“If you don’t fit in, then you are probably doing the right thing.”
In high school, I played tennis and my favorite class was Accounting. I found out pretty early that the tennis team didn’t get invited to many parties…neither did the accountants.
On the other hand, my twin brother started on the football team, the basketball team, and the track team. He was pretty much one of the stars on each.
One of my best friends was three years younger than me and lived across the street. My brother hung out with the guys three years older.
Fortunately, I had plenty of free time to reflect on life while sitting alone at home—usually while my brother was hanging out at some party somewhere.
There was plenty of opportunity for me to long for the day when being one of the cool kids didn’t matter.
Some days, I think I’m still waiting.
A few weeks ago, I was in a local clothing store with my wife. I needed new pants (something about a hole in the crotch of my old ones). They sold pants. It seemed like a good fit.
As would be expected, we were not the only shoppers in the store. And I was not the only one using the dressing rooms. In fact, I wasn’t even the only one asking my wife for her opinion.
As I emerged from one of the dressing rooms wearing a khaki pair of pants, I noticed a young female shopper striking up a conversation with my wife.
The shopper began, “Do you think this shirt looks good on me? I think it looks a little boxy.”
“Yeah, you’re right. It does look a little boxy on you,” my wife answered.
The young woman replied, “Yeah, I know. It’s just that everybody is wearing this style now. Honestly, I just like wearing t-shirts and jeans. I really don’t know what to do.”
Of course, in my mind, the answer was simple: It doesn’t matter what everyone else is wearing, buy the type of clothing you like best. Spend your money on something you really love, not just the current fashion trends at parties and in the magazines.
But I know full-well it’s not always that easy.
The pull towards conformity can be strong. The desire to fit in with popular culture is significant at times. And no matter how old we get, the desire to run with the cool kids can still remain.
But within each of us is a desire that is even stronger—the desire to be ourselves, to embrace the things we love and enjoy and make us unique.
One of the best decisions we can make is to reject the cultural expectations that shift and change with the wind. And to accept the fact that we don’t need to run with the cool kids to be happy.
We can choose to be ourselves instead.
Sherry says
Lovely article, well written and relatable. I was never “a cool kid”, occasionally wanted to be one but mostly was too lazy to put in that much effort. My son is mostly a non conformist too, he doesn’t really fit in with his own age but people 5 or more years older or younger than him really enjoy his company and often compliment us on his attitude and personality.
Karin says
Great article. A friend said to me the other day that he & I were failures because neither of us are interested in material stuff. I just smiled & said we’re not failures we just have our eyes open which allows us the freedom to be ourselves & live the lives we want. I feel really lucky to have reached this awareness in my life.
Melanie Jones Nelson says
Well written and Beautifully said!!!
KJ says
It’s not easy though, and it can be very lonely. It’s a nice idea.
Stephanie Spotts says
Lonely.?? Not if you make yourself, your own best friend. You can do all sorts of wonderful things with yourself.. You can read/take a course, Take yourself out to dinner, see a movie, ( all within Covid restrictions,..of course.).. You can go for a walk in a new place, and really take time to see what’s in front of you. You can collect little stones, along the way, and make a dish of them on your coffee table. You can even converse with yourself. Then laugh when people give you weird stares….Just be your own best friend. Can you imagine anyone else being so comfortable with you.?? Someone less willing to criticize you.????. LOVE yourself.
Marcy Drummonds says
After a lifetime of trying to fit in, THIS is where I’ve landed!!! I love the people in my life but I am my favorite person to spend time with. I am my own best friend. I used to try and connect with people and it just never worked for me, and that’s ok, because it led me, to me!
Sally says
Thank goodness you weren’t your brother or we would be engulfed in our clutter forever! Thank you for being who you are!
Scott says
I recently dated a woman who was always chasing the Joneses. She made about 50k a year, but she insisted on hanging out with the Doctor & Lawyer crowd. She was deep in debt and going deeper by trying to fit in. I knew better than to try and go down the spending road with her, so I dropped her. It was sad that she felt like she had to fit in with the high earners to feel good.
Mr. Wayne says
I feel you on that. I worked in the entertainment industry (t.v.) for over 20 years and it’s the same unfortunate foundation for many people “keeping up with the joneses” and many go broke chasing a dream that never comes to fruition. This is why there’s an over abundance of second hand designer clothing in the used clothing stores in Hollywood…people get lost in the ‘image’, instead of choosing a simpler life. Those people that ‘look as if’ they have everything, and dress for the occasion, usually are very unfulfilled in many aspects of life.
Fiokama says
I love this and it reminds me why I am raising strong willed kids, 14 & 11yo girls, who have their own tastes and being willing to sit on my hands so to speak and let them choose their own clothing styles and more. I do admit it is harder when they are saying no to grandma’s clothing gifts, or when I would prefer they be a bit more dressed up for occasions, but I am proud that they can speak truly about what they like or not and not be overburdened with excess and instead finding the comfort and joy in loving the things they have chosen themselves.
Bella says
Nothing more beautiful than being you!
Shannon says
One of my favorite insights from a novel (by Jodi Picoult) was her take on what it’s really like being The Popular Girl. It’s a terrifying place because when you’re at the top, there’s no place to go but down (and usually an enemy or two who’d like to take you there). I find a lot of wisdom in being smack in the middle of the pack. Safer from predators there!
ren says
Happy to report, still one of the uncool kids!! However I go to sleep at night knowing I can pay for what I do have.
Days of trying to fit in by spending myself into oblivion are over…who ate people trying to impress?? Others or themselves?? Happiness comes from within, not material items…
Alan says
I’m 17 and i have never cool per say i used to get bulled a lot. but i lot of people found me to be a good friend, good kid, and they always called me hansom. I spend time by my self all the time and i love to be active weather it be athletic activity’s or sports or just getting fit. I usually sit alone and don’t talk to many people(though i really want to have a conversation like most people) even when i go to lunch at school. i only buy clothes the i like/love, i don’t really care what people thing as long as i like it. i do like dirt bikes a lot and it’s almost like i’m not having fun unless i’m riding on one. i have liked dirt bikes ever scene i was 5 and, i finally got one when i was 14 and i pretty much tore a huge hole in my pocket and lost my money 2 times they were chines pit bikes so they are really cheaply made but good for the price that you pay for them. This year a few weeks ago i finally bought a motocross dirt bike for a really good price and i am fixing it up i can sell it for my money back and a profit…. materialistic thing can’t make you happy but they can keep you being productive and you can also have fun with most materialist things +Ren
Rhonda Brown says
Exactly true ‼️ Several years ago our town was flooded and I lost everything instantly! Instead of crying over that I embraced it! My wants were separated from my needs at that moment! And thank GOD, I have been liberated from the desire for material things since then!