First off, I fully realize this is a very personal topic. For a variety of well-thought-out reasons, not everyone who stumbles upon this post desires to become a one-income family. That’s fine. This is not written to change your thinking or convince you otherwise.
Instead, it is written to encourage those who do desire such a lifestyle. I have known a number of dual-income families over the years who desire to become one-income – typically experienced in conjunction with the birth of a child. This post is written with them in mind.
My wife and I have lived our entire married lives (13 years) on one modest income. We have proven it is possible. And if we can accomplish it, so can you. This post is written to provide you with practical thoughts and encouragement to take the very step you’ve been desiring all along.
Ten years ago, our first child was born. As my wife had always intended, she immediately resigned from her position as an administrative assistant and became a full-time homemaker. At the time, my gross income was less than $40,000/year + health insurance benefits. I offer the numbers only as a frame of reference… there are surely one-income families that live on more and some that live on less. Over the years, I have experienced a number of pay increases (as one might expect), but my career in non-profits was never chosen for its level of compensation.
Still, we were able to survive and thrive on one-income because we took some very intentional steps with our lives, finances, and decisions:
1. Ask when and why, not if. I’m all for careful planning and crunching the numbers, but I’m also all for taking risks and learning to figure things out. When my wife quit her job to stay-at-home, we looked at the financial inflow and outflow. But our intentions in analyzing the numbers were never motivated by the question “Is this going to work?” We had already made the decision. The when/why had already been determined. Budgeting was approached as the means needed to make the necessary adjustments to accomplish it… not as the determining factor.
2. If possible, prepare ahead of time. My wife and I received valuable advice when we got married. A good friend of ours told us, “Decide now to live off one income… even if both of you are working. Put the entire second income directly into savings.” This decision to live off my income alone contributed significantly to our first home’s down-payment. But more importantly, it kept our lifestyle at a level that provided options when our first child was born (or if an unexpected job loss would have occurred). If possible, begin making choices today (avoid debt, lifestyle creep, and high mortgage payments) that will accommodate one income in the future.
3. Be content with less. A one-income family will, by definition, earn less money than a two-income family. The pursuit of possessions will need to be tempered. You’ll own a smaller home with less-fancy cars. Luckily, you won’t be missing much. There’s far more joy to be found in pursuing less than can be found in owning more. *At the time, we were not living minimalist lives (that decision came later). But if we had been, the transition to one-income would have been even easier.
4. Be convinced of the benefits. There are countless benefits to staying at home with young children that motivated our decision: stability, relationship, experience, educational opportunity, scheduling flexibility, consistent discipline, fewer expenses. We recognized these benefits and used the opportunity to make one-income a reality.
5. Budget. A healthy understanding of budgeting is required in most every case. But from my experience, there are only a small variety of expenses that keep families from living on one-income: too costly mortgage, car payments, eating out frequently, exorbitant entertainment expenses (tickets, vacations, and/or alcohol), and credit card debt. Start there and you’ll solve 85-90% of your financial problems. To embrace healthy budgeting techniques, you’ll find countless budgeting tools online. But the one that works best is the one that actually provides you with the tools to live within it. *Additionally, a one-income family is one that treats all incoming revenue as “shared,” not “yours” or “mine.” If you need to change your thinking on this, do it now.
6. Find an outlet for relationship. One difficulty of removing oneself from the workforce is the loss of a built-in network of relationships. Interpersonal relationships with peers are absolutely essential to our well-being. Be intentional in seeking out a place to find them: church, community groups, mom/dad groups, activity groups, etc.
7. Find an outlet for service. You have gifts, talents, experiences, and education that our world needs. And likely, you still desire to use them. Just because you have decided to stay at home does not mean you resigned from using your gifts to change the world. Look for opportunities to use them on a broader scale. There are, after all, countless organizations (schools, community, nonprofits) that need your giftedness. Find one as an outlet for your talents.
8. Embrace temporary or part-time. If there are some internal reasons keeping you from fully becoming a full-time, stay-at-home parent, consider the options of part-time or temporary. You don’t need to leave the workforce permanently. You can still keep a toe in it by finding a part-time employment arrangement that fits your schedule/desire. And as your family becomes more self-reliant, you can always make the decision to return back to work.
Again, this post was motivated by the countless conversations I have had with families who desire to become one-income. It is not the perfect solution for every family. But it has worked well for ours on a relatively modest budget. And if it has worked for us, it is completely achievable for you.
Image: Keoni Cabral
Susan says
“Decide now to live off one income… even if both of you are working. Put the entire second income directly into savings” This was key for us too. We were able to save all my salary for a couple years before I shifted to a 10 hr/week job (evening/weekend-no childcare expense) when my son was born. That was essential when my husband got laid off when we had a new baby. He was out of work for 6 months and we really relied on our savings. Fortunately he got a new job that paid better than his previous position but still it took years to rebuild that savings without my full-time income.
#8- Embrace temporary or part-time is also essential. I think most parents will want to return to work in some capacity eventually and if you drop out of work completely it will be so much harder to go back. By working PT (the 10 hr/week job plus occasional freelance jobs) I had the contacts and resume to go back to work when I wanted to. Friends who dropped work completely are having a much more difficult time.
I absolutely loved being at home during our 2 kids early years but wanted to return to a full time job when our youngest started kindergarten. The knowledge that we were doing fine on one income gave me the confidence to be picky about my next job and I was able to compromise on salary in order to take a job at a non-profit whose mission I am passionate about, that is very flexible, and with a boss who really respects the importance of family priorities.
Being clear about our priorities and living on a budget for so long has also helped us make better use of this still fairly new 2nd income. Much of it goes straight to college savings, we spend more on travel to see our extended family, and we’re planning for renovations to our modest home to make it more functional for the long-term.
Finally Looking After The Pennies says
There is a big difference between working because you WANT to and working because you HAVE to. I wish we had followed this advice years ago.
Anna says
Hi Joshua, this is a great post! Though I don’t have a family of my own yet, I’m commenting because I grew up in a modest one income household. My parents are also close to celebrating their 30 years together! My father worked while my mom stayed at home to take care of me and my sister. Even before this whole concept of minimalism started, I can see now that because of this we were raised unconsciously to live and be contented with less. I believe this is a good way in raising kids as well. There were a lot of things that I wanted while growing up but I knew that it was only my dad who was working. But now I can get me whatever I wanted, I don’t feel the need to. I realized how this was such a blessing for our family and a real experience to be content with whatever we had. Now as I think about it, I really didn’t miss much in life but I can say that I can’t even remember a time that we didn’t eat together for dinner just because our parents are working hard to provide us with a lot of material things.
I really learn a lot from your writings and as always, thank you for being an inspiration to many!
michelle says
We like Joshua, decided when we got married to live off my husbands salary and save mine as we planned to live on one income when the children came along. Most of these years we have had one car and still live in same small home we started with. Our children have now left home, they say they appreciate the” time” they were given instead of “excess”, Yes we struggled at times with unemployment, and part time work but because we were committed to making it work, it did. We have found we really are not any further behind our two income friends financially, as we don’t have any extra to waste, but being frugal has allowed my husband to now take on only part time work, to give us lifestyle choices we never thought possible. Living on one income for us was one of the best decisions we ever made.
Sarah T. says
Thank you for this. So many minimalists write posts about how once you get rid of the excess you have the money to pursue the passions you want (seems very similar to the definition linked to “lifestyle creep” in your post). The truth is that many of us are not in a position to pursue our fanciful desires no matter how much we cut back.
Kristina says
I appreciate this post so much. We made a decision very similar to yours when we got married and then had our first child. Thank you for posting this! I’m also really enjoying all the posts about simplicity and minimalism. It’s nice to have support and information on our “counter-cultural” choices. Keep up the good work!
Kristen says
I appreciated this post as well. We are blessed to be able to have me stay at home almost 100% (I teach a few hours of piano a week as we are working on paying off debt). My husband’s work is close, so he takes a scooter. Our van stays in the garage and doesn’t get used much. It definitely isn’t the lifestyle for everyone though – we’ve had to make quite a few sacrifices to live the way we do. But it works for us!
Jenn says
Great post! We are one income in a very expensive part of the country and it’s doable but it’s certainly not easy.
“I find that our second income allows us to plan for the future – life insurance, IRA, savings, college savings for our son. We couldn’t do this with one modest income. How do other people handle this?”
Andi – we do have life insurance (I would consider that a necessity with a one-income family) and do put away a small amount each month for retirement. But it’s definitely true that savings are the area that has suffered, at least for us. Once our youngest is out of preschool we will transfer that monthly payment to college savings; right now we are saving nothing for that. I do worry about how little we are saving for the future; in our specific situation I hope to go back to work, at least part-time, when the kids are a bit older, and our hope is that we keep the same lifestyle, save everything I make and catch-up for these years when we are not able to save as much as we probably should.
Christopher Storer says
Sometimes the emphasis is on what you say “yes” to. I put a specific percentage into retirement before it ever gets to me, and we just have to deal with it. There are times that we move backwards financially, and other times that we catch up and pay it off. But the retirement is sacred, so it gets done. You always have enough time, energy, and money for Priority One.
prednisone says
I read your post and wished I’d written it
here says
Taking the overview, this post is first class
condition themselves says
That’s going to make things a lot easier from here on out.
Karen T. says
I’d just like to add that college savings may not be as necessary as you think. Our children (who were all homeschooled) all started at our local community college, which is well within our ability to pay. The oldest two have since transferred to the nearest state university, living at home and commuting by bus to attend. We could not afford to pay the tuition and books on my husband’s salary alone, but that also means our kids qualified for state and Federal grants to pay for school (they wouldn’t have qualified if our combined income were much higher, say if I was also working full time). Our oldest daughter graduated this last May with no student debt, and was accepted into and has begun a graduate program that is not only paid for by grants, but where she earns a stipend to live on! So now she has her own apartment, and we were able to help her buy a car to commute to classes and internships.
Obviously, if it was our goal for our kids to go to an expensive private college or a big-name school, they wouldn’t have been able to make it on state and Federal grants alone. Also, if we believed they needed to have their own apartment while undergraduates, or if we thought they needed a new car before going off to college, we couldn’t have afforded that without big students loans. Our frugal lifestyle, which is what they’ve grown up with, continued through college and is working well for them too!
Karen T. says
BTW, we live in California, so I don’t know if other state’s colleges would offer the same opportunities. And just in case you think we’ve somehow “shorted” our kids, they all took music lessons, went to summer church camps, participated in community theatre, needed orthodontia, and one child has had medical issues which have been (thank God) mitigated and fully paid for (whatever insurance didn’t cover).
Michele Couture says
Great post! Our family lived on one income until our children were in high school and then I started working part time, and now work full time. When I turned 46 this year, we decided that I will work until I turn 50 and then I want to be home. In the meantime, I am fully committed to my job and doing my best to enjoy the process. We are cutting back on expenses, paying off debt and doing some big projects that will help with lowering our expenses: installing a wood cooktop stove, energy efficient windows, and most importantly, we are learning how to grow some of the fruits and vegetables that we eat most often. It’s a great adventure to do all of these things, and has made it very clear to me where I want my energy to be spent. At home. I really enjoy your writing, great ideas and advice! Thank you, Michele.
Annie says
Great post. With modern technology it is even possible for stay at home mothers to provide an income for the household as well–even be the primary breadwinner if desired. I’m single but I have still managed to be a stay at home mom thanks to using the tips you mentioned here. It is my hope that more will understand this and not give up hope.