Much of the busyness we face in life is a result of elevated self-importance. Not all, but much.
There is certainly a requirement that we face the trials in front of us, that we provide for our families, that we help others when possible, that we parent well, and that we make the most of our days. But often times, the pursuits we busy ourselves with go beyond those expectations of living life in an intentional way.
We pile expectations and responsibilities onto ourselves not because they are required of us, but because of elevated self-importance. We believe it is essential that we are involved, that our opinion is known, or that our response is heard before things happen.
So the items we add to our “must-do list” continue to increase:
We check our email several times each day because someone might be trying to reach us.
We attend meetings because the right decision might not be reached without us.
We accept work responsibilities because nobody else can do them as well as us.
We log into social media in case there is a conversation that needs our opinion.
We check news sites frequently because it is important that we know world events as soon as they happen.
We keep our phones near our fingertips all day long so we can respond immediately when someone wants to talk or text or Slack.
We take on new business ideas or side hustles because we believe our time and talents are worth more money than we currently receive.
We rush from place to place, meeting to meeting, and commitment to commitment because we’re needed.
Or so we think.
The truth is many of the things we think we have to do on a given day are only a result of elevated self-importance. The world would get along just fine without constant involvement in every detail.
Email doesn’t need to be checked all day… we don’t need to be reachable 24 hours/day… there are other people who can do the work you do… wise decisions can be reached without you… that organization can run just fine without your volunteer hours… and there are more important things in life than making another dollar.
Even worse, this combination of busyness and elevated self-importance begin to distract us from the most important things in life.
For example, there is nothing more important than your family.
But most of the time when busyness crowds our schedule, it is our family that pays the first and greatest price.
We skip the ballgame or recital because “I’m too busy at work.”
We don’t help out in the home because “I just need to finish this one project.”
We don’t fully engage with our spouse or children because “I’m just too exhausted.” And turn to our television or cell phone instead.
We begin to believe we are too important for trivial household chores like taking out the trash… cleaning the kitchen… or reading a bedtime story.
Your most important priority, the one place you are needed most, is often the first place to suffer when we believe we are more important than we actually are.
But every year, the holiday season provides us with new opportunity. During this heightened season of family and awareness, we can slow down and reset. We can choose to slow down, to embrace more opportunities to be with family, and straighten out our priorities once again.
This holiday season, remind yourself constantly, “There is nothing more important than my family.”
When you are tempted to check email in the evening, say to yourself, “There is nothing more important than my family.”
When you are tempted to work late, say to yourself, “There is nothing more important than my family.”
When you want to check your phone during the Christmas recital, say to yourself, “There is nothing more important than my family.”
When you begin to think you are too important for a relaxing Saturday morning with your kids, say to yourself, “There is nothing more important than my family.”
Your job is not more important than your family. Your paycheck is not more important than your family. Your social media account is not more important than your family.
You are important… to the people closest to you.
And if there was ever a season of the year to remember that fact, this is it.
Janice Ward says
I understand that married couples usually have children and like to have a nice family life together. I understand the importance for children to have a secure home and upbringing.
However, I have never met the right person, so I am a single person who lives alone. I wish you would write more for the single person who lives alone. We do not have the direct feeling love and support of a family around us 24 hours a day. It is hard enough to be without that. We need encouragement too. I would like to hear your response.
joshua becker says
Thanks for the comment. Don’t you think a single person who lives alone could write that article from more personal experience than me?
Betsy says
I have a family. Some are wonderful people some not. My friends stay beside me because they want to. To me my friends are the best of the title FAMILY.
Angie says
I really needed to hear this today Joshua. It spoke exactly to my life situation and the struggle to meet expectations on both the work and family front. Really put things in perspective for me. So, thank you very much.
Valerie Rogers says
The distractions are too available, convenient, entrenched in our life. Many of us don’t have families; something cold and electronic is a counterfeit for human interaction. Sad.
veronica says
Not necessarily. Being with my family, especially during an emotionally charged season like Christmas, is the dictionary definition of hell. It is advice/societal pressure like this that made me stay in a toxic, mentally unhealthy situation much longer than I should have. For all those readers who don’t live in the Leave It To Beaver world, it’s okay to turn your back on your family.
joshua becker says
Thanks for the comment. Are you equating extended family with immediate family? Surely you wouldn’t say that it is okay to turn your back on your young children, would you? That is what this article is about.
veronica says
I meant immediate family – in my case parents and 2 siblings. I chose not to have children, in part because of my unhappy childhood, so my comment did not extend to turning my back on young children. However, because I limit my time with my siblings, I am automatically limiting my time with my niece/nephews, so perhaps I am turning my back on young children?
Jessalynn Jones says
I really appreciated this post Joshua. These friendly reminders are much needed especially for online business owners like myself. I find myself in a loop of checking stats and Instagram that is just plain stupid. I find that when I forget it and just enjoy myself with my family it’s actually a more pleasant surprise when I do look at that stuff and something has actually happened. It’s all the days I’m enjoying life that the best things happen to my online business so that should teach me that a watched pot never boils and I can just be present with the ones I love. Have you ever found it difficult to balance your online business and your “in person” life? What did you do to stop worrying and start enjoying life more?
joshua becker says
The greatest thing about working online is the ability to work from anywhere. And the worst thing about working online is the ability to work from anywhere.
For me, it helps to remember that there is ALWAYS something that I could be doing online… checking stats, answering comments, posting to social media. At some point, we have to be comfortable turning off the computer and walking away. You’re already making that decision in your life, just move where you draw it.
Jessalynn Jones says
Thanks for the answer Joshua! Your an inspiration!
Julie says
I understand. It made me a little sad too. I am fortunate that my extended family is not abusive, though there are not many of them. But I am in my 50s and never found a husband or had children and it definitely wasn’t because I was too busy with other things. So it’s hard to personally relate to the “family culture” in the same way as someone who does.
I love my married friends too but as I get older I find it especially important to be involved with my older single friends – I think we are really going to need to look after each other as we age.
Michelle Townsend says
My husband works for a large retail worldwide corporation. They have been very good to us, during the pandemic closers and all. The holiday season isn’t the time for us to make the family a priority. The rest of the year works fine.
Diane S says
I believe thinking of our Lord first thing in the morning and last thing at night before bed and somewhere in between is the most important thing in our lives. Thank Him first thing today for this day and all its blessings. Then and only then family comes next and yes it is important to be there for our family but only second to our Lord. He created everything in existence and He is the most important thing in our lives. If we don’t want to believe that we are just kidding ourselves.
I’m not saying you must go to Church weekly or you must do this or that. But have an intimate relationship with God, get to know Him, reading His Word, pondering on it are great ways to spend time with God. God is pleased when we seek Him. This is all so important. But this is just how I feel.
I found something about 3 years ago that I now do every year. Is called A New Christmas Tradition…tells us to read the book of Luke one chapter each day in the month of December, there are 24 chapters so when you finish on December 24th you will have read the accounts of Jesus life and you will know Who and Why we celebrate Christmas. I think is beautiful! Have a blessed day everyone! :)
james perry says
I agree with you wholeheartedly! Amen!
Diane S. says
Thank you for your comment!
Have a blessed day and a wonderful Christmas! ?
Diane S.
Teresa says
Amen!
Diane S. says
Thanks for your comment!
God bless!
Diane S.
Sandy says
I love your comments about putting God first in all that we do. It’s important to put God above all else. Then family and friends. It’s a step up from Joshua’s commentary which I really enjoyed, but oh so important. After that, everything seems to fall into it’s rightful place. For those that don’t know Jesus Christ as their Lord and Savior I invite you to reach out to Him right where you are at this time of your life. Just ask Him to come into your life so you can get to know him better and He will! It is so amazing. It is supernaturally wonderful. What have you got to lose? I promise. You will be amazed. God bless you all! And Merry Christmas.
Diane S says
Sandy,
What you’re saying is so true and beautifully put. Thanks for your comment. ?
Lynne Wade says
This is so beautiful…..God is indeed the most important. Spending time with Him each day really does make everything else fall so perfectly into place. He gives peace that only He can give. He calms our fears and wipes our tears. He loves us soooooo intimately and wants nothing more than a relationship with us above all else.
My family is reading Luke right now! I’m a few days behind, so let me get to it!
Bountiful Blessings
Diane S. says
I agree 100% with your comment. And so glad that you’re reading Luke like me. I think it’s a fun tradition. One chapter a day is nothing. Thanks for your comment. :)
Blessings!
Diane S.
G says
It may be the most important thing in your life. It’s meaningless to many who don’t share your belief in this thing you call god (and are just fine anyway).
So tired of getting religion shoved at me from “well intentioned” folks. Just keep it to yourself.
Anna11 says
I read this everyday, everytime. It makes me sad. I don‘t have a „nice“ family or a supportive one. It‘s more an abusive one. It may sound good for others, but not for me. Maybe there can be other important things than family. For me the most important things are health, a home, friends, enough to eat,… Maybe there are others with „not so nice“ familys that need to hear this. I am not bitter, just saying…
Beth L says
Anna,
I am so sorry for your pain. I am blessed with a good family, but I understand some families can be toxic, and you need to protect yourself to be healthy.
I read this article to mean that we need to prioritize RELATIONSHIPS over being busy. I do know that when you don’t have ANY people in your life, because you don’t slow down at work, it leaves you feeling empty & depressed. I know this from experience. Perhaps you could intentionally start seeking out people to build these relationships with. I usually find my church a good place to start, but that’s just me. Blessings to you on your journey to meaningful relationships. You can do this!
Julie says
I understand. It made me a little sad too. I am fortunate that my extended family is not abusive, though there are not many of them. But I am in my 50s and never found a husband or had children and it definitely wasn’t because I was too busy with other things. So it’s hard to personally relate to the “family culture” in the same way as someone who does.
I love my married friends too but as I get older I find it especially important to be involved with my older single friends – I think we are really going to need to look after each other as we age.
Amy says
I hear you. It can be especially painful this time of year. On a priorities list having faith and ‘doing the right thing’ is more in line with what comes first from my perspective.