Our lives are becoming increasingly intertwined with technology in both good and harmful ways. And that is not going to change. Nor should it—we just need to learn how to use technology for good before we allow it to harm us too much.
And certainly, one of the ways we will learn how to navigate this new world is by never forgetting or neglecting the importance and value of meaningful, in-person relationships.
Despite the many benefits technology brings, including connecting us with people across the globe and facilitating relationships that might not have otherwise formed, there’s a growing sense of loneliness and isolation shadowing our advance into the new frontiers of technology use.
In fact, recent studies highlight a concerning trend: as our world becomes more digital, rates of loneliness, anxiety, and depression are on the rise.
In 2023, the Surgeon General labeled loneliness and isolation an epidemic. And a recent Harvard survey found that 61% of adults from ages 18 to 25 reported feeling serious loneliness (compared to 39% across the general population). Additionally, 51% of young mothers report those same feelings of loneliness.
This rise in digital connection seems to have ushered in a decline in real, heartfelt, meaningful connections.
I understand the argument that human relationships are changing and I can see, to some extent, why people argue that digital relationships are just a new form of relationship. But the stats seem to run contrary to the argument and belief that online relationships are the same as in-person.
As humans, we are made up of body, mind, and spirit. It is true that we connect via mind and spirit through a screen, but that’s not all that makes us who we are. There is a different level of connection that takes place when our physical bodies gather in the same location.
The texture of a handclasp, the warmth in a smile, and the comfort of a shared silence—these elements of human interaction are irreplaceable and essential for our well-being. That is why an in-person conversation can leave us feeling so much more satisfied than a phone call or FaceTime.
As we navigate through this digital age, it’s important we strike a balance.
My goal with this article isn’t to downplay the opportunity of technology in each of our lives. In many ways, technology allows me to do the work that I do.
My goal is to call attention to and serve as a gentle reminder of the importance of nurturing our in-person connections. Because they are just as important today as they were yesterday—maybe even more so based on the numbers and studies that are being reported….
If you sense a greater need for meaningful relationships in your life, here are some practical steps and ideas to bring them about:
Admit the Need for Them
This world, it seems, is continually pushing us toward technology as the solution to our problems. Chat with your friends online, scroll social media, hold your meetings over Zoom, talk to your friends while playing video games at your own home, hang out in the Meta-verse. There are even tools to watch the same television shows as your friends at the same time—but while you are in different places and sitting on different couches.
Therefore, the first step to finding meaningful relationships is to realize and admit that those virtual spaces will never replace real places for deep and fulfilling friendships. They serve a purpose, but they cannot fulfill the need inside each of us for in-person relationships.
Make Time for Relationships
In our busy lives, it’s all too easy to let meaningful interactions slip through the cracks. And if we haven’t taken the first step of admitting our need for them, it’s even easier to fill our days and free time with unintentional time-wasters.
On the other hand, scheduling time for face-to-face meetings, whether it’s a coffee date, a walk in the park, or a simple meal together, is an important step to creating and finding opportunities for deeper connection. These moments allow us to share experiences, emotions, and the simple presence of one another, bringing a sense of belonging and understanding.
Put Down the Digital Device
For many of us, the best way to make time for relationships is to put down the digital device. All of them. Less social media, less television, less YouTube, fewer podcasts, fewer video games. This is a step that we need to take both before and during our relationships with others.
Deciding to spend less time in front of a screen opens up opportunity for interaction with others. And intentionally setting aside our devices during conversations shows respect and appreciation for the person in front of us. It signals that we value this time together and are fully present, ready to engage and listen deeply.
Ask Questions
Curiosity about another’s life, thoughts, and feelings can be the key to unlocking meaningful exchanges. By asking open-ended questions, we invite others to share more about themselves, which can lead to a deeper connection.
Just ask questions is still one of the best pieces of conversation advice I ever received. As a bonus, this practice not only enriches our relationships but also broadens our perspective on the world.
I was recently chatting with a new friend who told me that his goal in every conversation is to let the other person talk 80% about themselves while he talks 20% about himself. “But you’re always asking me questions,” he said with a smile, “you always give me a run for my money on that goal.” I loved hearing that!
Be Selfless and Loving
Genuinely meaningful relationships will always, always require selflessness and love. Only trying to “get” from a relationship will never result in anything lasting or fulfilling.
So even though your goal may be to meet a need in your life (meaningful relationships), you’ll only get there by trying to serve and love others first.
If it helps, approaching relationships with a selfless attitude will quickly transform superficial interactions into meaningful bonds. Acts of kindness, understanding, and unconditional support speak volumes about our care and commitment to those around us. And bringing that attitude into any and every interaction is the quickest way to discover exactly what you’re hoping to find.
Be Vulnerable When Appropriate
Vulnerability is the cornerstone of trust and intimacy in relationships. Sharing our fears, dreams, and challenges with trusted individuals can create a safe space for both parties to be authentic and supportive.
We may impress people with our successes. But we connect with people through our weakness.
Share Experiences Together
Participating in activities together can strengthen bonds and create lasting memories. This can be especially true for men who bond quicker over shared experiences.
Whether it’s a hobby, a sports game, a book club, or a volunteer project, shared experiences allow us to see different facets of each other and build a shared history that enriches the relationship.
Celebrate Each Other’s Successes
As your relationship grows and matures, take great joy in the achievements and happiness of others. There is no room for jealousy in genuine friendships. As the old quote goes, “Always clap for your friends, even if their dreams come true before yours.”
Celebrating successes, no matter how small, shows that we value and take pride in each other’s accomplishments.
Look for Relationships Outside Digital Meet-ups and Dating Apps
It is true that there are countless apps and websites designed for the sole purpose of creating relationships—both friendship and intimate (in every possible definition of the word).
And there is not a doubt in my mind that some of you have found wonderful relationships through those platforms. But there also exists an entire world of community outside those platforms. Clubs, groups, churches, and community events are happening all around you. Look for them. These settings allow for organic, face-to-face interactions that can lead to more efficient (and better) decisions about friendship and connection.
It’s almost surprising when you think about it. Surrounded by a digital world that offers unparalleled opportunities for connectivity 24/7, we are struggling more than ever to find it in meaningful ways.
Work hard to develop meaningful relationships in your life. You won’t regret it in the short-term or the long-term.
Moses says
I have truly, and truly picked a lot from this article. Every person on this lovely planet earth ought to read this.
I thank you, sir.
J says
Not everyone is an extrovert who enjoys in-person socializing. In addition, not all people’s health facilitates doing so. As an introvert with many health issues, I’m in both categories. I prefer digital connections with my cousin who lives 400 miles away, friends who live hundreds or even thousands of miles away, over superficial interactions in spaces that are uncomfortable or impossible for me to navigate.
MD says
I agree about the introvert with health issues point. As such a person, I am limited in my free time and so when I do have some (after my works, forced naps to be able to function and home chores), I only have time to read (on the web and digital books), watch movies, series, documentaries and news forums, talk on the phone and see my local family. And to be honest, I’m ok with that. I also need my me-time to recharge mentally as well as physically.
Carol says
Great article, however, I felt it was missing a piece…..as an 80 year old, with limited mobility, living a bit remotely from town…..I find that FaceTime and Zoom calls with friends are priceless! These are friends that I otherwise would not be able to connect with for a deep 2 hour conversation. To be able to see each other’s faces, and watch facial expressions and respond to them makes the connection very rich. We make a date, have a beverage to sip and settle in for a delightful visit. I have several friends that I visit with monthly in this way as it is the only way that works for both of us and the provides a way to continue to deepen our relationship over time. I am grateful for this electronic gift.
Michael Wheeler says
Joshua, once again you hit it right on target. This article speaks well of how it was, what it is and what it will be. But we the human race need to be true to our authentic self and open up ourselves to face to face communications, relationships of sorts. Contrary to all this it’s still a hurdle as it takes two to tango. So if your leading and the other person isn’t following along then…………… I really put myself out there to meet interact with new people, including been seeking a roommate but they feed ‘surface talk’ and just aren’t sincere. It’s quite saddening how social media is affected everyone but we are our own designer, teacher so stop in your tracks human race and live in the real world.
Billie Camic says
Wonderful article Joshua! So needed, so true! God bless you!
Gabriella Rollins says
I really enjoyed this article! Making time for relationships is so important! One of my goals this year is to schedule time for a one-on-one visit with each of my friends. Sometimes not easy to do with all our busy lives, and time slips by so quickly.
We always say “let’s get together”, but it often doesn’t happen. I’ve decided to be the one to suggest days/times that I’m available, and go from there.
I send out about 100 handmade birthday cards to people in my life- but I try to treat my special friends to a birthday lunch as well. Texts and emails are convenient, but nothing beats in-person!
Kris says
Love this! Excellent tips that everyone, young and old, should think about 😊
M says
No doubt. We were created for relationship!
Shop with the local merchant, chat with them.
Phone friends and loved ones afar. Voice provides inflection and feeling.
Provide a kind word, or at the very least a smile to strangers. It may be the only encouragement they receive today.
Friends were once strangers we simply took the time to get to know.
Invest in others.
Red says
I agree with a lot of what’s in this article. I also think that constantly being exposed to others’ thoughts online has increased our social anxiety significantly. We desperately want to connect with others, but we feel fearful. At the same time, being online offers an instant escape from our feelings of discomfort. We view online content >> feel anxious about making social connections >> numb our feelings through more online content >> and the cycle starts over. If we want to break out of this cycle, we may need to start small. Instead of joining a club or church, first practice sitting next to others in a coffee shop, greeting them, and wishing them a good day when we depart. Then practice making small requests or complimenting someone, all the while practicing self-acceptance, especially when an interaction feels awkward. Our reliance on technology has also significantly reduced our frustration tolerance so we will have to build that back up again by practicing patience and self-compassion.
I’d be interested to read others’ ideas on all of this. Lots of good food for thought!
Kay Collins says
Wholeheartedly agree with this. As a 70 year old, I’ve watched the decline of human interaction and an increase in loneliness, anxiety since the advent of social media. Personally I’ve found that texting has become the lazy way to communicate. I’ve tried to get my family to at least call on birthdays, holidays, but to no avail. I get texts. It’s as tho no one want to actually take the time to have a real conversation anymore. It’s very sad to see. And i’m afraid very detrimental to society. Some things in technology is good. Some are not.
Red says
I agree that texting has replaced more fulfilling types of communication. It would be nice to go back to sending cards to each other. I’m thinking about trying out postcrossing — it’s sending post cards to strangers but it might be kinda fun. I love getting stuff in the mail.
https://www.postcrossing.com/
Cooper Kathy says
Agree Kay. Just had my 73year old Valentine bday. Quick calls from my two boys. Considered myself fortunate. Sad.
Karen Fieg says
I agree with Kay and Kathy. I’m soon to be 68. I miss the actual phone calls and hearing the voices of my children. But I also am guilty of the “quick text”. I need to change my ways too. God bless.