have to evaluate: how do these things that I own actually FIT into the life that I (not someone else, whether real or mythical) needs to live?
Sonia says
Bridget, I hear you, loud and clear. I am in a similar situation. I’m 54, and have a spending/buying problem along with a hoarding problem. My husband and I divorced 3 years ago, and I’m just starting to pull out of the terrible depression. My husband complained about the house when we were together, and wouldn’t have people over, even though it was decent enough, but I’d give anything to have my house they way it was 3 years ago. Many rooms were fine, then, but the past 3 years has made the house almost uninhabitable. My 22-yr-old cannot have anyone over, and I won’t let anyone come in, either. I won’t let them even see in the front door, plus I’ve put thick curtains around so no one can see in the windows. I am just very anxious, panicked, and overwhelmed by it all. I have 3 full baths, and due to plumbing repairs that need to be done, only one shower in one bathroom works, and one toilet in another bathroom works. We have to use the kitchen sink for everything. I won’t even let a plumber in here.
And, I was supposed to sell the house 2 1/2 years ago…
I don’t know what to do… ????
Bridget says
Oh Teresa….and everyone else that had to grow up in homes of hoarders or borderline hoarders… I am so utterly stunned right now. Oh my gosh. I am only 39 years old but I gravely fear that I am being “that” mom and that someday my kids might have to go thru what you all have had to do if I don’t get my act together RIGHT Now…my older daughter is in college now and doesn’t live here at the moment; my younger one is 10; we, too have “doorbell dread” … Or like when another mom asks if I could keep their kid after school for an hour or two if they’re held up at work or something comes up (especially when there’s no notice) ..or my daughter gets invited to spend the night at friends’ houses, and I feel all this guilt for not returning the invitation to OUR house-it gets so awkward. My younger daughter-she’s actually really sweet about it, honestly; the older one seems to just kind of “accept” it like -that’s just the way it is–but I know it must affect them. Like the older one-she has had boyfriends that I know she’d have been mortified to bring them over… We would usually meet at dinner somewhere, or something like that. And The younger one -well like just the other day she said (for example) ,”hey mom, can (the little girl that lives behind us) come over to play? Don’t worry, we’ll just play in the backyard, she doesn’t have to come in” … Ugh! major tears right now…! How could I EVER have let this house get like this…? I know I need to do this a little at a time bc important things are mixed with junk, but I swear it seems it will literally take an eternity (!!)….and in the meantime-“life” is passing me by. But of course, the alternative is -yeah–exactly what you all are going thru, and I surely don’t want that! I guess just doing something, anything, is better than never trying and thinking it’s all gonna fix itself, right?! I like the ideas here-the timer, the “trash/put away/give away or sell” sorting method… You know, just the fact that this stuff is stealing my child’s “childhood” and her feelings of what a “home” should be- a restful, secure, welcoming place…a place you can be “proud” of. I don’t know if I have ever felt that way about my home. i JUST found this website tonight , but from what I have read in the comments, I definitely will be reading and learning and DOING as much as I can (while I still can!…) to change this once and for all. I’m so tired of being a prisoner to my clutter-and if nothing else, I owe it to my kids to change my ways. Thank yall so much. You have so totally opened my eyes, you really have no idea.
organized for once says
I just got rid of tons of stuff that cluttered my home. Bags and boxes. I donated tons of clothing, but just put a lot of stuff in dumpsters. I feel if I had to sell things it would “delay my progress”. It feels freeing to throw bags of unneeded stuff away. My dining room was unusable. I still have a few boxes to go- but it is getting better. I too have a young daughter and at 4, it is the time for me to get our house in shape so there is no embarrassment. Just ask yourself “do I really need this?” and if not, it served a purpose at one time and it’s ok to let go. I hate the idea of filling up dumpsters, but that stuff was taking over my house. Time to move on. My method may not work for many- but for me- I need my house cleaned up ASAP, and sorting, selling, etc… I just do not have time for. I keep a few special gems I can display and have gotten a small dresser for things like important paperwork and pictures (I can’t trash those). Whatever you decide to do, good luck, I feel your pain and know that “doorbell dread”.
Asz says
do the curb alert (put stuff at the curb and post of Craigslist that free stuff is available) this saved me so much money on getting extra dumpsters
Norene says
Bridget, I am so impressed. Good for you! You are the treasure…not your stuff!
Julie says
That’s wonderful, that you recognize what you must do and SOON, to reclaim your and your childrens’ lives! Go for it. Step by step.
I had a pile of “stuff” under a tarp in my backyard. I never intended for it to be there so long. One day, I finally had the courage to face what was under there — it had gotten rained on, full “sunned” upon — for years.
I was glad I went through it, piece by piece. Most of it got thrown away but I was able to find priceless photographs and a few documents that I would never have wanted to lose.
I did feel terribly guilty about the loss (and waste) of some of that stuff, and vowed not to do that “ever again”.
I’m still not sure what has prompted periods of accumulating and then procrastinating dealing with it. I do think our culture constantly promotes accumulation and a kind of “you must have this latest gadget (or fill in the blank_________) or else you aren’t successful” brainwashing so we accustom ourselves to that constant tune. It’s probably not something we would be doing if we didn’t live in such a consumeristic society.
But whatever the cause (and it’s probably a combination of factors), it IS empowering to separate what’s really valuable from what’s not to us and dispatch what we truly don’t need or want. It’s freeing on many levels and now that I’ve gotten started, I am wanting to do it more and more. At first it was overwhelming, but as I see progress, it is becoming easier and easier and easier….
So thank you all for sharing your stories and being inspiring. Even the stories of sadness and depression are helpful because they remind us of the effects of this kind of living, and what to avoid (or climb out of). It’s definitely do-able. Progress leads to more progress.
I have been documenting my struggle with getting rid of excess and it does really egg me on to see the results of my own efforts! :)
Much affection,
Julie says
By “documenting my struggle” I mean taking pictures of the before and after of each area. A picture is worth a thousand words :)
Grace says
Bridget,
Thanks for sharing!
I think you already have taken a huge step(self-realization) into the road of victory!!!!
Have your children to be part of the process… Talk about how you are going to face it together. It wouldn’t be easy, but it will get easier. Ask your children to be encouraging and supportive in this process. Stay focused on the goal you set. One box at a time and as you grow your dicluttering muscles, challenge yourself to more at a time.
Celebrate a little victory at a time together! I have been doing this as a family. I don’t want to regret later. We can change it now. That’s how we are going to love our family. We love our families more than our stuff. Let’s keep going! Don’t give up!??????
Thea J says
Boy does this all hit home. Both my parents hung on to so much- also Depression era childhoods. I’m working on clearing their house now, plus our own. My motivation to move out items is found on Facebook yard sale sites. I keep track of how much I sell and feel good about being able to go out to lunch because I sold some candles I never took out of the box and a globe that still showed the old Yugoslavia. If something doesn’t sell, I donate and feel good about that too. Where I donate they give you not only a tax donation receipt, but also they stamp a card which when full entitles the bearer to 30% off a future purchase at the store. Once my card is full of stamps, I go in the store and look for families with full carts and feel like Santa’s elf when I give them the card to save some money. It’s a win win.