Note: This is a guest post from Zoë Kim of Raising Simple.
Finding our lives under everything we own is more than clearing away just junk. Often it requires removing good quality things. Expensive things. Useful things. Admired things. Fancy things. It means letting go of perfectly good stuff in order to pursue something more meaningful.
I began de-owning my excess six years ago. My husband deployed frequently and we had two children under five. I was spending more time doing something with our stuff than doing something with my family.
With my husband half-way across the world, the kids and I had to pack up to move again. It was our third move in six years, but this one was just down the street. How difficult could that be?
Well, the process of personally packing, unpacking, and organizing all of our stuff drained the joy right out of me—for two months. I wanted to take my kids to the beach, play at the park, and listen to their laughter. But I was exhausted, and stressed. Busy taking care of all our stuff.
It was in that stress, exhaustion, and desire to live better that I had an ‘ah-ha’ moment. I began to see the real cost of so much stuff— and it was way overpriced!
I started peeling away the layers of excess. And I was on a roll—until I hit that layer of perfectly good things! Valuable things that people spent much time and life to purchase. I felt wasteful and sick at the thought of giving it away. This was good stuff— wasn’t it? Maybe so. But I was learning, “The price of anything is the amount of life you exchange for it.” —Henry Thoreau
It is possible to break through the layer of perfectly good things. Through the process, I learned these practical steps:
1. Accept the mistake. Often, we will see many mistakes as we start to purge all the ‘good stuff.’ Acknowledge it was a mistake so you can move on. Keeping something that does not add value to your life keeps you stuck holding on to the mistake.
2. Shift your perspective. As I journey further into minimalism, I realized there is far more joy in giving things away than can ever be found in owning more.
3. Designate a spot. In the beginning, I would walk through my house and see things I thought I wanted to donate but they stayed put until I set up a spot to start putting it all. Set up a box, closet or room to place your donation items. Remove them from your house often.
4. Community. Share your excess with your community. Donate books to schools and libraries. Donate clothing and other household goods to local foster care organizations, shelters, and your local food pantry.
5. Experiment. Experimentation by elimination has helped me shed the layers of good stuff quicker. I simplified my beauty and bath routine by removing 60-80% of my products. Much to my surprise, many things I kept had no real value to my day.
6. Keep your eye on your why. In times of discouragement, make a choice to focus on why you are giving perfectly good things away. Remember, you’re giving up the good for the best.
7. Ask yourself better questions.
Does it serve its purpose—to serve my purpose?
We’re often not consciously thinking about our motives when we keep things, but everything has a cost. How much are you willing to sacrifice your passion and purpose for possessions? Some of our things serve a purpose. The important things give our lives meaning and joy. The useless ones just drain our time.
Can this be useful to someone else?
When we hold on to good things we do not need, we keep them from being helpful to others. I used to think it would be wasteful just to give things away that were barely used or not used at all—especially if they weren’t cheap. But then I thought, what if I just own my mistake in buying this thing by giving it away.
Would I leave this as someone else’s’ responsibility?
With my spouse deployed in harm’s way, I was expected to plan. I filled out the spouse deployment form—pages filled with detailed questions and answers should my husband be killed. Experiences like these gave me more prudence. What will the state of my stuff look like when I’m no longer here? Do I enjoy this enough to leave if for someone to take care of—because it will be my family taking care of it someday?
How do you want to live your life?
Own too much, and you’ll live a life owned by your stuff. Say yes when you should say no and you’ll live a life organized by others. Keep more than you need, and you’ll give less to those in need.
The journey to minimalism might look like it’s about going through and purging your possessions. But it’s much more about going through your heart. “The question of what you want to own is actually the question of how you want to live your life.” Marie Kondo
I’ve often wondered if I would have journeyed into minimalism had we not experienced the active duty military life. If we hadn’t moved so often and been stretched in stress, would I have kept it all put-away—like organized hoarding happily?
Nonetheless, I’m grateful for the experiences which brought me to the path to living more intentionally with a lot less.
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Zoë Kim blogs at Raising Simple where she inspires others to live an intentional life by owning less, creating new habits, and cultivating opportunities to give. And be sure to check out her on Facebook.
Susan Alexander says
I appreciate all your tips! But tell me – how can I part with things that belonged to my parents, my grandparents, and even my great-grandparents? It doesn’t feel right to give these things away, yet my daughters will only want a small portion of the considerable number of heirlooms I’ve inherited. Thanks.
Naomi says
Hi Susan, If you have lots of items from relatives you don’t need to keep all of them, just the things that suit your lifestyle (either because they are useful or beautiful). Then ask your daughters what they would like. Then take photos of everything else before you sell or donate them. We know that the memories are not ‘in’ the things, but the things usually trigger specific memories, so photos of items will help you remember special times just as well as the actual items would.
Of my grandmothers possessions I kept a wooden writing box (which I don’t really use regularly and could probably go!) and a silver ring that I wear every day – and think of her whenever I look at it. Good luck!
Dianne Arnold says
I understand the difficulty with getting rid of family heirlooms. I am the family historian, it seems, and am grateful for the many artifacts and documents that I have. But, there comes a time when it’s just too much to take care of. With the technology we have today, this job becomes easier. Take photos (sometimes several of an item) and make good scans of documents – front and back. Then, you can share the photos and files with other family members who might be interested — and you likely will find family members who would like an item or two for themselves. If there are no interested family, contact your local library or historical society or genealogy society about their interest. Genealogy is one of the most popular hobbies today and there are many places that would LOVE to have some of your treasures.
Miranda says
I second taking photos. I’ve had a hard time with things from my parents, as they both died young. I’ve taken photos of everything I’ve let go, with the plan to make a scrapbook with the stories and photos.
In the meantime, I’ve been surprised at how little I want to look at the photos. It’s been eye opening. Taking the photos helped shift the energy so I could let go of the items. I feel so much lighter, and still have the memories.
Zoë says
Hi Susan,
Thanks for reading and commenting!
I don’t suggest people start off parting with their parent’s stuff most cherished. But for the items kept just because they were your parents/grandparents, here’s my personal thought process…
I’d ask myself questions.
1. What part about giving their stuff away doesn’t feel right? Is it that they worked hard for it? They spent their money and life/time for it? Or they loved it?
Maybe it’s all of those reasons or something else altogether. Regardless, even if all their stuff served them well, for your life to move forward (fulfilling our passion and purpose), it needs to serve you well too. If it doesn’t, the very purpose it was created for is lost.
2. I’m always asking myself what kind of legacy I want to leave my children?
My grandparents (whom I was very close to) gave me many of their things during their last years. (This was before minimalism in my life).
My great-grandparents came here (with nothing) from Italy and my husband’s parents came here from South Korea (with very little). By the later years of their life, both acquired a full house of good stuff. Over the last six years, I have donated many of their things (furniture & decor) while keeping a few special items that meant the most (to me).
In that process, I discovered that a life and legacy built around possessions will be always be lost. True connections are made between people, not stuff. When I let go of their stuff, I didn’t loose them or dishonor them. I’ve honored them better by sharing the love, lessons, generosity, wisdom and talents they helped cultivate in my own life.
3. Would my grandparents want me to keep their stuff understanding the burden it was to me? How much time it took caring for it instead of caring for my children, my husband and myself?
My conclusion, no, they would not want me to keep it.
As a parent to four, my joy is found in seeing my children live joyful, healthy and purposeful lives. If the care of my stuff inhibits them from doing that, then the joy is lost.
You can also take photos as others mentioned. Or remove the item from sight if possible. This helped me see that my life was just as rich (without my grandparents hutch in the dining room).
K K says
Susan, I’m in the same boat…became the “keeper” of the family heirlooms – pics, furniture, paintings, books, quilts and childhood momentos of 8 relatives. No one else is interested and don’t think my kids care. It’s so hard knowing people leave earth and are easily dismissed from the busy minds of the living. Hubby says to take pictures of everything and then take it to donate. He can do minimalism…I have an emotional block. Not as bad as the hoarders show , lol.
Amy@MoreTimeThanMoney says
Over the last few weekends I’ve been helping my Mum declutter her stuff. We got rid of hundreds of things from her kitchen,nearly 100 from her closet and 50 or so from her linen cupboard. This was nearly all perfectly good stuff. I was hard for her to let go of all this “useful” stuff, but she soon realised that most of it was just getting in the way and therefore useless. She’s got the bug now!
Zoë Kim says
Hi, Amy!
Love that, “She’s got the bug now!”
Suzanne Wright says
First I read the book. The Life- Changing Magic Of Tidying Up. Life changing is an understatement. It teaches you how to look at your stuff. I donated 20 bags of clothes and boxes of house items. Wonderful feeling
Daikuro @ SimplicityBlogger.com says
Hi Zoe. Thanks for your insightful post. As for me, I look at an object and look at the space that it is occupying. Then, I think about other people who could use the object more than me. Then I detach and muster the courage to give it away. This clears up space in myself so that I can focus on what is more important.
Zoë Kim says
Hi, Daukuro.
I love your thought process — thinking about others who can use it more!
Thank you!
Russell says
A dear friend directed me to your article. She knew I have been doing serious de-cluttering or “clutter-busting” since early January ’17. This process has been a huge gift! Without sounding too zany I have “got my life back.” My home is a more peaceful, much more organized place. I have yet to finish the process but the transformation to date has been remarkable! This is sheer fun once you get momentum going! You are 100% right about a “staging area” for items on the way out. I don’t know how many times I inwardly said “YES!” as I read your valuable article. I have gained a deeper appreciation for what has happened from reading your masterfully composed offering! THANK YOU!
Zoë Kim says
Hi, Russell!
So wonderful to hear you ‘got your life back’! It is a joy to read and see all the transformations, so thank you for sharing!
Thank you for your kind words. I’m very happy you found this article helpful!
Megan Lumpkins says
I am a home care physical therapist. My days are spent stepping around clutter in broken down homes where the owner moves perilously close to falling over piles of stuff. No one plans for their health to suddenly decline. It can happen in an instance. A car accident, heart attack, stroke large or small.. Now you can’t clean. Or sort. Or sell. You’re fighting with your family who wants to help clear pathways but you want to do it yourself. You need to touch and decide on every item. So it sits around you. Potentially for the rest of your life.
Today is the day. Don’t wait to clean out the garage next summer. Don’t clear your junk room next week. Cause life is unpredictable. And it is a cruel task to leave to your family. They will not be thinking nice thoughts of you as it takes weeks and months to clear out the stuff that you just couldn’t make a decision on. Or part with. That might be your legacy.
Today is the day.
Judy says
You nailed it!!! :)
Carolyn says
I feel like this is where my MIL will end up in a few more years. She has problems with her knees so she already has limited mobility and difficulty getting through all her stuff. Her house is just piled with things on every surface and all over the floor. She lives in a different state so we are only able to visit a couple times a year and can only help so much. Every time we see her she says how she is planning to do this and that to clean up but the house always looks the same when we visit next. She just isn’t able to keep up with it physically anymore. She has several sheds and trailers on the property also filled with stuff. I wish we could go stay for a few months and clean it all out, or hire someone to go clean up for her. I have no idea what we will do if she leaves it like that when she either passes away or needs to move because her health declines.
sharonK says
i wholeheartedly agree. i had a stroke on sep 14 and have been playing catch-up ever since. i know i am lucky to be alive, but i sure wish i would have taken care of this when i had two hands and two legs that worked 100%.
Dawnsie says
I just returned from spending a week with my sister-in-law with the goal of helping her clear out and organize her sewing room and attic. We also took time to enjoy restaurants, friends, the birds, exercise and, of course, conversation with each other! But each and every day, we spent hours sorting, labeling, donating so much STUFF. Since I was not emotionally connected it was easier for me, but she did a great job of staying on task and occasionally letting me know that she’d had enough for that day. It was wonderful and she was so appreciative! We’ll both remember that time with happiness, I think. :)
Theresa says
Great article. I have a difficult time getting rid of the “good stuff”, but this has helped me take another look at it. I really like the idea of looking at my possessions as being helpful to others, especially the stuff I don’t need. Thank you!
Zoë Kim says
Thank you, Theresa!
Christina says
I am, slowly, working through my items. We are a newly retired military family in our forever home. There so many boxes that had been in storage, for years…outgrown kids clothes, paperwork books, souvenirs, photos, baby toys, etc… It has been hard, so many memories attached to those items. Thanks for letting me vent.
Linda White says
We are at the same time in our lives. It is difficult. I framed a few “memories” to hang on my walls. I put a few toys on a shelf- one for each of our three grown up children. That is all. We just can’t keep everything. We don’t want to burden our “children” with old, stuff, if something were to happen to my husband and I. You will be happy you did it.
Nathan @ Quiet Habits says
Great post, Zoë. I love the good to best approach, which can be applied to many things in life. This has inspired me to really take a hard look again at what I own and see if everything is serving me as the “best” and not just good enough. I feel like you did, exhausted by spending so much time with my stuff, moving and cleaning and caring for.
Zoë Kim says
Hi, Nathan!
Thanks for the kind words and sharing a bit of your story!