Many people, when they first hear about minimalism, or as they begin their own personal journey towards it, typically run into this question: What do I do with the sentimental things I’ve collected over the years?
It is a question I am asked often. And an important one.
Here is my advice:
1. Remember that less is different than none.
No one is saying that you have to get rid of everything you have an emotional attachment to—but I do think you will find benefit in owning less.
Here’s what I mean by that: When my wife’s grandmother passed away a number of years ago, she came home with a small cardboard box of things collected from her grandmother’s apartment—items that reminded her of her beloved grandma. We then promptly put that cardboard box in the basement and would only notice it when we were cleaning up the basement—which rarely happened.
After we found minimalism and began getting rid of the stuff we didn’t need, we eventually ran into this cardboard box in the basement. When we did, my wife asked herself, “Okay, what am I going to do here?”
Eventually, she decided she would keep three things from the box, the three things that “most represented her grandmother.” She kept a candy dish. She kept a lapel pin, and she kept a Bible. The candy dish is now in our living room, and we see it every single day. The pin, she put on one of her coats, and she wears it occasionally. The Bible, she put in her nightstand next to her bed.
And now, because we own fewer things, they have brought a greater sense of value to that relationship. These items, now being used, serve as a more faithful reminder to us of her grandmother and her influence on Kim’s life. Less became better than more. This is often the case with sentimental belongings.
2. Your memories do not exist in the item.
The memories we cherish exist in our minds, they exist in our hearts and our souls, not in physical objects.
In our heart is where the memories live, where the influence of the person resides, or the accomplishment surrounding an event takes root. When we remove an item, we think sometimes we’re removing the memory—but we aren’t. The memories remain.
You may find it helpful to take a picture of the item before you get rid of it, just so you can look back and prompt that memory. But removing the item is not going to remove the memories.
3. Our emotional attachment to things can actually provide motivation for owning less.
Think of the sentimental things, and the things you have an emotional attachment to. They typically represent one of three things: 1) They represent an important relationship; 2) They represent an important accomplishment; or 3) They represent an important experience… so you bought the t-shirt to bring home with you.
These, you see, are the activities that add meaning, and purpose, and significance to our lives. Our relationships, our accomplishments, and our experiences. This is where the value of life resides.
But if all the things we’ve accumulated over the years are keeping us from relationships, accomplishments, experiences, then we should get reduce the number of things we own. Remove the burdens that are holding us back from those experiences, so we can enjoy even more of the things that mean the most to us.
Lastly, keep in mind, if you are beginning on your path to minimalism, and sentimental things is where you’re starting, you are going to have a hard time.
Let’s start easy, okay? Get rid of some of the things you know you don’t need. Go through your closet. Or go through your kitchen.
Begin removing some of the possessions you know don’t need to be a part of our life anymore. Remove those, and as you do, you’ll find increased motivation to own less. You’ll learn the lessons that will equip you perfectly for when you do get to these sentimental things—and you’ll be far more equipped to handle them effectively when you do.
About Joshua Becker
Just a thought, there is so many sentimental stuffs in my spacious office. I have no intention to rid them, ‘cos they are giving the room a great atmosphere and helping me go through the day smoothly. I just don’t like to have an empty office with only fax machines, printers, or computers. Whenever possible, I choose to set a higher shelf for my pictures and clock, lights… would an empty office works best…just askin’
What recommendations do you have for dealing with my very organized (all in dated albums) but extremely large collection of family photographs? I must have 40 albums chronicling my two now-adult children’s lives. Help!
I’m facing the same thing on a smaller scale. I’m going to go digital by getting a photo scanner. Scan them in, upload to Google Notes or Microsoft OneNote, etc, and organize them into catalogs. Send links to anybody who’s interested, then everybody can have access instead of just the person holding the physical catalog.
Search google or Amazon for a photo scanner, some have easy feeders to help the process go faster.
I’d rather save them on CD’s but thanks, love the tips.
I tried to do this myself, and it was like another part-time 20 hours + job!!!
Oh, Dear this was another story, when my grandchildren were grown up and now moved out, I missed them the great time and now I have a collection of memories to keep and I wanted to only preserve the latest. My target had so much choices on sale and this wasn’t at all a waste in spending. That was my most loved project for keepsakes and didn’t wasted my time.
After living with chronic illness since 1986 that flared up acutely in 2010 and two major back surgeries in the past two years, my husband finally had me call in a professional organizer to help bring some order to our house. We have been married for 38 years and collected a lot of stuff!!! It has certainly helped having outsider eyes look at items and ask do you REALLY want to keep this? One day she explained why it was so hard… you never buy something because you don’t like it. We hit the garage this past week and came upon boxes of my mother’s things. She died from cancer when my children were in early grade school, so I feel she died before her time. She was my best friend besides my mother. The emotions that this has brought about have been overwhelming. On Father’s Day I took gifts to my daughter and her children of things I had found in the items. I was able to let them go and they were all thrilled to have something of her’s. I have also been able to look at most of the items and decide if there is a use for them or if I should give them away. I never would have been able to do this before we brought in our wonderful organizer. Sometimes you need an unbiased eye to get you started.
I’m trying to convince my friends that we don’t have to exchange gifts every Christmas but they don’t share my opinion. Each year wr exchange small things for home decorations but we don’t actually need them. Do you have a tip for something like that?
Hello Ivailo, if your friends insist on giving gifts, could you suggest making the gifts something consumable, like fancy chocolates, gourmet coffee, or movie tickets, instead of useless knick knacks? Just a thought.
I agree. I used to get a lot of cutsie things from my kids for fathers day, Christmas, and birthday. As the piles grew, I asked them if they could just bake me some cookies instead. Now I love getting gifts that I can eat, and no more stacks of things piling up.
This is so great. I enjoy this simple gesture more than gifts. Edible and man made are best .
What I prefer to get the most (for special days from my folks) are gift certificates for my boys then we could go to the stores together and enjoy the discounts and sometimes get nothing but only the minimum. Or, then save for the other people gifts on occasion. I also show them my CVS coupons, how to scan to get them, coupons from newspapers, online ‘cuz some of them just don’t have an idea. Just a few things they have to learn before they have their own account for deposit & withdraw.
Yes, sentimental stuff is hard! I completely agree with this, though – especially the fact that it doesn’t mean you eliminate all things sentimental – but you narrow it down so that you are really intentional about it’s meaning. So often people keep their best china, fancy candlesticks and fine silver in a hutch, only to be brought out once a year for Christmas dinner, if even that. What is the purpose of it if it never is used?
I love that my mother always treated us as her top VIPs – we dined on the fine china and used cloth napkins on an average Monday. We enjoyed the items we had in our home. If we were holding on to them, we were using them and enjoying them!
When we downsized from 1450 sq ft to our 240 sq ft travel trailer over a year and a half ago, we put a lot of sentimental items in our attic to go through later. What we found is that all those things we held onto lost some of their luster once we realized how easy it was to forget them. Each time we go back to our house, we head up to the attic to sort through another box or two, and really determine if it’s worth keeping. Drawings and precious items by kids may end up getting a photo session before we throw them in the trash, and the precious items that do pass the test and prove their value to us end up having a turn to be displayed, used, cherished and enjoyed. Memories don’t do any good simply sitting in a box in the attic, so narrowing it down and then having an ever present memento that you see on a regular basis can have so much more value!
As we are currently driving to our 45th State in our travels, along the way we’ve collected many pictures – which all go into a Chatbooks little paperback flipbook – we grab a few each time we go back to visit family, and our family loves to look through and reminisce about all the places we’ve been. These are thumbed through regularly as a sentimental memento we intentionally sit down to enjoy. For souvenirs, we’ve gathered rocks from creeks across the country that now are the rocks in the bottom of our betta fish tank. Or, if it’s super awesome, we’ll look for something that isn’t so awesome in our home that we can exchange it out for. For every one thing in, 2-3 things go out. And we gather consumables – we experience local foods in each area vs. another kitchen magnet or knick knack.
For us, the pictures have been a great way to revitalize memories – and we intentionally make time to go through them. :-)
Yes – consumables are great! We always gave homemade fudge and apple pie moonshine to our friends/family, and they looked forward to it every year. You could even make it super fun and have themes – like childhood/family recipes, something highlighting their cultural heritage, or picking a theme, like “Danish Desserts” and everyone attempts making or finding something to give that fits that category.
Another idea is giving to charities instead – each person gets a letter with information about the charity you donated to in honor of them. Or go to Kiva.org and each person pick a person to fund in honor of another.
If gifts are too hard to pass up, consider at least having a go-to list of ideas for people on things you really DO need. As we travel, there have been things we really wanted to get, and it’s been great having family step up and help us out with getting them. They know that flip flops, restaurant/amazon/event gift cards, quick-dry clothes, etc are things we actually want.
You can do a “stock the bar” theme and it’s all alcohol, or teas, or even a project or something they can contribute to – for example, I want to replace all the drawer knobs in our little travel trailer with different fun knobs. That’s a lot for me to buy – 20 knobs at $5 each isn’t really where I want to throw my money. But it’s a great simple and small gift for someone to get – so when a friend asks what to get me, I tell them to buy me a knob. Cheap for them, and I love seeing something that reminds me of a friend every time I go to the cupboard!
I told my children MANY years ago, ONLY to give me consumable items>>>restaurant gift card, bodywash/lotion etc. My children have abided by my requests. Sooooo thankful!!
What i did was, i immediately ask somebody else if they need what i have and actively look for people to regift it within the next week, if not it goes to salvation army box. Somebody else might just love it!
I can’t discard pictures UNLESS I’ve scanned them into my computer. (and I have back ups for my computer–just in case……..) AND I think it’s a great idea to take pictures of sentimental things before parting with them. Of course, it’s the experiences we treasure, BUT for me, the picture triggers the memory cause otherwise, I might not remember.
My mom passed away 20 months ago and it’s so hard to know what to let go of and what to keep. Especially when it gets down to just a few (less than 5) boxes. This article, so well written as usual (!) will help me as I go through her things again. There are items I will definitely keep, and others I can let go of now. Thank you again Joshua.
It’s as if you wrote this for me! I have inherited small items from loved ones, not to mention the gifts of elderly relatives who are at an age when they want to give their possessions away to other family members. (The latter may be a cultural thing.)
I somewhat solved the problem by getting rid of stuff I bought; e.g. using the fancy salad bowl gift and donating mine. But there’s still too much, so now the hard part has begun!
I am very sentimental also. I had a hard time getting rid of an old rusty enamel pot that was my mother’s because it reminded me of great memories in her kitchen. I finally decided to keep just one vintage pan that we made brownies in and I’m still able to use it!
The problem with most of us ( and your wife) is bringing the sentimental things home in a box, not doing anything with it ( like unpacking /displaying.) Out of sight, out of mind……putting things down-“I’ll do it later”, or “someday I’ll do______” ( whatever,fill in the blank.). There was a great show in the past, Clean Sweep with Peter Walsh, they would get the sentimental stuff out of box/closet/basement and display it beautifully. Honor/enjoy it, there is help if you don’t how. Sentimental items not wanted were offered to family/friends ( with context of why it is/was important). Don’t beat yourself up, every one is busy, but good project rainy/winter days.
Deb, I remember that show! Still wish I could find a collection of full episodes (to rent, of course!). Peter Walsh was my favorite of the organizational experts
When I first saw the show, I was living in a cluttered, 250 sq ft studio. Peter changed my whole perception about my stuff, and how the space in my apartment is often worth more than the stuff occupying that space. I began decluttering, and was amazed at how free I felt afterwards.
I loved that show! I still love Peter Walsh! I wish they would put Clean Sweep back on TV. It ran ( in the USA ) on cable television TLC, The Learning Channel, as it was once called. Back in the days when they actually showed informative and enjoyable programming. Nowadays, sadly – TLC stands for Totally Lousy Crap. Sigh😔😔. Everything caters to the worst of so-called “reality television”. Anyone out there ever notice that most, if not all, of their most successful shows always end in a train wreck mess? Remember Jon & Kate Plus 8? Or more recently 19 Kids and Counting, Here Comes Honey Boo Boo, or The Willis Family? I’m seeing a pattern here, and it’s not a good one…
LET THAT SH*T GO! :)
I’ve come across the idea of keeping just a photo a number of times now and, although I’m sympathetic when it comes to de-bulking, and have made some progress on it myself, there is something to be said for having a physical link to someone you loved.
There is a danger of being too reductionist, as most of us don’t feel the same way about an image as we do about something tactile. Choosing the best items seems to be the best way for most people.
But I wouldn’t mind an image of something that represented an achievement, or perhaps even an experience.
After a horrendous move to another state a few months ago, I learned that many of my family heirlooms were left behind and tossed by the new home owners. Needless to say, I was devastated. It’s not that I used these items but they represented my connection to my past: great-grandfather’s Bible from the Civil War, antique vases/books, etc.
Although the initial rage has subsided, I still feel a profound loss. In sorting it out, I realize that these items represented my only connection to my family/heritage. (I’m not close to my extended family.) W/no tangible connection to my past, I feel I have no tangible connection to my present or future.
Granted, they’re just things but things I had no desire to part with, at least not yet. Exercise caution when you part w/”sentimental” items. You may not realize how much of an emotional investment you’re giving up until the item(s) are gone.
I had a friend at work whose wife passed away rather suddenly last year. He was at a loss of what to do with her clothes other than send them to charity. I suggested having quilts made for him and his two adult children. He loved the idea, had them made and presented them as Christmas presents. He told me the other day that all three of them use the quilts all the time and they love having that remembrance of her in something they can use often.
About 5 years ago my mom gave me some childhood school work & books of mine. I was in my 40’s! I thought, this would be cool to look through. I put the packages in the basement and haven’t looked at them once. Honestly is anyone going to want to go thru them after I’ve passed on? This article reminded me of those items and a few more childhood “treasures”. I think I’ll keep one special item and just recycle/toss the rest. They are literally just sitting there in the basement doing nothing.
This is a great article, as I think this is one of the hardest things for me to do. I have a lot of things from my Grandmother, Great Aunt that I know I need to let go of but just don’t know where to start.
The queen of decluttering herself – Marie Kondo – also recommends dealing with sentimental stuff last. I am at that stage now, and I have found a solution thanks to my bookbinding training. I am making an album with each page representing either a person, an event or a place. It will be a thick book due to my long, eclectic life, but it will be the only thing that my relatives will have to deal with when I die.
These comments from Joshua and the readers are so meant for me. I am a sentimental “fool”! My grandparents have all passed and my Mom so I have many items in my keeping. I am purging, though, and recently gave a pressback chair of my Grandmother’s to my cousin whose brother will appreciate it rather than to a yard sale. My approach is to give items to family or friends who will value these things and then I feel good about releasing them; they have gone to good homes.
The emotional attachments are the hardest to deal with. When that mountain is scaled the rest is much much easier. Keep on getting free.😃
5% kids toys
20% general clutter
75% sentiMENTAL
Not an easy journey, but worth every step!
Is there someone else in your family (kids, siblings, cousins?) that could use any of these items or would love to have them? If so, you could keep them in the family without the guilt! :) I’ve done that with some of the things I have inherited.
Something I feel is very helpful is to take a picture of the item before letting it go. Often we are afraid of losing the memory that goes with that item so taking a picture helps me. I keep them on my phone/tablet.
I take pictures of things that mean a lot to me but I don’t need or have the room for. Then I have a scrapbook that I put the pictures in with notes of the item.
The biggest struggle I have with sentimental items are the family heirlooms that date back to the mid 1860s. They are part of our history and not something I am attached to by a personal memory, so I am not sure how to determine which things to keep and which to let go (without feeling guilty).
Is there someone else in your family (kids, siblings, cousins?) that could use any of these items or would love to have them? If so, you could keep them in the family without the guilt! :) I’ve done that with some of the things I have inherited.
Be careful,I heard hoarding runs in families.
Perhaps pass some of those on to other members of the family as an archive of sorts. That’s what we’re doing with important family history and records. :)
I’m going through the same thing. I’m the last relative from both sides of my family and my sibling has passed on & I have no children. Will,have to do some research on the antiques to see if I can sell,them. Unfortunately that’s how my life has turned out.
Donate or ask if they can be displayed at a museum. I love seeing everyday things at the museum.
My parents both grew up during the Great Depression, which meant that they were very resourceful, and my mother especially had useful skills, like knitting and canning fruit for jams. But it also meant that they scrimped and saved. I wouldn’t have called them hoarders, because my mother was not a compulsive shopper.
But when my parents went to the mission field in South Africa, and then returned to the U.S. five years later, they had a much different view of “the stuff”. However, they were still hanging on to too much when they moved downstate about 20 Year’s ago.
Thankfully, they both understand that we don’t want to be burdened with too many of their things, so they have asked me and my siblings to pick the one or two items from their home we’d like to take with us when they move into a nursing home. The rest can be sold, or donated, or thrown away, and they won’t hold it against us.
For that, I am personally very grateful.
while I get that culling is necessary, I’m terribly glad the Gutenberg Bible and the Declaration of Independence (and countless birth certificates) weren’t handled as rubbish . . . .
My parents both grew up during the Great Depression, which meant that they were very resourceful, and my mother especially had useful skills, like knitting and canning fruit for jams. But it also meant that they scrimped and saved. I wouldn’t have called them hoarders, because my mother was not a compulsive shopper.
But when my parents went to the mission field in South Africa, and then returned to the U.S. five years later, they had a much different view of “the stuff”. However, they were still hanging on to too much when the moved downstate about 20 Year’s ago.
Thankfully, they both understand that we don’t want to be burdened with too many of their things, so they have asked me and my siblings to pick the one or two items from their home we’d like to take with us when they move into a nursing home. The rest can be sold, or donated, or thrown away, and they won’t hold it against us.
For that, I am personally very grateful.
My mother is mentally ill and very angry and booted my father out of the house after 40+ years of marriage, and basically cut ties with her kids (which we are fine with, believe me.). When our dad died, he had rescued very little from his old life, and we have no contact with her. My sister took his wedding ring (which he still wore despite my mother’s treatment of him), my brother took his watch, and I took his signet ring. All of these get worn pretty much every day. So we kind of got forced into reducing the sentimental clutter. My husband, on the other hand, has parents who are more or less hoarders, so this is going to be interesting. When his grandma downsized and moved to a nursing home, he somehow wound up with a red, white & blue hula skirt that his grandfather brought home from the Pacific theater in WWII—his grandma hadn’t used it in decades and was just looking to get rid of it. SHE could get rid of it, but WE can’t—somehow since my husband took it and it’s hers, so he feels like he can’t give it away, and now it’s taking up space in our garage. Weirdly enough, I feel like I kind of lucked out—there was so little stuff to begin with.
Donate the hula skirt to a college/university/theater etc so it can be used & then go see a production when the hula skirt is used (& take a picture) :)
I was literally contemplating this when you’re post was published – good timing! I love this approach to sentimental objects…Will be keeping this in mind in the future. Thank you for sharing!
Laura
A well written article and a very important comment what counts in the end – memories. When my grandfather passed away 16 years ago I inherited his watch I wear every day and, if I do think about it, it reminds me of him. But I will also remember him without it because I inherited more than a watch – craft skills, patience, composure (to be protected) and much more, already in my childhood. My memories of him are an endless source of inner peace for me – with or without his watch.
I really like this. I, too, have great memories of my time with my grandfather and the things he taught me.
All of this is true. My husband told me the other day that I’m only sentimental when it comes to people, not things. Reading your blog along the way has kept me on track. Thank you.
My sibs claim I’m not going to inherit anything, because of my tendency to get rid of things if I haven’t used them in the last couple weeks. They exaggerate. I did let go of the Noritake bridge set from my Grandma. She never used it, and neither did I. However, I have her colander, which has been missing one of it’s three legs since at least 1956. I use it every day and think of her as I position the two remaining legs in the sink drain.
Yes! I love and use one or two things from each of my grandmothers – a pie basket, a painting, a couple dresses. So special, loved and used!
I don’t know if this is common but since becoming a minimalist over the years I am no longer attached to sentimental things.
I don’t even like pictures anymore. I rarely viewed them after taking them anyway.
I now cherish the experience and their memories more. In my opinion if you were not there you missed out. LOL.
Same for me when it comes to pictures. I consider them completely redundant these days, even when I’m travelling somewhere.
I just love remembering the moments solely with my mind, which make them automatically more valuable and intense (even if I don’t remember each and every moment experienced). I always disagreed with the saying “a picture says more than a thousand words” anyway. A picture very much can lie, your mind on the other hand doesn’t.
You must have an eidetic memory, then. I’ve been journalling since I was 13 and when I go back and read some of the more emotionally intense events of my life my memory does not agree with the text. Memory shifts and changes, brightens or dulls with time.
I’m not sure how pictures lie, I’m curious to hear your take on it!
This post really resonated with me because a few months ago I made the difficult decision to sell something my grandma had passed on to me. I didn’t use it and certainly didn’t need it to remember my grandma. It’s not easy letting go though.
I’m a sucker for emotional clutter, both in the attic and the living room. And I do call it clutter, because sometimes I feel I simply own a little too much of it. This article is a refreshing reminder on how to approach things when I’m ready to sort through it!