People were created to be loved. Things were created to be used. The reason why the world is in chaos is because things are being loved and people are being used.
I have a friend. Let’s call him John.
I’m not sure if friend is actually the best word for our relationship, but it is the word I choose to use—not just in this post, but in life as well.
You see, John doesn’t return very many of my phone calls. He doesn’t reply to my voicemail messages. And he doesn’t answer very many of my texts.
But every few months, my phone will ring and John will be on the other end. Always out of blue. Usually in the evening.
He will apologize for being gone so long. He will assure me he is in a better place now. And he will ask if we can get together again for coffee or lunch. If at all possible, I agree.
John’s life has not been easy. He has told me repeatedly of the abandonment, the drugs, the alcohol, and the homeless nights that define his past. He speaks of his indiscretion freely. It is as much a part of his story as the home he grew up in.
Every time we get together, he recounts what has happened in his life. He will tell me about his desire to get back on the right track and the recovery meetings he has been attending. I will assure him there are people cheering for him. And I will offer to help in any way that I can. “Maybe we can get together again next week,” will usually be the last thing I say to him…until I hear from him again in a few months.
If I were to be honest, I’m not sure I get much out of my relationship with John. He doesn’t offer me any life advice. He doesn’t have a job or lifeskill that I learn from. He certainly doesn’t have any friends in high places who can help me get ahead. I think he cares about me as a person. But if he does, he has a funny way of showing it.
The one thing that he does offer is a consistent opportunity for me to love. Not a love that expects something in return, but a pure, unselfish love. One that requires patience and grace and commitment. You know—real love.
John needs me. And that is reason enough for me to keep him in my life.
There is an unhealthy inclination in our world to remove people from our lives who no longer serve us.
Our closets are full, but our hearts are empty.
When we decided to become minimalist, we did so because we knew our lives would improve if we removed the excess physical stuff from our home and life. They had become burdensome to us.
But it would be a foolish choice to automatically apply the exact same filter to our relationships. People always deserve more patience and sacrifice than physical possessions.
Do we need to find the strength to separate ourselves from abusive relationships? Yes, absolutely.
Are there some people that we need to be intentional about establishing boundaries with? Yes, of course.
But the path to better living is not found in turning our back on those who need us the most. The path to better living is found in developing the compassion and the space to love even those who don’t deserve it.
Choosing to invest in only the relationships that benefit me isn’t love, it’s selfish.
Beth says
This post made me think about whether or not I had any people like this in my life. I am glad to say that I could think of at least one, but there needs to be more.
michelle t says
I have a friend like this. She is my friend, and I do love her. I sometimes wish I could tell her things, there is much going on, but I hold it in, she needs me. And I am there for her. In the same way you are for your friend. Thanks. Can’t explain, but this made me feel better about it. Michelle t
Tim says
It’s not only about valuing humans, it’s about valuing all life for its own sake. There is no greater or lesser. A culture that values productivity over life is doomed.
LL in Prescott says
I try to believe that EVERYONE is put in front of me for a reason. I could be able to learn something about myself with each encounter if I pay attention. Some people’s life stories are not about their words, but about their energy. There is a flow of dipping in and out of people’s lives. How funny that we get all angst about being ignored or have an expectation that we should be in constant communication. Thought provoking post, Joshua. Very good.
Beth DeRoos says
You say John has no life skills you learn from.
The fact he shared his problems with drugs, alcohol, homeless nights and his indiscretion freely, suggests to me he has a lot we all can learn from. There are good and there are bad life skills.
And I adhere to good life skills because I have listened to people with poor life skills and have learned not to make those mistakes.
John Burzynski says
This is truly one of your best posts. Al human beings have an infinite worth, certainly in God’s eyes. Material things come and go and have a worth we assign to them. Humans shouldn’t be treated like material goods for our benefit…you are spot on!
Clay says
Everything you said hit home. Great post. As I started clearing out a lot of possessions last year I realized that relationships are the most important part of life. Just glad that I realized it. Also had to realize that although I set high expectations for myself I can’t do that with my friends (and the people I work with). You alienate yourself when you start doing that. Can’t be selective in who you love, you just gotta love. Tough to do at times.
Ben Gilmore says
Great post. Even more encouraging is the phenomenal response it has received!
daphne says
that was an amazing post. such an important reminder for me today – that loving everyone, not just who we want, isn’t merely kindness but true love.
Sarah Elizabeth says
Oh, what a beautiful post. You’re absolutely right, and it’s wonderful and terrible to hear at once. It’s something that, though we know it to be true, we often need reminders, posts just like this that come at the right times.