Note: This is a guest post from Zoë Kim of Raising Simple.
Finding our lives under everything we own is more than clearing away just junk. Often it requires removing good quality things. Expensive things. Useful things. Admired things. Fancy things. It means letting go of perfectly good stuff in order to pursue something more meaningful.
I began de-owning my excess six years ago. My husband deployed frequently and we had two children under five. I was spending more time doing something with our stuff than doing something with my family.
With my husband half-way across the world, the kids and I had to pack up to move again. It was our third move in six years, but this one was just down the street. How difficult could that be?
Well, the process of personally packing, unpacking, and organizing all of our stuff drained the joy right out of me—for two months. I wanted to take my kids to the beach, play at the park, and listen to their laughter. But I was exhausted, and stressed. Busy taking care of all our stuff.
It was in that stress, exhaustion, and desire to live better that I had an ‘ah-ha’ moment. I began to see the real cost of so much stuff— and it was way overpriced!
I started peeling away the layers of excess. And I was on a roll—until I hit that layer of perfectly good things! Valuable things that people spent much time and life to purchase. I felt wasteful and sick at the thought of giving it away. This was good stuff— wasn’t it? Maybe so. But I was learning, “The price of anything is the amount of life you exchange for it.” —Henry Thoreau
It is possible to break through the layer of perfectly good things. Through the process, I learned these practical steps:
1. Accept the mistake. Often, we will see many mistakes as we start to purge all the ‘good stuff.’ Acknowledge it was a mistake so you can move on. Keeping something that does not add value to your life keeps you stuck holding on to the mistake.
2. Shift your perspective. As I journey further into minimalism, I realized there is far more joy in giving things away than can ever be found in owning more.
3. Designate a spot. In the beginning, I would walk through my house and see things I thought I wanted to donate but they stayed put until I set up a spot to start putting it all. Set up a box, closet or room to place your donation items. Remove them from your house often.
4. Community. Share your excess with your community. Donate books to schools and libraries. Donate clothing and other household goods to local foster care organizations, shelters, and your local food pantry.
5. Experiment. Experimentation by elimination has helped me shed the layers of good stuff quicker. I simplified my beauty and bath routine by removing 60-80% of my products. Much to my surprise, many things I kept had no real value to my day.
6. Keep your eye on your why. In times of discouragement, make a choice to focus on why you are giving perfectly good things away. Remember, you’re giving up the good for the best.
7. Ask yourself better questions.
Does it serve its purpose—to serve my purpose?
We’re often not consciously thinking about our motives when we keep things, but everything has a cost. How much are you willing to sacrifice your passion and purpose for possessions? Some of our things serve a purpose. The important things give our lives meaning and joy. The useless ones just drain our time.
Can this be useful to someone else?
When we hold on to good things we do not need, we keep them from being helpful to others. I used to think it would be wasteful just to give things away that were barely used or not used at all—especially if they weren’t cheap. But then I thought, what if I just own my mistake in buying this thing by giving it away.
Would I leave this as someone else’s’ responsibility?
With my spouse deployed in harm’s way, I was expected to plan. I filled out the spouse deployment form—pages filled with detailed questions and answers should my husband be killed. Experiences like these gave me more prudence. What will the state of my stuff look like when I’m no longer here? Do I enjoy this enough to leave if for someone to take care of—because it will be my family taking care of it someday?
How do you want to live your life?
Own too much, and you’ll live a life owned by your stuff. Say yes when you should say no and you’ll live a life organized by others. Keep more than you need, and you’ll give less to those in need.
The journey to minimalism might look like it’s about going through and purging your possessions. But it’s much more about going through your heart. “The question of what you want to own is actually the question of how you want to live your life.” Marie Kondo
I’ve often wondered if I would have journeyed into minimalism had we not experienced the active duty military life. If we hadn’t moved so often and been stretched in stress, would I have kept it all put-away—like organized hoarding happily?
Nonetheless, I’m grateful for the experiences which brought me to the path to living more intentionally with a lot less.
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Zoë Kim blogs at Raising Simple where she inspires others to live an intentional life by owning less, creating new habits, and cultivating opportunities to give. And be sure to check out her on Facebook.
AGS says
Giving useful items to others who need them more than you, is a wonderful thing. We had no furniture when we bought our small house. Family friends who were down-sizing, gave us most of their collection. What a gift – it’s not perfectly to my taste, but it saved us so much money. When my brother and his wife got married, we re-gifted one of the bedroom sets to them for their new house (it was too large for the room it was in our house). I still remember my husband’s satisfaction when he reported, “Cynthia said ‘now I have a dresser to put my clothes in, instead of boxes!'”.
It’s harder to do this with items that retain value associated with who you believe you are. I finally gave away a tea set to a tea lover a year ago. I was given three sets at my wedding – all of them beautiful: silver from my parents (US), gzhel from my old teacher (Russia), and a set from china from my old roommate. But the beloved afternoon tea ritual my mother enjoyed, never has been a part of my life. I haven’t used any of these tea sets over our 10+ years of marriage. I finally had to admit, that as wonderful as my mother’s ritual is to this day, it’s not one that I’m likely to include in my life. So the question is do I give away one or both of the remaining sets? I’ll figure that out this year, most likely.
Marte says
Oh my goodness!
We moved 2009 – 30 yr residence & 3 businesses & I’ve been sorting downsizing then an interruption moved us across country & I went between both residences. I’ve worked 6am to midnight overwhelmed. Feeling like a failure, have given away lots but have been trying to figure out what to sell, etc.
I’m amazed at your clarity, focus, but knowing you’re a Military family & chosen what is excellence makes me know I can do better, my best!
You’re wise beyond your years and we love ❤️ you for it!
AGS says
I hope you don’t feel like a failure. . . the items you give away, or put to a donation center may be of incredible value to those who receive them. My family is so blessed by the perfectly useful things people have given us when they moved/down-sized, as well as many used items I’ve purchased over the years. Keep up the good work!
Zoë Kim says
Hi Marte, thanks so much for reading and sharing. And thank you for your very generous words.
I admire your perseverance to keep going, figuring out your next best step, even when/if you feel like a failure.
I love this quote by Winston Chruch Hill.
“Success is not final, failure is not fatal; It is the courage to continue that counts.”
Susan E Zimmer says
This lifestyle we call ourselves “Living lean and clean”…There is always room for improvement. The ideas in this e-mail have been helpful as I am going for the ‘Hotel Look’ in my house. Thanks so much for all your tips and advice.
Zoë says
I love that, “living lean and clean”! I’m happy you’ve found these tips helpful. Thank you for reading and commenting!
Cody @ Dollar Habits says
Thank you for the many sacrifices your family has made to protect our freedom.
It is so easy to get rid of old, unwanted stuff we no longer need or use, but it is a lot more challenging to part with the perfectly good things. Thank you for the tips to help ease the process.
Cody
Zoë says
Thank you, Cody!
Rick Honeycutt says
We carry so many sentimental items and items we may “need”. Learn to invest in experiences and people.
JAM says
Zoe,
Thank you so much for your wonderful article. So much wisdom!!! I am still in the beginning stage of getting rid of the excess, and already enjoy the fact that I have empty drawers in my house!!! However, I have to delay the real work until I finish my Bachelor’s Degree (first things, first… 1 month to go). I can hardly wait until I really have the time to devote to a full purge.
I will be 60 this year, and want the remainder of my life to be about people; and not about taking care of stuff. I am no longer am willing to spend my weekends cleaning house… I want to be with friends and family. I want to have time to go places, do things, and also to just do nothing!
And when my children have the task of going through my possessions when I’m gone, I want their burden to be as light as possible. This becomes more and more important to me as I get older.
This is an article I know that I will come back to again and again to absorb the words and ideas into my soul.
Zoë says
I’m so glad you enjoyed the post, JAM, and thank you for sharing a bit of your journey. It is inspiring, thank you!
Tracey Martin says
Hi Zoe! I had the same realization (better for best) due to travel. My husband and I spend a month at a time in other countries twice a year. We travel with a carry on and 1 week’s worth of clothes purely for convenience. We have realized we always take our “best” for quality and comfort. We are always amazed at how satisfied we are with so little for so long. It really makes daily life so much easier and allows us to enjoy our experiences instead of thinking about our stuff. We have incorporated this idea at home now too, giving up better for best. Thank you for your article!
Zoë says
Hi, Tracey,
That is great! Thank you for reading and sharing what is helping you along.
C. J. Hartwell says
Your point about how our useless items will one day become someone else’s’ responsibility is eye-opening. I had to go through that with my siblings as we cleaned my mother’s house. The job itself was hard, but made more so because of the glut of possessions.
One suggestion I have regarding your comment on donating books to a school or library (having worked at both): please call first and make sure they’ll take them. They often will if you show up with the books, just to be nice, but it might cause more work for them. The places I worked always accepted them, but most of the time one of us had to take them to a thrift store or a charity that ran a used book store.
Zoë says
Thanks, C.J for the suggestion about the books and calling ahead! It can cause more work, especially if they aren’t needed in that location.
Andrea Allen says
What a great article! Just like the “just in case” items, the “perfectly good things” are just as invasive. I have culled out lots of clothing from my closet, but I still have twice as much clothing as I need. Why? Because the items of clothing that remain in my closet are perfectly good items! They are hard to part with because I still wear them. I just have too much of a good thing. I now want someone else to enjoy my “perfectly good items.”
Zoë says
Well said, Andrea! They are just as invasive and it’s easy to have too much of a good thing. Thank you for reading and sharing.
Sue Elliott says
Dear Zoe, I have been reading about and trying to practice the art of paring down for years. I am the Pare Down coach for my friends and family!
Recently I’ve been preparing for a mid-March speaking gig to share about this with a group of older women. I’ve read dozens of things and was having a hard time organizing a presentation based on so many concepts/parts. Your article here is very well-organized and well-written. I may just use it as my outline and share it! Thanks for your work toward this end. May your joy be complete and overflowing as you continue to encourage others.
Zoë says
Hi Sue,
Thank you for such thoughtful and encouraging words!
Another woman wrote me this morning and wanted to share the article and use is as an outline for a class about owning less that she is teaching at her church.
I think this is wonderful and I am so happy you’ve found it to be helpful.