Many people, when they first hear about minimalism, or as they begin their own personal journey towards it, typically run into this question: What do I do with the sentimental things I’ve collected over the years?
It is a question I am asked often. And an important one.
Here is my advice:
1. Remember that less is different than none.
No one is saying that you have to get rid of everything you have an emotional attachment to—but I do think you will find benefit in owning less.
Here’s what I mean by that: When my wife’s grandmother passed away a number of years ago, she came home with a small cardboard box of things collected from her grandmother’s apartment—items that reminded her of her beloved grandma. We then promptly put that cardboard box in the basement and would only notice it when we were cleaning up the basement—which rarely happened.
After we found minimalism and began getting rid of the stuff we didn’t need, we eventually ran into this cardboard box in the basement. When we did, my wife asked herself, “Okay, what am I going to do here?”
Eventually, she decided she would keep three things from the box, the three things that “most represented her grandmother.” She kept a candy dish. She kept a lapel pin, and she kept a Bible. The candy dish is now in our living room, and we see it every single day. The pin, she put on one of her coats, and she wears it occasionally. The Bible, she put in her nightstand next to her bed.
And now, because we own fewer things, they have brought a greater sense of value to that relationship. These items, now being used, serve as a more faithful reminder to us of her grandmother and her influence on Kim’s life. Less became better than more. This is often the case with sentimental belongings.
2. Your memories do not exist in the item.
The memories we cherish exist in our minds, they exist in our hearts and our souls, not in physical objects.
In our heart is where the memories live, where the influence of the person resides, or the accomplishment surrounding an event takes root. When we remove an item, we think sometimes we’re removing the memory—but we aren’t. The memories remain.
You may find it helpful to take a picture of the item before you get rid of it, just so you can look back and prompt that memory. But removing the item is not going to remove the memories.
3. Our emotional attachment to things can actually provide motivation for owning less.
Think of the sentimental things, and the things you have an emotional attachment to. They typically represent one of three things: 1) They represent an important relationship; 2) They represent an important accomplishment; or 3) They represent an important experience… so you bought the t-shirt to bring home with you.
These, you see, are the activities that add meaning, and purpose, and significance to our lives. Our relationships, our accomplishments, and our experiences. This is where the value of life resides.
But if all the things we’ve accumulated over the years are keeping us from relationships, accomplishments, experiences, then we should get reduce the number of things we own. Remove the burdens that are holding us back from those experiences, so we can enjoy even more of the things that mean the most to us.
Lastly, keep in mind, if you are beginning on your path to minimalism, and sentimental things is where you’re starting, you are going to have a hard time.
Let’s start easy, okay? Get rid of some of the things you know you don’t need. Go through your closet. Or go through your kitchen.
Begin removing some of the possessions you know don’t need to be a part of our life anymore. Remove those, and as you do, you’ll find increased motivation to own less. You’ll learn the lessons that will equip you perfectly for when you do get to these sentimental things—and you’ll be far more equipped to handle them effectively when you do.
Timotheous says
My parents both grew up during the Great Depression, which meant that they were very resourceful, and my mother especially had useful skills, like knitting and canning fruit for jams. But it also meant that they scrimped and saved. I wouldn’t have called them hoarders, because my mother was not a compulsive shopper.
But when my parents went to the mission field in South Africa, and then returned to the U.S. five years later, they had a much different view of “the stuff”. However, they were still hanging on to too much when they moved downstate about 20 Year’s ago.
Thankfully, they both understand that we don’t want to be burdened with too many of their things, so they have asked me and my siblings to pick the one or two items from their home we’d like to take with us when they move into a nursing home. The rest can be sold, or donated, or thrown away, and they won’t hold it against us.
For that, I am personally very grateful.
EF says
while I get that culling is necessary, I’m terribly glad the Gutenberg Bible and the Declaration of Independence (and countless birth certificates) weren’t handled as rubbish . . . .
Timotheous says
My parents both grew up during the Great Depression, which meant that they were very resourceful, and my mother especially had useful skills, like knitting and canning fruit for jams. But it also meant that they scrimped and saved. I wouldn’t have called them hoarders, because my mother was not a compulsive shopper.
But when my parents went to the mission field in South Africa, and then returned to the U.S. five years later, they had a much different view of “the stuff”. However, they were still hanging on to too much when the moved downstate about 20 Year’s ago.
Thankfully, they both understand that we don’t want to be burdened with too many of their things, so they have asked me and my siblings to pick the one or two items from their home we’d like to take with us when they move into a nursing home. The rest can be sold, or donated, or thrown away, and they won’t hold it against us.
For that, I am personally very grateful.
Anya says
My mother is mentally ill and very angry and booted my father out of the house after 40+ years of marriage, and basically cut ties with her kids (which we are fine with, believe me.). When our dad died, he had rescued very little from his old life, and we have no contact with her. My sister took his wedding ring (which he still wore despite my mother’s treatment of him), my brother took his watch, and I took his signet ring. All of these get worn pretty much every day. So we kind of got forced into reducing the sentimental clutter. My husband, on the other hand, has parents who are more or less hoarders, so this is going to be interesting. When his grandma downsized and moved to a nursing home, he somehow wound up with a red, white & blue hula skirt that his grandfather brought home from the Pacific theater in WWII—his grandma hadn’t used it in decades and was just looking to get rid of it. SHE could get rid of it, but WE can’t—somehow since my husband took it and it’s hers, so he feels like he can’t give it away, and now it’s taking up space in our garage. Weirdly enough, I feel like I kind of lucked out—there was so little stuff to begin with.
Brenda says
Donate the hula skirt to a college/university/theater etc so it can be used & then go see a production when the hula skirt is used (& take a picture) :)
Laura says
I was literally contemplating this when you’re post was published – good timing! I love this approach to sentimental objects…Will be keeping this in mind in the future. Thank you for sharing!
Laura
Thomas says
A well written article and a very important comment what counts in the end – memories. When my grandfather passed away 16 years ago I inherited his watch I wear every day and, if I do think about it, it reminds me of him. But I will also remember him without it because I inherited more than a watch – craft skills, patience, composure (to be protected) and much more, already in my childhood. My memories of him are an endless source of inner peace for me – with or without his watch.
Rebekah says
I really like this. I, too, have great memories of my time with my grandfather and the things he taught me.
Betty says
All of this is true. My husband told me the other day that I’m only sentimental when it comes to people, not things. Reading your blog along the way has kept me on track. Thank you.
Mary in Maryland says
My sibs claim I’m not going to inherit anything, because of my tendency to get rid of things if I haven’t used them in the last couple weeks. They exaggerate. I did let go of the Noritake bridge set from my Grandma. She never used it, and neither did I. However, I have her colander, which has been missing one of it’s three legs since at least 1956. I use it every day and think of her as I position the two remaining legs in the sink drain.
Abbie says
Yes! I love and use one or two things from each of my grandmothers – a pie basket, a painting, a couple dresses. So special, loved and used!
Tony W says
I don’t know if this is common but since becoming a minimalist over the years I am no longer attached to sentimental things.
I don’t even like pictures anymore. I rarely viewed them after taking them anyway.
I now cherish the experience and their memories more. In my opinion if you were not there you missed out. LOL.
Bryan says
Same for me when it comes to pictures. I consider them completely redundant these days, even when I’m travelling somewhere.
I just love remembering the moments solely with my mind, which make them automatically more valuable and intense (even if I don’t remember each and every moment experienced). I always disagreed with the saying “a picture says more than a thousand words” anyway. A picture very much can lie, your mind on the other hand doesn’t.
Whitney says
You must have an eidetic memory, then. I’ve been journalling since I was 13 and when I go back and read some of the more emotionally intense events of my life my memory does not agree with the text. Memory shifts and changes, brightens or dulls with time.
I’m not sure how pictures lie, I’m curious to hear your take on it!
Rika says
This post really resonated with me because a few months ago I made the difficult decision to sell something my grandma had passed on to me. I didn’t use it and certainly didn’t need it to remember my grandma. It’s not easy letting go though.
Nathalie | Want for Wellness says
I’m a sucker for emotional clutter, both in the attic and the living room. And I do call it clutter, because sometimes I feel I simply own a little too much of it. This article is a refreshing reminder on how to approach things when I’m ready to sort through it!