Beliefs have a powerful impact on the lives we live. They can limit our potential or expand it.
The more we believe something to be true, the more likely it is to become so. That’s why the stories we tell ourselves are so important as well as the words we speak into others.
There are a number of incorrect life assumptions in this world. But because people say them so often (to themselves and others), they end up becoming true.
No doubt I have fallen for many of them myself. But I can also look back and identify a number of life assumptions that I have never presumed to be true.
10 Common Life Assumptions I’ve Never Presumed to be True
1. Parenting Teenagers is miserable.
I’ll start here because it is a perfect example. I used to work full-time with middle school and high school students and can’t count how many times I was told that parenting teenagers was miserable.
One person even said to me, “Little kids are so cute. But then they become teenagers and you suddenly can’t wait for them to leave.”
I’ve never believed that had to be true. Does parenting teenagers require intentionality and a shift in parenting strategy? Of course, but I’ve never believed it had to be unenjoyable or they would be disrespectful.
2. Spending extended time with extended family is to be bemoaned.
No way! I love seeing my family—including spending extended time with them.
Now, I realize not every family is stable and I still recognize the importance of separation for the purpose of establishing your own identity. But we go home twice/year to spend time with our families (usually close to 2 weeks each time).
Coming home is one of my favorite things in the world. And I always cringe when people crack jokes about how hard it is to be with family.
3. I can’t wait for retirement.
Retirement has been described as the new American Dream. And it seems, in many cases, people live as if the goal of work is retirement. But how can work be enjoyable if the goal is to get out of it?
I probably learned it from my grandfather who worked 40-50 hours/week until the age of 99, but retirement has never been a goal of mine. I prefer meaningful work and will continue to do so as long as my physical body allows.
4. A productive life is a busy life.
When I was early in my first career, I made the mistake of stopping in the office on my first scheduled day off. I don’t remember the exact details, but I was either trying to impress my new boss or had forgot something at my desk (probably the former).
When I walked through the front door, the receptionist said to me, “Make sure you honor your days off—always. You’re going to need them. Because there is a lot to do around here.”
In one sentence, I learned that a productive life doesn’t require me to work every day. And that finding time for rest enables me to accomplish more.
5. We need debt to finance an enjoyable life.
Kim and I have never presumed that having or spending a lot of money was required for happiness or a meaningful life. In fact, we made less than $20,000 combined our first year of marriage—and the next 6 weren’t much more than that.
But we never outspent our means. We did take out a mortgage to buy our first house and I borrowed $7,000 to help offset the cost of graduate school in my late-20’s, but other than that we have added no other debt.
Sure, our life has never been extravagant. But that wasn’t necessary for an enjoyable or meaningful life either.
6. Mothers-in-law are difficult.
Lawyers and mothers-in-law are the punchline to quite a few jokes. And mothers-in-law are almost always portrayed as difficult to get along with on television sit-coms. Just picture how many times the mere presence of a mother-in-law standing at the front door prompted a laugh track.
But my mother-in-law, Kay, is wonderful. She is kind, thoughtful, fun, and a pleasure to spend time with. I don’t dislike being with her at all! I actually enjoy it quite a bit.
7. Money doesn’t change you.
Of course money changes you. Anyone who thinks money only reveals who you are, rather than changing our very hearts, isn’t’ paying attention.
Does this mean everybody with financial means is evil? Of course, not—that would include most of us. But it does mean that we should be aware of its potential negative influence on our lives and stay hyper-focused on our personal ethic in light of it.
It also means that money is not always worth all the work we put into acquiring more of it. There are, after all, better things to be than rich.
8. Religion is boring and weakness.
My faith brings me meaning, joy, peace, stability… In fact, I can’t imagine life without it.
When I was young, I used to think religion was stifling and boring. But not anymore. I appreciate the role it plays in my life and how it has brought me strength through difficult times.
9. Kids are terrible in their 2’s.
Children often rise to the expectations we place on them. (Not always, but often.)
When we were parenting younger children, we never wanted to let “2-years old” or “3-years old” be an excuse for tantrums or bad behavior. And we never presumed that had to be the case. Instead, we sought to understand their developmental phase and worked hard to instruct and help them properly through it.
We should always fight against the presumption that our kids are going to act a certain way just because that’s the assumption we grew up hearing and believing.
Even from the very beginning.
10. People are talking about me behind my back.
Perhaps it is because of my background working at churches or even my current role now, but I hear a good number of comments from people about “being judged by others.” In many circumstances, I wonder if that’s even the case or just projection.
I used to think people were talking behind my back, until I realized they were all too busy talking about themselves.
Reject life assumptions. In so doing, you will regain the power to craft your own life—the one you actually desire.
I had a fun time thinking through this list and what common assumptions about life I have never presumed to be true. Are there any common assumptions you’ve never accepted or intentionally rejected? Comment below because I’d love to read more.
Renata says
“You have to take care of yourself before you can take care of others.” That is one saying that probably had a good intention behind it for people who never took care of themselves. But there are many times I take care of others before I take care of myself. My own needs and desires can wait when others are having an emergency.
Anne Marie Morrow-Oropeza says
“I will never change, so there is no point in trying.”
We make so many assumptions about OURSELVES that prevent us from bettering ourselves, that keep us held back. Assumptions like “I could never declutter everything. There is no point in trying. I will never change.”
When we believe that we do not have the ability to change, or look at life differently, we are nailing the coffin shut on ourselves. Through self judgement we shut down our own ability to see life from a different perspective, to dig deep into ourselves and develop the better person we could become.
This is a huge struggle for so many of us. I have decided to intentionally practice NOT being so negative about myself. I have begun to practice self compassion, knowing I am not alone in the daily battle of life. All us humans are here together, to learn from each other!
Thank you kindly for all of your input in my life through your books and emails. I have moved along hundreds of pounds of items. I have not given up. The biggest thing I have learned is that we are never done! I am always moving things along, always making my life easier, freer, lighter, and better!☺️
Michelle Lurie says
I’ve never bought into the belief that if your parents have, breast cancer or Alzheimers or heart disease, etc. that you most likely will get it. I believe that by living your healthiest possible life, you may not necessarily have this passed down to you.
Susan says
So very true! Aside from my religion, discovering the mind-blowing health benefits of a healthy vegan diet (whole food plant-based) has been the most world-changing conversion in my life. As the plant docs say, “genetics may load the gun, but diet pulls the trigger.”
Amika says
I want to mention about terrible twos. I love two year olds. They are the cutest and funniest. You don’t expect anything from two year olds. They are not a baby anymore, they are not a child quite yet. They have their own mind and they move wobbly. They are like tiny creatures. Just enjoy. They are so lovable.
Michelle W says
I agree! I absolutely love(d) this stage! ‘So much self-discovery and so many ‘firsts’ to happen as these little ones live in a world filled with newly developing capabilities, curiosity, accomplishments, sheer delight, and awe. And just so lovable as you say!
The alliteration in’ terrible twos’ sounds good to the ear, but it limits the perception of this period of intense growth and independence to just children that are two-years old. I really felt as both a mom, and as a daycare caregiver, that the ‘challenging’ behavior peeked it’s head out most prominently during the age between the 3rd and 4th year of development. This is the time when a child is exposed to more life experiences and has the mental and physical capabilities to explore and experience life, and to discover that he/she has the power to exert control over his/her environment and circumstances.. Preschool and larger group child-care settings usually are introduced at this time.
Parents, already adjusting to providing for a new life of a child, along with additional everyday stressors, need to adapt and cope with the new demands of an independently-growing, curious, three-year old who is turning the corner onto the very busy road called Life. This considerably more unpredictable little person can pose many challenges to the parents’ sense of control as their child is exposed to more life experiences and can think and function more independently.
Depending on how the parent copes determines if these young years are truly to be deemed as’ terrible’. This development of wonder and asking why things are the way they are, are not meant to ‘drive parents crazy,’ However, if stressors aren’t handled in healthy ways, parents will either give in to the child, not be consistent, or not have the patience and power struggles ensue. Thus, the ‘terrible’ will be more prone to be experienced in these early years of development and discovery that help to establish a child’s sense of self.
So, it’s not the ‘two’s’ that create the ‘terribleness.’ And this stage of development doesn’t have to be considered as terrible at all.
Rachel says
That weather, other than sunshine, is ‘bad’. “Oh what horrible weather!”
I usually find the outdoors is pretty brilliant as long as you have enough warm and waterproof layers!!
Elaine Smith says
I agree with you. Didn’t someone say: ‘There’s no such thing as bad weather, just inappropriate clothing.’ ?
Ann says
How about “Life isn’t supposed to be hard…why is this bad thing happening to me?” (Not true. God’s Word says we will have trouble in this life and it will grow us if we trust Him to care for our needs.)
Karla Teague says
I love your list! Parenting my 4 teenagers was my favorite time – rewarding and fun to watch their personalities come forth. All 4 are adults now and I miss having a teenager in the house.
In-laws – without question, my in-laws were 2 of my favorite people in the world. They were kind, considerate, and Godly in every way and I miss them. My (dad was)/(mom is) also some of my husband’s favorite people. I hope to replicate that with my future son and daughter in-laws.
Cheryl Moran says
I was told as a young woman that girls don’t go to college. They work and get married. Wish I was strong enough then to stand up for myself.
Abby says
I cannot! – It is too late/hard to change.
There are a few things which cannot be undone (robbing a bank comes to mind) but it is never too late to change your mind about how to handle something within you.
For example, you can resolve to eat better, exercise more, make more effort to stay in contact with people.
Yeah, it takes some effort but it is not on the level of trying to move Mount Everest 10 feet over from the current position. So don’t make the effort bigger or harder than it really is
Nicola Jordan says
I love this!! Hard … but not THAT hard. I will share that with others
Martha G says
What began as decluttering 2 years ago, transitioned into simplifying my life, intentional living and minimalism. The vast majority of blogs and YouTube channels I followed, now seem repetitive. But you and just a couple others continue to interest me and challenge me. It must be challenging for you to create content to appeal to declutterers and minimalists.
Caroline McKinnon says
I used to believe what others told me, that I deserved this or that.
For decades I’ve been caregiving a special needs daughter, now middle-aged. Others tell me I deserve a break, hand her over to an agency. While it’s true I need breaks, and so does she, the lessons in humility and patience that I have been forced to learn in caring directly for her are beyond price. Today I ask instead: what is needed in this situation right now? Sometimes it’s a cup of tea, sometimes a walk, a nap, a snack, a talk. Listen to one’s own inner guidance before other voices and maybe your life will be changed for the better as mine has been. Recently, donating cosmetics and toiletries to the women at our local homeless encampment gives my daughter and me such joy. Giving to others is key to happiness.
Helen Redmond says
I loved your comment. I have been a professional woman all my life and have stopped work to care for an ailing husband and a daughter with a debilitating illness. I feel overwhelmed emotionally and financially. I am learning to stop and smell the roses or study the blue sky to bring peace back into my inner turbulence. This life situation is very humiliating and humbling but I can see the joy emerging as I turn my thoughts around.