“There are only two lasting bequests we can hope to give our children. One of these is roots, the other wings.”
My son Salem recently graduated high school and is now in college.
It’s hard to believe this is the same young man who sat down with me during a Snow Day years ago to write this: An 8-Year Old’s Guide to Buying Good Toys.
But indeed, he has grown into a fine young man.
My daughter has just one year left of high school and will be attending college soon as well.
At the beginning of my son’s Senior Year of high school, my wife sat down and wrote out 12 Life Skills that she wanted to make sure our son knew before leaving home. Some of the skills he had already picked up, but others we decided to intentionally teach over the last year.
I thought it might be helpful to share our list with you. So here it is:
12 Life Skills We Want For Our Kids Before They Leave Home
1. Cooking.
It isn’t particularly important that our son knows how to properly prepare Baked Alaska for his next dinner party (although it is my daughter’s favorite dessert). But we did want to make sure he knew how to cook, grill, and even bake some simple meals for himself. Man cannot live on fast food alone.
2. Cleaning.
Salem has had plenty of experience vacuuming, dusting, tidying, cleaning mirrors, and emptying trash over the years of growing up. But we also wanted to make sure he knew how to clean other areas of home that are less routine: toilets, stovetops, ceiling fans, as an example. Knowing that her son knew how to clean a bathroom from top to bottom was of special importance for Kim.
3. Yardwork.
Mowing, trimming, planting, pruning. Even making sure he knows to call the utility company hotline before digging.
4. Laundry.
Kim has always handled the laundry in our home—or at least for as long as I can remember. She’s been very intentional, especially this year, about showing Salem how to launder not just his own clothes, but the clothes of anyone in his future home.
5. Iron.
Ironing has always been my gig. Someone showed me how to properly iron in college and I’ve been hooked ever since. So we wanted to show the how (and why) of not living life in wrinkly clothes.
6. Emergency Car Repairs
Mechanics is not my thing. But emergency car repairs, those things that can happen on the side of the road away from help, are essential to know. How to jumpstart a dead battery, how to change a tire, how to read dashboard warning lights, and what to do in a collision. If we didn’t live in Phoenix, I’d also add how to drive in the snow/ice, and what to do if your car gets stuck.
7. Simple Home Repairs
Home repair is also not a skill in my repertoire—never in my life have I considered removing a wall to open up a room. But there are a few simple home repairs that I believe my son and daughter should be able to accomplish in their future home. This is not an exhaustive list, but among the specific repairs: how to unclog a drain, replace light fixtures, shut off water, replace a garbage disposal, reset breakers, hang decorations, fix a leaky sink.
8. Painting
There are very few things that refresh a home quicker and less expensively than painting the walls. And it’s one of the only home improvements we’ve made in every new home we’ve moved into. So we put it on the list to make sure our kids know how to do it well.
9. Personal Finance
There are technical skills to teach: how to write a check, how to balance a checkbook, how a credit card works, how compound interest works, etc. But there are also life skills and worldviews to consider when it comes to personal finance: opportunity cost, why to budget, living below your means, giving, saving, and the life-giving benefits of buying only what you need.
10. Shopping
Related to personal finance, how to shop wisely is an essential ingredient. It’s important to know not just what to buy, but how to buy. So Kim put this on the life skills list and I’m glad she thought to include it. How to shop for groceries, how to shop for clothes, and how to shop for essentials.
11. Dating
Thinking primarily of my son as he graduates high school, I want to know I’ve taught him how to be a gentleman in both courtship and a dating relationship. I also want him to know what relational qualities are important to develop and what qualities to look for in a spouse.
12. Faith
I don’t write much about my faith here on this blog, but my Christian faith has and will continue to be important to me. And I want it to be important to my kids. So we were sure to add to our list, not just an understanding of our faith, but also the life skills for them to pursue it on their own.
I don’t necessarily publish this list because I think it’s the exact list you need for your own family. But I do think it’s important that we are intentional as parents—not just in providing a loving home for our children but also in preparing them for life on their own. Our goal is to launch him into adulthood prepared and an asset to society.
This is the list of 12 life skills we’ve been working off of the last year as our son prepares to leave home. And I encourage you to create your own (or steal ours).
Nicole Damm says
Great List. I am 41 and still don’t know how to change a tire, I should learn it as it can happen. Looking back, I feel like I have learned about financing through trial and error over the last 20-years. I am so pro teaching kids personal finance age-appropriate from a young age and up. What an amazing skill to have to set them up for the better.
Stacy says
We base our children’s chore charts off of the book “The Parenting Breakthrough” by Merrilee Browne Boyack. She is a Christian (Latter Day Saint) and wrote the book for other parents of her faith, but the chores-by-age chart is great for all families. My 3-year-old can make his bed, put away clothes, fold washcloths, help empty the dishwasher, etc. Addionally, 5-year-olds can dust, scrub toilets, pull weeds, make basic foods (like toast), etc. My third grader is learning basic cooking with a recipe, journaling, letter writing, sweeping and vacuuming.
Now an 18-year-old can probably do these things better than an 8-year-old, but the point is to let them learn. And in case you’re wondering, I don’t just sit around while they clean. Any parent knows it’s a lot more work to teach kids to do chores than to do them yourself.
Desirée Santana says
Loved your list! I often do something similar with my son. When he was a boy, I used to tell him: “Learn how to do this, because when you’ll be studying in New Zealand, you’ll need to do this by yourself”. One day, after having listened to these words many times, he picked his globe and checked where New Zealand was. He was surprised to see it’s on the other side of the world (we live in Brazil). He said: “But it’s very far from here!”. And I replied: “It doesn’t matter if you’re going to study in New Zealand, or in Canada or in São Paulo, the fact is that I won’t be there to do things for you. You have to learn so you won’t be in trouble and your life will be easier. “
Jeanne Supple says
Great list! In addition to adding basic sewing skills (hemming pants, repairing a seam and sewing on a button) I would add Social Behavior for Adults. Dealing with invitations (you don’t cancel BC something better comes along, you always rsvp), thank you letters for gifts, hospitality and job interviews, handling awkward situations and conversations etc. Also proper table manners.
Neita says
Oh dear … I agree with this list as well as reader suggestions to add basic sewing skills. But I wasn’t taught half of these (including Financial skills which I learned far too late in life – but better late than never.) I need to catch up on learning how to do: car repairs, home repairs, & I don’t think I was very good at dating ;).
Cathy says
Bravo!
Love this list, your intentionality, and the sharing of what is important to you.
Mary Millette says
Good list! If I were writing this, I would go more into details on the religion/spiritual area, as, to be truthful, without God, who are we?
Sandy Oster says
I, too, had a similar list for my children. Tell Kim that my daughter in law thanks me often for teaching my son household tasks, specifically cleaning bathrooms and loading and unloading the dishwasher.
Tina Freeman says
I just love reading your emails. They are inspiring and filled with things that inspire me to get rid of the things I do not need but I am somewhere in the middle of where both my parents were. One was very neat and tidy to the extent she could be bc my Dad was a pack rat and saver of anything you might have a need for in the distant future. LOL I have many things I do not need but it is so hard to start.
I love this list of the things for your son to know before going out on his own to college.
Karin Tamm says
Excellent list and I wouldn’t take off any item but I would squeeze in how to do small sewing repairs- like sewing on a button . I have often seen very professional younger people who use a safety pin for a button because they don’t know how to (or maybe don’t want to) replace the lost button.
ros says
sewing – handsewing to be able to neatly repair, adjust or remodel things made of fabric.