According to a recent study, the average wedding cost in the US is $35,000—and that’s not even including the amount spent on an engagement ring.
As you might imagine, the figures vary widely from state-to-state. Couples in New York City spend the most, while couples in New Mexico spend the least at $17,584.
If that sounds like a lot of money, it is. To put that into historical perspective, wedding spending has increased 3000% since the 1950s! Extravagant, expensive weddings are becoming the norm.
A wedding is an important day and a significant moment in time. It signifies the day we commit the rest of our lives to another human being—to love, cherish, and honor until death do us part. It is a commitment we make in front of friends and family and often represents the joining of two families into one.
This article is, by no means, meant to downplay the importance of that special day. But we should consider if this trend to spend more and more money on weddings is a wise choice.
It is helpful, I think, to consider some of the negative ramifications of an expensive and extravagant wedding. Ever-increasing wedding costs are not necessary and may actually do more harm than good.
Consider the reasons:
1. Extravagant weddings result in increased stress and distraction. Wedding days are stressful enough—adding dozens of unnecessary frills and expenses makes them even more so.
On the other hand, a simple wedding helps keep focus on the bride and groom rather than decorations, accommodations, and food.
2. Expensive weddings bring financial consequences felt for years. If you are going into debt to pay for your wedding, please don’t. Financial pressures consistently rank as one of the top reasons for divorce.
Even if you do have the money saved, it can almost certainly be spent wiser elsewhere: paying off debt, a down payment on your first home, or even the honeymoon experience.
3. Extravagant weddings often distract from the hard work of preparing for marriage. When it comes to joining two lives into one, how many flowers will be in each centerpiece at the reception dinner is the least of your concerns. You and your future spouse should be talking about plans for your life together, methods of communication, and family experiences that may result in mismatched expectations.
Spend as much time together in premarital counseling as you do planning the actual ceremony. That is where the true foundation for a happy marriage is laid.
4. Expensive weddings are not necessarily more beautiful. The early assumption made by brides and grooms is that spending more money will result in a more beautiful experience and ceremony. But that is simply not the case. I have attended expensive weddings that were beautiful, for sure. But I have also attended simple weddings that were even more beautiful and often showcased more of the bride’s (and groom’s) personality.
Simplicity, as they say, is the ultimate sophistication.
5. Extravagant weddings magnify mistakes and mishaps. Almost no wedding gets by without some mishap occurring during the day—whether before, during, or after the ceremony. In my opinion, when a couple has invested so much time, energy, and money into a ceremony, they are more likely to sweat the small stuff thinking their financial investment would have insulated them from any moments of imperfection.
Take heart. The little mishaps on your wedding day will be the memories you talk about the most. Not allowing them to ruin your special moment when they occur is key to enjoying your day.
6. Extravagant weddings tend to promote (or result from) competition. Thinking your wedding day must measure up to a purely subjective standard set by a friend or family member is a foolish way to spend your day. “Comparison is the thief of joy,” Theodore Roosevelt once famously said. Allowing it to creep into your wedding day, in any fashion, is a poor choice.
Your wedding day is about you and your future spouse. Nobody else.
7. Expensive weddings often result in shorter marriages. Believe it or not, there is evidence that marriage duration is inversely associated with spending on the engagement ring and wedding ceremony. Couples who spend less on their ceremony are more likely to remain together longer.
In the same study, there was also connection made between the honeymoon and the marriage: Going on a honeymoon is “significantly associated with a lower hazard of divorce.” Based on these stats, spending money on your honeymoon is a wiser investment than money on the ceremony.
My wedding occurred before my introduction to minimalism. And yet, it was not an extravagant one. It was big, but not expensive.
Kim and I got married at our home church in Omaha, NE with 400-500 people in attendance. Our ceremony was not flashy, but included many beautiful elements you would assume to be present at a traditional church wedding service. For our reception, we served sandwiches and cake and punch. If I could do it over, there’s not a single thing I would change.
Not a single day of our lives have we looked back and regretted not spending more on our wedding. But I know many couples who look back and regret the amount of money they wasted on their ceremony.
If you’d like a simple wedding, here are some helpful ideas to get you started:
- Set a budget (and stick to it).
- Choose elements that are important to you, but limit the number. Try fewer flowers, simpler decorations, or less food choices. You can keep many of the traditional elements (if that is your style) without needing to go over the top with any of them.
- Don’t shell out big money for expensive accommodations. A simple church building can be just as beautiful as an expensive wedding chapel. And if the time of year permits, a backyard can easily host an intimate, informal, unforgettable reception with little expense.
- Look for personal touches. A wedding ceremony that communicates your unique personalities and/or time together will always be considered more thoughtful by your guests than expensive add-ons bought at the bridal store.
- Realize the wedding industry is built entirely on convincing you that you need x. There are entire stores, catalogs, and websites in business today working tirelessly to convince you that you need x or y in order for your wedding to be perfect. They are wrong. You don’t need anything—except for maybe official paperwork from your state and a few witnesses to sign the document.
- Enjoy your simple, precious day focused on the things that matter most.
Marital happiness has nothing to do with your wedding ceremony. It has everything to do with the weeks and years and life together after.
That’s why the simplest weddings are often the happiest.
Gail says
It’s the marriage not the wedding that counts and that people need to focus on. We married 49 years ago in my mother’s living room with our parents and siblings present and had dinner out in a private room. Even that was a compromise–good idea to learn to compromise early on–I wanted to go to a justice of the peace! I have never regretted this decision, and I have enjoyed being with my husband more than anything else in my life.
Karla says
We had a very simple wedding – my father told me what he could afford and said: “try to spend less, so you can use the money for yourselves”. I rented a dress from a theatre company, we served a simple breakfast (meals later in the day are more expensive) and we had a lot left to spend on our honeymoon. Oh, and we’re still very happily married after 20 years.
However, a friend introduced us to an even better idea – everyone was asked to bring their own picnic lunch. We met up in a private garden, there were strolling musicians… it was lovely, romantic and laid back. Everyone had a great time and no one complained about the food! Highly recommended.
Tanya McKenzie says
This is an issue that really needs addressing and you have done it so well covering lots of areas of concern. Have you thought of writing a book on simple weddings which might guide our young folk just starting out into paths of good stewardship, communication and marital harmony?
joshua becker says
I’ve written books about owning less (The More of Less & The Minimalist Home), but do not have plans to write one specifically on the topic of weddings.
Mama Squirrel says
There are books on frugal weddings! We had one before our wedding ca. 30 years ago. We wanted a wedding big enough to invite all the relatives, but not one that we would be paying off for years. We did many of the same things others have mentioned: borrowed decorations, had a family-supplied cake and flowers, inexpensive dresses, etc. But it wasn’t sparse: we paid for a few extra things such as a musical duo to play as people gathered for the reception…those were the things that made it memorable for us.
Susan E. says
Long before our daughter’s wedding, my husband and I set a reasonable limit on the money we would spend on the wedding and reception. My daughter and I had SO much fun shopping sales for her gown and the bridesmaid dresses; I bought pretty serving dishes from Goodwill on which to serve a variety of finger foods I bought from Costco. We all agreed the wedding and reception were beautiful.
After happily shopping for discounts on so many items, we had the pleasant surprise of finding we had a significant amount of money left over in the budget. We surprised our daughter and her husband when they returned from their honeymoon by giving them all of that extra money, explaining we saved it by spending less–and they were thrilled! It was a memorable “cause and effect” lesson for them that has carried over into their own finances as a couple.
Mari R says
We did zero wedding just a required courthouse ceremony. That’s what we wanted even we could outright afford a $30K reception. My husband’s cousin and his bride had a $300K wedding in the same year. (It was a huge and all day/night event, but not flashy.) Because they could comfortably afford it. Both of the two couples just had a happy twentieth anniversary this year.
I have no regret on my wedding (or lack thereof). I also had a great time attending their big wedding with my in-laws.
Annie Dill says
When I got married I didn’t even know that dinners and dancing were often done for weddings. . Our wedding was at my father’s church where he pastored, and the cake reception was in the “undercroft” (basement). My bridesmaid each carried is a long-stemmed rose that cost $5. I borrowed my sister’s veil and shoes and bought my own gown for $200 at the only bridal store in town. We ordered the cake from the only bakery in town, and the flowers from the only florist. My husband and I honeymooned at a cabin in a state park in our own state of Ohio, and we have just made reservations to return there to celebrate 39 years of marriage!
Jo-Ann Lyndaker says
I’m so glad my niece married a year ago, before she had a chance to read your article & think she maybe should ask her folks to cut back a bit. Her fairy-tale wedding was something I and my siblings will talk about ’til there’s only one of us left…we were all thrilled to be part of that lavish affair.
It was a happy anniversary May 18th for our own beloved Princess & her Prince!
Jeffrey Pillow says
I feel like you’re going to have a lot of comments on this one haha.
I won’t say regret because what’s done is done, but if I had to go back and change anything, it would be simply this: ask for money instead of doing a registry.
When my wife got on board with a minimalist lifestyle with me, I can’t even begin to tell you how many wedding gifts we pulled (unused) from the attic and donated. Probably 75% of what was given to us.
I will say, while our china cabinet is now gone, we officially use our china for everyday eating. Before, it just sat in the china cabinet collecting dust.
I was surprised at how offended certain relatives were we got rid of the china cabinet and even more so how they literally refuse to eat a sandwich on our china even now.
It’s a plate, people!
:)
Carrie says
We use the bone china we received as wedding gifts (plain white, goes in dishwasher and microwave) daily – for almost 24 years now. It’s surprising how few pieces have been broken or chipped (admittedly, we don’t have children). At first my parents were nervous using it on our concrete patio, but I don’t want to own beautiful things I never use. It is our only set of dishes.
Judy says
Just donated my china cabinet to Goodwill… and all the hideous knick-knacks that I felt obligated to keep went as well!!!
Talk about freedom! :)
Winter says
Often the priorities are skewed: more value placed on the wedding than the marriage.
Chad says
good article :)
long response sorry I write poorly :(
I shot weddings for 15+ years (photographer)
I can tell you so many stories both amazing and horrible
I now live on the mainland but from Maui and the difference of the weddings is insane !
the upside to being the photographer is you get to see the WHOLE wedding from getting ready till after you leave what the guests do say when you are driving away
almost all those that were on Maui (toursits) were small and a small core group of close friends ! and were amazing great people etc..
the ones here(Phoenix)
a few commenting they outdid their friend
some stressing over the details and perfection of some instagram wedding they were trying to compare themself to literally to falling apart and tears upset of material things (quite sad really)
lucky most were great !
it’s about the quality friends you surround yourself with not the quantity :) been to small where you cringe and large where you feel the love and vice versa ! quality over quantity with friends
from when I started 20 years ago the worst is the amount of distraction I started to see with modern technology even during the ceremony I would notice people busy texting taking selfies etc..
as for my own wedding almost 20 years ago we hired a good but reasonable photographer (local news photographer) important for me to record it nicely
we baked our own cake which was awesome ! and had a close 40 or so friends no dinner just pu pu’s (appetizers)
so someone that was in the wedding industry my tips would be:
I do think good photography is nice since it lasts and something your kids and grandkids will look back on but keep it in your budget it will be your legacy in photos !
almost NOBODY likes fancy cakes !! they taste quite poor usually if you must have a fancy cake make it tiny to show/cut and serve costco sheet cakes or something to eat !
think about skipping the sit down dinner and just do finger foods or better yet my most memorable weddings where the family got involved and made the finger food and were amazing as the grandmas did their heritage kinda food was WOW !
think about no booze or paid bar the stuff is insane $$ and not needed I never see anything good come from a open bar just pick out a nice wine to be served if you want some alcohol for toasting time etc.. and just have some juice lemonade and soft drinks saves a ton of $$$ and no drunk idiots making a show :)
think about your friends list are they really friends !
do not try to be a instagram wedding be YOUR own wedding !
most all the insta are fake weddings anyway
think about a no tech wedding there has been a trend of dropping your cell phone in a basket to pick up after the wedding my photographer friends say they are AWESOME weddings when that happens I would really look into this ! the guests should be focused on the couple not their phone ! we all lived without them till recently your guests can live without them for YOUR day at YOUR wedding !
and most important stop look around with your new spouse and take it all in and enjoy the day ! it will be over in a snap and do not sweat the small stuff so well said in the article little things happen I have never done a weddings were something small did not happen it’s just the way it is :)
Chad says
to reply to myself on the quality vs quantity of friends :)
NOT saying make it less trying to say make them real ones you know :)
could be 50 or 500
I have seen weddings in the thousand+ that were nice and WOW you could feel the love
and only 20 that went sideways !