“There are only two lasting bequests we can hope to give our children. One of these is roots, the other wings.”
My son Salem recently graduated high school and is now in college.
It’s hard to believe this is the same young man who sat down with me during a Snow Day years ago to write this: An 8-Year Old’s Guide to Buying Good Toys.
But indeed, he has grown into a fine young man.
My daughter has just one year left of high school and will be attending college soon as well.
At the beginning of my son’s Senior Year of high school, my wife sat down and wrote out 12 Life Skills that she wanted to make sure our son knew before leaving home. Some of the skills he had already picked up, but others we decided to intentionally teach over the last year.
I thought it might be helpful to share our list with you. So here it is:
12 Life Skills We Want For Our Kids Before They Leave Home
1. Cooking.
It isn’t particularly important that our son knows how to properly prepare Baked Alaska for his next dinner party (although it is my daughter’s favorite dessert). But we did want to make sure he knew how to cook, grill, and even bake some simple meals for himself. Man cannot live on fast food alone.
2. Cleaning.
Salem has had plenty of experience vacuuming, dusting, tidying, cleaning mirrors, and emptying trash over the years of growing up. But we also wanted to make sure he knew how to clean other areas of home that are less routine: toilets, stovetops, ceiling fans, as an example. Knowing that her son knew how to clean a bathroom from top to bottom was of special importance for Kim.
3. Yardwork.
Mowing, trimming, planting, pruning. Even making sure he knows to call the utility company hotline before digging.
4. Laundry.
Kim has always handled the laundry in our home—or at least for as long as I can remember. She’s been very intentional, especially this year, about showing Salem how to launder not just his own clothes, but the clothes of anyone in his future home.
5. Iron.
Ironing has always been my gig. Someone showed me how to properly iron in college and I’ve been hooked ever since. So we wanted to show the how (and why) of not living life in wrinkly clothes.
6. Emergency Car Repairs
Mechanics is not my thing. But emergency car repairs, those things that can happen on the side of the road away from help, are essential to know. How to jumpstart a dead battery, how to change a tire, how to read dashboard warning lights, and what to do in a collision. If we didn’t live in Phoenix, I’d also add how to drive in the snow/ice, and what to do if your car gets stuck.
7. Simple Home Repairs
Home repair is also not a skill in my repertoire—never in my life have I considered removing a wall to open up a room. But there are a few simple home repairs that I believe my son and daughter should be able to accomplish in their future home. This is not an exhaustive list, but among the specific repairs: how to unclog a drain, replace light fixtures, shut off water, replace a garbage disposal, reset breakers, hang decorations, fix a leaky sink.
8. Painting
There are very few things that refresh a home quicker and less expensively than painting the walls. And it’s one of the only home improvements we’ve made in every new home we’ve moved into. So we put it on the list to make sure our kids know how to do it well.
9. Personal Finance
There are technical skills to teach: how to write a check, how to balance a checkbook, how a credit card works, how compound interest works, etc. But there are also life skills and worldviews to consider when it comes to personal finance: opportunity cost, why to budget, living below your means, giving, saving, and the life-giving benefits of buying only what you need.
10. Shopping
Related to personal finance, how to shop wisely is an essential ingredient. It’s important to know not just what to buy, but how to buy. So Kim put this on the life skills list and I’m glad she thought to include it. How to shop for groceries, how to shop for clothes, and how to shop for essentials.
11. Dating
Thinking primarily of my son as he graduates high school, I want to know I’ve taught him how to be a gentleman in both courtship and a dating relationship. I also want him to know what relational qualities are important to develop and what qualities to look for in a spouse.
12. Faith
I don’t write much about my faith here on this blog, but my Christian faith has and will continue to be important to me. And I want it to be important to my kids. So we were sure to add to our list, not just an understanding of our faith, but also the life skills for them to pursue it on their own.
I don’t necessarily publish this list because I think it’s the exact list you need for your own family. But I do think it’s important that we are intentional as parents—not just in providing a loving home for our children but also in preparing them for life on their own. Our goal is to launch him into adulthood prepared and an asset to society.
This is the list of 12 life skills we’ve been working off of the last year as our son prepares to leave home. And I encourage you to create your own (or steal ours).
Donna Mulvey says
Bravo! Thank you so much.
Nancy says
Great list. Not sure about the ironing though. As a kid, one of my household tasks was to iron my dad’s white dress shirts for work. Collar, back placket, long sleeves, front panels, back panel. Hang and button top button. After years of this, as an adult, I hate ironing.
Now it’s squirt it with the water bottle I keep on top of the dryer, throw in for a few minutes, pull out still warm, hang up. I don’t buy anything that can’t be thrown into the dryer for a few minutes.
joshua becker says
I would maybe hate it to if I spent my childhood ironing all of my dad’s shirts. But my mom irons all of her father’s shirts now that he’s older and seems to really enjoy helping him in that way.
Krys says
Honestly there are many adults out there who can’t do half of these things! Congratulations to you and Kim for giving him these tools for living. A good number of them should be taught in school as not all parents are equipped to provide this type of instruction.
Eve says
You are so right. I lost my husband in February and some of the things on that list were things he took care of for us. These are skills we all need. Whatever stage you’re at in life, if you don’t know how to do these, please learn.
joshua becker says
Great point Eve.
Riqi Kosovske says
Thank you for this wonderful list. What a gift. I love the intentionality and I will be adopting/adapting your list for my parenting for my son in his next two years of high school.
Susan Stewart says
This is a great list! I’m a professional organizer and life skills have always been incredibly important to me. Our kids are young adults now and I can tell you that having these life skills in their back pocket made for a smooth transition into adulthood. Keep up the great work!
Faye Harrison says
Loved this article! Very practical and well thought through! Thank you! We tried to prepare both of our kids for college as well in their last couple of high school years. During this pandemic, they both are back home and have gotten an opportunity to do a lot more of these things and develop them further that I’m confident they’ll be able to manage a household on their own very soon! Keep these good articles coming!!
Karen says
I love this list!
Mollie Donghia says
What a great idea to use that last year of high school to live more intentionally for adulthood. No matter what age our kids are, there’s always skills we can be working on with them to prepare them for the next stage. Sounds like he’ll be all prepared to enter into the next season of life.
Linda Sand says
My husband’s parents taught him all these plus how to sew for which I am eternally grateful. That first year when he needed insignia sewn onto his uniforms and I was messing it up, he took over and did it well.
Alexandra says
This is a great list, thank you for sharing it. Our son is in 10th grade, and this year of pandemic, he has learned how to cook, bake, clean (especially the bathrooms) and do yard work. We will work on the remaining skills.
Louisa says
I will have to give this a lot of thought—and action! Love your idea!
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